


we could be making sparks (but we don't ignite)

by Chaosandthecalm



Series: WCBMS [1]
Category: The Fosters (TV 2013)
Genre: Alternate Universe, First Love, High School, Jonnor - Freeform, M/M, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-15
Updated: 2015-12-10
Packaged: 2018-04-20 21:55:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 40
Words: 97,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4803635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chaosandthecalm/pseuds/Chaosandthecalm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jonnor High School AU - </p><p>Jude starts a new school for his senior year. After growing up in California the small town Kentucky high school is straight out of an after school bullying special. </p><p>While avoiding being the punching bag for the entire football he meets Connor Stevens. A football player who seems to have a fascination with Jude.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Jude figures he must have done something super shitty in his previous life. That would be the only way to explain why he was starting at a new school his senior year of high school. Sure his mom got the job opportunity of a life time and yeah she’s extremely happy, but he’s the one who’s sitting in the admissions office three days after the school year has started.  
He watches as the severe looking woman at the desk types something on her computer, only looking up to give him a glare over the top of her wire rimmed glasses. He tries to sink even lower into his seat. 

Even though the growth spurt he had this summer is making that extremely difficult. He had always been a scrawny kid, long and gangly. Arms always just a little bit too long for his body. Not to mention his features have been described as ‘delicate’ one time too many.  
This summer though he shot up five inches, which caused him to wake up in pain more times then not, and gained about 50 pounds of muscle. His mom had gotten him a summer job with one of her friends. Who was a watermelon farmer. Like an actual watermelon farmer. Hauling watermelons around all day does the body good apparently.

Now he was 6’1 and had finally grown into his arms. He brushed a strand of dark hair from his eyes and tucked his hands under his legs. One thing he didn’t seem to grow out of was his anxiety. 

After sitting in the too small chair for what seemed like an eternity the woman behind the desk finally waved him over with a huff.

“Ok, Jude Foster, senior.” She says, sounding like she would rather murder him and go to prison then get his schedule sorted. 

“Four AP classes, PE, Art and French. Does that sound correct to you?”

“Actually I already completed my PE requirement at my old school....” 

If looks could kill he would be six feet under.

“Your old school was in a different school district and only required one Physical Education credit. We require two.” It honestly sounded like every word was pushing her closer to her death. 

He just nodded and took the piece of paper she handed him. 

~~

Finding his first class was a mission. Who knew Kentucky would have such huge sprawling campuses? He glanced down at the sheet of paper in his hand making sure he was in the right place.  
He took a deep breath and prepared himself. Honestly what was worse than going into a classroom late? You know everyone is going to be staring at you. And you know that you’re going to panic and sweep the room desperately trying to find whoever is supposed to the teacher. He opened the door and sure enough, thirty pairs of eyes locked on him immediately.  
He forced himself to look at the front of the class where a kind looking blonde woman was standing. That must be Mrs. Miller. She smiled and gestured him forward. He prayed that his stupid giraffe legs wouldn’t fail him now. 

She took the piece of paper out of his hand and scanned it quickly. 

“Welcome Jude.” She said with another kind smile. He managed to smile back.

“Everyone this is Jude Foster, he’s a new student. Jude why don’t you tell us something about yourself.”

Oh God, if there was ever a time for the earth to open up and swallow him into the pits of hell it would be now. 

“Um hi….my name is Jude. I just moved from California with my mom. And….that’s pretty much it.” 

Thirty pairs of bored eyes blinked at him. He felt Mrs. Miller’s hand on his back guiding him to an empty seat in the second row. He dropped his eyes and tried to concentrate on fitting into the tiny desk. He still managed to smack him knees against the bottom, wincing as pain shot through his legs. Truly magical day. He hoped it would go on forever.

~~

Jude had always figured that all of those movies that showed kids getting bullied were just Hollywood crap. I mean seriously whose high school was actually like that? Maybe he was ignorant since he grew up in California, where nobody gave a shit what you did as long as it didn’t ruin their day.

Kentucky on the other hand seemed to be plucked straight from a Lifetime original movie. During lunch a particularly large and beefy teenager decided to dump his apple juice into Jude’s lap while asking him how many dicks he’s sucked this week. Truly charming. Surrounded by the laughter of the entire football team, which reminded him of the caveman displays in museums, he decided that he would rather drop out then stay here for another day. 

As he drove home he practiced the speech he would give his mother the minute he stepped foot into their new house. He would inform her that either he would drop out and get a respectable job or he would run away and move back to California where he would support himself by doing gay porn films.

“Mother!” his voice echoed through the still empty house. 

His mom peeked out of the kitchen, blonde hair up in a messy bun, plaid shirt covered in white paint. 

“Hey honey. I was just finishing up painting the kitchen. How was school?”

“Remember when we watched Mean Girls and you said it was ridiculous because there couldn’t possibly be a school where people treated each other that way? Well I’ve found it.”

She rolled her eyes and laughed. 

“Stop being dramatic. I’m sure it wasn’t that bad.”

“Yeah you know while the football team was pouring juice down my pants I was just telling myself ‘hey it could be worse!’. Oh no wait….it couldn’t be.” 

His mom was still smiling at him.

“It’s just going to take some time baby. Eventually you’ll make friends and you won’t be the new kid anymore. It’s always hard your first day.” 

“So you won’t even hear my speech about how I’m going to run away to become a porn star?” 

“Maybe later honey, but for now let’s get some dinner because I’m starving.”

~~

Jude sat in his room, homework scattered across the floor. The sleeping bag that he was using as a bed until his actual bed got there was covered with his AP Calculus notes. He tapped his pencil absent mindedly against his leg as he scanned them. 

His window was open and he could feel the fresh air against his face. That was the one positive to moving to middle of nowhere Kentucky, everything was green and beautiful. There were sprawling hills and you could actually see the stars at night. After staring at the same equation for about ten minutes without registering it he finally gave up.

His mom was still putting the finishing touches on the kitchen walls (which were a lovely puke green when they moved in).

“Hey I think I’m gonna go for a run or something.”

“What now? It’s almost 10.” 

“Yeah my anxiety is acting up. I’ll never get to sleep if I don’t.”

He hated having to play the anxiety card but it was the only thing he knew would work for sure. 

“Alright honey. Don’t be long ok? And please take your phone just in case you get murdered and the police have to call me.”

“Very encouraging mother. Thank you.”

She winked and blew him a kiss as he grabbed his keys from the hook next to the door and headed out.

The weather was beautiful, just crisp enough that he had to zip up his hoodie but it smelled like grass and flowers. He took a deep breath and started jogging down the street. Their neighborhood was pretty small, about 20 houses. Just beyond the cluster of houses was a long winding road that lead to a park. He jogged listening to the sound of his feet hitting the pavement. He never listened to music while he ran. Not that he didn’t like music, but he loved listening to nature rushing past him and his own steady breathing.  
He was picking up speed as he finally got to the edge of the park, trees surrounding the sidewalk he was on, when a foot shot out and tripped him. His momentum sent him tumbling into the grass. 

“What the fuck…” he mumbled rubbing his elbow where it had smashed against the sidewalk.

“Oh hey new kid.” 

It was dumb and beefy. 

“Ugh what did I ever do you man? I literally just met you today.”

“I don’t like little faggots going to my school. Which means I definitely don’t want you there.”

Jude looked around as more of the football team starting piling out from behind trees, empty beer bottles in hand. Great, dumb and ignorant was one thing but dumb, ignorant AND drunk was dangerous.

“Listen man, I don’t want any trouble alright. So how about we agree to stay out of each other’s way? Sound good?” 

He finally got up from the ground, not loving having to look up at all of these giant assholes.

Dumb and beefy took a step forward and pushed against Jude’s chest, making him take a step back.

“How about this…how about we kick your ass so hard that your boyfriend won’t be able to fuck you for a month.”

Jude took a moment to look around him. There were five guys, all of whom were about the size of a Mack truck, aside from one. He was off to the side, blonde hair cut short, and he was the only one not laughing. He just looked straight at Jude, jaw set. He was probably the one who would end up murdering him. It was always the quiet ones. They were all big and they were probably fast. But they weren’t as fast as him, and the fact that they were drunk definitely didn’t help.

“You know you sure know a lot about what gay dudes do together man. Listen if you want to go out just ask.” Jude says, flashing a smile and winking. 

It takes all of one second for dumb and beefy’s eyes to start bulging out of his head. Without a second thought Jude breaks into a run away from the team. He can hear the thundering footsteps behind him but he doesn’t look back. 

He runs until his legs feel like they’re on fire and then he runs some more. Ahead of him he sees a tunnel under a bridge and picks up speed. Hopefully he can hide out there until they get bored and go home. And then he can just live under there because if he ever goes back to school they will kill him.

He just makes it into the dark tunnel when something that feels like a small train smashes against him. His breath wheezes out of him as he’s pinned against the grimy wall, someone pressed  
against him. He blinks before he realizes that it’s the blonde quiet kind. Oh great, he’s going to die.  
The guy slaps a hand across Jude’s mouth and shushes him. They both hears voices coming closer. 

“Don’t say anything.” The guys breathes out, his mouth an inch from Jude’s face.

Jude nods and feels the hand drop from his mouth, the guy takes the slightest step away, eyes on Jude’s face. Jude can feel his heart racing under the gaze, his hands shaking. Finally after what feels like an eternity the guy steps away completely and leaves.

“He’s not over here! We should just forget it man.” He hears him call out. His whole body goes limp and he slides down the wall until his butt hits the soft earth.

What the hell was that?

~~

When he walks into the house his mother shrieks when she sees him.

“Wow thanks mom. I didn’t think I was that hideous.”

“What the hell happened to you?!” she asks, hands turning him around to take in the mud and grime smeared across his back side. 

“Mean Girls. But instead of girls it’s gigantic homophobic football players.”

“Oh honey…” 

He cringed at the tone in her voice. They’ve never talked about his sexuality, not really. She never asked and he never felt the need to tell her. Because at the end of the day who even cared. But now he could feel the conversation coming. 

“Mom please don’t.”

“Love if you ever want to talk about anything, and I mean anything, I’m here for you.” 

“I know mom. I’m going to shower then stay in my room for the rest of my life because otherwise I will be murdered. Goodnight.”

He ignored the disappointment that flashed across her face.

It’s not that he didn’t think his mom would accept him for who he was. Of course she would. 

It was just that he wasn’t sure what he was. The word gay never seemed to fit, never felt comfortable. He just knew he was different.

~~

The next day he stayed in bed as long as humanly possible, his alarm clock mockingly flashing numbers at him. 

“Oh shut up.” He finally said, turning the clock around and struggling to get out of his stupid sleeping bag.  
The possibility of him getting through his day unharmed was most definitely slim to none. Maybe they were drunk enough that they won’t remember? Or maybe they all fell into a ditch and couldn’t climb out because of their short tiny caveman arms? 

His brain kept going back to that one blonde kid, the one who had…what? Saved him? He couldn’t imagine why. Maybe he was a pacifist. Or maybe….no. No way.  
After taking the shortest shower of his life he got dressed quickly, pulling a hoodie on before grabbing his backpack and running down the stairs. His mom must have already left for work because there was a note telling him to have a good day taped to a banana. She knew he wasn’t a big fan of breakfast.  
The drive to school was far too short for his liking and he contemplated just going straight past. Maybe driving all the way to California. Where his friends were, the ones that didn’t give a shit what he was or who he liked. Taking a deep breath he pulled into a parking spot and killed the engine. He could see the letterman jackets from where he was, bright blue and white. 

“I’m not religious but Jesus, if you’re listening, I would really love not to die today. Ok? Thanks man.”

~~

The walk across the parking lot was probably the longest walk of his life. His feet felt like they were in a lake of molasses. 

He kept his eyes forward, ignoring the way his hands were shaking. He knew he probably looked constipated or like he was about to have a stroke but if he even glanced over to where the football team was he would turn right back around and drive far, far away from here. 

“Hey!” 

“Nope.”

He walked faster but he could see them coming towards him. When he was a foot away from the door a hand grabbed his elbow and spun him around. Dumb and beefy had murder in his eyes as he smiled at Jude.

“Hey gay boy. Long time no see.”

“Yeah sorry I took off last night. See I’m not the biggest fan of getting murdered by ignorant homophobes.” 

Dumb and beefy clenched his fists. 

“What did you just say to me?”

“Chad come on man….”

Chad, of course.

“Are you defending the fairy now?” Chad asked, spinning around to stare at the blonde kid who had spoken. The one who had saved him last night. 

“No man. If you fight him here then you’ll get suspended again. One more suspension and you’re off the team remember?” 

Chad took a deep breath and Jude could see that he was attempting to think.

“Don’t hurt yourself there friend.” Everyone’s eyes were on Jude in a second, and the blonde kid looked like he was ready to strangle him.

“Alright gay boy….you’re lucky Connor is here because if he wasn’t, your brain would be smeared against the concrete.” Chad said, voice low, inches away from Jude’s face.

“Does your breath always smell like hotdog water or am I just extra lucky today?” 

If Jude wasn’t dead before he definitely was now. He could hear Chad’s veins popping out of his neck with how hard he was trying not to pulverize Jude’s face.  
Jude looked away just long enough to see the blonde kid (Connor?) bite his lip to keep from laughing. Interesting. 

“I’ll kill you. Not here, and not now. But soon.”

“Can’t wait.” Jude smiled at him as Chad spun around and stomped down the stairs. But Jude wasn’t paying attention to Chad anymore.

~~

Jude hadn’t noticed the day before but the blonde kid, whose name was Connor Stevens, was in three of his classes. Which means that he was at least remotely smart. 

Not only that but…he was cute. Like really cute. With the short blonde hair and hazel eyes and perfect nose. Not to mention Jude saw him smile at something in class today and almost fainted. 

Honestly though, holy shit. 

This was a dangerous thought process seeing as Connor spend most of his time hanging out with Chad, who wanted to kill him. Still he couldn’t help it. There was just something about this boy that he couldn’t shake.

~~

After the final bell Jude walked as fast as he could to his car without actually running. As soon as he closed the door he could feel the anxious energy leaving his body, his hands finally stopping their incessant shaking. 

The rest of the day had passed mostly uneventfully, because every time Chad would even look at him Connor would nudge him. Jude could see how physically painful it was for Chad to not beat him within an inch of life. He was still trying to figure out why Connor even cared. Maybe it really was about sports and blah blah blah. But then why did he save him last night? If Chad had kicked his ass and left him to die in a hole somewhere nobody would even know it had been them. Jude sure as hell wouldn’t have told anyone.  
He told himself not to think about it too much. The guy was cute and if Jude started thinking that he cared even a little it could be a slippery slope. So no more thinking about Connor Stevens.


	2. Chapter 2

That night he was spread out on his brand new bed that had been delivered that afternoon. It was a queen size mattress. His mom had insisted since he had grown into the size of a tree over the summer. His homework pile mocked him from the desk but he just ignored it. He wasn’t in the mood for homework. He could feel his legs twitching with restlessness. If it had been any other night he would go for a long run then attempt to tackle his growing pile of work. 

Now he was terrified to leave the house, just in case Chad was lurking in a bush somewhere waiting for him to run by. 

He was about to give up and just go to sleep when he heard something hitting his window. Debating on the chances of it being a) a ghost, which he would slightly ok with and b) Chad, which he would absolutely not be ok with, he got up slowly. Peeking through the window he could just see the shape of someone standing there, and sure enough they were wearing a blue and white jacket. 

“No thank you.” 

He ducked down quickly, hoping whoever it was hadn’t seen him. A moment later something else hit his window. Sighing he got up and pulled the window open.

“Ok fine kill me if you must!” 

“Jude?”

Jude squinted through the dark until he could make out the person standing under his window. Connor. Connor Stevens. Who was standing under his window throwing rocks at it? What kind of   
Taylor Swift music video bullshit was this? 

“Yes?” 

“Hey….can I come up?”

Jude was sure he looked like a crazy person. His mouth was doing that thing fish do. 

“Uuuuuh….yeah I guess? Wait….are you going to murder and or mutilate me?”

He could hear Connor laugh, and he most definitely wanted to hear that sound every single day for the rest of his life.

“No man, I just wanna talk.”

“Ok…”

Connor disappeared from his sight and he could hear branches rustling as he climbed the tree that was right next to his window. Then Connor Stevens was climbing into his room, shaking dirt and leaves from his jacket, looking like every wet dream Jude has ever had. 

“Hey” 

“We have a door you know. That leads into the house. So….”

He could’ve kicked himself in the mouth. But Connor just smiled at him, all white teeth and squinty eyes. 

“Yeah but I figured this would be more impressive.”

“So you’re trying to impress me?” 

That was definitely a mistake, because suddenly the smile was gone and it was replaced by a frown. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean it like that….I just don’t think before I speak.”

“It’s fine…I just wanted to make sure you were ok. You fell pretty hard last night.”

Jude could feel his face warming. He could just imagine what he had looked like landing on his ass, elbow bleeding from hitting the pavement. 

“Uh…yeah I’m ok. Thanks for you know…saving me I guess?”

Connor smiled, not as brightly as before but warmly.

“Wait…how did you know where I lived?” 

Connor shifted on his feet, hand rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

“Well I live in the neighborhood….and you’re the first new people to move in in like 20 years so I just assumed. Would’ve been pretty awkward if I was wrong. But I saw your car sitting out front so…”

“Oh…” 

They were standing in the middle of the room, looking at anything that wasn’t each other. 

“Wanna sit down or something?” 

Connor turned to look around the room and then Jude realized the only place to sit was on his brand new bed. Awkward. Still the other boy plopped down on the edge of the bed, leaning back on his hands, stretching his legs in front of him. He was at least an inch taller than Jude and he was definitely broader. His shoulders filled out the letterman jacket phenomenally.

“So how are you liking it here so far?” Connor asked, eyes finally landing on Jude’s face.

“Well apart from a few people wanting to murder me it’s pretty nice. Quiet.”

Once again he must have said the wrong thing because Connor sat up, hands landing in his lap. 

“Look Chad can be an asshole…but growing up here….it’s not like California you know? Our dads are old school. And you’re different. And for guys like Chad it’s fucking terrifying. “

“You know as much as I appreciate you trying to rationalize why someone wants to beat me within an inch of my life for being ‘different’ I really don’t have any sympathy for dumb and beefy.”

Connor’s eyebrows drew together, mouth a flat line.

“You know I just came over here to see if you were fine and clearly you are. So I’ll just go.”

“Fine.”

Jude wanted to say he was sorry, wanted to ask Connor to stay. But at the same time he wanted to kick this kid’s ass. What the hell was he even playing at? Standing up for him and saving him and then telling him not to be too hard on Chad? Fucking Chad of all people?!

Connor got up and moved past him, his arm brushing Jude’s. And then Jude’s brain stopped functioning because for some reason his fingers were wrapping around Connor’s arm and turning him around. 

He just caught a glimpse of the surprise on Connor’s face before he kissed him. There was a tense second when he could see his life flash before his eyes, ending with him dying right here, on his brand new carpet. And then Connor was kissing him back, lips parting just slightly, hands pulling him closer by his waist. 

His brain was fuzzy and all he could feel were the places on his body where Connor was touching him. Fingers pressing into his sides, lips parting against his. 

Suddenly Connor stepped back, eyes wide and reality came crashing back. The reality that Jude just kissed a boy he hardly knew who might be slightly homophobic.

“I…I didn’t….”

“I’m not gay.”

That was definitely not what he had expected Connor to say.

“Ok….”

Connor took a step toward him, hands coming up to frame his face, lips landing on his again. This time the kiss was more heated, less cautious. Connor’s tongue brushing against his bottom lip lightly. He brought his hands up, curling them into the thick letterman jacket. He pushed the jacket off of Connor’s shoulders, Connor’s hands falling from his face to let it drop to the floor. And then those arms were wrapped around him, hauling him in even closer, every inch of his body pressed against Connor’s.   
His hands found their way into Connor’s hair, soft strands between his fingers as he pulled Connor even closer. Then Connor’s leg was between his thighs and he pulled him in just slightly.

“Fuck….” Jude breathed out against Connor’s lips.

All of sudden he was standing in the middle of his room, lips feeling swollen and pants definitely tighter. Connor had moved to the other side of the room and was staring at him in disbelief. His hair was slightly messy from Jude’s fingers and his face was pink. He was so fucking beautiful and Jude wanted to offer him anything in the world to just come back and start kissing him again.

“I can’t do this…you’re a guy.” 

He said it so quietly that Jude wasn’t sure he had heard right. 

“Yeah well I was a guy about a second ago when you were kissing the life out of me. So why is this news all of a sudden?” 

Connor seemed to snap out of whatever daze he was in, he stepped forward and snatched his jacket from the floor.

“This never fucking happened.” 

And then he was climbing out of the window and disappearing into the dark outside. 

~~

It took almost three hours for Jude to stop thinking enough to actually fall asleep. It didn’t help that all he dreamt about were hazel eyes and strong arms.

Waking up way too soon after he had fallen asleep he groaned as he rolled out bed. If he hadn’t wanted to go to school before he definitely didn’t want to go now. He wasn’t sure what he would face when he finally got to school. Maybe Connor would just ignore him. Or maybe he would just kick his ass and get it over with. 

Driving to school was practically torture, it took every ounce of strength he had not to turn around and go back home. But as soon as the school came into sight he couldn’t do it. Couldn’t turn into the parking lot and face Connor or his football buddies, who could have been setting him up for all he knew.   
His car kept going past the entrance and he could feel his heart hammering in his chest. He didn’t know if there would be consequences later but right now he couldn’t even imagine himself getting out of the car much less actually walking into that building. He kept driving down the long winding road, not exactly sure where he was going. 

~~

He ended up in a diner about twenty minutes from his high school, a plate of pancakes in front of him. He had told the waitress he wasn’t hungry but she had rolled her eyes with a smile and brought him pancakes, eggs and bacon with a glass of orange juice. And now that it was sitting right in front of him he realized he was starving. She smiled warmly at him from behind the counter as he dug in. 

He wondered if he looked like hell. Hadn’t really bothered to look in the mirror all morning. Couldn’t imagine that he looked too great, seeing as he got a total of two hours of restless sleep last night. 

Now he needed a game plan. He would have to go home and face the music eventually. Which means he would have to go to school as well. He took his phone out of his pocket and looked through his contacts until he found the C’s.

“Jude?”

“Hey Callie…”

His sister sounded distracted and he momentarily regretted the decision to call her. She would most definitely call their mom the minute they hung up. She was always too overprotective of him.

“What’s going on? Aren’t you supposed to be at school?”

“Uh yeah I decided to grab some breakfast first….senioritis you know?”

“Jude…are you ok? You sound strange.”

“Yeah I’m fine. Honestly. I just wanted to call and see how you are. How’s college life?”

“Busy and stressful. I’m pretty sure I’ve only slept about six hours this week.” 

He smiled as he listened to her rant about her classes, the ones she loved and the ones she couldn’t stand. Her crazy professors and her boyfriend, Brandon. 

“Anyways he composed this piece and was playing it in the auditorium and this music producer was there visiting the school for his kid and guess what?! He’s going to use B’s song in a TV show! How wild is that?!”

“Wow that’s awesome.” 

It was awesome. His sister was studying to be a juvenile social worker and psychiatrist and Brandon was going to be world famous composer and Jude was too terrified to step foot into school. 

“Hey listen I gotta run, my next class starts soon. I love you. And go to school you hooligan!”

“I love you too. Bye.” 

He stared at his phone for a second before slipping it back into his pocket. School could wait until tomorrow.

~~

He drove aimlessly for hours until he found a quiet dirt road surrounded by huge trees. He pulled onto the path and parked, killing the engine. It was so beautiful and peaceful. His window was open and he could feel the breeze and hear the birds.

Then his phone started ringing, ‘Mom’ flashing across the screen. He groaned, contemplating how angry she would be if he just ignored it. Finally he answered, slowly raising the phone to his ear.

“Hi mommy.”

“Hey truant. Where are you?” 

She sounded amused more than anything and it always surprised him just how laid back his mom was.

“In the middle of the woods somewhere.”

“Sounds lovely. So you didn’t go to school because….”

“It’s a long story….”

He wasn’t about to tell her that a boy had snuck through his window last night and kissed him before saying the equivalent of ‘no homo’ and leaving. 

“Well ok…can you please come home soon? I don’t want you getting eaten by a bear.”

“So sweet. Yeah I’ll head back now. I’m sorry mom…”

“Jesus Jude. You are literally the most perfect child a mother could want. You’re way overdue for some mischief. Not that I’m saying its ok for you to skip school. But if it’s what you need then I support your decision. Now come home please.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my goodness thank you to everyone who has read this so far! I really appreciate all of the lovely comments :))


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What the hell is it about you?” 
> 
> It was quiet and not angry, just curious. Connor’s eyes searched his, trying to find some sort of answer to his question.

The drive home was much shorter than the drive out. He left his window open, enjoying the warm breeze across his face. 

He felt eerily calm all of a sudden. Like everything in the world was right again. So what if Connor kicked his ass? He wouldn’t die, most likely. Then Chad would leave him alone and he could officially say he had been in a fight, which never hurts in the badass department. 

When he walked through his front door his mom was waiting for him. After hugging him she slapped the back of his head lightly before telling him to go do some homework. He had never been so grateful for having her as his mother until this moment.

When he stepped into his room he almost had a heart attack because someone was sitting on the edge of his bed. He held back the scream that had almost slipped out and stared at Connor with wide eyes, silently asking him what the hell he was doing in his room.

“Hey.” 

“Mind telling me why you broke into my house and are now sitting on my bed?” 

Connor shifted, eyes trained on the floor.

“You weren’t in school.”

“That is true. Doesn’t really answer my question though.”

“I just wanted to make sure you were alright….”

Finally Connor lifted his eyes and looked straight at Jude. His stupid heart sped up under Connor’s gaze. 

“I’m fine. What did you think I was spending the day passing around flyers that said ‘Connor Stevens is a big fat homo pass it on’?” 

Connor’s eyebrows drew together and he could see he had hit a nerve but he no longer cared. Let him kick his ass.

“That’s not why I’m here.”

“Really? So you weren’t worried that I would tell people?”

“Tell them what?”

The tone was challenging and Jude stared him down, jaw set.

“Fine pretend it never happened if it makes you feel better.”

Jude could see the way Connor’s shoulders tensed, knew he was pushing it.

“Nothing happened. You tried to kiss me and I told you I’m not gay. End of story.”

“Except for the part where you kissed me back.”

Connor was standing and in his space before he could even blink. 

“I never kissed you back.”

Their faces were an inch apart, Connor’s angry eyes staring into his, towering over him just slightly.

“Sure you didn’t.”

Jude didn’t know why he did this to himself. Why he wanted to provoke someone who could so clearly snap him in half. Yet he couldn’t help himself. Connor slammed his hands against the wall behind Jude, trapping him. He could feel his hands start to shake just slightly, but willed himself not to break eye contact. 

“I’m not gay.” Connor voice so low that Jude could barely hear him even though he was about an inch away.

Then Connor’s mouth was pressed against his and strong hands were cupping his face, pulling him in. Jude was shocked for about a moment before his hands were on Connor’s hips, low enough that he could feel the waistband of his jeans through his thin t-shirt. He pulled Connor closer, their chests pressing together as they kissed. Connor’s lips moved against his, almost desperately.  
Jude felt his back his the wall behind him, Connor’s body pressing against his completely, breaking the kiss for a second, breath rushing out in an almost inaudible groan.

Connor’s lips were on his a second later, soft and demanding, tongue swiping across his bottom lip lightly. Jude’s hands moved up Connor’s hips just barely, fingers slipping under his t-shirt and landing on warm skin. And just like that Connor pulled away abruptly, taking a few steps back. They were both out of breath, faces flushed and mouths swollen.

“Fuck…” Connor breathed out, hand running through his hair. He sank down onto Jude’s bed, face in his hands.

“So….did this not happen either or?” 

He should just kick his own ass honestly. Connor’s head snapped up and he glared at Jude, mouth set in a straight line. The same mouth that was kissing him just a second ago, fuck. 

“What the hell is it about you?” 

It was quiet and not angry, just curious. Connor’s eyes searched his, trying to find some sort of answer to his question.

“What do you mean?” 

His hands were still shaking. 

“I’m not gay.”

“So you keep saying, yet here we are.” 

Connor let out a long sigh, and looked away from Jude, towards the window. Planning his escape most likely. 

“I’m not. I’ve had girlfriends before. I’ve been on the football team since middle school and I have never been tempted to look at another guys….you know...junk.” They both wince at the word choice.

“Then you came along…”

Jude forgot how to breathe for a second. 

“What….what does that mean?” 

He hated that his voice was shaking just slightly, hoped Connor didn’t notice. 

“I have no idea.” Finally Connor looked up at him again and he seemed lost and just a little bit scared. Jude felt frozen to his spot against the wall. Could still feel Connor’s hands on him. He wanted to say that it’s ok if he’s not gay, he just wants to keep kissing him. 

“So what do you want?” is what came out instead. 

There’s a pause where they just look at each other, the energy between them so heavy Jude is sure he will suffocate.

“I want to kiss you.” 

The breath rushed out of Jude’s body. This gorgeous boy was sitting on his bed and telling him that he wanted to kiss him. It took all of the will power he had not to walk over to Connor and kiss the living daylights out of him. But he restrained, because he hadn’t really answered his question. Jude wanted to know where to go from here. Wanted to make sure tomorrow Connor wouldn’t smear his face across the pavement.

“No I mean…in the long run. Do you want to make out tonight then pretend it never happened? Do you wanna be like friends with benefits except without the friends part? What?”

Connor looked torn for a moment before taking a step towards Jude.

“I want….” He stepped even closer, shaky hand reaching out to rest lightly on Jude’s cheek. 

“I want to come here and kiss you and….then I want to go back to my life. And not worry about people finding out.”

Jude’s heart dropped as Connor spoke. So the cool hot jock wanted to make out with him then pretend like his existence disgusted him when he was in public. As much as Jude wanted to have his hands back on Connor’s skin and his mouth pressed against his he willed himself to pull his face away from Connor’s touch.

“I’m not some dirty little secret you can keep.” 

“So you’re saying you don’t want me?” Connor’s voice was soft and his eyes were trained on Jude’s mouth as he leaned impossibly closer, their lips almost touching.

“I have some self-respect you know.” 

Jude put his hands on Connor’s chest, ignoring the butterflies in his stomach and shoved him away. Connor stepped back, eyes wide. It must have been a new feeling for him, not being wanted. 

“You know what I think? You didn’t stare at all of the other guys because you knew it wouldn’t get you anywhere. But here I am, an actual gay guy, so obviously I would want you right?” 

He could see Connor’s fists clenching but he kept going.

“Well guess what buddy? You’re not that irresistible.”

“Fuck you.” 

Jude blinked at the harsh tone in Connor’s voice. 

“I tried being nice to you but clearly your mission in life is being a smart ass so have fun being a lonely asshole for the rest of your life.” 

The words hit Jude straight in the chest. 

Connor walked towards the window and climbed out, without another look in Jude’s direction. 

~~

He kept replaying the night in his head as he watched the clock get closer to 6 AM. Connor’s harsh words on a loop in his head. 

After lying in bed and most definitely not sleeping he sighed as his alarm clock started beeping at him. 

“Yeah yeah I know.” 

His mom was standing in the kitchen waiting for him when he came down, hair still wet from his shower. 

“You need a haircut. Also you need to go to school today please.” 

“Thanks and I will. Even though the mere of thought sends me into a deep and dark depression.”

“You’re a riot” 

His mom comes forward and hugs him, having to go onto her tiptoes to wrap her arms around his neck. 

“I love you Jude.”

“Jesus mom stop embarrassing yourself.” 

He yelped when she pinched the back of his neck. 

“Say you love me back or I will drive you to school and yell something embarrassing as you’re getting out of the car.”

“I love you! You’re the greatest mother who has ever lived!” 

She finally released him, looking smug. 

“Have a lovely day at school my love.”

~~

The walk from his car to the front door of the school is the longest walk of his life, he’s sure of it. He keeps his head down and puts one foot in front of the other, trying not to notice the group of guys wearing blue and white.

He could hear their laughter and could see them shoving each other like big dumb bufoons from the corner of his eye.

“Hey gay boy!” 

He finally looked up, letting his eyes meet Chad’s from across the courtyard. All of his cronies were laughing like they had heard the greatest joke in the whole world. He could see Connor standing just off to the side, and for the first time since he met him he was laughing at him too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't even believe all of the lovely comments! Thank you guys so much! Also this chapter is a little shorter because this is the last part of this fic that was already written. So from now the updates will be coming a little bit slower since I actually have to write them first. 
> 
> I appreciate everyone who reads this and likes it and I hope you will be patient with me!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “So you want to sleep with me?” Connor asks, one side of his mouth lifting up. Jude wants to slap his stupid gorgeous face right off. 
> 
> “ _That’s_ what you got out of all that? Seriously?”

Sharing three classes with Connor Stevens seemed like a blessing two days ago. Now he wanted to evaporate into thin air or get swallowed by a sink hole if that meant that he wouldn’t have to sit in the same room as him. 

When he walked into AP Calculus his eyes immediately found the other boy, sitting in the back row next to the only other empty desk in the entire classroom. Of course.

Looking at Connor now it seemed so surreal that less than a day ago the same boy was standing in his room, kissing him. Connor didn’t even look up as Jude slid into the desk next to his. He pulled out his text book and started working on the homework he was extremely behind on.

He could see Connor scribbling on a piece of paper, eyebrows furrowed with concentration. At least Jude wasn’t the only one who was behind.

Halfway through class Jude could feel his eyelids getting heavier. The lack of sleep the night before was finally starting to hit him. He contemplated the possibility of taking a power nap without the teacher noticing. But before he could get comfortable in the entirely too small desk a folded sheet of paper landed on his desk. He glanced over at Connor, who was actively ignoring him, despite the fact that he had just passed Jude a note. Like a teenage girl. He almost opened it just to see if it had Do You Like Me? Pick yes or no written inside.

He picked up the paper, crumbled it in his hand and tossed it onto Connor’s desk. 

He could hear the frustrated sign as Connor unfolded the paper, smoothed it out and placed it on Jude’s desk again. 

Despite his best efforts Jude couldn’t help himself. He looked down at the sheet of paper.

‘I’m sorry Chad is a dick. And I’m sorry that I was one too.’

Jude rolled his eyes and looked at Connor pointedly, who was still trying his best to appear nonchalant. 

“You told me in so many words that you wanted to use me for sex” Jude hissed, trying his best to be as quiet as possible. Finally Connor whipped around to look at him, eye wide. He brought a finger to his lips, shushing Jude.

“Bathroom.” 

Jude could feel his eyebrows draw together in confusion as Connor looked away from him quickly and thrust his hand in the air. 

“Yes Connor?” Mr. Enriquez asked in his usual monotone voice. 

“I need the restroom.”

The teacher gave him a vague wave of his hand Connor slid out of the desk, pausing briefly to shoot a pointed glance at Jude. Finally it hit him and he watched the clock and waited at least three minutes before raising his hand as well. Mr. Enriquez just huffed before waving him out.

~~

The minute Jude stepped through the door of the boy’s bathroom a hand reached out and grabbed him, pulling him into the handicapped stall. Connor slid the lock into place and turned to look at him.

“Why are you being such a dick about this?” 

Jude could feel his face heating up as anger swelled inside him.

“Are you kidding me?! I’m not the one who kissed you and then pretended you don’t exist! Whatever bullshit game you’re playing I’m over it ok? I don’t need to get laid that desperately.”  
Connor just watched him, one eyebrow raised and his arms crossed against his, very impressive but totally stupid, chest. 

“So you want to sleep with me?” Connor asks, one side of his mouth lifting up. Jude wanted to slap his stupid gorgeous face right off. 

“ _That’s_ what you got out of all that? Seriously?” 

Connor was smiling for real now, white teeth biting his lower lip slightly. Jude tried to ignore the feeling of longing building inside him. Jesus Christ though! How can someone be so infuriating but so god damn beautiful?

“Listen man, let’s just forget anything happened and go back to how things were ok?”

“What with me barely keeping you alive?” Connor asked, smile dropping, but amusement still clear on his face.

Jude let out a sigh of frustration and looked to the heavens for help. 

“Lord why do you do these things? Are you testing me? Is this your idea of a joke?” he muttered at the ceiling. He could feel Connor step closer and looked down just in time for Connor’s hand to wrap around the back of his neck. 

“You can’t tell me you don’t want this…” Connor said, barely above a whisper as his mouth moved towards Jude’s. Every fiber of his being wanted to lean forward and capture Connor’s mouth, feel those lips moving against his again. Instead he bought a hand up to wrap around Connor’s wrist, pushing his hand away. 

“Stop it. I told you I’m not interested in being your boy toy.”

“Boy toy? What are you, ninety?”

Connor’s smirking again and Jude is torn being slapping him silly and jumping into his arms. 

“You are the most frustrating person I have ever met!” 

“Yeah? Right back at you!” 

They were both practically yelling now and Jude couldn't ignore how close they are, could feel the heat of Connor’s body just inches away. 

“Jesus…” Connor’s muttered, his eyes locked on Jude’s mouth and he felt all of the air leave his body. His heart was hammering against his chest, his hands twitching with a desperate need to touch….

Just then the bathroom door slammed open. 

“Hey Stevens are you shitting or something? Teach thinks you fell in man!” 

They were frozen, staring at each other, eyes wide.

“Uh I’ll be out in a sec!” Connor finally said.

“Ok whatever.” The mystery voice replied and they heard the door swing shut. 

“This is not finished.” Connor said, leaning back into Jude’s space. His lips brushed against Jude’s cheek, leaving a trail of fire on his skin.

“Yes it is…” He cursed his voice for being so shaky. Then Connor squeezed his hand and turned to leave. 

~~

Jude spent the rest of the period pointedly not looking over at Connor. Who in turn didn't even acknowledge that Jude was there. 

His frustration builds until he feels like he’s going to scream. Just then the bell rang and he wasted no time in shoving his books into his bag before leaving the room. 

The rest of the day passed the same way. The classes Connor wasn't in passed incredibly slowly with thoughts of bronzed skin and white teeth and hazel eyes swirling around his mind. The ones he _was_ in were even more infuriating. Connor spent all of one period flirting with some blonde, twirling the ends of her stick straight hair between his fingers, flashing her that million dollar smile. Jude could practically see her melting and the need to roll his eyes gave him a headache. 

The last period they have together Connor sat three desks away from Jude and just stared straight ahead, tapping a pencil against his blank notebook. Probably thinking about that blonde. Jude sat in his tiny desk, arms folded across his chest and glared at the side of Connor’s face. Finally the dismissal bell rang and he headed out to his car, anger boiling in the pit of his stomach. 

~~

His mom greeted him at the door with a plate of warm chocolate chip cookies. 

“Wow…Stepford much?” He said, raising an eyebrow. 

She slapped his hand away when he reaches for the plate. 

“Wow rude much? I slaved over a hot stove all day to make these for you!” 

He stared at her pointedly. 

“Ok so maybe they’re just Nestle Tollhouse. It was still hard though!” 

He smiled and kissed the side of her head.

“You’re adorable. So what’s with the cookies?” he asked, avoiding another slap and jamming an entire cookie into his mouth. She rolled her eyes but he could see a slight blush on her face.

“I have a…guest coming over…”

“A guest huh? Like a gentleman guest?” He wiggled his eyebrows but stopped when he saw the conflicted look on her face.

“What’s the matter?”

“It’s not…well….I need to talk to you about something.” She finally said, still avoiding his eyes. Jude tried not to get worried quite yet.

“Ok…are you kicking me out? Am I disowned? I haven’t completely worked out my porn star plans yet mom! Don’t do this to me!”

Finally she smiled, looking at him. He noticed that she looked happy. Like really happy. Her face was relaxed and her hair was loose which was a rare sight. 

“It’s not a gentleman.”

He waited for her to continue.

“It’s a woman.”

They stood there blinking at each other as the words sunk in.

“A woman?”

“Yes.”

“And she’s coming over?”

“Yes…”

“Like for a date?”

“Well…yes.”

He reached over to grab another cookie.

“Congrats mom.” He smiled before shoving it into his mouth. 

“That’s it?”

“What did you expect me to do? Run away from this household of sin? Have you met me?” 

His mom laughed quietly, her eyes crinkling up in the corners. 

“How did I get so lucky to have you two beautiful kids?” She asked, wrapping an arm around his waist, since she could no longer reach his shoulders.

“Who knows? You sure as hell don’t deserve us you sinner.” 

He managed to grab two more cookies before running away. 

~~

Jude spent the rest of the night in his room. He came down when he heard the doorbell. Lena, the woman who was apparently dating his mother, was beautiful and kind and soft spoken. Jude fell for her instantly and he grinned when he saw the starry eyed way his mom was looking at her. 

“I’ll be back in a couple of hours ok? Don’t do anything crazy. I would like my house to still be standing when I get home.”

“Ok I promise it will still be standing. I cannot promise it will be in the same condition.”

She rolled her eyes before pulling him down to kiss his cheek.

~~

Jude pretended to do homework on his bed while flinching at every noise he heard outside his window. He tried to tell himself that he didn’t want Connor to show up but deep down he knew that’s exactly what he wants. 

The desire to rip Connor’s face off was slightly overruled by the desire to rip his clothes off first. 

He glanced at the clock on his bedside table every few minutes, watched it get later and later. Finally around midnight he texted his mom a thumbs up emoji and got up to get ready for bed. He hated that he was disappointed. Hated that Connor had this effect on him, or any effect for that matter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't even begin to thank you guys for being so amazing. Your comments make my day!


	5. Chapter 5

Morning came too fast and he groaned as he rolled over to silence his alarm. He lay in his bed for a minute, trying to get his thought under control, before finally rolling over and getting up. 

He took a quick shower and got dressed, pulling a hoodie over his plain black t –shirt. 

When he made it downstairs it was just in time to see his mom creeping in the front door, her shoes in her hand. 

“Well, well, well” 

“Damn it.” She muttered, shoulder falling in defeat. 

“I was worried sick young lady!” 

“I’m sorry I just lost track of time…” 

“Oh I’m sure you did you hussy!”

She rolled her eyes and dropped her shoes by the door.

“Why is it that you have the vocabulary of an eighty year old grandmother?”

“Why is it that my mother is the one who has hot dates and stays out all night? Life doesn’t always make sense you know.” 

She turned to look at him, her eyebrows furrowed.

“Are you ok love? Is school going well?” 

He sighed, reaching around her to grab a banana from the kitchen counter.

“Mom stop. I was just kidding ok? I’m fine. Everything is fine.” 

“You would tell me if anything was wrong wouldn’t you?” 

He smiled at her, in which he hoped was a reassuring manner. 

“Of course. I’m leaving now before this gets any more cheesy and sentimental.”

~~

Connor wasn't in his usual place with the group of cavemen and Jude wondered where he was for a second before shaking his head and telling himself that he shouldn’t care. 

He headed towards the building, trying not think about anything. 

“Hey!” 

He groaned as he heard the familiar voice calling out. 

“Hey wait up!” 

Jude kept walking towards the building. A huge hand landed on his shoulder and turned him around almost knocking him on his ass.

“Jesus what do you want?” Jude asked, looking up at Chad, who was grinning in a very unsettling way. 

“Just wanted to see how you were doing. Ass feeling ok?” 

Jude just stared at him blankly. 

“Isn’t it exhausting? Thinking about my ass so much?” 

Chad’s face turned red in record time. Jude noticed his giant hands clenching into giant fists and he prepared for death.

“Chad!” 

They both turned to see Connor walking towards them. Jude rolled his eyes and turned to walk away while Chad was distracted. 

~~

The day passed without any notes or secret bathroom rendezvous. Jude told himself he was not disappointed and that it was for the best but he still couldn't help but glance over at Connor every once in a while. Connor on the other hand seemed completely unaffected by the entire thing. He kept flirting with the blonde in science and laughing at dumb jokes with his team mates. 

Whatever had happened between them was clearly over and Jude wanted to feel relieved. This was what he had wanted. 

Wasn’t it?

~~

His mom had another date with Lena, who was cooking dinner over at her house. He spent an hour helping her pick out an outfit.

“Why are you freaking out about this? She probably met you while you were wearing overalls or something even more embarrassing.”

She blushed a deep red.

“What was it mom?”

“My laundry jeans?” 

Jude groaned, flopping back on her bed dramatically. Her laundry jeans were her pregnancy jeans, light washed and filled with holes. And not the flattering ones that were in style. The ones that made her look homeless.

“After that you could wear a garbage bag and it would be an improvement.”

She threw a pair of jeans at his face.

“I want to look nice ok? I’m meeting her kids tonight…”

Jude paused for a second.

“She has kids?”

“Yeah twins. A boy and a girl.”

“So you’re telling me…that you were both married to men and had two children, got divorced and now you realized you were gay and more importantly gay for each other?” 

“Yeah pretty much.”

“Wow. This should be a movie.” 

Another pair of jeans hit him in the face.

~~

Finally his mom had picked out an outfit that she deemed was perfect and ran out of the house, blowing him a kiss. He walked up the stairs to his room slowly, his mind pleasantly blank for the first time in days. That was of course before he walked into his room and had a mild heart attack at the sight of Connor standing next to the window. 

“Jesus Christ! Can you please not do that?! I would love to live past eighteen thank you very much.”

Connor was smiling at him and leaning against the wall, ankles crossed in front of him.

“You seem very comfortable for someone who just broke into my house.”

“You’re telling me you’re not happy to see me?”

“That is exactly what I’m telling you.”

Connor pushed away from the wall and walked towards him, coming to a stop when he was barely a foot away.

“Liar” he breathed out, leaning towards Jude.

“What are you doing?” Jude said, willing his voice to be steady. 

“What does it look like?”

“You ignore me for two days and now you think I’m going to throw myself at you? Are you really that dumb or are you just completely socially inept?”

Connor pulled back just slightly, his eyebrows drawing together.

“I wasn’t ignoring you. That’s just how it has to be. You know that.”

“What me watching you flirt with every girl in class and then waiting around just in case you decide to grace me with your presence?” 

Connor was smiling again.

“You were jealous.”

“No I was not.”

“Yes you were.” Connor whispered leaning forward again, his hands pulling Jude in by his waist.

“I was not jealous.”

He reached up and placed his hands against Connor’s unfairly hard chest to keep him back.

“I had football practice.”

Jude must have looked confused because Connor continued.

“Last night. That’s why I didn’t show up. It ran late and then I barely had the energy to drive home. Plus I over slept this morning.” Connor shrugged and Jude tried not to focus on the fact that Connor’s hands were still on his hips.

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Because…I don’t want you to think that I didn’t want to be here. I did.”

Jude could feel his face heating up. What the hell is with this guy?

“You seem to have accepted the fact that I am a man very quickly.”

Connor frowned slightly, his hands squeezing his hips.

“I’ve had a lot of time to think. I know I’m not gay…” 

Jude rolled his eyes but Connor kept talking anyway.

“But I do know that I want this…” 

He leaned forward and kissed Jude on the mouth, just once, before pulling back and looking at him.

“I told you…”

“I know. You don’t want to be my dirty little secret. Why not though? I’ll keep Chad off your back and we get to do this…” 

Jude didn’t have time to say anything before Connor was kissing him, for real this time. His lips parting against Jude’s, his arms wrapping around him and pulling him closer. Jude’s brain shut down and all he could feel was Connor against him. He could feel Connor’s tongue brush his bottom lip and his breath rushed out of him, his hands gripping Connor’s shoulders. Jude could feel his heart beating an unsteady rhythm against this chest as Connor brought a hand up to run through his hair, fingers sliding through the stands.

Kissing him was like being on fire. His whole body was buzzing with need, the need to get even closer. 

His hands slid off of Connor’s shoulders and found the hem of his t-shirt, slipping under it. The first feel of warm, soft skin made him groan and he could feel Connor shudder against him, his mouth leaving Jude’s for a moment.

“Jude…” 

A shiver ran down Jude’s spine at the sound of his name, whispered breathlessly. 

“Wait a second…” Connor said as he pushed Jude away, not completely but far enough that his hands slipped from under Connor’s shirt and fell down at his sides.

“Are you serious?” Jude asked, his voice embarrassingly blown out. 

Connor looked at him, eyes almost black and face tinged pink.

“God I’m sorry…I want this. I really do. You have no idea how much. But I need you to promise me…promise me you won’t tell anyone.” 

Jude could feel his whole body go rigid.

“You’re going to ask this _now_? A second ago your tongue was in my mouth and you want to have this conversation _now_?” 

Connor’s face was even more red, his breathing a little ragged.

“Jude please. Just promise me.”

“You are unbelievable…”

“And you’re fucking gorgeous and infuriating and sexy, and I need you to promise me ok? I need to hear you say it.” 

Jude’s face was warm, he tried not to dwell on the fact that Connor, Connor fucking Stevens, thought that he was gorgeous and sexy. And yes he also said infuriating but Jude decided to overlook that part.

“Who would believe me?” he finally said and Connor frowned, frustration clear on his face.

“It doesn’t matter if they believe you or not. Jude this isn’t a joke ok? If someone, if _anyone_ , found out about this my life would be ruined.” Connor was taking a step back and Jude could already feel the loss of heat. 

“It’s 2015. I doubt your life would be ruined.”

Connor’s frown deepened. 

“You don’t know what you’re talking about. My dad, he’s not like your mom. If he even suspected that I was…you know, he would kill me himself. I would lose my scholarship and my family. Do you get that?” 

He wasn’t shouting but his voice was getting louder. Jude crossed his arms against his chest, trying not feel intimated.

“Then why risk it at all? If so much is on the line then why are you even here? Just ignore whatever feelings you think you have for me.” Jude regretted the words as soon as he said them. His body ached with the need to have Connor against him.

Connor took another step back, towards the open window behind him.

“You’re right.” 

Jude looked away, staring at the carpet so he wouldn’t have to watch Connor leave. Then the window slammed shut and his eyes snapped back to see Connor still standing in his room, eyes determined. 

“I should ignore it. I should leave right now and stop thinking about you. It would be easier. Except…”

He stepped forward, pushing Jude until his back was against the wall behind him, Connor’s hands landing on the wall next to his shoulders.

“Except I can’t. I can’t stop thinking about you. Every time I see you it’s like being struck by lightning. You’re the last thing I think about before I fall asleep and the first thing I think about when I wake up.”

“You should be a poet.” Jude choked out, eyes never leaving Connor’s face. Connor sighed, head falling forward. 

“You are the most frustrating person on the planet.” 

“I get that a lot.”

“But I want you.” Connor said, looking up, eyes fixed on Jude’s face.

Jude felt like he had been punched in the chest. All of a sudden it was hard to breathe.

“You…why? You just said I’m frustrating and infuriating and I could ruin your life.”

“I don’t care.”

Jude couldn’t hear anything but the beating of his own heart. 

“You’re the strangest person I have ever met.”

Connor was smiling at him, all white teeth and dimples. 

“That’s quite the statement coming from you.”

Jude couldn’t help it. He leaned forward and kissed him. Connor flinched in surprise before bringing his hands up to cup Jude’s face, angling it so their lips fit together perfectly. The kiss was slower than the others, but it was deeper, the intent behind it very clear. Connor’s hands trailed down his body, past his hips, grabbing the back of Jude’s legs. Suddenly he was off the ground, Connor lifting him up. 

“Ok seriously? I get it, you’re eleven feet tall and built like a Greek god. But is the macho man bullshit really necessary?” Jude breathed out, pulling away from Connor. 

The smile he got in return was almost blinding. 

“Don’t tell me this doesn’t do it for you…” Connor whispered, lips against Jude’s neck. Connor pulled him away from the wall and carried him to, oh God, to his bed. 

All of a sudden he was on his back with Connor hovering above him, his knees on either side of Jude’s hips. 

“Jesus…” 

Connor leaned forward, landing on his elbows on either side of Jude’s head, mouth finding his again. Jude’s hands gripped the back of Connor’s shirt, desperately trying to pull him closer, but Connor was still holding himself up, no part of him touching Jude except for his mouth. 

“Connor…” he whispered, hands slipping under his shirt and sliding across his back. 

“Just give me a second…” Connor finally said, pulling away from Jude’s mouth and looking down at him. 

They stared at each other, lips swollen and eyes blown wide. 

“We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do…” Jude whispered, despite the desperate ache to have Connor against him again. 

“I just….” 

That’s when they heard the front door open. Connor scrambled off the bed in record time.

“That’s my mom…”

“Oh my god…I have to go…” he turned towards the window and Jude could already feel the disappointed deep in his stomach. Connor turned around at the last second, walked back towards Jude and kissed him, once. 

Connor’s forehead rested against his for a moment before he pulled away again.

“I’ll see you.” He said, smiling as he crawled out of Jude’s window.


	6. Chapter 6

Jude didn’t even attempt to go to sleep. Butterflies were an understatement, his stomach felt like he had swallowed a tiny herd of elephants. He walked down the stairs on wobbly legs to see his mom coming out of the kitchen, a carton of ice cream in one hand and a spoon in the other. 

“Oh, hi honey. I thought you’d be asleep.”

“Mom its ten o’clock on a Friday night. If that’s how lame my own mother thinks I am then I’m doomed.” 

She smiled at him and he couldn’t help but smile back. She looked happy. 

“Well in that case…want to split this with me and watch crappy tv?”

“God yes.”

~~

They sat on the couch, her legs thrown across his lap, passing the carton of ice cream back and forth. His mother insisted on watching ghost shows even though she knew he hated them. Not because they scared him, just because the reenactments were laughable. 

“Did they even try with this one? Or did they just get a bunch of rando’s from the street?”

“Hush” she whispered, kicking him in the side, eyes glued to the tv. 

“So how was your date?” he asked once the show was over. She blushed almost immediately. 

“It was nice. Her kids are lovely and she’s…..god Jude she’s something else.” Her voice was dreamy and she had a small smile on her face. Jude felt his heart clench. 

“That’s awesome. Does Callie know?” 

His mom shook her head.

“Not yet. I didn’t want to tell her over the phone you know?” 

“She’ll be pissed if you don’t tell her soon. You know how she is.” 

She snorted and nodded in agreement, scooping another spoonful of ice cream into her mouth. 

“I’m glad we moved here…” she said quietly, reaching over to run her hand through his hair. 

“Yeah….me too.” 

For once he actually meant it.

~~

Once his mom went to sleep he couldn’t avoid going back upstairs to his room. He laid in bed and tried not think about the fact that it was the weekend and he wouldn’t see Connor for two days. 

That is unless he decided to come by again…

Jude ignored the little glimmer of hope in his chest. It was better not to expect anything then be disappointed later. 

He closed his eyes but all he could see was Connor. His golden hair and his soft skin and those eyes…and god his mouth. Jude groaned and covered his face with his hands. 

“This is the worst.” He mumbled, turning onto his side and trying to summon sleep.

~~

At some point he must have passed out because the next thing he knew it was morning. He squinted against the sunlight streaming through his window since he had forgotten to close the curtain. Which was open because Connor had pushed it aside when he crawled through his window. 

All of the memories from last night came flooding back and his heart stuttered in his chest. Jude lay in bed, face pressed into his pillow as he thought of the night before. How it felt to have Connor so close, to have his hands against his skin. How it felt to be kissed by him….

Jude didn’t want to think about the fact that he barely knew Connor. Actually, didn’t know him at all. He had mentioned a dad but was there a mom? Siblings? Grandparents?

When he said scholarship Jude assumed he had meant football. So did he want to be a football player when he grew up? Or was he using the scholarship to get out of this tiny backwards town? 

Jude sighed and sat up, pushing his comforter aside. This confirmed it, he didn’t know the first thing about Connor Stevens. The question was, did he want to?

~~

His mom was downstairs making breakfast, humming under her breath when he finally emerged from his room.

“Someone is cheery this morning.”

“Someone clearly isn’t.” she shot back, smiling at him. 

“Ha ha. You know if you dating means pancakes for me every morning then I am all for it.” He said, grabbing a plate piled high with pancakes and kissing his mom on the head quickly. 

“You’re sweet. I’m just…happy I guess.” 

She was smiling so wide that it looked like it hurt. Jude felt a pang in his chest. He wanted this, he realized. He wanted to like someone this much. 

“So when do I get to meet my potential new step siblings?” he asked, stuffing food in his mouth. His mom turned to look at him, eyebrow raised.

“You actually want to?”

He shrugged, “Sure why not. I mean I’m going to have to eventually right?”

She was smiling even wider now, if that was possible. 

“Ok, I’ll talk to Lena about it…”

Jude heard a knock on the door and they looked at each, confused. 

“Are you expecting someone?”

I wish, thought Jude before shaking his head.

He got up and went to open the door, freezing when he saw who was on the other side.

“Damn, this house is nice. Crazy what California money can get you in Kentucky huh?”

“Callie.”

“Hey little brother.” She was grinning at him, backpack slung over one shoulder.

“What are you doing here?”

“Nice to see you too butthole.” She said, coming forward to hug him. He managed to hug her back quickly before he heard the shriek behind him.

“Oh my god! Callie!” 

“Hey mom” Callie was smiling as their mother flung herself at her, kissing her cheek. 

“What are you doing here?!” 

“Seriously? I mean I can leave if you two want.”

Jude rolled his eyes but couldn’t stop himself from smiling too. He missed his sister, despite the fact that she was a huge pain in the ass. 

“Don’t be ridiculous. We just weren’t expecting you.” He said, since his mom was still busy squeezing the life out of her daughter.

“B had a bunch of airline miles he didn’t need any more since his dad lives in the same state now so he let me have them. I thought I’d come and check out the new house.”

His mom finally let Callie go.

“How long are you staying love?”

“Just tonight. I have an exam on Monday.”

“I’m making you breakfast. No arguments.”

Their mom marched back into the kitchen and they turned to roll their eyes at each other.

“Jesus Jude, did you grow another foot while I was away?”

“Practically.” 

He reached out to hug her again, properly this time. She felt tiny now, almost two feet shorter than him.

“And hunky too! I bet the boys here are creaming themselves to get a piece of this action.” She said, wrapping a hand around his arm as she pulled away. 

“Callie…”

“Yeah, yeah. Don’t label you blah blah blah. Seriously though Jude…you've never been interested in girls and you totally had a crush on Ben Morrison when you were in middle school.”

“Ben was my friend!”

“Yeah he was.” She raised her eyebrows suggestively. 

“When are you going back to college again?”

“Oh shut up.” She punched his arm lightly, but she was still smiling.

“Seriously though…how is everything? You doing ok?”

Jude thought about telling her, telling her about Chad and about Connor. Telling her that yeah, he was definitely gay and that he’s met someone. But not in the way that she probably hoped he would. He wanted to tell her that he wanted Connor to be his Lena. 

“Everything is good. Nothing exciting.” He shrugged, hoping that it came off more convincing than it felt. 

“That’s good.” 

Their mom came out of the kitchen holding two plates piled high with pancakes.

“Who’s hungry?”

~~

“So we haven’t finished setting up the guest room yet so Callie, you should sleep in Jude’s room tonight and he’ll take the couch.”

“No!” 

They both turned to look at him, frowning. They had finished breakfast and were sitting around the dining room table, listening to Callie’s college stories.

“Why the hell not?”

“Because…I’m like ten feet tall mom, remember? How am I supposed to sleep on the couch?”

“Mom its fine. Honestly. I’ll just sleep on the couch.” Callie said, still looking at Jude. 

“No you will not young lady. Jude you can suffer through it for one night. Don’t be ridiculous.”

The look on her face told him that the discussion was over and he was smart enough to let it drop, but his heart was racing. He could imagine Connor sneaking into his room, and finding Callie there. Jude didn’t even have Connor’s number to text him and warn him not to come. Jude tried not to think about that fact too much. Or the fact that he didn’t even know where Connor lived. 

He was so screwed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are honestly amazing. Your comments make my day and I love hearing that so many people are enjoying this! Thank you again for being patient with me. I have a wicked cold so I might be a little slower when it comes to posting new chapters but I will try my best! Thank you again! <3


	7. Chapter 7

“Ok seriously, what is with you today?”

Jude turned to look at Callie who was staring at him expectantly. 

“Nothing.” But he knew he had been fidgeting all day. He had taken Callie around town, showing her what little there was to see. He kept glancing around hoping to catch sight of Connor so he could telepathically tell him to stay away this weekend. Except he didn’t see him and by the time dinner rolled around he was a bundle of nerves. His anxiety was making his hands shake and he tried to ignore his mom’s concerned looks as they ate. Now he and Callie were sitting on the couch, watching some show on TV about serial killers and he knows he must look like a caged animal.

“Jude, what the hell? Since when do you lie to me?”

“It’s just…”

“I know what this is about.” 

They both turned to see their mom standing in the doorway, looking extremely nervous. Jude was confused for a second before he realized what’s happening.

“I’m….seeing someone.” His mom gets out, eyes trained on the floor. Callie just blinked at both of them before bursting out in laughter.

“That’s it?! I thought you two murdered someone and buried them in the crawl space. Jeez you guys. That’s great mom. What’s his name?”

“Lena.”

There’s another pause and Jude watched Callie’s face for her reaction. There was a split second when her eyes widen slightly but then she’s getting off the couch and going over to hug her mom. 

“That’s great mom. Really.”

Jude watched as his mom hugged Callie tightly and thanked all of his lucky stars that the attention was off of him.

~~

Jude lay on the couch, staring at the ceiling for what felt like hours. He started at every noise he heard, freezing to see if he could hear Callie screaming. Finally when he saw that it was three in the morning he figured it was safe to go to sleep. 

He tried to ignore the feeling of disappointment when he realized that Connor hadn’t shown up. 

~~

Callie left early the next morning and their mom only cried for about twenty minutes, which for her was a new record. When she had left for college it had been days of sobbing and wailing.

“Call me sometimes ok? Not just when you’re being a truant.” She said, hugging him one last time before heading out. He promised, hugging her back tightly. 

Once again he felt the urge to tell her everything, to see what she though. Instead he waved as she climbed in the cab, telling her to have a safe flight.

~~

His mom leaves to go to the movies with Lena with a “Don’t wait up” and a wink that made him slightly uncomfortable. 

Jude headed to his room and sat on his bed, trying to ignore the ever growing pile of homework on his desk. Finally he sighed and heads over to flip open his chemistry book. 

They were all problems he had already seen before at his old school. Which apparently was about ten years ahead when it came to the education system. It comes easily to him, his brain ticking off numbers and sorting through equations. He was so focused that he could barely hear anything, which is why he almost had a heart attack when he heard the soft “Hey” behind him. 

Jude spun around and there was Connor. He was dressed in a plain black t shirt and cut off shorts and he looked so good it was unfair. His hair was messier than usual, like he had been outside all day. 

His smile was as bright as ever.

“Did you come over last night?”

Connor frowned at the question, not moving from his spot by the window.

“Wouldn’t you know if I had?”

“No I wouldn’t. My sister was staying over and she slept in here. I was freaking out the whole day thinking of you sneaking in here and scaring the shit out of her.”

He saw Connor’s eyes widen and he realized just how bad that would have been. 

“I had church this morning so I went to bed early.” Connor finally said.

“Church? Seriously?”

“Yeah my grandma makes me go every Sunday. She’s too old to drive herself so I do it.” Connor shrugged and walked over to sit on Jude’s bed.

“You have a grandma.”

Connor stared at him for a long moment.

“Yeah. Doesn’t everyone?”

Jude filed away this information in the back of his mind, the section that he’d reserved for Connor. 

“Give me your number.” 

Connor finally smiled again, laughing quietly. 

“Aren’t you supposed to use some kind of cheesy pick up line?”

“I’m serious. If something like this happens again I need a way to contact you.”

Connor was still smiling as he stood up and placed a hand on the back of Jude’s chair, leaning past him to pick up Jude’s phone from where it’s sitting on the desk. Jude shivered at the closeness and tried not to stare at the line of Connor’s neck, where it dipped into the collar of his shirt. 

“Here.” 

Connor handed him his phone and he saw a new contact, with the name Connor Stevens.

“What, no code names?”

“No.”

Jude turned to look at him and Connor was so close, both arms laying across the back of Jude’s chair. They looked at each other for a moment, the air between them electric. Connor smelled like grass and clean sweat and something that reminded him of the ocean…sunblock, Jude realized. Underneath it all there’s another distinct smell. It’s almost like the air after rain, except deeper. 

“What?” Connor asked, quietly because they were so close. 

“You smell like the beach.”

Connor smiled at him, teeth white against his tan skin. 

“Do I?”

“It’s fall. And we live in Kentucky”

“I was playing soccer with some of the guys all day so I put on a shit ton of sunblock. It might be cold but the sun is most definitely still out.”

Jude couldn't stop himself from rolling his eyes.

“I know how the sun works.”

“Could’ve fooled me.” 

They were still looking at each other, and there was still mere inches between them.

“So…what do you want to do?” Connor asked, and Jude couldn't help noticing that his gaze darted down to his mouth for a second. His breath caught in his throat and he tries to come up with something clever to say.

“I don’t know…scrap book…crochet…we could make a birdhouse…” 

Connor leaned in and kissed him, one hand coming up to slide into his hair. Jude could feel his heart speeding up almost immediately. Connor’s lips opened against his and he sighed, hands clenching against his legs.

Connor wrapped his other hand in the front of Jude’s shirt, pulling him up. Their bodies found each other instantly, like two magnets. Connor’s hand was still wrapped in his hair, the other one on his waist, pulling him in. 

Jude could feel every place where Connor’s body was pressed against his, and all of them felt like they were on fire. His hands came up to slide across Connor’s chest, the hard muscle shifting under the thin material of his shirt. Connor shuddered against him as his fingers reached the waistband of his shorts, lifting up his shirt and sliding up again across his bare skin. 

“Fuck Jude…” Connor’s sighed, breaking away from him a moment. 

His whole body was vibrating, like every cell was charged with electricity. His hands were shaking as he moved them higher up until Connor let go of him to lift his arms. Jude tugged the shirt off, letting it fall to the floor, looking down to see miles of golden brown skin. He reached out, his hand landing on Connor’s waist.

“You need to work out more. You’re extremely out of shape.” Jude managed to say, hoping his voice didn't sound as shaky as he felt. He could feel Connor’s laughter, his skin shifting under Jude’s touch.

“You’re ridiculous.” Connor whispered, his hand softly cupping Jude’s face, lifting it towards his. 

They were kissing again and it was more heated, the air around them changing. Connor’s tongue touched his bottom lip and Jude groaned, arms wrapping around Connor’s shoulders. Every inch of soft skin that Jude touched was a revelation.

Jude realized that Connor was moving backwards, towards the bed, still holding on to Jude tightly. When Connor’s knees hit the edge he sat down, mouth pulling away from Jude’s. They were left staring at each other, eyes blown wide and lips red from kissing. Connor was looking up at him, stomach muscles rippling with how hard he was breathing. 

“You are…” Jude breathed out, as Connor’s arms wrapped around him, pulling forward until he was between Connor’s spread thighs. 

“I am what?” Connor said softly, eyes never leaving Jude’s. 

“You…make me feel like my brain is melting.” 

Connor smiled and Jude’s heart stopped for a moment. He could feel where Connor’s hands were splayed out against his back, keeping him close. 

“Is that a good thing?” 

Instead of answering Jude shifted, bringing first one knee up then the other, bracing himself on Connor’s shoulders. 

Then he was straddling him, and Connor’s eyes got darker, his breathing heavier. There was no denying what they were doing now, as Jude pressed down into Connor’s lap. 

Connor’s fingers were clenched in the back of his shirt, his eyes closing as he sighed. 

“Jude…”

Every time Connor said his name, especially when he was like this, it was like lightning. It tore through him, leaving him breathless. He moved his hips, just slightly and had to bite his lip to keep from moaning. Connor pressed his face into his chest, his breath warm against his skin. 

“Fuck…” 

Then a phone started ringing. It took them a moment to realize what the sound was and then Connor was reaching into his back pocket, one arm keeping Jude on top of him as he looked for his phone. 

When he saw the display he cursed under his breath. 

“It’s my dad…” he said, not looking at Jude.

“Please don’t tell you’re leaving. For the sake of my health Connor…”

Connor’s eyes finally came up to look at him and the apology in them was clear. Jude groaned, moving to stand up but Connor’s arms just tightened around him.

“You drive me absolutely crazy…” Connor muttered, hands moving across Jude’s back. They were looking at each other and the air was heavy around them. Their bodies clearly weren't aware that the moment had been ruined and when Connor kissed him Jude could feel it down to his toes. 

After a minute Connor pulled away again, his forehead coming to rest against Jude’s chest.

“This is so unfair.”

Jude couldn't help himself as he laughed, fingers running through Connor’s hair. 

“Yeah you could say that again.” 

Connor finally released his grip and Jude stood up, his knees still weak. Connor stood too and Jude felt a sense of satisfaction when he had to steady himself against the edge of the bed. 

“Here…” Jude said, scooping up Connor’s shirt and handing it to him, already mourning the loss. Connor’s pulled the shirt on, and Jude reveled in the fact that his face was still pink and his mouth was still slightly swollen. 

Connor looked at him again, one corner of his mouth turned up. 

“Let’s do this again sometime.” Connor said, fully smiling now. 

“What, get blue balls?” 

Connor’s eyes darkened and he pulled Jude in by the front of his shirt, kissing him deeply. 

“Jude…you can’t just say things like that to me.”

“Blue balls does it for you? Really? What if I said asparagus…or kittens…” Jude made sure to drop his voice, lips ghosting across Connor’s ear. 

“Jesus…as long as it’s coming out of your mouth.” Connor said, turning to kiss him. Connor’s phone started ringing again and they both sighed in frustration as they pulled away. 

“I should go before he sends a damn search party.” 

Connor pulled away reluctantly, walking over to the window. 

“We should. Do this again I mean.” Jude said just as Connor swung his leg out to climb down. The smile he got in return made his heart skip a beat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok since the last chapter was a poopy filler chapter I'll just go ahead and post the next one as well. 
> 
> On that note I just wanted to say this, this chapter gets a little saucy. I know that. I know some people are uncomfortable when it comes to things like that especially when it comes to these characters. I just wanted you guys to know that in my mind these characters are completely separate from the characters on the actual show. And they are definitely separate from the actors. When I write them i don't think of them as the Jude and Connor from The Fosters. Those are just molds of characters that I took and made my own. 
> 
> So if anything in this chapter made you uncomfortable I'm sorry. I hope you enjoyed the story thus far and if you choose to stop reading now I completely understand. I do appreciate every single person who reads this. I can't thank you guys enough for the encouragement and the love. 
> 
> Ok enough of that. Thank you for reading!


	8. Chapter 8

“Someone is chipper this morning.”

Jude tried to keep himself from blushing as his mom stared him down, looking at him over the rim of her coffee mug. He had finally fallen asleep after hours of lying in bed, his heart racing as he thought about Connor. Connor in his room, with his shirt off, under him. 

“I’m just excited for school.”

“Ha! If I didn’t know any better I’d say you got laid.” 

He choked on his orange juice. 

“I like that you insinuated that you do know better.”

She shrugged, getting up from the chair and patting his hair. 

“You’re a sweet boy. Too sweet sometimes. You do know you’re a looker right? Anyone would be lucky to have you.”

He appreciated the gender neutral statement.

“Well now that you, my mother who gave birth to me, assured me that I am handsome I finally have self-esteem. Hallelujah!” 

“I don’t know where you get all that sass from.” She said but she was still smiling. 

He grinned back at her, shoving another spoonful of cereal into his mouth. 

Jude tried to keep his thoughts from straying to last night but they were extremely persistent. So persistent in fact that he had spent an embarrassingly long time in the shower this morning. He could feel his face flushing. 

“So I spoke to Lena last night…about you meeting the twins.”

“Oh yeah?”

She nodded, “She wants to have us over for dinner tomorrow. It’s the only day they’re both free.”

“Oh god don’t tell me they’re those kids who do all sorts of after school activities. What the hell am I supposed to talk to them about?”

“Mariana does dance and Jesus is a wrestler.” 

Jude groaned.

“They could both probably beat me up.”

“Probably.” She was smiling again.

~~

Driving to school was usually nerve wracking just because it meant that he had to walk across the parking lot and pass the football players. This time he was dreading it even more. He was terrified that he would look at Connor and Chad would know everything, would see it on Jude’s face. 

“Here goes nothing…” he muttered as he pulled his car into the closest spot he could find. 

Jude could see the blue and white jackets in the distance and he kept his head down as he walked towards the school. 

“Hey!” 

“Damn it.” He groaned, trying to speed up. 

“Jude!” 

He froze realizing that it wasn’t Chad’s voice. It was Connor’s. He spun around and watched Connor catch up to him easily. 

“What the hell are you doing?”

Connor smiled at him brightly.

“What? Scared it’ll ruin your reputation if you’re seen talking to me?”

Jude gave him his most unamused look. Connor just smiled wider.

“I told Chad we had to work on a Chem project together.”

Jude stared at him blankly.

“Ok the staring is starting to creep me out man.” Connor said, shoving his hands into his pants pockets. 

“Sorry I just…why?”

Connor shrugged, looking back to where Chad and the other guys were hanging out. Jude noticed that Chad was watching them.

“In case he ever saw us talking.”

“Right. Of course.” 

“So…want me to come over later?” Connor asked, rocking forward, voice dropping.

He had the sudden desire to say no.

“I guess. Just text me first. I’m sick of having a heart attack every time you break in.”

“I don’t have your number remember? You just have mine.” 

Jude sighed, pulling his phone out and typing out a quick ‘ _hey_ ’ before sending it to Connor. They heard the beep and Jude turned towards the school and walked away before Connor could say anything else.

~~

Connor’s words played on a loop in his head. So this thing, whatever it was they were doing, was only supposed to last as long as a school project would. Without telling him Connor had already put an expiration date on it. 

“Mr. Foster?”

Jude’s head jerked up and he looked at Mr. Enriquez who was looking back at him expectantly. 

“Uh…present?”

There was mild laughter from the class and a bored, unimpressed expression from his teacher. 

“That would have been helpful twenty minutes ago when class started. But now we are discussing chapter 7. Melina, would you please read the assignment at the bottom of page 127.”

Jude quickly flipped through his book to find the correct page.

“Each stupid will be given a wine glass. Working with a partner…” the girl two desks ahead of him read in a steady voice. He let out a breath and tried to focus on the words in front of him. 

“I will assign the partners….” Mr. Enriquez continued to talk over the groans of the class, “and you will have the remainder of class to answer the four questions provided.”

Jude glanced over to where Connor was sitting, expecting him to be talking to some girl or one of his Neanderthal buddies. Instead he was met with Connor’s eyes looking back at him. Jude froze and they held the gaze for a second longer.

“Mr. Stevens your partner will be….Abby Soto.” 

Jude glanced to the other side of the room to see Abby bite her lip to keep herself from smiling. He resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

“And Mr. Foster you will be paired with….Mr. Duncan.” 

Jude frowned, his eyes scanning the room when they landed on a kid in the front row. He was thin with floppy light brown hair and bright blue eyes. The kid, Mr. Duncan, gave Jude a small wave and Jude gave him what he hoped was a friendly smile. The kid definitely didn’t look like a football player but he didn’t seem like a loser either. He was, if Jude was being completely honest, pretty cute. 

“Please move to be closer to your partners and then I will pass out the needed materials.” 

The kid stood up and walked toward him, grinning goofily.

“Hey man.” He said as he slid into the desk across from Jude, noisily spinning it around so they were facing each other.

“Hey…”

“Listen I don’t want to be like a dick or whatever but I have no idea what your name is.” 

Jude laughed in relief.

“I don’t know yours either. It’s Jude by the way.”

“Jude…like the Beatles.” The kid was smiling at him again and his bangs were falling in his eyes.

“Yeah like the Beatles.” Jude couldn’t help smiling back, it was kind of infectious.

“Well I’m Luke.” He reached a hand out to Jude, who stared at it for a second before realizing that he was meant to shake it. 

“What are you a forty year old banker?”

Luke threw his head back and laughed, making the people around them glance over. Jude could feel himself blushing. 

“You’re a funny guy. I’m definitely not, but my dad is. The most important thing about being a man is having a proper handshake.” He said the last part in a deep voice, puffing his chest out in what Jude assumed was an impression of his dad.

They laughed again, Luke reaching over and punching him on the chest lightly. 

“Shit man, you’re buff. What are you like a linebacker?” Luke asked, leaning over to place both hands against Jude’s chest. 

He could feel his heart starting to race at the contact. He was a teenage boy after all.

“Uh…no. I did some farm work over the summer. Does the body good I guess.”

Luke whistled, finally settling back into his seat.

“You couldn’t pay me enough to work out man.” 

Luke folded his hands behind his head, still grinning at him. 

Just then Mr. Enriquez came over to them, placing a wine glass carefully on Jude’s desk. 

“Be careful please.” He said, pointedly looking at Luke, who raised his hands in the air innocently. 

“No worries Mr. E.” 

Mr. Enriquez moved on with a deep sigh. 

“You’d think actually liking kids would be a requirement to becoming an educator.” Luke said under his breath, leaning towards Jude again. 

“I don’t think half of the teachers here got that memo.”

“Amen brother.” 

~~

They carefully went through the steps on the work sheet, Luke leaning forward to read the questions on the worksheet on Jude’s desk. Every once in a while when they passed the glass to each other their fingers would brush and Luke would wink at him. His face felt warm and he knew he was still blushing. 

“So this is a lot harder than I thought. Fuck…” Luke mumbled, head bent over the glass on his desk, hair covering his eyes.

“Language Mr. Duncan.” Mr. Enriquez said in his monotone voice. Luke rolled his eyes and leaned forward, far enough so he could whisper in Jude’s ear.

“Someone needs to get laid. Bad.” 

Jude tried not shiver as Luke’s lips brushed against his cheek. 

There was a loud snap and everyone jumped, spinning around just in time to see Connor looking down at the wine glass in his hand, the stem of it dropping to the floor where it had snapped in half. Jude’s eyes widened as he watched bright red blood start to pool from between Connor’s fingers.

“Mr. Stevens I told you to be careful!” For once Mr. Enriquez looked almost flustered instead of his usual bored expression. 

Connor didn’t respond, just stared straight ahead, his hand still clenched. 

“Ms. Soto please escort him to the nurse.” 

She was sitting across from Connor, hands across her mouth, looking extremely pale. Jude was standing before he realized what was happening.

“I’ll take him.”

The whole class turned to look at him but he refused to meet their eyes, just looked at Mr. Enriquez who gave him a curt nod. He didn’t wait for Connor, just walked to the door and stepped out into the hall.

As soon as Connor stepped out of the classroom, hand dripping blood now, Jude grabbed his wrist.

“Are you ok? Jesus that’s a lot of blood…”

“What the hell was that?”

Jude looked up to see Connor’s face, his eyes were blazing.

“Huh?”

“You and what’s his name…you were practically drooling…” Connor hissed, pulling away from Jude’s hold on his wrist.

“What are you talking about? We were just…”

“Yeah I saw exactly what you were doing.”

Jude could feel anger rising up inside of him.

“What if something was going on? Huh? You’re not my fucking caretaker or my keeper. And you sure as hell aren’t my boyfriend.”

Connor’s eyes widened and he looked around the empty hallway to see if anyone had heard. 

“Oh grow up. So you’re allowed to flirt with every girl you see but when I do it it’s a mortal sin?”

“That’s different and you know it.” Connor’s voice was low, but his eyes were still on fire.

“How? Because you’re not attracted to them?”

Connor’s jaw flexed and he clenched his hands tighter. 

“You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.”

Jude felt the anger rising up, threatening to take over whatever rational thought he had left. 

“All I know is that you were in my bed last night, and you were definitely enjoying yourself from what I could feel.” 

Connor’s face was getting pink from anger but Jude continued. 

“If your dad hadn’t called we would have fucked right? You would have stripped me down and touched me and kissed….” He didn’t get to finish because Connor’s uninjured hand was grabbing the front of his shirt and slamming him into the wall behind him, mouth landing on Jude’s. 

They kissed like they were drowning, lips hard against each other. Jude’s hands gripping the back of Connor’s shirt, pulling him closer. A locker slammed somewhere and they pulled apart, still gasping for air. 

“Fuck...” Connor breathed out, eyes never leaving Jude’s. 

“You were jealous.” Jude said once he regained the use of his brain cells.

“Yeah. I was.”

Jude could feel his eyes widening, hadn’t expected Connor to admit it so easily. 

“I was so fucking jealous. Seeing that stoner idiot smiling at you like that…” Connor stepped towards him again, anger still simmering under the surface. He cupped Jude’s face with the hand that wasn’t covered in blood, tilting it up.

“You make me crazy.”

“Yeah? Right back atcha.”

Connor finally smiled, leaning forward to rest his forehead against Jude’s. 

“Now take me to the nurse before I bleed out.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Ok a couple of things...
> 
> 1) This chapter kind of sucks and I kind of hate it but I've been staring at this damn story for the past two days with zero inspiration and this is what came out so I'm just going to deal with it. Also I am still sick and I've been super busy this week but I hate keeping you guys waiting! 
> 
> 2) I honestly can't deal with all of the lovely things you guys have been saying. There's even Tumblr posts about this story! I'm amazed and humbled and I can't believe someone actually enjoys my writing, much less this many of you. I can not thank you enough! 
> 
> Hopefully the next part comes to me faster than this one did. It was quite the struggle this time around. 
> 
> Once again thank you thank you thank you for your patience and your support!!


	9. Chapter 9

Jude walked into an empty house after school, a note taped to the fridge letting him know that his mom was working late tonight. He walked up the stairs slowly, the lack of sleep and extremely long day finally hitting him.

He had sat in the nurse’s office with Connor as she had patched his up. She had declared that he didn’t need stitches, despite the copious amounts of blood. Connor had stared at Jude over the nurse’s shoulder as she wrapped gauze around his palm, smiling softly. 

Jude tried to wrap his brain around the fact that Connor had been jealous. So jealous in fact that he had snapped a glass in half. He tried really hard not to smile at that, but the butterflies in his stomach wouldn’t leave him alone. 

Despite the fact that Connor seemed to think this arrangement was temporary he still…cared. Cared enough to get jealous.

Jude collapsed on his bed just as his phone dinged letting him know he had a text. He dug around in his pocket and brought it up, heart jumping in his chest when he saw it was from Connor. He rolled his eyes at himself before reading the message.

_hey. my dad is flipping out about my ‘injury’. i don’t think ill be able to sneak out tonight_

Disappointment flooded through him and he let the phone fall down beside him. 

~~

Jude had finally texted back with _’That’s cool man. Hope your hand feels better_ ’ before going to bed early to avoid the sinking feeling in his stomach. 

The next morning he woke up to a new text that just simply said ‘ _thanks man._ ’

He rolled his eyes throwing his phone on his desk before going to shower. He needed to stop himself from making this thing into something it wasn’t. They weren’t even friends really…

Jude showered quickly and got dressed, pulling on a hoodie before grabbing his backpack and running downstairs. The kitchen was quiet and he guessed his mom was still asleep after being in the office late. Grabbing a banana he left the house, reminding himself to text her later.

~~

When he got to school he was surprised that the congregation of football douchebags weren’t in their usual spot. Actually, Jude realized as he looked around, they weren’t anywhere. 

He frowned as he got out of his car, trying to decide if this was a good or a bad thing. Something like disappointment was stirring in his chest and he pushed it down. Finally he just shrugged, telling himself that he didn’t care where they were, and started walking towards the school.

“Jude!” 

He looked up and scanned the small crowd of people by the front door until his eyes landed on Luke. Who was waving him over. 

“Ok…” Jude walked over to him slowly, frowning. Luke was still waving and smiling even when Jude was only a few feet away.

“Hey man! How’s it hanging?”

“How’s it hanging? That’s gross Luke. Any chance of us ever been friends just went out the window man.”

Luke blinked at him before bursting into loud, obnoxious laughter.

“You’re a riot!” he said, entirely too loud, and punched Jude on the arm. 

“Thanks I guess…”

“So hey…wanna come have lunch with us later? We’re going off campus to this pizza joint.” Luke said, after finally catching his breath.

“Uh…why?”

“What do you mean why? You’re a cool dude!” 

Jude raised an eyebrow at him, waiting for the punch line.

“Come on Jude.” He stretched the name out, fluttering his eyelashes.

“That was horrendous. Just don’t murder me ok?”

“I would never! At least not on the first date.” Luke replied, leaning forward slightly and winking. Jude felt his face flushing but before he could respond Luke turned and walked away.

“See you at lunch!” he called out before disappearing around the side of the building. 

~~

Connor wasn’t in first period and Jude tried not to focus on that too much. But when he wasn’t in third he started to get worried. What if his hand got infected? What if they had to amputate it? Oh God had it been his right one?

Jude checked the front of the class to make sure their teacher was preoccupied before pulling his phone out of his pocket. 

‘ _Hey just wanted to make sure you’re alright._

He typed the message quickly and hit send, looking up to make sure nobody had seen. Then he immediately regretted his decision, the only thing stopping him from smacking his head against his desk was his height. 

“Idiot…” he muttered to himself, burying his face in his hands. Just then Connor strolled into the classroom, holding a late pass in his bandaged hand. It was his left.

“Mr. Stevens. I hope all of these extra practices guarantee us a win.” The teacher said, taking the slip from him with a smile. Apparently playing football is the golden ticket. Figures. 

Jude hoped that his face wasn’t still pink and he really hoped that Connor hadn’t checked his phone. 

He watched as Connor slipped into his desk, two rows ahead of his. Then he watched as Connor took his phone out of his jacket pocket. Jude really hoped that a sink hole would open up under his desk. 

He watched Connor freeze, clearly reading his stupid lame text message. Jude tried to look away because the only thing worse than worrying about a guy you barely know who you sometimes make out with was being caught staring at him afterwards. Instead his eyes stayed glued to Connor, who was still staring down at his phone. 

Finally he put the phone back in his pocket, and Jude let out a sigh of relief. Maybe the message didn’t send? Or maybe he had sent it to the wrong person? 

Connor spun around in his desk, looking straight at him. Jude felt paralyzed as Connor grinned, wide and happy. Jude’s heart was hammering against his chest and he had to struggle to breathe. 

After class let out Jude waited until everyone was out of the room, pretending like he had dropped something on the floor and couldn’t find it. Once he was sure nobody was there he stood up and stretched, grabbing his backpack. He froze when he looked up and saw Connor leaning against the wall, arms folded across his chest. He was smiling at him, one eyebrow raised.

“You were worried.” He said, biting his bottom lip to keep himself from smiling wider. It wasn’t attractive, not even slightly, and Jude definitely didn’t want to walk over there and tear his clothes off.

“I definitely was not. That was meant for someone else.”

“Oh really?” Connor asked, pushing himself away from the wall and walking towards Jude. 

“Yeah…for sure. I have people…that I text…” Jude said, cursing his brain for short circuiting any time Connor was within a ten foot radius of him. 

“I’m sure you do.” Connor was still smiling, stepping even closer, until they were only a couple of feet apart.

“I’m sorry I didn’t come over last night…” he said quietly, and Jude was slightly impressed that he hadn’t looked around to make sure they were alone. 

“It’s fine…I kept myself busy…” his eyes widened as soon as the words were out of his mouth. Connor blinked at him, his face turning slightly pink.

“You can’t say things like that to me Jude…” Connor muttered, breathless.

Jude’s whole body felt like a live wire, his brain already getting fuzzy from the way Connor was looking at him. 

“The bell is going to ring soon.” 

Connor stepped back, clearly remembering where they were. 

“I’m coming over tonight.” Connor said, eyes still on Jude’s face. He barely managed to nod and then Connor was turning around and leaving. 

~~

“So Jude…what was it like growing up in California?” Luke asked, his chin resting on his hands. He was sitting across from Jude at a tiny table in a tiny pizza place. Luke’s friend Melony was staring at him with huge eyes and his friend Christian was smiling at his slice of pizza fondly. He guessed that Connor’s stoner assumption had been spot on.

“It was…different I guess? Everyone was definitely way more laid back there.”

“You mean about the gay thing?”

Jude choked on his drink which he had just decided to take a sip off. Luke was still looking at him innocently.

“I don’t know what you mean…” he said carefully. 

“You know cause you’re gay. People here can be kind of stupid about it.” Melony said, her raspy voice soft.

“I’m not…I mean…I don’t know what you’ve heard but…”

“Jude, stop. We don’t care ok? You’re gay and that’s fine man. What do you think we’re going to beat you up? Look at us man!” 

Jude looked at the three of them, with their ratty tie dye t-shirts and their half lidded eyes and almost started laughing. He was at least a foot taller than all of them. 

“I wasn’t out in California…” Jude finally said, dropping his eyes.

“Why not?” 

“I guess I wasn’t sure if I really was…gay I mean...”

Jude shrugged and looked up to meet Luke’s eyes.

“That’s crazy man. I always wondered what it feels like…realizing you know?” 

Jude frowned. 

“So you’re not….?”

“Sadly no…I am straight. Which is so boring don’t you think?” Luke said, grinning at Jude before taking a huge bite out of his slice of pizza. Jude snorted, shaking his head.

“I’ll fucking trade you in a second man…”

Luke winked at him and Melony giggled. Christian finally looked up from his food.

“Wait who’s gay?” he mumbled, looking around the table.

“You are, my friend.” 

“Damn…” Christian mumbled. “I should tell my girlfriend.”

~~

Luke dropped Jude off at the front of the school. 

“See you later Jude. You should hang out with us more often. You’re a funny guy.” He said, grinning. 

“If we’re being honest, making you laugh isn’t a great feat.” 

He smiled as the three of them started giggling. 

“That is very true. But I’m serious…when you get tired of all of these backwards people you call me alright?” 

Jude nodded at him, smiling. With a final wink Luke peeled away, clearly not heading back to the parking lot. Jude was still smiling when he turned around and saw the entire football team watching him from the front steps. Including Connor. 

“Oh damn, gay boy found himself some friends. Did you have a great big gay orgy?” Chad yelled, smiling like he just won the lottery.

“Yeah man. Sorry your invite got lost in the mail.” Jude replied, walking past him and towards the front door. Connor’s jaw was clenched so tight it looked painful. Jude dropped his eyes as he passed him, ignoring whatever Chad was saying in response. 

~~

Jude didn’t check his phone for the rest of the day. The idea of Connor texting him to call the whole thing off was almost as terrifying as the idea of him not texting at all. He watched the clock, trying to ignore the dread in his stomach.

Finally the final bell rang and he gathered his things in record time, bypassing his locker and going straight to his car. As soon as he slammed the door he dug into his pocket and pulled his phone out. There was a text from his mom reminding him about dinner at Lena’s tonight. He cursed softly, not looking forward to it anymore.

There was also a text from Connor, _I’ll see you tonight._

~~

His mom went through his closet, throwing things that she liked on his bed and throwing things she didn’t pretty much everywhere else.

“How is it that I’m neater than you? Isn’t is supposed to be the other way around?”

“Oh honey we’ve never been normal.” His mom said from the depths of his closet.

“Very true mother. I mean what family has a gay mom AND a gay son.” He said, waiting for a response.

She poked her head out of the closet, smiling broadly. 

“We’re special baby. Don’t you forget that.” 

He smiled back at her, thanking his lucky stars for the millionth time that she was his mom. 

“So these kids…how old are they exactly?” 

“Twenty.”

Jude sat up, eyes wide.

“What?! I thought they were in high school! You said something about cheer leading and…something else…lacrosse?”

“Wrestling and dance. They go to the local college so they still live at home. Mariana teaches dance at Lena’s school and Jesus is the assistant coach of the wrestling team.”

Jude groaned, flopping down on the bed.

“Of course they’re accomplished and dedicated and most likely attractive.”

“Oh yes. Very. Jesus is quite the looker.” She said, leaning out to wink at him.

“Are you suggesting I date my possible future step mother’s son? My possible future step brother?” 

She laughed, head thrown back, which seemed a little over dramatic.

“No honey. I’m just making sure you’re prepared. Plus as far as I know he’s straight. He has a girlfriend.” 

“Wonderful. A wrestler with a girlfriend. I’m sure he’s going to love me.” 

She was still smiling.

~~

They pulled up the house a little after seven. Jude shifted in his seat, pulling at the collar of his shirt.

“Did I have to dress up? I feel like a kindergartner in church.”

“You look like one too. If kindergartners were six feet tall.” His mom grinned at him from the driver’s seat.

“Do we have to do this? I changed my mind. I’ll just meet them at the wedding.” 

His mom was blushing as she gave him a stern look.

“Jude you are going to march in there and meet these damn kids. You will be charming and funny and not at all sarcastic.”

“But…”

“Not at all sarcastic!” 

He sighed, flopping back against the seat. 

“Fine let’s do this.”

“Oh and by the way…Jesus is 5’9.”

Jude felt a million times better. 

~~

Lena opened the door and smiled so brightly that Jude forgot that he was nervous. He hugged her, and felt himself blushing when she kissed his cheek. Jude could definitely tell why his mom had fallen for her.

“You look beautiful.” He said, as Lena pulled away. She smiled at him brightly.

“Thank you Jude. Coming from such a handsome man it sure means a lot.” 

She led him into the kitchen where a girl was sitting on the counter and stirring something in a boiling pot. 

“Mom how many times do I have to stir this?”

“I think that’s good for now. Mariana this is Jude.” 

Mariana finally looked up, looking Jude up and down for a moment before letting out a squeal and jumping from the counter. 

“Hug me you giant!” she demanded. Jude had to bend almost in half so she could wrap her arms around his neck, squeezing tightly. 

“Oh my god you are tall. I love you already!” she said, so fast that Jude felt like his head was spinning.

“Um thank you?” 

“Mariana is screaming which probably means they’re here…” Jude turned as a guy strolled into the kitchen. He had the same honey colored skin and dark hair as his sister but they definitely weren’t identical. They were both ridiculously attractive though.

“Damn I wish I was born into your family. Some good genes going around…” Jude muttered. 

“You hitting on me dude?” Jesus asked, smiling at him brightly.

“Uh…no I just meant…”

“It’s cool. I know I’m hard to resist.” 

Mariana rolled her eyes at her brother and turned to look at him.

“Are you kidding? You’re an Adonis. But like the prettiest Adonis I’ve ever seen.” She said, staring up at him. He was definitely blushing now. 

~~

Jude collapsed on his bed as soon as he got home, groaning. Mariana had decided that his one true purpose in life was giving her piggy back rides and demanded he do it as frequently as possible. She weighed barely anything which was great but at one point she refused to be put down and he was forced to carry her for over an hour. 

“They loved you. I knew they would.” His mom said, peeking into his room. 

“I’m glad. Now when you and Lena get married Thanksgiving won’t be super awkward.”

“Oh hush…” she said, face pink.

She stood there for another moment, looking around his room. 

“What is it mom?”

“I think I might go back over there…help clean up and stuff…”

He raised an eyebrow at her, but she was avoiding his eyes. 

“Ok fine. Just so you know I’m throwing a rager as soon as you walk out that door.”

“The fact that you just called it a rager tells me it’s safe to leave.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I apologize for the wait on this chapter.
> 
> Also I'm in a writing slump so I didn't want to write anything super important right now for fear of messing it up. This is a sort of filler chapter/Jude character development. Next chapter is going to be pretty saucy so just hold tight!
> 
> Once again I can't thank you all enough for your lovely words and your support! You are all so amazing!


	10. Chapter 10

Jude hadn’t texted Connor back after school, and it had seemed silly to text him now. He sat on his bed, Chem book open in front of him and his notes spread out on his lap. He had to force himself not to glance at the window every few minutes to see if Connor was there. As soon as his mom had left he went over and opened it, the curtains fluttering in the cool breeze. The air in his room was cold, which made sense since it was almost winter. 

Jude tried for the millionth time to focus on his homework. Just then he heard a noise outside, his whole body going rigid. His heart started beating faster and he rolled his eyes at himself. 

Connor’s hand appeared first, gripping the edge of the window sill then hoisting himself up. His left hand was still wrapped in a white bandage. He was wearing jeans this time and a dark gray sweater. 

“Hey…” Connor said as soon as he was in the room completely. Jude just stared at him for a moment, taking in the wind swept hair and bright eyes.

“Hi…” 

Connor walked over to him, placing one knee on the bed so he could reach over and take Jude’s books from him. He unceremoniously dropped them on the floor and Jude frowned at him. Then Connor was leaning in, cold hand cupping Jude’s cheek and kissing him. It was slow, like they had all the time in world. Jude sighed against Connor’s mouth, leaning into the kiss. Connor pulled away, their lips clinging together for a moment.

“So you had lunch with Luke.” He muttered, still so close that Jude could feel his breath against his lips.

“Is that really what you want to talk about right now?” Jude said quietly, trying to lean in to kiss him again. Connor just pulled away further, hand falling from Jude’s face.

“Yeah I kind of do…” he was looking at Jude expectantly and Jude’s brain couldn’t figure out what the problem was. He just wanted them to be kissing again.

“He’s nice to me. He doesn’t give a shit that I’m gay, which I can’t say for the rest of the student body.” 

Connor was looking at him, eyebrows drawn together.

“I’m nice to you.” 

Jude smirked, looking down at his lap where his hands were fidgeting with his pencil. 

“No you make out with me sometimes. That doesn’t make us friends.” 

He looked up to see Connor frowning, looking at him intently. 

“Do you want to be friends?”

Jude could feel his face flushing, he dropped his eyes again.

“That’s not what you want…”

“I asked if _you_ wanted that Jude. Do you?” 

“No.” 

He looked up again, determined. Connor’s eyes widened slightly.

“It would make things complicated. If you want this,” he said gesturing between them “then we can’t be friends. You would always second guess yourself. Not to mention how would explain to your football buddies why you’re suddenly hanging out with the town homo?”

Connor was still frowning, mouth set in a hard line. 

“Jude…”

“No it’s fine. Really. I like it the way it is…so what if I don’t know anything about you?” he shrugged, making himself keep looking at Connor, despite the urge to look away. 

There was a heavy silence, Connor’s eyes never leaving his face. 

“In that case…” 

Connor moved so fast that Jude didn’t have time to prepare himself. Suddenly a hand was pushing him backwards until he was laying back against his pillow. Connor was braced above him, his face inches from Jude’s. 

“Kiss me…” Jude breathed out, not able to wait a second longer. Their lips crashed together, Connor’s tongue coming out to brush against Jude’s lip. He groaned, his mouth opening against Connor’s.

Jude’s hands were gripping the back of the impossibly soft sweater, pulling it up until Connor sat up on his knees, taking it off before falling back into Jude.

He wanted to touch every inch of soft skin he could, hands running up and down Connor’s sides, up his back. The only sound in the room was their heavy breathing.

Jude groaned as Connor pressed down against him, their hips fitting together perfectly. The friction was barely there but so good that he saw stars. He let his hand reach up, threading his fingers through Connor’s hair, pulling on it gently. The moan he got in response was enough to get his heart racing. 

Connor pulled away for a moment, eyes locking with Jude’s as he ground his hips against him, both of them breathing out sharply. 

“Fuck…” Connor breathed out, dropping his head to kiss along the line of Jude’s jaw. 

Jude’s heart was threatening to beat out of his chest, his breathing coming in short gasps. Connor’s teeth grazed the skin of his neck, a breathy moan escaping him. Their hips were moving against each other, a rhythm building. Jude needed more but he let Connor set the pace, enjoying the feeling of his mouth against his neck. 

Connor pulled back, mouth finding Jude’s again, kissing him deeply. The air around them was heavy, warmth spreading through Jude. 

Connor lifted himself up and Jude sat up to follow, chasing Connor’s mouth. He felt hands at the hem of his shirt and lifted his arms, letting it slide up and off. Connor eyes swept over his chest, his cheeks pink.

“You are so gorgeous….”

“Shut up.” Jude muttered, hands grabbing Connor’s face, pulling him into another kiss.

They were pressed together again, Connor’s thigh slipping between Jude’s legs. The pressure was driving him crazy. 

“Please…I need…” he whispered against Connor’s lips, not knowing what exactly he was asking for. Connor shifted to the side, his hip on the bed next to Jude. 

“Let me…” Connor muttered, his hand sliding down Jude’s chest. Jude’s brain wasn’t comprehending what exactly was happening until Connor’s fingertips were against the waistband of his sweatpants, dipping inside just barely. 

“Oh fuck…yes.” Jude mumbled, eyes falling closed.

He could feel that Connor’s hand was shaking, whether from nerves or arousal he wasn’t sure.

“Wait…” he said, hand reaching out to wrap around Connor’s wrist.

“You don’t have to.” He opened his eyes to look at Connor’s face. 

“I want to…” 

Connor twisted his wrist, Jude’s fingers falling free, and then his hand slid under the waistband of Jude’s pants. Jude gasped as cool fingers wrapped around him, and when Connor’s hand started moving his back arched off the bed. 

“Oh fuck…” 

~~

Afterwards they lay on Jude’s bed, side by side. Connor’s arm was pressed against Jude’s, their skin still warm. 

Jude turned to look at Connor who was staring at the ceiling, eyes wide.

“Are you ok?” Jude asked, his voice raspy. Connor turned to look at him and smiled, so softly that Jude’s heart ached.

“I’m great.” 

“Was that…I mean was that your first time?” Jude asked.

Connor raised an eyebrow, still smiling.

“Are you asking if I’m a virgin?”

“No I meant…with a guy…” 

Connor looked away again, but he still looked relaxed, his bandaged hand laying across his bare stomach. 

“Of course it was. I told you…before you came along I never even thought…” Connor cut himself off, laughing softly.

“I just jerked another guy off.”

Jude smiled at him, warmth spreading through him.

“Yeah you did.” 

Connor turned to look at him again, smirking.

“Not too shabby then?”

Jude shrugged, “I’ve had better.” 

Connor pinched his arm, and they both laughed quietly, like they were scared to disturb the calmness that hung over them.

“I should probably get going…” Connor said, voice soft. Jude pushed down the wave of disappointment.

“Yeah…”

Connor sat up, reaching down to pick up his sweater from the floor, pulling it over his head. Jude could feel the atmosphere around them changing, the sleepy warm glow they were in breaking apart. 

“I guess I’ll see you at school tomorrow…”

Connor turned back to look at him, leaning over and brushing his nose against Jude’s.

“Goodnight Jude.” 

A shiver ran down his spine at the way Connor said his name. Then he was kissing him gently before climbing off the bed. 

Jude sat up to watch him climb out of the window. 

~~

Jude stumbled down the stairs the next morning to find his mom sitting at the kitchen table, sipping on what was most likely her second cup of coffee.

“Good morning sunshine!” 

He grunted in response, grabbing a bowl and a box of cereal. He let his mom pour the milk since his eyes were still refusing to open all the way. Despite his best efforts he had only managed to sleep for two hours. All he could think about was Connor’s mouth and Connor’s hands and Connor's face when he…fuck.

He shook his head trying to clear it, running his hand over his face.

“You look like shit.”

“Gee thanks mom.”

She just shrugged, sipping her coffee. He picked up his spoon and shoveled cereal into his mouth, hoping she would drop it.

“Is everything alright?”

He sighed, squinting at her. 

“Everything is great. This is just what I get for leaving my homework until the last minute.”

“Senior year is always the worst. I’m pretty sure I spend more mornings at Denny’s then in class.”

He raised an eyebrow at her and she grinned.

“You’re a terrible influence. I’m going to go live with dad.”

“Ha! Good luck with that.” 

They both started laughing. His dad had abandoned them when Jude was only two, running away to Vegas to ‘win it big’. Last they heard he was homeless and living somewhere in Cleveland.

“You did always love camping though.”

~~

For once Jude got inside the school without any comments from Chad, seeing as the team was nowhere to be found. 

Luke waved at him as he was walking in and they made plans to go get lunch again. Melony had looked at him for a long minute before giggling and winking, which made him uneasy.

Connor didn’t show up to the first two classes they had together. 

Luke took him out to a different pizza place, which was just as tiny and just as run down. Their slices were enormous and cheap though, which he guessed was why they loved it so much. 

“Looks like you had a good night.” Luke said, grinning at him, eyebrows raised.

“I have no clue what you’re talking about.”

“You’re glowing.” Melony said in her raspy voice. 

Jude prayed that he wasn’t blushing.

“I was going to wait to tell you guys but…I’m pregnant.”

Christian looked up from his food long enough to yell ‘Congratulations’ loud enough that the other two customers glared at them.

“Come on man! You totally got laid last night…” 

Jude was definitely blushing now.

“I totally didn’t. I’m the only gay kid at school remember?”

“Oh I highly doubt that.” Melony said, her giant doe eyes widening. 

“Well I’m the only one even remotely out so…”

“Alright alright whatever you say man.” Luke finally said, raising his hands in defeat. 

~~

Connor wasn’t in fifth period either and Jude didn’t text him this time, since none of the football players had been in class all day. 

When the final bell rang he went straight to his car again, since his homework really was starting to get piled up. He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and the as soon as he was in his car he pulled it out. 

_I cant stop thinking about you._

Heat ran down his spine at the words. His fingers were trembling as they hovered over the keyboard, unsure of what to write back.

_oh really?_

He leaned back against the head rest, hand clutching his phone tightly. It vibrated a second later.

_you underneath me…kissing me…_

His heart was racing as he read the words. So he wasn’t the only one who couldn’t stop thinking about last night.

_come over tonight_

Jude didn’t care how desperate he sounded. 

_ill be there_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone!!
> 
> Just wanted to pop in and say thank you for reading! Your comments keep me going! 
> 
> Also I wanted to touch on the subject matter in this chapter. I already talked about the separation between characters in fan fiction/characters on TV when it came to the smuttier scenes. I decided to stick to YA novel rules for this fic. Not too much description and letting you use your imagination. I feel like it fits the story better this way. 
> 
> But anyways! Please leave me comments with your input and your ideas! Luke didn't even exist until someone asked for jealous Connor! I love suggestions and they definitely help me shape the story better. 
> 
> You guys are amazing!


	11. Chapter 10b

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends! 
> 
> After hearing your feedback I decided to post a little extra from chapter 10! It's the longer version of their first time! Hopefully it's not too terrible and I won't regret posting this later on.
> 
> Your suggestions for this story have been incredible and my brain is going a million miles a minute. Well I won't bore you much longer. You are all amazing and I appreciate every single one of you that takes time out of their day to read this!

“In that case…” 

Connor moved so fast that Jude didn’t have time to prepare himself. Suddenly a hand was pushing him backwards until he was laying back against his pillow. Connor was braced above him, his face inches from Jude’s. 

“Kiss me…” Jude breathed out, not able to wait a second longer. Their lips crashed together, Connor’s tongue coming out to brush against Jude’s lip. He groaned, his mouth opening against Connor’s.

Jude’s hands were gripping the back of the impossibly soft sweater, pulling it up until Connor sat up on his knees, taking it off before falling back into Jude.

He wanted to touch every inch of soft skin he could, hands running up and down Connor’s sides, up his back. The only sound in the room was their heavy breathing.

Jude groaned as Connor pressed down against him, their hips fitting together perfectly. The friction was barely there but so good that he saw stars. He let his hand reach up, threading his fingers through Connor’s hair, pulling on it gently. The moan he got in response was enough to get his heart racing. 

Connor pulled away for a moment, eyes locking with Jude’s as he ground his hips against him, both of them breathing out sharply. 

“Fuck…” Connor breathed out, dropping his head to kiss along the line of Jude’s jaw. 

Jude’s heart was threatening to beat out of his chest, his breathing coming in short gasps. Connor’s teeth grazed the skin of his neck, a breathy moan escaping him. Their hips were moving against each other, a rhythm building. Jude needed more but he let Connor set the pace, enjoying the feeling of his mouth against his neck. 

Connor lifted his head, mouth finding Jude’s again, kissing him deeply. The air around them was heavy, warmth spreading through Jude. 

Connor lifted himself up and Jude sat up to follow, chasing Connor’s mouth. He felt hands at the hem of his shirt and lifted his arms, letting it slide up and off. Connor eyes swept over his chest, his cheeks pink.

“You are so gorgeous….”

“Shut up.” Jude muttered, hands grabbing Connor’s face, pulling him into another kiss.

They were pressed together again, Connor’s thigh slipping between Jude’s legs. The pressure was driving him crazy. 

“Please…I need…” he whispered against Connor’s lips, not knowing what exactly he was asking for. Connor shifted to the side, his hip on the bed next to Jude. 

“Let me…” Connor muttered, his hand sliding down Jude’s chest. Jude’s brain wasn’t comprehending what exactly was happening until Connor’s fingertips were against the waistband of his  
sweatpants, dipping inside just barely. 

“Oh fuck…yes.” Jude mumbled, eyes falling closed.

He could feel that Connor’s hand was shaking, whether from nerves or arousal he wasn’t sure.

“Wait…” he said, hand reaching out to wrap around Connor’s wrist.

“You don’t have to.” He opened his eyes to look at Connor’s face. 

“I want to…” 

Connor twisted his wrist, Jude’s fingers falling free, and then his hand slid under the waistband of Jude’s pants. Jude gasped as cool fingers wrapped around him, and when Connor’s hand started moving his back arched off the bed. 

“Oh fuck…” 

Connor’s eyes were on his face, watching his reaction, his breath coming out in short gasps. Jude felt like his whole body was on fire, especially where Connor’s hand was moving against skin. 

“Jude…” Connor muttered, so softly, eyes still locked on Jude’s face. 

His back arched again when Connor’s hand moved up, thumb swiping across the head. He moaned low in his throat, hands clutching against his sheets. He tried to keep his hips still, didn’t want to scare Connor away, especially not now. Despite his best efforts he felt his hips twitch up into Connor’s grip, groaning. 

“Fuck…do it…” Connor’s whispered, lips grazing against Jude’s ear. He leaned back to look at Jude again, hazel eyes wide and blown out. Jude bit his lip, allowing himself to thrust up deliberately,  
Connor’s hand gripping tighter. 

Connor’s matched his movements, his eyes never leaving his face. 

“I’m…fuck…” 

Connor let out a breathy moan as Jude starting fucking into his hand harder, his thrusts getting sloppy. At the first wave of pleasure his hips lifted off the bed, his eyes falling shut. He couldn’t stop the noises coming out of his mouth, his hand coming up to grip Connor’s arm. 

It seemed to last forever and the whole time he could feel Connor watching him. 

“Jude…” it was strained and Jude, despite the fuzziness in his brain, realized that Connor was moving against him slowly. He looked over at Connor, his face flushed and his eyes almost black. 

Jude grabbed Connor’s shoulders, pushing his down on the bed, Connor’s hand slipping from his waistband. Jude braced himself over Connor, body still shaky with orgasm, one leg slipping between his thighs. He ground down, watching Connor’s eyes fall closed, his mouth going slack. Their bare chests press together and it’s almost too warm, too heady. 

It doesn’t take long, Connor’s body going rigid as his hands cling to Jude’s back. Jude doesn’t stop moving, reveling in the way Connor is shaking under him. They stay there for a moment longer,  
Connor’s fingers running down Jude’s heated skin. 

“That was...” Connor mumbles, his voice shaky. 

“Yeah…” 

Jude finally lifts up and rolls over, laying down next to Connor.


	12. Chapter 12

Jude rushed home, planning on doing at least some homework before Connor came over. His brain would most definitely not be functioning after. As he pulled into the driveway he noticed an unfamiliar car parked next to his moms. 

He walked into the house to be greeted by a tiny ball of energy slamming into him, pushing him against the door. 

“Mariana?” he squeaked out, pulling long black hairs out of his face. 

“We’re going out.” She said, pulling away just enough to flash him a brilliant smile. 

“Uh…”

“We’re going to best friends Jude Foster. You just wait and see.” 

He looked past Mariana to see his mom standing there, smiling and shrugging like she wasn’t exactly sure what was happening either. 

“Where are we going?” 

Mariana let out another high pitched squeal, her tiny hand grabbing his and pulling him outside.

“Everywhere Judicorn!” 

Jude dug his heels into the drive way, making her almost trip over herself. 

“Absolutely not.”

She pouted at him.

“But it’s cute….”

“Ab…solutely….not.”

She rolled her eyes dramatically.

“Ok fine. I’ll forgive you if you buy me something nice.” She finally said, winking at him and pulling him towards her car.

~~

Mariana was like a hurricane. She dragged him (and he means literally dragged him) around the tiny mall in downtown for three hours. He sat by ten different dressing rooms, giving her his honest opinions, which ended up not mattering anyway since he didn’t know anything about fashion.

“You’re like the worst gay guy ever.” She muttered after trying on the fourth pair of the same jeans.

Jude froze, staring at her with wide eyes as she turned in the mirror, looking at herself from different angles.

“What did you say?”

Mariana met his eyes and then spun around to look at him.

“What? I could tell the minute I saw you.” She said shrugging and Jude waited for her to say something else. Instead she stripped the jeans off right there before tossing them into the growing pile and picking up what looked like the same exact pair of jeans. And that was that. 

~~

Despite his subtle hints at the fact that he had homework to do she convinced him to join her for dinner. She chose a cute little Italian restaurant just outside of downtown. The tables were covered in checkered table cloths and each one had a small red candle right in the middle. Mariana greeted the hostess like an old friend and they had a table right away, despite the huge line at the front door. 

Jude pulled her chair out for her and received a blinding smile in return. 

“So…Jude.” She said as soon as they had settled in and ordered drinks. 

He raised an eyebrow at her, waiting.

“Any special boys in your life?” 

Jude opened his mouth to say no. Instead he paused. Mariana didn’t go to his school, or high school at all for that matter. She taught dance at a charter middle school. The chances of her blabbing about this to anyone were very slim.

“Kind of….” he mumbled, lifting his menu to hide his face. A perfectly manicured hand wrapped around the top, pushing it out of the way.

“Spill.” She said, grinning.

“It’s kind of new…and he’s not out so it’s on the down low. It’s not even like we really like each other…it’s just…” he could feel his face heating up.

Mariana was staring at him wide eyed, smile bordering on insane.

“Oh my god you have a fuck buddy! You found a gay fuck buddy in the middle of Kentucky!” 

A family sitting next to them shot them a look and Jude shushed her.

“Don’t you shush me you dirty minx! I can’t believe it. Judicorn has a fuck buddy.” 

“Absolutely not Mariana!”

~~

Eventually she got bored trying to guess who it was and they settled into eating. The food was phenomenal and Jude thanked her a million times for bringing him there. 

“Anytime cutie. Listen if you ever want to talk about boys you just let me know ok? I’m always up to listening to juicy sex deets.” She said, wiggling her perfectly arched eyebrows. 

“I’ll keep that in mind.” He said, smiling back at her. Because it was impossible to hate her, not that you would want to. 

Mariana drove him home, singing along to some cheesy pop song. And of course she had an amazing voice. 

“You are too perfect. It’s kind of intimidating.” 

She whipped around to grin at him. 

“How are the sweetest boy in the world? I’m definitely not perfect. Trust me on that.” 

Jude frowned, turning to see that her smile had faded for the first time that day. He held back the urge to ask if she was alright. 

They stopped outside of the house and she parked, turning around to face him. 

“I had a lot of fun Jude. I’d love it if you were my little brother.” 

Jude felt warmth spreading through him and he smiled. 

“I would be honored.” 

~~

Jude walked inside and listened for any sound of his mom. He heard nothing but silence, which meant she was either asleep or at Lena’s. He made his way up the stairs, quietly just in case she was actually sleeping. 

His room was dark and quiet, cold air coming in through the open window. He couldn’t remember if he had left it open last night. He flicked on the lights, sighing at the ever growing pile of assignments on his desk. Eventually his teachers would stop accepting his ‘help me I’m new’ excuse. 

He pulled out his phone, checking for any new messages. Nothing. 

Jude’s fingers hovered over the screen, debating whether he should text Connor or not. Finally deciding against it he tossed his phone on the bed and sat down at his desk. Despite his aversion to doing it homework wasn’t extremely difficult for Jude. He was relatively smart. Not to mention his California education definitely put him ahead of the game in Bumfuck, Kentucky. The textbooks he was handed on the first day of school were full of pictures from the seventies and outdated facts. 

He flipped through his poetry textbook, reading through some of the sample poems and cringing. 

A noise behind him made him jump. He spun around in his chair expecting to see Connor climbing into his window. Instead he saw a branch from the tree outside brushing against the window sill. 

He sighed, trying not to look at his phone on the bed, laying silently. After ten more minutes of terrible poetry he got up and grabbed it, opening up Connor’s last text message.

_still coming over tonight?_

Jude wanted to punch himself with how desperate he sounded. It took only a minute for Connor to reply. 

_just got out of practice. unless you want a giant sweaty lump falling asleep on you then I think I’m just gonna head home tonight._

Jude’s stomach flipped as he read the words. He imagined Connor, still dressed in his grass stained uniform, collapsing on Jude’s bed and wrapping his arms around him. Jude shook his head. 

Thinking like that was dangerous. 

_No worries. Think I’ll head to bed now too._

Jude felt the familiar weight of disappointment settling over him. Despite his best efforts Connor was getting to him. His easy smiles and his lingering touches and the way he would look at Jude, hazel eyes bright. Jude groaned, dropping his head onto his desk. This was the last thing he needed. 

His phone dinged and he looked at it, his heart speeding up.

_ill be thinking about you. goodnight jude._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short little chapter tonight! I have a very long day tomorrow but I wanted to post something anyway because you guys have been incredible and so so supportive. I don't deserve all of this love!! 
> 
> I wanted to touch base on how this story will continue. When I started I planned on it being about 20 chapters long. Except I'm not on chapter 12 and it's only the beginning. Soooo this will definitely be a long one. I hope you guys are ready for a whole lot of chapters! 
> 
> Once again you're all amazing!! Thank you thank you thank you thank you x 10000000000


	13. Chapter 13

Jude was late. Like super late. He parked his car in the first open parking spot he saw and jumped out, remembering to grab his backpack at the last moment, throwing it over one shoulder. He rushed toward school, the surrounding area completely empty. Everyone must have been in class already. 

Jude hated being late. It meant that as soon as he walked into class everyone’s eyes would be on him. He pulled the door open, trying not to break into a run down the empty hallways. Before he could reach his classroom a hand reached out from under the stairwell and grabbed his arm, pulling him. Jude tried fighting back but the grip was strong. He opened his mouth to yell as he was pulled into the shadows but a hand came up to cover his mouth. A very familiar hand. 

“Damn it Connor! I almost punched you!” he said, pushing Connor’s hand away from his face. Connor just grinned at him, his hand falling from Jude’s mouth and landing on his hip. 

“Good morning to you too…” Connor mumbled, still smiling. His eyes darted down to Jude’s mouth and Jude could feel his heart rate pick up.

“Stop that…I’m late.”

“Yeah you’re already late so what’s a few extra minutes?” Connor whispered, leaning forward and nuzzling into Jude’s neck. Jude’s knees almost buckled as Connor ran his tongue over his skin. 

“Jesus…”

He reached up to thread his fingers in Connor’s hair, who was now kissing along the line of his throat. They were barely hidden under the staircase. If anyone were to walk past and glance their way they would see everything.

“Aren't you scared we’ll get caught?” Jude mumbled breathlessly as Connor’s teeth nipped at the spot just above his collar bone. 

“Come on then…” Connor said, pulling away and gripping the sleeve of Jude’s hoodie lightly, leading him from under the staircase. As soon as they were out of the shadows Connor’s hand fell away. 

They walked through the empty hallways, Connor a few feet ahead of him in case they got caught. 

“This way…” Connor said over his shoulder, jerking his head in the direction of the gym. Jude frowned but kept following him. 

Connor lead him through the door of the locker room and down a row of lockers until they were in front of a plain wooden door. Connor stopped and leaned back against it, waiting for Jude to catch up.

“Is this the part when the entire team jumps out to kick my ass?” 

Connor smirked at him, reaching out to grab the front of his shirt, pulling him forward. 

“No. This is the part where we make out in the coaches office.” 

Before Jude could comprehend that sentence Connor reached behind him, turning the handle. The door opened easily and it was completely dark. Jude could still make out a small room with a wide desk that had definitely seen better days. As Connor pulled him inside he could seee the different awards and plaques on the wall. Including pictures of the coach shaking hands with a lot of people who Jude assumed were famous athletes. 

“Romantic.” 

Connor smiled, hand still pulling Jude forward as he sat down on the edge of the desk.

“It can be…” he whispered, finally leaning forward and kissing Jude. There’s a moment where their lips just press together, warm and dry. Then Connor’s hands are reaching up to cup his face and pulling him in, his mouth opening under Jude’s. 

The kiss was deep and slow and dirty and Jude’s heart felt like it was on fire, his hands wrapping around Connor’s waist. Connor was still sitting down, so he had to lean up to kiss Jude, which was a first. Jude felt a rush at that and stepped even closer, Connor’s thighs on either side of his hips.

Connor’s tongue brushed his and he moaned, breathy and low. The air in the small room felt too warm, almost suffocating. But all he could feel and smell was Connor and his head was dizzy with it. Jude’s hands slid down Connor’s hips and down his thighs, the muscles under the fabric of his jeans shifting at the touch. 

“Jude…” Connor breathed out as they pulled away from each other for a moment, panting. 

Jude ran his hands back up, fingers lifting the hem of Connor’s shirt and reaching for his waistband. Connor’s eyes widened as Jude undid his jeans, the zipper sounding too loud in the tiny office. They were both breathless and Jude couldn't take his eyes off of Connor, the flush on his cheeks and his pink lips. 

Jude reached his hand inside, his head falling forward until his forehead was pressed against Connor’s shoulder. He couldn't look at Connor, not when he was about to do this. 

His fingers finally met flesh, impossibly hard and silk soft. He bit his lip to suppress a groan and Connor’s fingers dug into his back. 

“Fuck…”

Jude’s hand moved slowly and deliberately, restrained inside the tight confines of Connor’s jeans. Connor rocked into his hand, pulling Jude even closer to him. Jude finally pulled back enough to see his face. Connor’s eyes were closed and his lips were parted, tiny breathy moans escaping him every time Jude’s hand tightened its grip on him. Jude watched as Connor slowly came apart, his thrusts getting shallower and his breathing deeper. His hands were still gripping onto Jude, so tightly now that it’s almost painful. But Jude couldn’t feel anything except for the slip slide of skin against his palm, so impossibly hot it almost burned. 

Connor’s eyes shot open and he moaned, his thighs shaking against Jude’s hips. Jude didn’t stop moving his hand, not until Connor’s shuddered and pulled away slightly. 

They stood there for a moment in complete silence, except for the sound of their breathing. Connor looked up with half lidded eyes and smiled at him, so softly that it hit Jude like sledgehammer. 

“Better than first period?” Connor said, voice shaky. 

“Eh…” Jude answered, but his voice was shaky and Connor smiled even wider. 

Then they both jumped when the bell rang, Jude stepping away quickly. For a moment he saw Connor, thighs still spread and pants undone. His hair messy from Jude’s fingers and his face flushed. 

Jude wanted the image to be burned into his brain forever. 

Then Connor was slipping off the desk and zipping up his jeans, reaching up and wiping a shaky hand across his face. 

“We should get out of here before coach comes in. He never gets in before third period usually but better safe than sorry…” Connor said, turning to look at Jude. 

“Yeah that’s a good….” Jude didn’t get to finish because Connor was across the room, kissing him frantically. 

“You drive me completely insane.” He mumbled against Jude’s lips, arms wrapped so tightly around him that Jude could barely move. 

“Do I?” Jude answered, smiling as Connor kissed him again.

They managed to break apart when the bell rang again signaling the start of second period. Connor left first, squeezing Jude’s hand softly and winking before walking out of the office. The room felt bigger without Connor there, the air not as heavy. 

Jude waited five minutes before he slipped out of the door, pulling it shut behind him. He was fifteen minutes late to second period but he didn’t even care when everyone stared at him. 

~~

Luke insisted on taking him out to lunch again and for once it was just the two of them. Apparently Melony and Christian rode to school together so if one of them didn't show up then the other didn't bother to either. They ended up in the first pizza place they came to, the guy behind the counter greeting Luke as soon as he walked in. It took only a couple of minutes for them to bring pizza to their table. 

“They love me here. I’m pretty sure we’re the reason they’re still in business.” Luke said, grinning as he took a huge bite.

“I can imagine. You do know they serve pizza at the school right?” 

Luke gave him a murderous look.

“That is not pizza.” 

Jude raised his hands up in surrender until finally Luke’s face relaxed again.

“Jesus. Didn’t know you were so passionate about the subject.”

Luke just shrugged, mouth full of cheese. 

“So how’s everything going?” Luke asked him after they had finished eating. 

“Good I suppose. Chad and his buddies are so busy with football he doesn’t have the time or the energy to try to kill me anymore. Which is nice.” 

“Always looking on the bright side. That’s my friend Jude for ya.” 

Warmth spread through him at the words. Despite his best effort to be a complete loner for the rest of his life he made a friend. His mom would be thrilled.

“Friends huh? Should we get matching friendship bracelets or…?” 

Luke grinned at him.

“Nah. But you can tell who you’ve been banging.” 

Jude could feel his eyes widen as he looked at Luke, who was smiling so widely it looked painful.

“Wha…I…nobody! You’re a terrible listener. How many times do I have to tell you…I’m the only gay kid at this stupid school.” 

“There is no way you’re not banging someone. Oh my god…is it a chick?!” Luke looked so giddy at the thought that Jude almost wanted to say yes. 

“That’s disgusting.” He said instead, silently apologizing to women everywhere. 

“Hey don’t knock it til you try it…” 

“Why don’t you try it with a guy?” Jude countered, raising an eyebrow. Luke just smiled at him again. 

“I have. Not my thing. But at least now I know for sure.” 

Jude froze, staring at Luke who just went back to chewing on his left over crust.

“What?”

Luke looked up at him and shrugged.

“My parents are hippies. They always told me that I was ‘special’ and ‘different’. I always just assumed they thought I was gay. So last year I thought what the hell? I hooked up with this random guy from a gay bar in the next town over. It was fine and he was nice but alas…I am tragically straight. My parents were heartbroken.” 

Jude sat across from him in shocked silence. 

“You just went and hooked up with a guy?”

“Yeah.”

“That is insane even for you.”

Luke grinned and winked at him. 

“Thank you.”

“Not a compliment.”

~~

Jude didn't see Connor for the rest of the day. Their first game is a week away and the coach was running them ragged. After school he walked out and saw a sea of white and blue stumbling towards the building. All of them looked like zombies, their uniforms covered in mud and grass stains. Chad tripped over his feet and barely caught himself from falling on his face. Jude watched them, slightly amused. 

Then he managed to catch a glimpse of Connor and his pulse sped up. The white pants he was wearing were impossibly tight, every muscle in his thighs visible. His hair was dark with sweat and his face was streaked with dirt. His arms looked incredibly tan against the white of his football jersey. Jude realized he’s staring, couldn’t even imagine what his face looked like right at that moment, but he couldn’t stop. Connor looked…good. Incredibly good. 

Jude realized that he didn't even know what position Connor played. Or when he started playing football. Or who his favorite team was. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from Connor. He looked bone tired, like he was ready to fall over any second. Jude could imagine him pushing himself, running hard until his muscles gave out. 

Finally the last of the team made it inside the building but not before Connor’s eyes lifted and found his, holding the gaze for a moment. Jude felt the look through his entire body, like electricity running under his skin. Then Connor walked inside and Jude had to force himself to move. 

~~

“Hey honey!” 

His mom peeked out of the kitchen, pink frilly apron tied around her neck.

“Are you cooking? Should I get the fire extinguisher?” 

“Oh haha. And no I am not. Lena is!” 

Lena peeked out from behind her, waving and smiling. 

“Oh thank god.”

His mom frowned and threw an oven mitt at him.

~~

“How’s school going Jude?” Lena asked him once they were all sitting around the dining room table together. 

“It’s good…different I guess? I made a friend.” It sounded stupid to say but he was smiling. 

“You did?” his mom asked, looking entirely too excited.

“Uh yeah…his name is Luke.”

His mom and Lena exchanged a look and Jude rolled his eyes.

“He’s not that kind of friend.” 

His mom just smiled at him knowingly. 

“I’m never telling you anything ever again.” 

“That’s a filthy lie.”

He just glared at her from across the table because she was right. He could never keep secrets from her. Not even when he was younger. After his dad left Callie had pulled him aside one night when he was old enough to understand and told him to ‘be strong for mom’. He lasted a whole day before he crawled into bed next to her, tears running down his face. All it took was one look from her and he was telling her everything. How sad he was that his dad was gone, and how fucking angry we was that he hadn’t thought they were important enough to stick around for. 

“I love you mom…” he said. Her eyes widened for a moment before she smiled at him, her eyes shining. 

“I love you more.” 

He thanked Lena for the meal, kissing them both on the cheek and heading upstairs. His room was empty and dark. He hadn’t checked his phone all day but after seeing the state Connor had been in he hadn’t expected a late night visit. 

Still he pulled the phone out his pocket and checked just to make sure. There was one text from Luke telling him to clear his lunch schedule for the rest of the year and one from Callie asking him how everything was going. 

He replied to Luke with just a thumbs up emoji and decides against texting Callie back just yet. Keeping secrets from her was almost as hard as keeping them from his mom.  
Jude felt exhaustion hit him and he stripped to his boxers, slipping under the covers. Images of Connor, disheveled and panting flashed through his mind and he could feel his blood rushing south. He contemplated doing something about it but fell asleep before he could make up his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again everyone! 
> 
> I wanted to ask you guys your opinion...
> 
> Would you rather have me post longer chapters every three or four days or keep posting short chapters every day or two? I don't mind either way but I am scared of the quality of the story suffering just because I'm pushing myself to write when it's not coming to me naturally. 
> 
> Hopefully I can live up to your expectations! 
> 
> Thank you all again for your support and love! You guys are the greatest readers in the world! 
> 
> P.S. The tense that this is written in is different from the other chapters (which is annoying I know!) I just find smutty things easier to write in present tense as opposed to past tense which the rest of the story is written in. Hopefully you didn't even notice while reading it. I'm really sorry! But once it was all written it just sounded better this way and I really did not want to go back and change the entire thing.


	14. Chapter 14

Between Jude’s ever growing pile of homework and Connor’s grueling practices they didn’t see each other for the rest of the week. They barely even talked, texting short sentences every once in a while to make sure the other was still alive. 

“Who’re you texting?” Luke asked, leaning over to try and see Jude’s phone. He slipped it back in his pocket just in time. 

“Nobody. My mom.” 

Luke nodded, smirking at him. “Convincing.”

Melony giggled from where she was standing next to Luke. It was the end of the day and blessedly it was Friday. Jude could feel the weight of the past week lifting. He had finally managed to complete all of his assignments, melting his brain into useless goo. He had barely slept at all in the past couple of days and it was finally starting to hit him. 

“I’m gonna head home you guys. I’m exhausted.” 

“See that’s what you get for actually trying.”

“Well not everyone can be a future criminal.” Jude responded. Luke just shrugged and smiled at him. They were standing next to Jude’s car, Luke leaning against it with a cigarette between his lips. 

“You know smoking is bad for you.”

“So is keeping secrets.” Luke said, raising an eyebrow at him. They looked at each other for a moment, Melony’s eyes moving between them.

“Good thing I don’t have any.”

“One day Jude Foster. One day you will tell me who this mystery man is.” 

Jude laughed. There would never be a day where he would be able to tell anyone that he was messing around with Connor fucking Stevens.

~~

Jude drove home in a daze, hoping his instincts would get him there safely. Finally after what felt like an eternity he was pulling into his driveway. His mom was still at work, she had some huge project due next week and she had been late every day this week. 

He walked into the house and dumped his backpack in the entry way, too lazy to haul it up the stairs. His phone was vibrating in his pocket and he couldn’t even find the energy to try and fish it out. 

The kitchen was embarrassingly empty. Jude stared into the bare fridge for almost ten minutes before deciding that he wasn’t that hungry anyways. The daily pizza runs were really starting to wear on him. He shuffled into the living room and collapsed on the couch. He groaned as his phone started vibrating again. 

“Hello…” he mumbled after digging it out of his pants pocket. He really needed to start wearing looser jeans.

“Hey honey.”

“Hi mom.” 

“You sound as exhausted as I feel.”

Jude could hear how stressed she sounded and felt a pang of sympathy. 

“It’s been a rough week.”

“Tell me about it.” She said with a long suffering sigh.

“So listen…I think I’m just going to stay at Lena’s tonight. Her house is closer to the office and they asked me to come in for a couple of hours tomorrow morning to finish this thing up.” 

“Ok mom. You’re gonna kick ass.” He mumbled, barely registering her words. 

“There’s money in the top right drawer of my bedside table. Order yourself a pizza or something.” 

He almost groaned at the word pizza.

“Will do. I love you.” 

“Get some rest you zombie.” 

~~

He ended up falling asleep on the couch. When he finally woke up he could see the sun setting outside, the whole room cast in shadow. He groaned as he sat up, his whole body aching from sleeping on the way too small couch. 

He grabbed his phone from the coffee table to see what time it was and noticed that he had three new texts. One from his mom reminding him to eat and two from Connor. Jude’s heart did that stupid thing it always did when he saw Connor’s name, like a somersault in his chest. 

_‘what are you doing tonight?’_

_hope you’re not dead_

Jude smiled and typed out his answer. 

_Nothing yet. Why? I practically was earlier. Feeling a little better now. I’m surprised_ you’re _not dead._

He hit send and stood up, stretching and trying to get the soreness out of his muscles. He heard his phone beep a moment later.

_i’m pretty sure it was the closest to death that I’ve ever been. want me to stop by later?_

Jude’s whole body was vibrating with nervous energy. He hadn’t seen Connor since that day in the coach’s office. Well he had seen him, coming off the field looking bone tired and in class where he looked like he was ready to collapse. He hated that he was getting so anxious at the thought of Connor coming to see him. 

_Yeah if you want. Also my mom’s out for the night so you can actually use the front door this time. You know like a civilized human being._

His hands were shaky as he typed. Throwing his phone behind him on the couch he went to the kitchen to get something to drink to distract himself. He heard the beep but continued to stand in the middle of the kitchen, breathing deeply, bottle of water clenched in his hand. 

He only lasted a minute before he was striding back out into the living room and snatching up his phone. 

_will do. see you tonight._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! 
> 
> Jude a teeny tiny chapter tonight. Mostly because I needed to post something so I can update you guys on a few things. 
> 
> Starting today I will be posting on Mondays, Thursdays and most likely Saturdays. This way the parts will hopefully be longer and I won't be as stressed out about posting anymore. If I do write more or if I'm having a good writing week I might post some extra chapters but we will see. 
> 
> Alsoooo I wanted to address some things about the last chapter. It was a little bit messy. I do most of my writing at night (like 4 or 5 in the morning) so a lot of the time I'm sort of loopy haha. I try my best to read through everything and make sure there aren't any typos or the flow isn't weird etc. Despite that though I do still miss things unfortunately. You guys are amazing and understanding and I'm very lucky to be writing for such an incredible fandom. My point is...I've been thinking about getting someone to read over what I've written before I post it. If any of you are interested in doing that let me know! 
> 
> Ok these notes are probably longer than the chapter itself. You guys are amazing and your support and love is unbelievable!


	15. Chapter 15

Jude had no idea when exactly Connor was planning on coming over but he ran upstairs and decided to take a shower. His clothes were tacky after sleeping in them. 

He showered in record time and stood in front of his closet for a good ten minutes, a towel wrapped around his waist, trying to decide what to wear. Finally he settled on black sweat pants and a loose gray shirt, the material worn and soft. He hoped it looked like he hadn’t put any thought into what he was wearing. 

Waiting was his least favorite activity. When he was younger his mom threatened to sedate him every year during the week leading up to Christmas. His anxiety went through the roof and he would feel jittery and short of breath. 

He tried reading and going online, before ending up on the couch again. The tv was on but he wasn’t paying attention. 

There was a soft knock on the door and he jumped, almost falling onto the floor. He got up and took a deep breath, hoping he didn’t look as freaked out as he felt. 

Luckily when he pulled open the front door Connor looked almost as nervous as him. 

“Hi.” He said, hands shoved in the pockets of his jeans. Jude stepped back silently, not trusting his voice just yet, and Connor moved past him. They stood in the doorway, awkward silence hanging over them. 

“So…” Jude started.

“It’s weird coming in through the front door.” Connor said, eyes moving around the house. Jude looked around too, wishing he had cleaned up a bit. 

“Must be nice not having to scale a house for once.”

Connor turned to smile at him. He was wearing his letterman jacket over a white t shirt and his hair was sticking up from being outside. Jude turned away when he realized he was staring, focusing on the floor instead. 

“How was practice? I mean it was probably horrible…isn’t it counterproductive to wear your team out before a game? Not that I would know…I barely even exercise…I like to run mostly…”

“Jude.” 

He stopped rambling and turned to look at Connor again. He was looking at him with a bemused smile on his face, his eyes warm. Jude’s heart skipped in his chest as Connor reached up and cupped his face with his hand, pulling Jude closer. Instead of kissing him Connor stopped when they were barely an inch apart, just looking at him. Jude could feel nervous energy buzzing under his skin, his hands on the verge of shaking already. Finally Connor leaned in the rest of the way, lips meeting Jude’s softly. 

Jude reached out and wrapped his arms around Connor’s neck, pressing the length of his body against his. Connor breathed in sharply but continued to kiss him slowly, so soft that it was driving Jude crazy. 

Connor’s hand fell from his face and his arms wrapped around Jude’s waist, pulling him impossibly closer. Jude felt a shiver run down his spine as Connor’s tongue finally brushed against his bottom lip. Jude’s lips fell open and they were really kissing. Connor’s hands were gripping the back of his worn t shirt, his mouth moving against Jude’s desperately. He let his arms fall from around Connor’s neck and pulled away just slightly, smiling into their kiss when Connor groaned and tried to pull him back in. Jude’s hands grabbed the front of the thick letterman jacket and pushed it off Connor’s shoulders. It fell to the floor, followed shortly by Connor’s shirt. 

Jude let Connor pull his off too and then they were pressed together, chest to chest, skin against skin. Connor was so close and they had all night and Jude was dizzy with how much he wanted. 

He felt Connor leaning forward, Jude’s spine bending back just barely and then he was in the air, his legs wrapped around Connor’s hips. He didn’t protest this time because Connor had been right, it drove Jude crazy. Connor’s hands were gripping the back of his thighs and he stepped forward, Jude’s back hitting the wall behind him. He groaned and let his fingers slide into Connor’s hair, gripping the strands a little harder than necessary. Connor let out a sound that was close to a whimper and Jude felt his breath catch in his throat. 

“Jesus…” he muttered, panting against Connor’s lips. 

“Upstairs?” 

Jude’s brain felt like it was on fire as he nodded. Connor let him slide down his body until his feet hit the floor and he turned, at the last moment reaching back to grab hold of Connor’s hand, and walking towards the stairs. They took the stairs two at a time and when they got to Jude’s door he dropped Connor’s hand and pushed it open. As soon as they stepped inside Connor was kissing him again, with the same desperation. 

Jude felt the back of his knees hit the bed and let himself fall onto his back, Connor standing over him. His face was flushed and his tan skin was rippling with how hard he was breathing. 

“Fuck…you’re kind of incredibly hot…”

Connor raised an eyebrow, smiling just a little. 

“Kind of?” 

Despite the fact that he was about to burst out of his skin with the need to have Connor on top of him Jude still managed to roll his eyes dramatically. 

“Never mind. Nothing less attractive than narcissism.” 

Connor put one knee alongside Jude’s thigh, crawling over him and bracing himself on his arms. 

“You seriously think I’m hot?”

“Obviously or else I wouldn’t be here right now…” Jude mumbled, managing to keep eye contact with Connor, who was so incredibly close.

“Well…” Connor whispered, leaning forward until his mouth was brushing the shell of his ear, “I think you are absolutely fucking gorgeous.” 

It was so quiet that Jude could barely hear it over his own heartbeat. 

He wrapped his arms around Connor, kicking off of the floor and using the momentum to flip him onto his back. Connor’s wide eyes met his as he swung his leg over to straddle him. 

“Shut up Stevens.” 

Connor eyes darkened and he reached a hand up to grab Jude, who just ducked out of the way and grabbed his wrist, pinning it to the bed. 

“Jesus Jude…”

He leaned down until he could see the freckles on Connor’s nose.

“Don’t move.” 

“But…”

“Don’t. Move.” 

He stayed where he was for a moment longer, asking himself if he was really about to do this. Finally he made up his mind, letting go of Connor’s wrist but not before giving him another stern look. Connor stayed perfectly still as Jude leaned forward the rest of the way, kissing just under Connor’s jaw. There was a soft gasp as Jude kissed down his neck, letting his tongue experimentally lick a line across his collarbone. Connor’s chest was rising faster now and Jude could feel his hips shifting under his weight. 

“Stay still…or I stop.” He whispered, smiling when Connor froze. 

He moved his mouth lower, lips dragging down the hard planes of Connor’s chest. He reached his hands up and let them rest just under Connor’s ribs. Jude moved down the length of his body slightly, rising up on his knees. His mouth continued its descent, stopping every once in a while to lick the soft skin of his chest, his stomach. Every time Connor would moan softly and shiver. 

Finally Jude was kneeling between Connor’s thighs, his lips hovering over the jut of his hipbone. Connor was looking down at him, eyes blown wide and bottom lip between his teeth. 

“Jude…” his voice was hoarse and he was straining not to move. Jude’s hands were definitely shaking now, his earlier confidence gone. 

“You don’t have to do this if you’re not ready…” Connor muttered, letting his head fall back against the pillows. 

Jude dragged his hands down and let his fingers work Connor’s jeans open, who was back to staring at Jude. 

Connor’s hips lifted off the bed when Jude wrapped his fingers into the waist band and pulled. A moment too late Jude realized that he was gotten a hold of Connor’s underwear as well and then there was Connor, completely naked against Jude’s sheets. Jude felt like his lungs were constricting and he couldn’t stop looking. Connor’s tan stopped just below his hips and the skin of his thighs was pale in comparison with the darker skin of his chest.

Jude’s hands were hovering over Connor’s legs, the skin radiating heat. He refused to let his eyes wander any lower than Connor’s stomach. Connor was looking at him, waiting for him to do something, clearly not self-conscious at all. 

Jude let his hands rest lightly on Connor’s thighs, the skin so incredibly hot. He ignored the fact that his hands were shaking so hard that Connor could probably feel it. Jude leaned forward again, his lips landing on the soft skin just below Connor’s hipbone. He let his teeth nip gently at it and Connor’s hips jerked up, his hands gripping the sheets. 

“Jude...please…”

Without lifting his eyes or his mouth Jude ran his right hand up Connor’s leg, his fingers sliding past the dip between his thigh and hip. The back of his hand grazed velvet soft skin and he let his fingers wrap around it, reveling at the heat. His palm felt like it burning. Connor’s hips were moving up in jerky motions, his breathing a stream of soft moans as Jude’s hand started moving. Pre come dripped onto his knuckles and he turned to look, breath catching as he watched his hand. Before he could think he leaned over and licked a wet stripe from base to tip, the smell and taste of Connor making him light headed. Connor gasped, back arching off the bed. 

“Oh fuck…” 

Jude leaned over and licked the skin again, tasting more like his spit than Connor this time to his disappointment. Jude was lying completely flat against the bed now, Connor’s thighs spread on either side of his shoulders. He let his hand speed up just slightly, overwhelmed by every sound and movement Connor made. His hips stuttered and he froze, spilling over Jude’s hand, his fingers white where they were gripping the sheets. A loud moan tore from his throat and Jude wanted to shush him before he remembered that they were alone. 

“Jude…fuck…” Connor whispered after he collapsed against the bed, looking completely boneless. 

“I uh…just wanted to try that…sorry if it was too much.” 

Connor leaned forward to look at him with wide eyes.

“Never apologize for that….I mean Jesus…” Connor’s hand reached forward and dragged Jude up, flipping him over so he was on his back. 

Connor hand pushed the front of his sweat pants down to the middle of his thighs, no hestitation as he wrapped a hand around Jude. Pleasure shot through him, a violent shiver running down his spine. Connor was bracing himself over him, kissing the skin of Jude’s chest. 

It didn’t take long, Jude groaning and digging his fingers into the skin of Connor’s back. He felt his vision go white for a moment and then he was laying against the rumpled sheet, muscles completely useless. Connor was still above him, face relaxed and smiling. 

“That was fun…” Connor murmured, nose brushing against Jude’s. 

Jude breathed out a quiet laugh, hand trailing lazy circles against Connor’s back.

“Yeah you could say that…” 

Connor leaned forward and kissed him, slow and deep. The air smelled like them, a heady combination. Jude could feel his body sinking further into the sheets, warmth spreading through his  
body. Connor pulled away, looking down at him.

“I should probably go…” he said quietly. Jude felt his heart drop, the thought of Connor leaving was too much to even think about right at that moment. 

“Are you hungry?” he asked, too loud in the quiet room. Connor raised his eyebrows, confusion clear on his face.

“Uh…I guess?”

“Wanna order some food? I mean it’s still early…” 

It was barely past ten and Jude could definitely choke down some pizza if it meant that Connor would stay for a while longer. Connor looked at him for a moment before smiling again.

“Yeah ok”

~~

Connor pulled his jeans on but his shirt was still somewhere downstairs and he didn’t bother to go grab it. He sat on Jude’s bed, legs crossed and watched as Jude dialed the local pizza place.

“Ok it’ll be half an hour…” 

Jude realized that they had thirty minutes to kill. Connor didn’t seem too bothered, grinning at him as he fidgeted.

“Jude…you’re twitching. Just sit down.” 

He walked toward the bed and sat on the edge, one leg up on the mattress. Connor was still smiling and he looked more relaxed than he had all week.

“What position do you play?” he asked suddenly. Connor smirked at him and Jude felt his face flushing.

“On the team I mean. You know…football?” 

“Oh…uh quarterback.” 

Jude knew that the shock on his face was apparent. 

“What?” 

“I always thought Chad was the quarterback…you don’t act like one.”

Connor smiled, laughing quietly.

“Have you seen Chad? He’s the size of a house. He can barely walk much less run. He’s a linebacker.” 

Jude nodded, pretending he knew what the hell that meant. 

“What do you mean I don’t act like it?” Connor asked, leaning forward slightly. 

“I don’t know…you’re always in the background. From all the movies I’ve seen you’re supposed to like…part the seas of students when you walk down the hall and make ladies faint and stuff.”

Connor paused and then burst out laughing.

“Does the extent of your football knowledge come from bad high school movies?” 

Jude could feel himself blushing.

“Maybe…it just never interested me before.” 

Connor stopped laughing, still smiling wide as he looked at Jude with bright eyes.

“And now it does?” 

Jude looked away and stared intently at the carpet. 

“No. Shut up.” 

Connor’s hand reached across the space between them, fingers landing on the back of Jude’s hand. Jude turned his hand so his palm was facing up and their fingers tangled together, not quite holding hands. They sat there, hands intertwined, Connor smiling and Jude refusing to look at him. 

“What about you Jude Foster? What do you do for fun?” 

“Taxidermy.” 

“Seriously?” 

“No.” Jude finally looked up, smirking and Connor rolled his eyes. 

“You are such a smart ass.” 

“Better than being a dumb ass.” 

Connor was smiling again, like his face didn’t know how to do anything else. 

“Why do you do it?” Jude asked, Connor frowning slightly at the question.

“Do what?”

“Play football.” 

Connor leaned back just a little, his hand slipping out of Jude’s.

“Well my dad is kind of a crazy fan…he always told me that when I grew up I would be a huge football star. I guess it stuck.” He shrugged, looking down at this lap. 

“He _told_ you what you were going to be? That’s kind of controlling….”

Connor’s eyebrows drew together and he looked up at Jude. 

“It’s not like that. He’s not forcing me or anything. I like playing…I’m good at it.” 

Jude waited to see if Connor would decide to leave after all. Instead Connor reached forward again and traced a finger over the lines of Jude’s palm.

“Seriously though…what do you like to do?” he asked, watching his finger moving across Jude’s skin. 

“Not a whole lot. I like to read…I used to like running but…” he trailed off, not wanting to bring up that night. Connor looked up, frowning.

“I’m sorry…I hate that they did that to you….” 

“Could you imagine if they could see me now?” Jude said, regretting the words immediately. Instead of getting angry Connor just laughed softly, gaze dropping to their hands again.

“Chad would probably have an aneurism.”

They were still laughing when the doorbell rang. 

~~

Jude spread the pizza box across the coffee table and turned the tv on. Connor had sadly found his shirt and pulled it on, going into the living room and plopping down on the couch. 

They watched some show about aliens building the pyramids and ate pizza, their legs pressed together. 

“Do you believe in aliens?” Connor whispered, eyes still glued to the screen. Jude couldn’t help but smile.

“It’d be kind of arrogant not to. I mean in an infinite universe with millions of stars believing that we’re the only planet with living things on it is kind of stupid.” 

Connor was listening to him with wide eyes.

“You are seriously tripping me out.” 

Jude just laughed. 

~~

An hour later they were still on the couch, Connor spread out with his feet propped up on the edge of the coffee table. Jude would look over every once in a while, gaze travelling down the long line of his body. He tried not to dwell on the fact that he had seen him naked. Except that was all he could dwell on.

“Stop fucking me with your eyes man.” Connor mumbled, Jude’s eyes widening as he felt his face flushing.

“I wasn’t!” 

Connor turned to smile at him, one eyebrow raised. 

“You’re not exactly subtle.” 

“Get over yourself…” Jude mumbled, focusing on the tv. He saw Connor shift out of the corner of his eye and the next thing he knew Connor was straddling him, hands on the back of the couch behind him.

“What are you…?”

“You don’t have to use your eyes you know…” 

Jude breathed out sharply, hands coming up to grip onto Connor’s hips. Their lips crashed together sloppily, tongues tangling. Jude groaned at the feeling of Connor pressing down on him, his hips grinding down slowly. 

They were both breathing deeply, hands everywhere, as Connor’s hips starting moving harder, the friction making them both moan.

“Connor…” 

Connor’s hand wrapped around his hair, pulling his head back roughly, teeth sinking into his neck. Jude’s hips bucked up, a whimper escaping him. 

“Oh fuck…” 

Connor was moving against him even faster, Jude’s arms wrapped around his back and pulled him closer. Jude felt his muscles locking as the first wave of orgasm hit him, his head falling forward until his forehead was pressed against Connor’s chest. 

Only a moment later Connor’s fingers tightened in his hair, his hips stuttering. Afterwards they sat there, Jude’s arms still hanging loosely across Connor’s back. 

“I’m going to have an extremely uncomfortable walk home tonight…” Connor mumbled, pulling back and grimacing as he shifted. 

“You could borrow something of mine if you want…sweatpants or something?” Jude said, voice blown out. His eyes had started to feel heavy and he wanted nothing more than to fall asleep with Connor still pressed against him.

“If you don’t mind?” 

Jude dropped his arms, allowing Connor to move back and stand. They made their way up the stairs slowly, knees still weak. Jude went straight to his closet, pulling out a gray pair of sweatpants that were fairly new. When he turned around Connor was already stripping out of his jeans, standing in the middle of the room in his boxer briefs. Jude tossed the sweatpants to him and turned around to give Connor privacy, ignoring Connor’s low chuckle. 

The pants were just a little too short on Connor and Jude felt a warm feeling spread through his chest at the sight. 

“I should go…for real this time.”

“You could stay.” Jude almost slapped himself.

Connor was frowning at him, just letting the words hang in the air.

“I shouldn’t…”

Jude nodded like it was stupid that he even mentioned it.

“Yeah you’re right…I guess I’ll see you later?” 

He kept his eyes on the carpet at his feet so he didn’t notice Connor coming closer until his hand was tilting Jude’s face up.

“This was…fun.” Connor cringed at the word. “Not fun sorry…it was…it was amazing Jude. But if my dad figures out that I’m not home he’ll kick my ass. I’m supposed to be resting for the big game.” He finished, rolling his eyes. Jude couldn’t help but smile despite the disappointment eating away at him. 

“You should come…to the game.” Connor whispered, stepping even closer. 

“Why?”

Connor shrugged.

“Brush up on your football knowledge.” He said, smiling, thumb brushing Jude’s cheekbone.

“My mission in life.” 

Connor just laughed, breath warm against Jude’s lips. He kissed him once, gently and then pulled away. 

Jude walked him downstairs, both of them pausing at the door. Connor leaned in and kissed him again, lips lingering for a moment as he pulled away.

“I’ll see you…” 

Jude nodded, not trusting his voice and watched Connor slip out, closing the door behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! 
> 
> I know I kind of cheated with this one because it's 1AM but it is technically Monday sooooo...
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed it and so far I'm loving having a set schedule! It really takes the pressure off and it gives me more time to read through everything to make sure it's actually good. 
> 
> Your constant comments and encouragement are absolutely incredible! The support is just out of this world and I can't thank you enough! 
> 
> <3 <3 <3


	16. Chapter 16

Despite the millions of thoughts racing through his mind Jude fell asleep almost immediately. He woke up the next morning and everything from the night before came flooding back. Connor sitting on his bed, shirtless, hand holding Jude’s. Connor on his couch, laughing at whatever was on the tv. Connor naked against his sheets.

Jude could feel the corners of his mouth lifting in a smile. 

He got up, still smiling, and went to shower. Last night he had collapsed into bed as soon as he came back upstairs, his heart still racing. As he stood under the hot spray of water he traced the spots on his body were Connor had touched him. He could still feel those hands on him.

It took him longer than usual to get out of the shower. 

~~

As soon as he stepped out of the bathroom in a cloud of steam he heard his phone chime. He walked over and picked it up, towel still wrapped around his waist. 

_i cant seem to focus today. i blame you._

It was from Connor. Jude could feel himself smiling as he read the words again. Before he could reply his phone started ringing, Luke’s name flashing across his screen. 

“Hey Luke.” 

“We’re doing something fun today.” 

“That’s great. And you called me to tell me?”

“No I mean me and you. And Melony. And maybe Christian is we can find him.”

Jude rolled his eyes.

“And if I say no?”

He could practically hear Luke grinning.

“You won’t though.”

“I’ll be ready in fifteen.” 

~~

Jude got dressed quickly, pulling on a hoodie and some dark jeans. He glanced at the mirror in his room taking in the messy dark hair that was getting too long. He leaned closer and noticed a small bruise just under his jaw. His pulse sped up when he realized it was from Connor. 

_whatever you do just don’t think about me naked. also thanks for the hickey man. that’ll be really easy to explain to everyone._

Luke pulled up a moment later, honking obnoxiously until he saw Jude come out of the front door. Jude thanked the heavens that his mom wasn’t home yet. She hated that. 

“You’re not even going to come to the door? What kind of date are you?”

“A shitty one.” Luke answered, grinning at him. 

Jude sighed dramatically and opened the door, folding himself into the tiny front seat. 

“Get a bigger car.”

“Stop being eight feet tall.” 

~~

_oh fuck you. coach is about to murder me and you are not helping. well now we match, even though mine is not in a very visible place…_

Jude’s brain felt like it was short circuiting. He started thinking about Connor showering that morning and finding a mark from his mouth somewhere on his body. 

“Hellooooo…earth to Jude.” 

Jude blinked when Luke’s hand reached out, fingers snapping in front of his face. 

“Jesus what?”

Luke just looked over at him and smirked. 

“You’re a million miles away man. I was just asking if you were hungry.”

Jude was about to say no when he realized that he was starving. The last time he ate was the pizza last night and it was almost noon. 

“Yeah. No pizza though.”

“Well duh. It’s a weekend.” Luke replied like it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

They ended up meeting Melony at a diner just outside of town. The clientele was mostly elderly couple eating bowls of greenish looking soup. They fround a booth towards the back and Luke grabbed a menu, handing it to Jude. 

“So Jude…since you are the newest member of our group you get to decide what we do today.” 

Jude raised an eyebrow at them, looking down to scan the menu. 

“Is that so? You do remember I just moved here right?”

“And yet you still managed to find someone to hook up with.” Luke said, leaning over the booth to press a finger against the bruise on his neck. Jude jerked back, glaring at him.

“I ran into a door.”

“Neck first?”

Melony giggled, looking back and forth between them.

“Plus I doubt you’ve been texting the door all morning.”

Jude felt his face flushing and went back to staring at the menu intently. 

“Ok fine. Don’t tell your only two friends who you’re screwing.” Luke finally said, sighing dramatically. 

“I’m not screwing anyone.” Jude mumbled, his face still burning.

Their waitress finally decided to show up, taking their order quickly and darting away to serve the pensioners. 

“Anyway…what would you like to do?”

“Hm…”

They both stared at him expectantly, Melony’s eyes wide. 

“I want the greatest hits of Kentucky. Take me to all of your favorite places.” He finally said. 

“Excellent choice my friend.” Luke had his madman smile on which should have made Jude way more nervous. Instead he felt excitement building in the pit of his stomach. He had friends. Strange as they were. 

~~

_you can’t just say things like that…im in public and it almost got extremely awkward for me and about fifty old people._

_are you visiting a nursing home with a boner?_

Jude snorted, looking down at his phone under the table. Luke glanced over at him but Jude ignored it. Their food arrived a few minutes later, steaming hot and smelling like heaven. Jude grabbed the stack of pancakes and eggs and bacon that he ordered, digging his fork into the fluffy dough immediately. 

He almost groaned at the first bite, the warm sweetness coating his tongue. 

“These are amazing.” 

“Old people know what’s up.” Luke mumbled between bites of his bacon omelet. Melony was crunching on a celery stick and cutting her veggie crepe into tiny bite sized pieces. 

Jude ate everything on his plate and sat back with a satisfied sigh. 

“Ready to roll friends?” Melony asked, her quiet voice barely audible over the noise of silverware and clinking plates. 

“I’m ready if you are.” Jude said, placing a few bills on the table for their waitress. 

~~

_yes that’s what I do every weekend. the old ladies love it._

Luke sped down a down dirt, kicking up dust behind him. They drove for what seemed like an eternity, nothing but tall trees all around them. Melony squealed every time the car hit a bump in the road, bouncing off the seat. 

“Is this the part where you take me into the woods and murder me?” 

“Yes.” Luke said, shooting him a sly grin.

“Well at least the scenery is nice.” 

They finally came to a stop when the road ended, the car facing a wall of trees. 

“Come on.” Luke said, climbing out of the car. Jude stumbled out, reaching a hand out to help Melony get out of the backseat. 

“Welcome Jude.” Luke said, arms spreading wide with a flourish. 

“It’s beautiful…what exactly is it?”

“This my friend…is the place where everyone comes to get drunk.” 

Luke reached out and grabbed his wrist, pulling him between two huge trees. They stumble through the forest, the thick leaves above them blocking out the sun. Luke’s hand is a vice around his wrist as they finally break though the foliage into a clearing. There a few red cups littering the ground and some stumps that were clearly well used. A fire pit sits in the middle and just beyond he can hear a stream. 

“Wow…” 

Jude could imagine all of the parties that took place here, fire roaring and kids laughing. Luke let go of his wrist, putting his hands on his hips and looking around. 

“They don’t tell you about this place until you’re a sophomore. And the initiation is finding it with the shitty directions the upper classmen give you.”

Jude smiled and walked over to the edge of the clearing, towards the sound of running water. He finally saw the stream, water clear and sparkling. 

“Do people swim in there?” 

“Sure if you wanna freeze your nuts off.” 

Jude looked around again, the smell of woods and dirt surrounding him.

“Ok what’s next?”

~~

_hey you tell those old ladies to keep their hands to themselves._

Luke drove them down the dirt road and back towards town. Jude looked out of the window, the buildings rushing past them in a colorful blur. 

“Have you lived here your whole lives?” Jude asked, turning to look at Luke.

“Yeah. Not a lot of people move here. Usually people are moving away.” Luke said, shrugging. 

“Yeah…” Melony mumbled behind him.

“Huh...” 

Jude went back to staring out of the window, imaging what it would be like growing up here. He wondered if Connor had been born here too…

“Here we are.” Luke announced, the car pulling up to an old building. It was an ancient looking movie theatre, with an old marquee and a one person booth up front. Jude climbed out of the car, Melony hopping out after him.

“A movie theater?” 

“Yeah man. It’s where all the cool kids go when it’s too fucking hot to be outside. Come on.”

They all buy their tickets, two dollars apiece, and head inside. The lobby is huge and everything looks worn and old. The maroon carpet had faded into a dull pink color and all of the gold trim was peeling off revealing a dingy black wood underneath. 

“Fancy. I feel underdressed.” 

Luke snorted. 

When they walked into the theater Jude felt his eyes widen. It was huge. It was curved the way a real theatre would be and there was balcony seating. All of the rows had worn looking velvet red seats, some of them ripped with yellow stuffing peeking out. Luke led them up the stair case leading to the balcony. They sat down in the front row, Luke resting his feet on the railing in front of them. 

“This is where I got my first ever blowjob.” Luke muttered, leaning slightly so Jude could hear him.

“In this very seat?” Jude asked, nose wrinkling.

“No man. In this theater though. Her name was JessieTomkins. She was visiting her aunt for the summer. Damn….good times.” Luke was staring ahead at the black screen and smiling. 

“What a beautiful story.” Jude said in a monotone, thinking about how many people had gotten lucky in the seat he was sitting in. 

The movie was an old classic that Jude had never heard of. The old speakers crackled and the screen looked dull and dusty. Luke laughed loudly at all of the right parts and at the end Melony stood up and clapped, giggling. Jude could feel himself smiling as they made their way back down the long staircase. 

~~

_you jealous?_

_oh absolutely._

Jude’s heart sped up as he read the text, trying very hard not to show any emotion just in case Luke was paying attention. 

“And now…lunch.” Luke said, car swinging into a parking lot packed with cars. Jude looked around noticing all of the blue and white paint on the windows and the small blue and white flags. 

“Uh…where are we?”

“You wanted the greatest hits so here we are. The greatest hit of all.” Luke grinned, pushing his door open and getting out. 

It was a small building with huge windows, which showed just how packed the place was. Jude could see the blue and white jackets already and his stomach dropped. 

“We can probably skip this one I think…” he said, grabbing onto Luke’s sleeve. 

“No way. Chubby’s has the greatest double steak burgers of all time.” Luke said, pulling his arm away gently before the pulling the door open and gesturing them inside. Melony skipped ahead, turning back to shoot Jude an encouraging smile. 

He sighed and walked in. The small restaurant was filled with the sound of people trying to talk over each other and the smell of an entire football team mixed with beef and cheese. Jude groaned and followed Luke to the packed counter. 

Jude kept his eyes on the menu on the wall, not daring to look over to the sea of blue and white. Every table was occupied by teenagers. The woman behind the counter looked like she was ready to go into early retirement when they finally reached her. Luke ended up ordering for all of them. Steak burgers for himself and Jude and a veggie burger for Melony. 

He grabbed Jude’s wrist again, pulling him over to the pickup window. 

“This burger will change your life man. Trust me.” Luke said, leaning close to Jude’s ear so he could hear over the noise. 

“It better.” Jude answered, practically yelling. Their food didn’t take long to be ready, a greasy bag pushed through the window by an even greasier man. Luke grabbed it and led them through the packed tables until they found a tiny booth in the corner that was free. Luke passed out the burgers and unwrapped his quickly, practically moaning when he took the first bite. Jude watched his with a raised eyebrow and Melony just smiled. 

“Try it!” Luke yelled, mouth full of meat and cheese. Jude carefully pulled back the wrapper, the smell hitting him almost immediately. His stomach grumbled as he picked up the burger and took a bite. It was delicious. The meat was perfectly done and hot, the cheese melted and creamy. 

“Oh god…” he muttered, taking another bite. Luke was nodding at him, eyes wide. 

“I told you!” 

They finished their food in silence, too occupied by the deliciousness. 

“Where’s the bathroom?” Jude yelled across the table once they were done. His hands were covered in a layer of burger grease that no amount of napkins would wipe away. Luke just grunted and pointed to the back of the restaurant. Jude stood up and carefully made his way past the tables, praying he wouldn’t bump into anyone. 

The bathroom was in the back of a winding hallway behind the kitchen. It was a single room with a bare light bulb hanging from the ceiling. Jude quickly washed his hands with the foamy remains of a pink hand soap, drying his hands on his jeans since there were no paper towels in sight. He opened the door and stepped out only to be pushed back in by a hand on his chest. 

“Woah!” 

He looked up. Connor was reaching behind him to close the door, turning back to smile at Jude.

“Hey.”

“Jesus you almost gave me a heart attack! That’s like the tenth time now…” Jude mumbled, hand still clutching his chest. 

“Sorry. I couldn’t help myself…” Connor said, stepping forward until there were only inches of space between them. 

“Is that so? I mean I am pretty irresitab…”

Connor kissed him, pulling him in by his hips. Jude’s hands came up to cup Connor’s face, fingers sliding into his hair. 

“I couldn’t stop thinking about you….” Connor whispered, pulling back. Jude’s heart was beating again his chest, his fingers trembling where they were wrapped in Connor’s hair. 

Connor pulled back even more, one hand coming up to press a gentle finger against the bruise on his neck, eyes blazing. 

“Jude…” 

They were kissing again, pressed together so tightly that Jude could barely breathe. 

“I should go…” Connor said, breathlessly, pulling away again.

“Yeah…my friends are waiting for me.” 

Connor looked at him, eyebrows drawing together slightly, one hand still holding his hip.

“Right…Luke and that pixie girl.”

“Melony.”

Connor shrugged like he could care less. 

“Are you seriously still jealous about Luke…I told you…there’s nothing going on.” 

Connor stepped forward again, nose brushing against Jude’s. 

“I trust you.” he whispered, kissing the corner of Jude’s mouth. Before Jude could say anything else Connor was pulling away and leaving, the door falling shut behind him.

~~

Jude waited a couple of minutes before slipping out of the bathroom.

_’I trust you.’_

Luke and Melony were standing by the front door and they waved at him when he walked into the crowded dining room. 

_’I trust you.’_

They walked outside just in time to see the football team piling into two giant SUV’s. Jude could see Chad behind the wheel of one of them, but he wasn’t looking at him. Connor glanced over at them before quickly looking away and climbing into the passenger’s seat. 

_’I trust you.’_

~~

“So what the hell man? Did you fall in or something? You took forever…”

Jude looked over at Luke. They were driving again and Luke was focused on the road. 

“Uh…no I ran into someone from one of my classes. She wanted to talk about an assignment….” He said quickly, glad that Luke wasn’t looking at him. 

Luke just nodded and kept driving, leaning over to turn up the music. 

~~

Connor trusted him. Jude sort of knew that already since Connor allowed Jude to touch him and kiss him without threatening him afterwards to keep him quiet. He would never tell anyone. And even if he did nobody would believe it. Connor probably knew that. 

Still…he trusted him. 

Jude shook his head, looking down at his lap. He knew he was smiling but he tried not to dwell on that. He couldn’t let this get to him…this tiny thing that shouldn’t mean as much as it does. 

Jude didn’t trust a whole lot of people. He trusted his mom with his life. And he trusted Callie. 

He didn’t trust his friends. Not even his old friends back in California. They weren’t very good friends if he was being perfectly honest. When he told them he was moving they all gave him a blank stare and said ‘life is rough’. He hasn’t spoken to them since. 

He didn’t really trust Luke either. He didn’t have a reason not to but it was hard for him…putting his trust into someone meant that they had the ability to throw it back in his face. 

Jude pulled his phone out of his pocket, tapping the last text in his inbox and started typing.

_I trust you too._

He looked at the screen before erasing the words and putting his phone back in his pocket. 

~~

This time the drive took almost an hour, the sky around the getting darker. Finally Luke pulled over on the side of the road and parked. 

Jude looked around. They were surrounded by trees and pretty much nothing else. The road they had driven down was completely empty. It was already almost dark, the sun barely peeking out from behind the line of trees.

“Uh…where are we exactly?”

Luke just grinned at him, leaning behind him to grab a bag and getting out of the car. 

“This is his favorite.” Melony said from the back seat, her tiny hand squeezing his arm gently. 

They walked into the trees, the dark settling around them immediately. Luke reached back and grabbed a hold of Jude’s sleeve and Melony grabbed his other one. They moved in a clumsy line, tripping over roots and twigs until Luke came to a stop, Jude slamming into his back and almost knocking him over.

“Here we are.” 

Jude let his eyes adjust to the dark. There was a huge metal ladder in front of them leading up to what looked like a blue water tower. Jude watched as Luke adjusted his backpack and grabbed onto the sides of the ladder and started climbing. Melony brushed a hand across his back as she slipped past him and started climbing up after Luke, her tiny hands gripping onto the metal bars. 

Jude sighed and followed them. The metal was cold against his palms and he feet almost slipped twice but he kept climbing. When he got to the top he had to hoist himself up through a square shaped opening, onto a grated platform that was barely wide enough to turn around on. Luke was spreading a blanket out close to the metal railing. 

“Cool right?” He said, turning to look at Jude. 

They all looked out over the tops of the trees, the sun now completely gone but the moon sending a ghostly blue glow over everything. 

“Wow…this is…this is amazing.” Jude mumbled, taking it all in. 

Luke was smiling so wide it looked painful. He sat down on the blanket, his legs slipping under the bottom of the railing and hanging off the edge. Melony sat down next to him and looked up at Jude, patting the blanket. 

He grinned and sat down with them. They sat in complete silence, the night getting darker around them. Jude watched the sky as the stars starting appearing, twinkling into existence. He had never seen stars this bright. California had too much light. 

His phone chimed and he pulled it out.

_i cant seem to stop thinking about you. its starting to be a real problem._

Jude grinned, resting his forehead on one of the cold metal bars in front of him.

“Ok if you tell me that was your mom again I’ll throw you off of this thing.” Luke said, leaning forward to look at Jude. 

“It’s not my mom.”

“Ok thank you. We’re finally getting somewhere…”

“It’s my grandma.”

Luke groaned, falling back against the blanket. 

~~

Luke dropped Melony off first. She leaned back into the car and kissed Jude on the cheek, her lips leaving a smear of coconut scented lip balm on his skin. 

“You are so lovely Jude Foster.” She said, her voice soft. He blinked at her, warmth spreading through him. She smiled and blew a kiss towards Luke before turning and skipping to her car, sitting alone in the diner parking lot. 

Jude looked over at Luke, still wide eyed. He just laughed, leaning over to swipe a thumb across Jude’s cheek to get the lip balm off. 

“She’s a bit much sometimes. But she means well.” 

Luke drove him home, stopping in front of his house where his mom’s car was actually in the drive way for once. 

“What did you think?”

“Hm?” Jude looked over at Luke who had turned in his seat so he was facing him. 

“About my greatest hits tour.” Luke smiled, tongue poking out between his teeth slightly. 

“It was quite impressive. We should do not so greatest hits next.” 

Luke laughed. 

“For sure Jude Foster. For sure.” 

~~

The house was dark when he walked in so he quietly walked up the stairs, careful not to wake his mom. He closed the door to his room and stripped off his hoodie and jeans. His muscles felt weak from all the walking and climbing. He got into bed, pulling the covers over himself and heard his phone vibrating. 

Jude stared at the display for a moment, not comprehending. It was Connor, but he was calling him.

“Hello?”

“You know what’s frustrating? Your friends talking to you all day but you not listening to a damn word they say because you can’t stop thinking about a certain boy who may or may not have gotten you naked last night.” 

Jude grinned, laying back against his pillows.

“I didn’t hear any protests.”

“And you never will.” 

Jude could feel his heart starting to race but his hands were steady for once. 

“You’re calling me.”

“I am.”

“Why?”

He could hear Connor chuckling on the other end, sounding so close but so far away. 

“It was faster than texting? Plus I’m at Chad’s house and it was an excuse to get away for a few minutes…” 

Jude pressed the phone closer, listening to Connor’s voice. It sounded the same, just a tiny bit higher. He could picture Connor standing outside, jacket wrapped around him and hair whipping in the wind.

“Jude? You there?” 

“Yeah sorry…just tired I guess.”

Connor hummed quietly.

“How was practice?”

“Terrible. I told you…I can’t seem to focus today.” 

Jude could hear the smile in Connor’s voice and he couldn’t help but smile too. 

“Ok fine I guess I’ll never get you naked again. Wouldn’t want to ruin your focus.”

“Don’t even joke about that.” Connor sounded so serious that Jude started laughing. 

“Not funny Jude.” He said, and Jude could see the pout from there. 

“Ok ok don’t have a fit.”

“I should probably get back inside….” Connor said quietly, after Jude finally stopped giggling. 

“You probably should…”

Neither of them hung up, just listening to the other breathe. 

“Goodnight Jude.” 

“Goodnight Connor.” 

There was another pause before he heard the click. He sighed, putting his phone on the bedside table. He was so extremely screwed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! 
> 
> I hope the wait for this bad boy wasn't too horrible! For some odd reason my computer refuses to let me reply to any comments. I will write out a beautiful and thoughtful reply and then POOF it refreshes and disappears! Soooo I will now answer some general questions:
> 
> 1) If you expressed an interest in being a beta for me thank you!!! I have set up at email address just for that purpose. It's chaosandthecalm@mail.com If you are still interested just shoot me an email and we can set something up! 
> 
> 2) There is definitely drama and angst coming but right now I'm kind of enjoying the happiness so it might be a little while longer. Not long enough for it to get boring though!!
> 
> 3) I can not express how incredible you guys are at giving me ideas!!! Some of you write whole paragraphs of things you would love to see in this story. I am in awe of all of you! 
> 
> 4) It's always been a dream of mine to write something that people will want to re-read. To me that's the highest form of flattery when you're a writer. That someone has enjoyed your words so much that they take the time to read them again. The fact that multiple people have said that they re-read this story makes me want to curl into a ball and weep for days!!! I am so grateful you can not even imagine. 
> 
> Once again my heart is full of love for this fandom and for every single one of your that keeps supporting me! 
> 
> You are all amazing!!!!


	17. Chapter 17

The next morning he woke to an empty house…again. There was a note from his mom written in sloppy rushed handwriting that just said she was helping Lena with something. He picked up his phone and called her. 

“Hello love.” She sounded slightly out of breath and Jude prayed he hadn’t interrupted something.

“Do I even have a mother anymore or have you officially abandoned me?” 

He could practically hear her rolling her eyes. 

“I’m sorry! Work has been crazy and Lena is having a yard sale today and asked me to help. Hey! You should come over here!” 

Jude looked around the empty living room and thought about the empty fridge before sighing.

“Not like I have anything better to do.” 

“That’s the spirit!” 

~~

Jude drove over to Lena’s house and parked a little ways down the street to leave room for other cars to stop in front of the yard. His mom had a lot of yard sales.

“My love!” 

She was standing next to a long white table covered in what looked like art supplies. He walked over giving her a hug, her blonde hair tickling his nose.

“Stef where should we put…oh hello Jude!” 

He looked up just in time to see Lena step out of the house wearing a very soft looking white sweater, her curly hair pulled up in a messy bun.

“Hey. Hope I’m not crashing the party…thought I might come and help.” He said, shrugging.

“You are an angel!” Lena exclaimed, in her soft voice, her hands cupping his cheeks before she leaned up to hug him.

They had him drag two more table from the garage and set them up next to the first. People starting arriving before they even had everything set out, old ladies digging through boxes, arms already piled high with stuff.

“How many of them do you think are like extreme hoarders?” Jude whispered to his mom. She smacked him lightly on the arm, smiling. 

~~

“Where are the twins? Shouldn’t they be helping?” he grumbled after another old lady leaned down to pinch his cheek. 

“They’re taking their teams on field trips.”

“On a Sunday?” 

“It’s competition season.” 

He looked across the yard and pulled out his phone to see if Luke was doing anything interesting. Instead he saw a text from Connor.

_im pretty sure my legs are going to fall off by the end of the day. You should say your goodbyes now._

Jude smirked, looking over at his mom to make sure she wasn’t paying attention.

_but theyre such nice legs! What a waste. Im guessing practice isn’t going well?_

_if by well you mean were all at deaths door and the coach is about to have a stress induced heart attack then yeah…its going well._

The text was followed by a picture of Chad passed out on a bench, the coach standing over him looking like he was close to committing murder.

Jude laughed and raised his phone up to snap a picture of a cluster of old ladies fighting over a cat lamp. His phone chimed a second later. 

_what is it with you and old ladies?! Should I be worried?_

_no definitely not. Helping my mom with a yard sale. Wanna trade?_

_I have a better idea. How about we both sneak away and find a dark corner somewhere?_

Jude could feel his face flushing, glancing over at his mom to make sure she couldn’t see. 

_don’t tempt me._

Jude looked up to see an old woman with a giant purple scarf wrapped around her looking at him with a glare.

“You young people with your telephones. Back in my day we had actual conversations.” 

“I don’t think I can yell that loud…” Jude said, blinking at her. She just huffed and dropped the things she was holding on the table in front of him before storming off. 

He looked over just in time to see his mom trying to give him a stern look but her eyes were shining with suppressed laughter.

_this is killing me. I have another practice tomorrow night and the game on Tuesday. Then im all yours for a whole week._

Jude’s hands felt jittery as he read the words over and over again. All his. 

~~

Despite the fact that he wanted to help his mom he ended up leaving after only a couple of hours, claiming that if he stayed any longer his cheeks would fall off. His mom had let him go with only a couple of disapproving looks and a tight hug. 

On the way home he passed by the school, slowing down just a little to see if he could spot the blue and white uniforms. The field was close enough to the road that he could see them swarming around, doing some sort of running drills. 

Jude ignored his desire to turn into the parking lot and kept driving. 

~~

Luke called him as soon as he stepped inside the house. 

“Jude.”

“Yes?”

“Are you up for adventure?”

“Depends on what it is…"

Luke just cackled.

~~

The adventure ended up being a trip to the neighboring town to purchase a record from a rundown record store. Jude followed Luke down the narrow staircase to the peeling door with a sign that said ‘Park Ave Records’ on it. 

“Why do you always take me to places that belong in a horror movie?” 

Luke turned to grin at him in a very unsettling way.

“You ain’t seen nothing yet. “

As soon as they stepped through the door the bored looking girl behind the counter gave Luke a small wave, going back to reading her magazine. Jude followed him down aisles of records, the smell of dust and plastic heavy in the air. The heat was on in the tiny store and it made everything seem thicker, slower. 

“This is one of my favorite places in the world. I could spend the whole day here…” Luke was saying, running his fingers over the tops of the slip covers. 

“I hope you’re not planning on doing that today…”

Luke turned around to smile at him before stopping front of one particular shelf, fingers flying as he sorted through the records. 

~~

Connor didn’t text him for the rest of the day and Jude tried not to let it get to him. Luke was driving down the street, music blasting. The windows were open and cold air was whipping against his face and through his hair. 

They had spent the afternoon in the town where the record store was, wandering the streets and stopping in places they thought looked interesting. Jude insisted on stopping in a used book store, browsing without really knowing what he was looking for. He found a slightly worn copy of Invisible Monsters by Chuck Palahniuk and decided to buy it, even though his pristine copy was sitting on a shelf in his room. 

They stopped to get dinner at a small restaurant on the way back to their town. It was a Tex-Mex place with paintings of sombreros and Mexican women in colorful dresses all over the walls. Surprisingly the food wasn’t bad. The portions were huge and the guacamole was fresh. 

Luke pulled up next to Jude’s house a little after nine, pulling into the drive way for once. 

“We’re friends Jude. Whether you planned on it or not it’s happened.” 

Jude looked over to see that Luke was facing him, one leg pulled up on the seat. 

“Are you going to kiss me?”

Luke grinned at him, wiggling his eyebrows.

“You wish. I’m just saying man…you can trust me ok? I can keep a secret.” 

Jude looked down at his lap, his hands quivering already. He wanted to tell Luke, shit he wanted to tell everyone. 

“It’s not my secret to tell…” he finally said, glancing over at Luke. 

There was a heavy silence as they looked at each other.

“Are _you_ going to kiss _me_?” Luke asked, raising his eyebrows.

“Shut up you idiot.” 

They both started laughing, the tension breaking easily. Just like that it all back to normal, Luke slapping his butt as he climbed out of the car and winking when Jude turned to glare at him.

“See ya at school tomorrow sexy!” Luke yelled as he pulled away. Jude prayed that his neighbors weren’t home.

~~

Jude went upstairs and flopped down on his bed, pulling out his new (used) book. He flipped through the pages and noticed that someone had underlined some of the passages. He read through what this particular person found important. 

He was so engrossed that he almost didn’t hear his phone vibrating on his bedside table. 

It was Connor. Again. 

“Is this going to be a regular thing now? You calling me every night?” he asked when he answered, his heart already racing. 

“I could stop if you want.”

He could tell Connor was smiling. 

“No…don’t.” it came out more sincere than he had hoped and he contemplated jumping out of his window for a moment. 

“Jude…I’m going to say something stupid so bear with me ok?” 

Jude’s heart was beating so hard he was afraid of passing out.

“I miss you…” Connor said it so quietly that Jude had to press the phone to his ear. 

“You do?”

“Yeah…is that stupid? It is. I saw you yesterday.” 

Jude remembered the tiny bathroom and Connor pressed against him, his finger on the bruise on Jude’s neck. 

“That is pretty stupid…” it would have been more convincing if his voice wasn’t shaking. 

Connor laughed quietly and the sound traveled down Jude’s spine, making him shiver. 

“Shit I have to go…my dad’s calling me. I’ll talk to you later ok?” 

“Ok yeah...goodnight.” 

“Goodnight Jude.” 

He wanted those to be last words he heard every single night. And he wanted Connor to be the one to say them.

~~

Jude was freaking out. He got ready for school in record time, barreling down the stairs and kissing his mom on the cheek as she was coming out of the kitchen. She barely had time to say good morning before he was running out of the door and to his car. 

He liked Connor. 

He really liked Connor. 

Not just because he was hot. Which he was. Incredibly so. 

But he was sweet and he was funny and he thought Jude was funny which was incredible. 

Jude slammed his forehead into his steering wheel as he parked his car in the school parking lot. 

“Oh god…” he muttered to himself. 

He couldn’t like Connor. He just couldn’t. 

~~

_meet me in the locker room during lunch._

The text came during first period and Jude had half a mind to not respond. But it didn’t take him long to realize that there was no way he wouldn’t go. He was hopeless. 

As soon as the lunch bell rang he walked quickly towards the boy’s locker room, eyes trained on the floor so he wouldn’t make eye contact with anyone. He was convinced that if anyone looked at him they would know immediately. He reached the door and took a deep breath before pushing it open. For a moment he felt a rush of panic, the old fear that this whole thing was just a set up and he was about to be greeted by a horde of football players who were going to murder him. 

Instead he was met with Connor. Stepping out of the showers. In a towel. 

He felt his backpack slip off his shoulder and it landed with a thump on the cement floor. Connor looked up and smiled as soon as he saw him.

“Hey…coach gave me the rest of the afternoon off so I thought…” 

Jude didn’t let him finish. He strode the length of the locker room, hands coming up to cup his face and kissed him. His mouth was wet from the water dripping from his hair and when Jude pressed himself against Connor he could feel the drops soaking through his shirt. Connor’s arms came up and wrapped around him, pulling him impossibly closer. 

Jude pulled away, out of breath and almost shaking with pent up energy. 

“Could someone walk in?” 

Connor was blinking at him, dazed. 

“What?”

“Could someone walk in and see us?”

Finally it seemed like the words were getting through and Connor had time to shake his head before Jude was pushing him backwards. Connor’s back hit a tiled wall behind him and he hissed, probably from the cold on his bare skin. Jude kissed him again, deep and slow, his fingers tracing his face and moving down his neck. He pressed his palm against Connor’s heart; it was racing. 

“Jude…” Connor breathed out against his mouth. Jude pulled back slightly, eyes travelling down until they landed on the white line of the towel around Connor’s hips. Just above the fabric, in the dip of his hipbone, was a small purple bruise. Jude’s breath hitched and he let his thumb press against it, Connor whimpering and arching towards him. 

“Don’t move ok?” Jude whispered, pushing Connor’s hips firmly to the wall. 

“You can’t ask that…not right now…” 

Jude looked at Connor steadily, hands still on his hips, the skin damp.

“Try.”

He waited for Connor to nod and then dropped to his knees. 

“Fuck.” 

Jude’s entire body was buzzing with nervous energy as he reached out and pulled on the knot holding the towel up. It dropped the floor and his eyes darted up to meet Connor’s. The air between them was heavy and electric, Connor’s eyes blazing. 

Jude leaned forward, hands holding on to Connor’s hips, kissing the soft skin just above his thigh. Connor’s muscles twitched but he remained perfectly still. Jude smiled and allowed himself to nip at the skin softly. Connor cursed above him and Jude moved his mouth, closer, closer, and finally…

He let his lips rest against the velvet skin, not moving just letting Connor feel them there. Then gently he licked a line up the length, starting at the base. His tongue circled the head, catching on the very tip, the taste of Connor sharp and intense. 

Jude pulled back a second, taking a deep breath, and then took Connor in his mouth. The weight of him felt heavy against his tongue, the skin so soft it almost didn’t feel real. He hollowed his cheeks experimentally, not moving down quite yet. Connor’s shoulders jerked off the wall but thankfully his hips stayed still. 

Jude’s tongue circled the head again as he pulled back, before pushing down, his lips stretching. Connor’s thighs were shaking with the effort to not move. Jude let go of one his hips, instead wrapping that hand over the place his mouth couldn’t quite reach. He moved them in unison, his jaw already feeling sore and spit running down his chin. It was messy and sloppy and Jude knew it was probably terrible, but when he looked up at Connor he was staring at Jude like he was the center of the universe. His hands were clenched at his sides, knuckles bone white, because Jude had told him not to move. His whole body was shaking and he was panting, Jude’s name spilling out of his mouth like a mantra. 

It didn’t take long for Connor to bring a hand up to push Jude away, his back arching off the wall as Jude continued to move his hand. Cum spilled over his fingers and slid down his wrist, a strand of it landing on the side of his neck. He cringed as he felt the warm drops sliding down inside of his shirt. 

Connor slid down the wall until he was kneeling in front of Jude, eyes wide and breathing heavy. 

“Jesus Christ….that was…”

“The worst blow job you’ve ever had? You have to cut me some slack man…I don’t have a whole lot of experience.” 

“Jude…” Connor mumbled, rocking forward and kissing him. Like really kissing him. His tongue slid into Jude’s mouth and his hands were gripped in his hair. 

“You kissed me…” Jude whispered as they broke apart.

“Why wouldn’t I?” Connor asked, thumbs running softly across Jude’s cheek bones. 

“I just had your…you know…I just…it was in my mouth!” 

Connor laughed, the sound echoing through the empty locker room. Before Jude could say anything else Connor leaned over and licked the side of Jude’s neck, where his cum was drying in a sticky line. Jude felt his whole body seize and his arms flew up to wrap around Connor’s neck.

“Oh my god…” he groaned, as Connor did it again. 

The shrill sound of the bell had them pulling apart, Jude jumping up on unsteady legs. Connor picked up his towel and wrapped it around his waist, his breathing still heavy. 

“Fuck…” Connor muttered, looking at the door like he expected a sea of students to pour in any minutes. 

“I need to leave.” Jude said, striding over and picking up his backpack from the floor. A hand wrapped around his wrist and spun him around, lips landing on his roughly. Connor kissed him fiercely, like it was the last time they would ever do it. 

“I’ll see you later ok?” Connor said breathlessly, letting Jude go. He couldn’t do anything but nod before turning around and walking through the door. 

~~

“Hey what’s on your shirt?” 

Jude tried to stop Luke but he already had his fingers on his collar, pinching the white stain that Jude had forgotten about. Luke leaned closer and then his eyes widened and he backed away so quickly that he almost fell.

“Is that jizz!? Did I just touch someone else’s jizz??!” 

Several people turned to look at them Jude shushed him, eyes wide. 

“Shut up will you?! Jesus Christ…” 

“Warn a guy next time maybe? Not cool man…” Luke shook his hand like he there was something on it, face screwed up in disgust. 

“Well how was I supposed to know you were gonna start grabbing me?” 

Luke just shook his head, looking at him.

“You gave some dude a blowjob. At school.” 

Jude felt his face heating up and he looked down the ground. Luke judging him was a whole new low. 

“Why the hell am I not gay?!” Luke cried out to the heavens. 

Jude stared at him.

“What?”

“I want blow jobs in the middle of the afternoon!” 

Jude started laughing, Luke’s pout just making it worse.

~~

Jude couldn’t sit still during dinner and his mom was sending daggers his way every few seconds. Her departments presentation had been that afternoon and from what he heard it was a disaster. The head of the department chose a brand new associate, fresh out of college, to present and he completely froze up.

“It should’ve been me up there! I would’ve kicked ass!” she had said when she got home, digging into a carton of phish food ice cream with a vengeance. 

“Damn straight.” 

She had cooked angrily, sloshing boiling pasta water onto the counter and barely avoiding it hitting her foot. Jude had decided to take over after that. Now they were seated at the dining room table, her still fuming and him jittering.

“What the hell is the matter with you? You’re acting like an electrocuted squirrel!” she exclaimed, slamming her wine glass on the table. 

“Weird day.” 

He hadn’t been able to stop thinking about that afternoon. When he took his jeans off earlier there were matching bruises on his knee cap. He had stared at them for a moment, heat running down his spine, before pulling on some sweatpants hastily. 

“Ok well I’m going to bed before I set fire to something. You’re a spaz but I love you.” she said, leaning over and kissing his head. She stomped up the stairs and Jude couldn’t help but laugh.

~~

Jude was waiting. He hated that he was waiting but he was. His phone was on his chest, infuriatingly silent. He glanced down at it for what felt like the millionth time but it stayed silent. 

After almost an hour he finally sighed and put it on the bedside table, rolling away from it and trying to go to sleep. 

He must have managed to at some point because the next thing he knew he was being woken up by his phone ringing. He rolled over and squinted at the display, the familiar name causing his stomach to flip.

“Connor…” he said quietly, his voice scratchy with sleep. 

“Hey…” Connor’s voice was impossibly soft, like he was trying to be quiet. Jude glanced at his alarm clock. It was 1 in the morning. 

“I almost gave up on you there…” he mumbled, laying back against the pillow and closing his eyes. 

“I’m sorry…practice ran late. And my dad kept me up half the night talking about the game tomorrow.” 

The first game of the season had landed on a Tuesday, which was strange. 

Jude just hummed quietly. 

“Plus I wasn’t sure what to say…” 

Jude’s eyes flew open and he waited, listening to Connor breathe. 

“What do you mean?”

“Jude…this afternoon…”

Jude’s heart clenched painfully. He had screwed it up. All of it. 

“I’m sorry…I shouldn’t have…”

“Why are you apologizing?” 

Jude paused.

“You’re not mad?”

Connor laughed, bright and happy.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” 

Jude’s heart was hammering against his chest. 

“Wha….”

“Jude. Listen to me. What happened today…it was amazing. You’re amazing.” 

Jude’s fingers were clenching around his phone so hard they went numb.

“Connor...”

“Next time it’s your turn.” 

Jude’s vision blurred.

“You can’t say things like that when I’m half asleep…it isn’t fair.” 

“What are you doing for lunch tomorrow?”

“You?”

“Jude…”

“I don’t know. Hanging out with Luke probably.” 

He imagined Connor rolling his eyes at that but when he spoke again it was in that same quiet, even voice. 

“Ditch him. Meet me under the bleachers.” 

“Seriously? I thought you hated cliché teenage movies.” 

“Just do it.” Connor said, laughing.

“Fine…tomorrow Stevens.” 

“Tomorrow.” He could hear Connor smiling.

“Goodnight Jude.”

~~

The minute he walked into school he was assaulted by a wall of noise. His eyes had to blink several times to adjust to the sea of blue and white in the hallway. 

“Jesus…” he muttered, pushing past a group of chattering girls.

“Can you believe it’s finally here?! Ugh I can’t wait to watch Connor play…” one of them said, looking dreamily at her friend who nodded enthusiastically. Jude smirked and kept walking. 

He found Luke and Melony pressed against a wall, giggling at the fans.

“Ridiculous isn’t it? I guess everyone has to have a hobby.” Luke yelled over the noise, smiling at him. 

“I suppose.”

“Come to the game with us!” Melony said, in her usual quiet voice. Jude had to lean into her so far to hear her that her hair brushed against his cheek. He raised an eyebrow at them.

“You’re going?”

“Hell yeah! It’s a fucking riot!” Luke yelled, looking around him at all of the teeming masses. 

“Alright fine. You’re picking me up though.” 

Jude couldn’t even imagine trying to fight this crowd of people for parking.

“Deal!” Luke said with another insane grin.

~~

Jude ducked under the bleachers and made his way far enough so people wouldn’t see him if they passed by. He pulled off his hoodie and lay it down on the dirt, sitting down and leaning back against the cool metal. 

He closed his eyes and waited. He heard Connor before he saw him, heavy footsteps and the sound of his letterman jacket shifting. 

“You’re late.” He said, opening his eyes and looking up. Connor was leaning over him, bracing himself against the bleachers with one hand.

“Maybe you’re just early…” he said, smiling down at Jude. There was the familiar flutter in his stomach but now there was something else, a deep set warmth spreading through his chest. He ignored it and watched Connor sitting down across from him, his leg pressing against Jude’s. 

“I can’t wait for this day to be over…” Connor muttered, looking at Jude with half lidded eyes.

“It seems like everyone is extra excited to see you play. Especially the freshman girls.”

Connor grinned at him, his eyes sparkling in the low light. 

“Scared they’ll steal me away from you?”

Jude’s breath caught in his throat. 

“No…”

“Well you have nothing to worry about anyway.” Connor said, shrugging, still smiling at him. 

Jude turned to look away, couldn’t stand to look at Connor anymore. Not without saying something incredibly stupid.

“Hey…” Connor said quietly, foot knocking Jude’s hip lightly. 

“Hm?”

“You alright?”

“Yeah, fine….”

Connor was frowning slightly. Jude reached out and wrapped a hand loosely around Connor’s ankle, squeezing. 

Connor smiled again, warmly.

“Were you born here?” Jude asked quietly. Connor tilted his head to the side, confused.

“Yeah…my dad moved here when my mom was still pregnant with me. They used to live in Seattle but he wanted to raise his kid in a small town.” Connor shrugged, looking down at his hands. 

“Do you like it?” Jude asked, watching Connor’s face.

“Sometimes…”

“Like when?”

“Like now.” 

They look at each other, a heavy silence settling over them. Jude’s heart was racing but all he could focus on was Connor. 

“Are you nervous about tonight?” Jude asked, his voice wavering. 

“Not really…either we win or we lose right?” 

Jude smiled, finally dropping his gaze to look at his lap. 

“Jude…” 

He looked up to see Connor leaning towards him. His chest felt full, like he swallowed a balloon.

Connor moved closer until his forehead was pressed against Jude’s, his hand coming up to rest in the space where his neck meets his shoulder.

Jude closed the space between them, kissing Connor softly. It was cold under the bleachers without the sun shining down on them but Connor was so warm. His hand was burning Jude’s skin and his mouth felt like it was on fire. 

They kissed slowly, mouths moving together lazily. There was no rush, it was like the world had stilled around them. 

Jude pulled away gently, running a hand down Connor’s arm. 

“The bell is going to ring soon.” 

Connor sighed, face still close to Jude’s. 

“Is it terrible that I would rather stay here than go to practice?” he whispered, like he was scared someone would hear him.

“Depends on who you ask….”

“If I asked you?”

Jude just kissed him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!
> 
> You didn't actually think I would make you wait until Monday did you?! I would never!
> 
> I won't ramble on too much this time but I did want to say thank you again for all of the lovely comments and support!!


	18. Chapter 18

His mind was like a mine field. Every time something reminded him of Connor it was all he could think about. 

Jude groaned and flopped back against his bed. He still had two hours until Luke would come to pick him up for the game. He reached over and picked up a book and tried reading, but his mind kept wandering back to that afternoon, Connor so close to him, just sitting quietly. 

“Fuck….” He muttered, tossing the book aside when he realized it was hopeless. 

He jerked in surprise when his phone started ringing and he answered without looking at the screen.

“Luke for the hundredth time I don’t give a shit what you wear.”

“Uh…hi.”

Jude sat up, eyes wide.

“Connor…hi.”

“Sorry I don’t want to bug you I just…I wanted to call you.” 

Jude squeezed his eyes shut.

“You can always call me…” he ended up saying, quietly, phone practically pressed to his lips. 

“You’re coming tonight right?” 

“Yeah I’ll be there…” 

He wanted to say something funny, joke about being a personal cheerleader. Instead he sat there listening to Connor breathe on the other end, his heart threatening to burst out of his chest. 

“Connor…”

“Yeah?”

Jude’s hands were shaking.

“I…I just wanted to say…” 

Connor stayed quiet, waiting.

“Good luck tonight.” Jude finished lamely, head hanging forward. 

“Thanks. We’re leaving now. I’ll see you?”

“Yeah…you will.”

~~

The crowd was worse than Jude could have ever imagined. Luke was somewhere in front of him, hand wrapped around Melony’s who in turn was clinging to Jude’s sleeve and pulling him forward. Jude could feel a slight tug on the back of his jacket and turned to find Christian, looking like he just woke up behind him.

“Hey man. Long time no see.”

Christian just nodded at him, smiling.

Luke led them up the steps of the bleachers towards the back. They found a row with enough space for the four of them, sitting next to a group of freshman girls with honest to god painted signs. 

“Do you think he’ll see it? We’re kind of high up….” One of them said, looking absolutely distressed that her sign might be overlooked. 

Jude glanced down, it said ‘Go #32! You’re the best!’.

God forbid #32 doesn’t get to read that literary masterpiece. 

“This is insane. What is it with small towns and football? I’m pretty sure at my old school more people showed up to the chess matches…” Jude practically yelled to be heard over all the noise. 

“This is nothing my friend! If they lose be prepared to run!” Luke shouted, grinning at him.

Jude shivered, shoving his hands into his pockets and watched everyone settling into their seats. The bleachers were packed by then, just a sea of blue and white. Across the field he could see the turn out for the opposing team, green and gold. 

“Who are we playing?” 

“North Bay. They’re not too bad but our boys are better!” Luke said, whooping and clapping as the coach strode out onto the field. Jude stared at him with a raised eyebrow until Luke looked over.

“What? I grew up here man! The spirit is contagious!” 

Jude tried to roll his eyes but instead ended up laughing. It was contagious. The energy around them was practically buzzing. 

Suddenly music started blaring from the giant speakers around the stadium, the cheerleader pouring out onto the field, arms held high. 

Two of them had a huge paper banner with the teams colors painted on it and they held it up between them. Jude realized what was going to happen a moment before it did. The team burst through the paper, rushing onto the field. He would laugh if it wasn’t incredibly cool looking. They all had their helmets on and he had no idea which one was Connor. He could definitely tell which one was Chad though.

“Whoo go #32!” one of the girls next to them yelled, standing up and waving her sign. The guy in the jersey with a giant 32 on it turned to look at them and waved. The girls squealed and sat back down but the guy kept staring up at the bleachers. 

“Stevens clearly picked his victim for the night.” Christian mumbled next to him and Jude jerked around to look at him. He was staring at #32, eyes half lidded.

“What?”

Christian just pointed down at the player, who had run off to rejoin the team.

“Connor Stevens.”

Jude whipped around to look at the field. Connor was standing just off to the side, the coach talking loudly to him, gesturing to a clip board. Connor nodded, reaching up to adjust his helmet. 

Jude couldn’t tear his eyes away. He could see how tense he was even from here, shoulders rigid under all the padding. 

The coach slapped a giant hand on his back and walked off and Connor turned around to look up at the bleachers one more time before running to join the rest of the team. Jude’s breath caught and he wondered if Connor could see him all the up here. 

“Oh my god he is so hot…” one of the girls mumbled, staring down at Connor dreamily. 

~~

Jude had no idea what the hell was happening. He tried to follow the game but it just seemed like an organized mess. Every once in a while the people around him would jump up and cheer and then they would jump up and scream angrily at the field. 

He finally gave up trying to figure out what was going on half way through and just watched Connor. He was fast, incredibly so, and Jude would lose him every once in a while as he ducked around the other players. You could see every muscle in his thighs underneath the tight white pants and the padding and the helmet made him look huge, even from where Jude was sitting. 

Jude tried to connect the guy down on the field with the guy he had been kissing under the bleachers that afternoon but it all seemed so surreal. 

After what felt like an eternity people started standing up around him, stretching and rubbing their hands together to warm them up.

“Is it over?” Jude yelled.

“Half time.” Melony said, tucking herself into Jude’s side. He raised an arm up to wrap around her, rubbing her back gently. It had been getting steadily colder and now the metal beneath him felt like an ice block.

His phone vibrated in his pocket and he took it out, making sure nobody could see the screen. 

_meet me by your locker after the game._

Jude read the text twice quickly and slid his phone back in his pocket before Melony or Christian could see. He halfheartedly watched the cheerleaders, wondering how much longer it was going to be.

“There’s a timer.” 

“What?” he looked down at Melony who was pressed against his chest, her hands tucked into the folds of his jacket. 

“It tells you how much time is left.”

“How did you..?”

“You’re jittering like crazy.” She said, looking up at him and smiling. 

“I thought there would be more action.” He replied, smiling back at her.

“There is about 11 minutes of actual gameplay during a football game.” 

They both turned to look at Christian, who seemed to be half asleep.

“Well aren’t you full of interesting facts.” Jude said, raising an eyebrow at him. Christian just grinned, staring straight ahead. 

Finally the teams ran back onto the field, jogging towards their coaches. Jude’s eyes immediately searched for Connor, finding him off to the side talking to another player. Before they ran back to their positions again Connor reached up and pulled off his helmet, his hair standing up in sweaty spikes. Jude’s heart started hammering in his chest as Connor looked up, right where they were sitting, and smiled. The girls next to them let out a gasp and Jude could see Christian turn to look at him from the corner of his eye. He used sheer force of will not to react, his entire body rigid. 

“Was he looking at me?! Oh my god he totally was!” 

Jude kept his eyes straight ahead as Connor pulled his helmet back on and ran to the middle of the field. He was surrounded by people, Melony still pressed against his side, but he felt like there was a spotlight on him. He couldn’t be sure if Connor had looked at him, but it felt like he had. 

There was a feeling rising in his chest and he pushed it down. It felt like warmth and pride and a little bit of smugness, because everyone around him could only imagine what kissing Connor Stevens would be like. He knew. 

“Are you even paying attention?!” Luke yelled, leaning over to look at Jude. 

“Uh I’m not really sure what’s going on.” 

“Yeah, clearly.” He laughed, turning back to look at field.

“We can go if you want.” Luke finally said.

“No it’s fine. I want to see who wins.” 

There was no way he would leave now. Not when Connor would be waiting for him after the game. 

~~

The screaming was at ear splitting levels as they weaved through the massive crowd. People were yelling and cheering and some were even crying. Christian had a death grip on the back of Jude’s jacket and he was holding on to Melony’s right hand. Finally they reached the edge of the crowd, letting go of each other. 

“Jesus…that was like a near death experience.” Luke muttered, shoving his hands into his jacket pockets. 

“Home?” Melony asked quietly, looking between them. 

“Uh…actually I forgot something in my locker…I’m gonna go grab it real quick.” Jude said quickly, trying not make eye contact with any of them for too long. Luke raised an eyebrow.

“We can go with you…”

“No!”

Even Christian’s eyes widened. 

“I mean…what’s the point of all of us going? I’ll be quick I promise.” He said quickly, turning around and walking away before they could respond. 

He walked through the front door of the school, the hallway almost completely dark. The silence should have been creepy but Jude found it oddly calming. Like he was the last person on earth. He turned the corner and walked toward his locker, which was at the end of the row, right next to the janitor’s closet. 

Connor was nowhere to be seen so Jude leaned against the cool metal, crossing his ankles in front of him. Before long he could hear distant footsteps but he kept his eyes trained on the floor, breathing deeply. 

The footsteps grew louder and he looked up just in time to see Connor come around the corner, still wearing his football gear. He looked at Jude and smiled, so bright that Jude couldn’t help but smile back. Connor strode towards him, reaching a hand out and grabbing the front of his jacket. 

Connor’s lips landed on his, still smiling. Heat was practically radiating off of him and his hair was dark with sweat. 

“Hi.” Connor breathed out, pulling away for a second, still smiling. Jude smiled back, couldn’t help himself. 

“Hi. You won.”

“We did.” Connor replied, arms wrapping around Jude’s waist and pulling his closer. 

“I wish I knew more about football so I could praise you on your…touchdowns? Is that a thing? Goals?” 

Connor laughed, bright and loud and happy, arms tightening around him.

“You’re hopeless.” He said, shaking his head but smiling even wider. 

“At least I’m pretty.”

Connor’s eyes softened and Jude felt a pang in his chest. He leaned over and kissed him again so he wouldn’t have to see that look on his face. The one that would give him false hope. 

“I need to shower…” Connor mumbled against his lips.

“Yeah you’re pretty disgusting.” 

“Says the guy who can’t stop kissing me…” 

Connor kissed him again to drive the point home and Jude pressed forward, soaking up the heat and the energy. 

“I have to go to the team dinner…we have one after every game.” Connor mumbled, after finally managing to pull away. His arms were still wrapped around Jude’s waist, keeping him close.

“Ok…I should go anyway. My friends are waiting.” 

“Right…ok…” Connor whispered, leaning in again. Jude couldn’t get enough. They were both radiating pent up energy, from the game and the fact that they were kissing in the middle of the halls that had been full of students just hours ago. Connor’s hands slid under his jacket, hands so incredibly hot that Jude could feel them through his t shirt. 

“Damn it….” Connor groaned, pulling away again. 

“We should go…now...” Jude whispered, lips ghosting over Connor’s.

“Jude…wait for me ok? I’ll come over.” 

Jude’s heart skipped, his eyes meeting Connor’s. 

“I will.”

Connor smiled, lazy and warm and kissed him one last time, hands slipping away. Jude watched him walk down the hall until he turned the corner to go back to the locker room. 

The warm feeling in his chest was back and in the back of his mind he knew what it was. He ignored his brain screaming the word at him, turned around and walked back outside. 

~~

“I’m starving.” Luke proclaimed once they had all piled into his car, the vents blowing stale hot air in Jude’s face.

“Aren’t you always?” Melony asked, leaning forward.

“Yes but I’m extra hungry now. All that excitement you know?” 

“Chubby’s.” 

They all turned to look at Christian who was hunched over in the back seat, beanie pulled over his eyes. 

“What was that my dear friend?” Luke asked, leaning toward him.

“Let’s go to Chubby’s. I would kill for a steak burger.” 

“Oh god yes.” 

Luke didn’t wait for anyone else’s input before he turned his car around. 

~~

If Jude thought it had been packed before it was definitely at capacity now. Not only was the dining room full of people, mostly wearing blue and white, but some were sitting on the hoods of their car, their food spread out in their lap. Jude jogged ahead, pulling the door open and gesturing the others inside. Melony curtsied as she squeezed past him and he smiled. 

“Jesus…they should really think about expanding.” Luke muttered as they got in line, which stretched almost the entire length of the tiny restaurant. 

Jude turned to scan the room, eyes landing on Chad, looking gigantic and extremely red sitting on top of a table and yelling about something. Behind him sat some of the other players, rolling their eyes as Chad continued his story. 

Before Jude could look away Connor got to the table, finally out of uniform, wearing a soft looking black sweater and dark jeans. Jude couldn’t tear his eyes away. He was gorgeous.  
Connor must have felt him staring because his eyes flicked up and met Jude’s. They both froze, just looking at each other. Jude’s skin came alive, his whole body incredibly aware of Connor. He could hear the door opening behind him but still he couldn’t look away. The corner of Connor’s mouth lifted just slightly, his eyes shining with a promise of later. 

Someone pushed past him and his concentration was broken. He looked down just in time to see a girl, her wild curly hair swinging, making her way over to the football teams table. He looked back at Connor just in time to catch his wide eyed stare and then the girl was stopping in front of him. Her hand reached out and brushed his chest, entirely too familiar. Connor’s hand instinctively wrapped around her waist, making her look tiny. She was saying something and Connor’s eyes were glued to her face, just a little bit awed. Both of her hands were now wrapped in his sweater, keeping him close. 

Jude watched her lean in, Connor’s eyes never leaving her face, and before she closed the distance between them Jude turned around and walked out. He could hear Luke calling his name over the rushing in his ears. The cold air hit him like a brick wall but he kept walking, his hands clenched. He didn’t know where he was going but he couldn’t stop. His legs kept moving, the beat of his heart almost painful in his chest. 

“Jude!” 

He kept walking. 

“Jude would you…Jesus you’re fast…would you stop for a second?” 

Jude slowed down, finally stopping, his legs practically shaking. Christian caught up to him, breathing heavy and leaned over, clutching his side.

“Fuck…I need to work out.”

Jude tried to say something but his throat felt like it was on fire. 

“Listen man….he’s not worth it ok?”

Jude turned to look at Christian.

“Fucking Stevens…he’s a player.”

Jude’s eyes widened and Christian looked up at him. 

“You’re not exactly as subtle as you might think. And if those other two had half a brain or paid any attention to anyone besides each other they would’ve seen it too.”

Jude gaped at him, words still escaping him.

“Look...I have no idea what’s going in between you two. So you either trust him…or you don’t. You either hear him out or you drop his ass. Those are your options.” 

Jude was still staring at him.

“That’s the most I’ve ever heard you talk.” He finally managed to get out, the words sounding strained.

“Yeah well…I usually don’t have a lot to say.” Christian replied, shrugging.

“What would you do?”

Christian looked off in the distance, thinking.

“Depends.”

“On what?”

“On how you feel about him.”

Jude’s heart clenched painfully in his chest. He knew exactly how he felt. The word was terrifying, looming over him like a dark cloud. 

“I…fuck…”

Christian looked pained, slapping a hand on his shoulder sympathetically. 

“Shit man…that’s rough.”

Jude snorted, nodding. 

~~

_jude let me explain._

_just answer me. Its not what you think._

_jude…please_

He ignored all of the calls and the texts, hunching over in the passenger’s seat of Luke’s car. 

“Why the hell is nobody telling me what’s going on?” Luke asked, looking around the car. 

“Nothing to tell.” Christian replied, shrugging.

“Oh really? Is that why Jude ran out of there like a damn bat out of hell and then we had to mysteriously leave right away?”

“Just don’t worry about it man.” Christian mumbled, pulling his beanie down over his eyes again. Luke huffed, hands clenching on the steering wheel. 

“Well I’m still fucking hungry.”

~~

Luke dropped Jude off first, climbing out of the car and walking him to the front door. 

“So…” he started, pulling out a cigarette and putting it between his lips. 

“Nothing is going on.”

Luke raised his eyebrow, pulling a lighter out of his pocket. 

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to…but if I need to kick some ass you just let me know ok?”

Jude laughed at the thought of Luke attempting to kick Connor’s ass. 

“Sure man, I’ll keep that in mind.”

Before Jude knew what was happening, Luke was wrapping his arms around him, hugging him awkwardly. 

“Are you…are you hugging me?”

“Yes. Just deal with it.” Luke mumbled, hand patting Jude on the back. He laughed again, hugging back for a moment before pulling away.

“I’m starting to think you’re into me.” Jude said, wiggling his eyebrows. 

“Bitch you wish.”

“Oh right…because you’re into Melony.”

Luke’s eyes widened and he stared at Jude, mouth hanging open.

“I…I’m not!”

“Uh huh…”

Luke huffed, looking away, cigarette still between his lips.

“Just don’t say anything ok?” he mumbled, refusing to meet Jude’s eyes. 

Jude smiled, clapping a hand on his shoulder, squeezing lightly. 

“I won’t. But you should.”

“Ok I’m leaving now.” 

Luke shrugged away from Jude’s hand and started walking towards the car. 

“Remember, I will kick ass for you Jude Foster!” Luke yelled out of the window as he pulled away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Monday! Well kind of. It's technically Monday so it counts! 
> 
> So it's getting a little angsty but do not fear! I know what I'm doing...mostly. 
> 
> You guys always amaze me with how well thought out and wonderful your comments are! I think it's my favorite part of writing, the incredible feedback from everyone. So please keep it coming! 
> 
>  
> 
> See you on Thursday! 
> 
> P.S. Full disclosure...I don't know shit about football. Soooo chances are the games will be very vague and focus more on the surroundings. Sorry!


	19. Chapter 19

Jude walked up the stairs slowly, ignoring the incessant vibrating in his pocket. He opened the door to his room and didn’t bother turning on the light, just collapsed on his bed. 

He sighed and finally pulled his phone out, not bothering to read the texts before deleting the entire thread. As his finger hit the delete button Connor’s name popped up on the screen. He debated answering for a second before throwing his phone across the room. It hit the corner of his dresser, going dark immediately. His mom would kill him for it later but he didn’t care, not right at that moment. 

His mind kept replaying the whole thing. The girl striding over to Connor, touching him, leaning up to kiss him. Like she had the right to, like she did it all the time. 

Anger flared up in his stomach, consuming his every thought. Of course he had a girlfriend. Why wouldn’t he? 

Jude wanted to punch himself. Connor never meant for it to be more than what it was. And like an idiot Jude had fallen for his stupid charming smile and his soft eyes. 

“Fuck…”

He couldn’t blame anyone but himself, not really. He knew from the beginning that Connor would never ask him out, or be his boyfriend. He had pretty much said that himself when they started…whatever this thing was. 

Jude would never admit it but Connor had been his first kiss. Well his first real kiss. He had kissed a girl named Rachel on a dare in fifth grade but that didn’t count. He groaned, covering his face with his hands, which for once were completely steady. 

There was a tapping noise and Jude dropped his hands, looking towards the window. Connor was hoisting himself over the window sill, looking entirely distressed. 

“Go away.” Jude said, voice flat. 

“Jude please…if you would just let me explain…”

“Explain what?” Jude asked, suddenly angry. He sat up and stood, striding over to where Connor was standing. 

“That girl, she’s…”

“I don’t care. Get the hell out of my house.” He said, shoving Connor toward the window. 

Connor stumbled back, face pinched in frustration before bracing himself against the window frame.

“Jude you have to listen to me.”

“I don’t have to do shit.”

Connor took a step forward but stopped when he saw the look on Jude’s face.

“Jude…please….”

“Isn’t this what you wanted? To fuck around with me to get whatever gay crisis you were having out of your system and then pretend like it never happened?” Jude was yelling now, his heart racing. Connor watched him, wide eyed.

“Would you just listen to me for one second?” Connor asked again, eyes pleading. Jude wanted nothing more than to give in, the anger inside of him turning into a desperate need for everything to go back to how it was. 

“Fuck you.”

Connor flinched, looking defeated.

“I don’t need this” Jude said shaking his head.

“You need to leave. Now.” Jude turned away from him, ignoring the pain in his chest. 

“No.”

The room was silent for a moment, Jude frozen with his back to Connor. He turned around to look at him, eyebrows drawing together.

“Not until you hear me out.”

Jude contemplated throwing Connor out, grabbing him and marching him downstairs. Slamming the door in his face. Instead he stayed silent, waiting.

“That girl…her name is Daria. Last year we were dating and then right before school ended we got into a huge fight. I assumed we were broken up and she left to spend four months in Europe with her family. She just got back and then she came and found me….Jude we hadn’t spoken to each other in months. I haven’t even thought about her. Then she just marched in there and I didn’t know what to do…But it’s over ok? I told her it was over.” 

Jude stayed silent.

“Jude you have to believe me. I wouldn’t…I wouldn’t do that to you.” 

“Why not?” 

Connor frowned, confusion clear on his face.

“What do you…?”

“Why wouldn’t you? We’re just screwing around right?” Jude’s voice was ice cold. He wanted to believe Connor, in the back of his mind he already had, but the anger was still simmering under the surface. 

“Why the fuck would it matter if you hurt me?”

“It does matter.” Connor face was determined, voice steady.

“Why?”

“Jude….” Connor said, almost pleading. 

“Why does it matter Connor?” 

“Because….”

“For fuck’s sake…” Jude muttered, hands pushing up into his hair.

“Because I like you!”

The silence settled over them, heavy and almost suffocating. Jude’s eyes widened and he watched as Connor shifted nervously, eyes dropping to the floor. 

“What?”

“I…you drive me crazy and you’re always a smart ass. You frustrate me and make me lose my fucking mind sometimes. But I can’t stop thinking about you….when you’re not around I just want to be with you.”

Jude’s heart was threatening to beat out of his chest. 

“I just…I like you ok?” Connor finished, eyes finally lifting to look at him. Jude’s whole body was shaking, his knees weak. 

He took three steps forward, hands coming up to grab Connor’s face, and kissed him. Connor breathed in sharply in surprise and then he was kissing Jude back, fiercely and desperately. They pressed together until Jude could feel Connor’s heartbeat, beating hard against his. 

Connor’s hands were pressed against his back, trying to get him even closer. Jude wrapped his hands around Connor’s hair, pulling lightly. Connor groaned and walked Jude towards the bed, Jude pulling him down on top of him as his legs hit the edge. Connor’s hands were braced above his shoulders, their hips slotted together. 

Connor sat back, pulling his sweater over his head, his tan skin glowing, even in the dim light of the dark room. Jude reached out and ran a shaking hand down his stomach, the muscles rippling under his touch. Connor leaned forward again, Jude’s hand sliding up and into his hair. They kissed with a renewed urgency, Connor’s hips moving against his insistently. 

Connor pushed his shirt up until Jude leaned up, letting him take it off and throw it on the floor. Their chests pressed together, skin against skin, and they both sighed. Jude arched his back, pressing the length of his body against Connor’s, groaning against his mouth. 

“Jude…” 

The way he said was different now, or maybe Jude was just hearing it in a different light. With the knowledge that Connor liked him. Actually liked him. 

Connor’s hands worked their way down his chest, touching every inch of heated skin and driving Jude crazy. Finally Jude could feel his fingers on the waistband of his jeans, unbuttoning them and pushing them down his hips. 

Then he was lying there completely naked, Connor above him, staring him. 

“Fuck…” Connor breathed out, eyes wide. 

Jude’s heart was beating like crazy, his face flushing under Connor’s gaze. Before Jude knew what was happening Connor moved back, standing up, his hands working his jeans open and pushing them down. Then he was on top of him again and it was nothing but skin again skin and Jude’s whole body was on fire. His vision went blurry as Connor pushed down against him, waves of pleasure washing over him. 

His back arched and his hands slid against the incredibly hot skin of Connor’s back. They air around them was warm and hazy, like a dream. Connor kissed down his neck, teeth grazing against his collarbone and Jude moaned, trying to get Connor closer.

Connor’s hand was gripping his thigh, the other one buried in his hair and Jude was absolutely dizzy with it. He was surrounded by Connor, his heat and his smell and his touch. Connor moved down his body, kissing along his chest, his soft lips following the slight scratch of his stubble. Jude closed his eyes, lost in every kiss and every touch, each one feeling like a brand on his skin.

Connor was between his thighs, broad shoulders pushing them apart. Jude felt the sting of teeth on his hipbone and then Connor’s mouth was on him, enveloping him in heat and everything went white. His hips lifted off the bed, trying to get closer and more, but Connor’s hands pushed them back down. 

His tongue ran down the length before circling the head slowly, Jude’s whole body shaking. His hands came up and wrapped themselves in Connor’s hair, pulling the soft strands, reveling in the muffled moans.

He knew he was making noise, Connor’s name and a myriad of curses spilling from his mouth, but he couldn’t stop. Everything felt too good and too much and not enough. 

Connor’s fingers dug into his hips before one of his hands fell away and Jude had enough time see it disappear under Connor before he realized that he was touching himself. He groaned, throwing his head back against the pillows, his skin hot and covered in sweat. He tried to push Connor away with shaking hands, could feel the pleasure building but Connor didn’t move, just wrapped a hand around Jude’s wrists and pushed them against the mattress. 

Jude cried out, shoulders coming off the bed, everything around him going hazy until all he could feel was Connor’s mouth wrapped around him, so incredibly hot. He collapsed afterwards, breathing shaky, his muscles spent. 

Connor was moaning softly, shoulder moving, his forehead pressed against Jude’s hip. Before he could gather the strength to do something Connor’s bit into the skin of his thigh, body tensing. Jude groaned, imaging the bruise he would have there tomorrow, heat spiraling through him at the thought. Connor raised himself up on shaking arms, crawling up his body slowly. His face was pink and his hair was standing up from where Jude’s fingers had gripped it. He was so beautiful that Jude’s heart clenched in his chest painfully. He reached out and brought his face closer, kissing him with everything he could. He could taste himself on Connor’s tongue and he shivered, groaning against his lips. 

“Jude…” Connor whispered, looking at him in the soft light coming through the window. It was too much and too real and Jude could feel his heart skipping.

~~

Connor lay on his back next to Jude, his fingers running over Jude’s palm lightly. They had thrown the covers over themselves, the cool air from the window drying the sweat on their skin.

“You like me…” Jude whispered. Connor turned to look at him, smiling softly.

“I do…” Connor mumbled, leaning over, his lips ghosting over Jude’s cheek. Their legs were pressed together, still bare and Jude’s head felt fuzzy. Everything felt like a dream.

“Do you…do you like _me_?” Connor asked, face still pressed against Jude’s cheek. 

Jude laughed, gripping Connor’s fingers in his hand. 

“Are you seriously asking me that?”

“Why is that so funny?” Connor asked, pulling away and frowning at him. Jude just laughed harder, Connor reaching over and pinching the skin on his side. 

“Ouch ok I’m sorry...” Jude muttered, slapping Connor’s hand away. He was still staring at him expectantly and Jude looked up at the ceiling.

“I do.”

“You do what?”

Jude rolled his eyes, rolling over until he was braced over Connor, looking down at him.

“I like you.” he whispered, leaning down and kissing the side of his mouth where it was turned up in a smile.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” 

Connor’s hands ran up Jude’s back, pulling him down until he was laying on top of him. Every inch of skin that was pressed against Connor’s was tingling, like an electric current. He leaned down and kissed him, because he could, because Connor _liked_ him. Jude’s leg slipped between Connor’s thighs and they both sighed, tongues sliding against each other lazily. This wasn’t like the desperate kissing from before, the heated passionate kind. It was slow and deep and messy and Jude loved it. Because Connor wasn’t going anywhere. 

Jude rolled his hips slightly, Connor’s breath hitching as they kissed, but neither of them made a move to do anything more. This was enough. Connor tasted like saliva, something warm like cinnamon and _him_ and Jude could feel heat running down his spine. 

They pulled away slowly, resting their foreheads together, hands lazily tracing over warm skin. 

“I need to go home…” Connor whispered, so quietly that Jude could barely hear him.

“Absolutely not.”

“Jude…” he said, but he was smiling, nose brushing Jude’s.

“Stay ok? Just for a little bit…” Jude asked, not ashamed this time. 

Connor pulled back until he could look at Jude, eyes warm. He smiled, one hand reaching up to cup the side of Jude’s face.

“I’ll stay….” 

Jude’s heart thudded against him chest, his whole body alive and buzzing with energy. 

He moved over to the side until he was laying down, facing Connor. They lay there, eyes locked on each other, hands clasped between them. 

“How long?” Jude asked. Connor’s eyebrows drew together and he waited for Jude to elaborate.

“How long have you liked me?”

Connor looked at him for a long moment, thinking.

“Remember when we had our first all day practice and I wasn’t in class? And you texted me to see if I was ok?”

Jude could feel his face flushing at the memory.

“You were worried about me…and it made me so happy.” Connor whispered, bringing Jude’s hand up to his mouth and kissing his knuckles softly. Jude breathed in sharply, the feelings in his chest threatening to burst out.

“What about you? When did you start liking me?” Connor asked, grinning. 

“When you were eating pizza on my couch…” Jude whispered, eyes dropping. Connor’s hand came up and tilted his chin, so he was looking at him.

“Jesus...who would’ve fucking thought?” He said softly, leaning in and kissing Jude.

~~

Jude fell asleep with his back pressed against Connor’s side, his arm warm against Jude’s skin. Connor had dug around in his jeans pockets until he found his phone, setting an alarm for two hours from then. In only minutes his breathing had turned deep, his eyelashes fluttering against his cheeks. 

Jude had watched him for a minute, smiling to himself. When he closed his eyes all he could see was Connor.

~~

The alarm went off with a shrill sound, causing both of them to jerk awake. Jude looked at the clock on his bedside table, eyes heavy. 

5:30 AM

“Fuck…” he muttered, pressing the palms of his hands against his eyes. Connor was stirring behind him, arm brushing against Jude’s back. He turned and watched him sit up, groaning, his back rippling as he stretched.

“Jesus...it’s a fucking school night.” Connor mumbled, his voice rough with sleep. Despite the exhaustion weighing on him Jude couldn’t help the wave of desire that ran through his body. Connor turned to look at him, smiling softly and reaching up to run a hand through his hair. 

Jude could feel butterflies fluttering against his insides, warmth filling his chest at the gentle touch.

“Thank you.”

Jude frowned.

“For what?”

Connor leaned down, kissing him gently.

“For hearing me out…I thought I had lost you for good.”

Jude’s heart skipped. 

“Not getting rid of me that easily.” He managed, voice strained.

Connor just smiled, brilliantly, the air around them hazy.

“I really need to go….” He whispered, eyes moving over Jude’s face like he was taking him in one last time. 

“Yeah…thanks for you know…the sex. And liking me.” Jude said, slapping a hand against his forehead as soon as the words were out of his mouth. Connor just laughed, forehead pressing against Jude’s shoulder.

“How could I not? You’re so suave.”

“Suave? And I’m the one with a terrible vocabulary?”

Connor was still smiling, his eyes crinkling in the corners.

“I’ll see you later ok?” he asked, nose brushing against Jude’s.

“Yeah, you will.” 

Connor looked down the length of Jude’s body, pushing down the covers draped over his waist until he could see the dark bruise on his thigh. 

Connor’s eyes darkened and he traced a finger across the tender skin, Jude breathing in sharply. 

“Jude…” he muttered, eyes half lidded and blazing.

Shivers ran down his spine as he waited.

“I’ll see you at school.” Connor finally said, grinning and kissing his cheek. 

“Oh you are so fucking evil.”

~~

Jude didn’t go back to sleep. Probably wouldn’t have been able to even if he tried. He stared at the ceiling and replayed the night in his head. From the game to seeing Connor with that girl to him crawling through Jude’s window. 

Connor telling him he liked him. 

Jude bit his lip to keep himself from smiling like an idiot. 

His alarm went off and he slapped a hand down to shut it up. Jude sat up and every muscle in his body felt sore, like he had run a marathon. 

He pushed his covers down until he could see the bruise, shaped like Connor’s mouth, standing out against his pale skin. He pushed a finger against it, the pain bursting through him. 

He shook his head, trying to clear it, and made his way into the bathroom to shower. 

~~

“You look fucking terrible.” Luke said as soon as Jude walked up to them.

“Gee thanks. Why are we friends again?” 

Luke smiled, shrugging. Christian was standing off to the side, head leaned back against the wall. When he heard Jude he looked at him for a moment before smirking and closing his eyes again.

“Good for you.” he muttered, burying his hands in his pockets. Luke looked between them, frowning.

“Ok seriously what the fuck? Why am _I_ the one who has no idea what’s going on?” 

Jude just smiled, patting him on the shoulder.

There was a commotion behind them and they turned around to watch the football team piling out of Chad’s SUV, a small crowd already gathering around them. Connor climbed out last, looking exhausted, pulling on his letterman jacket. 

Chad was bowing to the gathering of people, some of who were clapping. Jude rolled his eyes and tried to turn away but couldn’t stop glancing over at Connor. He looked relaxed, the rigid way he usually held his shoulder gone. Chad said something that caused the crowd to cheer, then turned around and grabbed the back of Connor’s neck to pull him forward. 

“What a fucking joke.” Luke muttered, leaning against the wall next to Christian. 

Jude opened his mouth to answer but Connor turned and their eyes met. Everything he had felt the night before came rushing back, paralyzing him. Connor turned away quickly, but he was smiling. Jude could feel his face flushing, the corners of his mouth tugging up.

Christian cleared his throat and Jude spun around to look at him. He raised an eyebrow knowingly and Jude knew he must be blushing. Luke just rolled his eyes at them and crossed his arms against his chest.

“Not fucking cool.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!
> 
> As you can probably see I have decided to post early. I know that leaving it the way I did was mean soooo... 
> 
> I was super set on waiting until Thursday because this chapter is CRUCIAL to the story but after reading and re reading and re writing and editing a million times I think this is as good as it's going to get and it was starting to freak me out. It is a little bit shorter than the chapter have been recently but it has a lot of development so i think it kind of makes up for it? Hopefully? 
> 
> I really hope I'm doing the story justice! 
> 
> Also some of you have said that you like this story better than the show and MY HEART CAN'T HANDLE THAT! You guys are honestly so lovely I can't even deal. 
> 
> <3 <3 <3 <3 <3


	20. Chapter 20

For the first time in what felt like weeks Connor was in class when Jude walked in. He was sitting in the back, several girls and a couple of guys surrounding him. A blonde that was sitting in the desk next to him giggled, flipping her hair and placing a small hand on Connor’s arm. 

Something unpleasant rose up in his stomach and he quickly sat down, facing away from them. He dug around in his backpack, trying not to hear the incessant giggling coming from the girls around Connor. He traced a hand over his thigh, pressing his thumb against the spot where the bruise was. He inhaled sharply and looked up to make sure nobody head heard him, but when he turned around to glance at Connor he was met with his burning gaze. Jude froze, their eyes locked on each other, Connor’s pupils blown wide. 

Jude spun around to look at the board, his entire body tingling. The memories from the night before came flooding back to him. Connor’s hands, so impossibly hot all over him, his shoulders pushing Jude’s thighs apart. His hands were gripping the edge of the desk so hard his fingers went numb.

“Can I use the restroom?” he asked the teacher, voice strained. He glanced up at Jude and nodded, waving his hand vaguely. Jude stood up and walked out, hoping he looked more relaxed than he felt. His body was strung tight, every nerve buzzing with energy. 

He walked through the door of the bathroom, making his way to the row of sinks and turning on the cold water. His hands were shaking as he cupped some in his palms and brought it up to his face. The cold water felt amazing against his flushed skin. 

The door slammed open behind him and he jerked around, eyes wide. Connor marched into the room, hands coming up to pull Jude forward. His mouth landed on Jude’s forcefully, tongue sliding between his lips. They both groaned, hands gripping each other desperately. 

“Fuck...” Connor breathed out against his lips. Jude leaned forward and took Connor’s bottom lip between his teeth, tugging lightly. Connor moaned, lifting Jude off of the ground and walking him into a stall with minimal effort. Jude’s back hit the wall, the entire stall rattling with the force. 

The only sound in the entire bathroom was their heavy breathing. Connor’s hands were burning against the back of Jude’s thighs, where he was holding him up. 

“We should go back to class…” Jude mumbled, whimpering when Connor bit the side of his neck, tongue swiping over the tender skin.

“You’re killing me…” Connor said, voice breaking. Jude shivered, hands clutching Connor’s shoulders. 

“Tonight.” He whispered, kissing Connor deeply one last time, hands in his hair. Connor sighed as they pulled away, hands slipping away as Jude slid down to the ground. 

Connor was looking at him with half lidded eyes, his hands reaching up to cup his face gently. Jude’s heart was threatening to burst out of his chest. It was too real and too much.

“How do you expect me to last the entire day without touching you?” Connor muttered, thumbs brushing Jude’s cheekbones softly. 

“You’ve done it before…” Jude answered, dropping his eyes. 

“And it almost killed me…” 

Jude felt a shiver run up his spine. 

“It’s not fair you now…saying things like that to me.” He said, lifting his eyes. He felt like his lungs were constricting. Connor’s eyes were so bright, greener than Jude’s ever seen them.

“Jude…” 

He waited, positive that the entire wall was vibrating with how hard his heart was beating. Connor just looked at him for a moment longer, hands still holding Jude’s face. Then he leaned forward and pressed his lips against the corner of Jude’s mouth before pulling away.

“Tonight.” He finally said, smiling brilliantly before he turned around and walked out. 

Jude’s knees were weak as he walked out a few minutes later. His entire brain was screaming at him and he tried not to listen. But he couldn’t ignore it, couldn’t deny it anymore.

_Love love love love love love love love_

“Fuck…” he groaned, slamming his forehead into the nearest locker. 

~~

“Move over.” 

Jude glanced up from his spot on the bleachers to see Christian, hands in his pockets. Jude moved over to the side, letting him sit down. When the lunch bell rang Jude knew he wouldn’t be able to see Luke. He would know something was up immediately. 

“Luke is having a hissy fit about you not eating lunch with us today.”

“So you left? He might actually faint now.” 

Christian smirked, looking out over the empty field. 

“He can manage.” 

The sun was shining but there was still a chill in the air. They sat there for a moment, the silence not entirely uncomfortable.

“Look,” Christian started, still not looking at Jude, “I’m not like Luke. I don’t talk about feelings or whatever…but seeing as I’m the only one who knows…you can talk to me.”

Jude looked at him for a long moment before smiling.

“You must hate this.”

“Oh I do.”

Jude laughed quietly, looking out over the field. The grass was so impossibly green despite the weather. 

“I think I love him…” Jude whispered, his hands shaking.

Christian glanced over at him.

“No shit man.” 

The silence fell over them again, the wind blowing leaves across the bleachers. Jude had tried to tell his brain to shut up, to stop over thinking. There was no way to avoid it any longer. Every time he would see Connor it was like an electric shock, everything too bright and too loud and too much. Kissing him was like breathing and every time he touched Jude his whole body felt like it was on fire.

“Have you ever been in love?” Jude asked.

Christian stayed quiet for a minute, thinking.

“I thought I was…I had this girlfriend in ninth grade. She made me feel…safe I guess? Fuck that sounds lame, but it’s true.” 

Jude watched him as he looked for the right words, his eyebrows furrowed.

“But eventually we just got bored of each other…drifted apart. I don’t think that happens when you’re in love.” 

Jude looked down at his hands, fingers still twitching with nerves. He thought about a day when Connor would stop texting him, stop coming around…

“Fuck…” he muttered, reaching up to run a hand through his hair. 

“Jude…whatever you’re thinking man, stop it. If it’s good and if it feels real then you fucking go for it.” Christian said, looking at him. They held each other’s gaze for a long moment.

“Are we best friends now?”

Christian snorted, shoving his hands deeper into his pockets.

“Luke would actually murder me if he heard you say that.” 

“He is kind of obsessed with me.”

“You could say that again.” 

They laughed quietly, the bell ringing behind them. 

“Shit, we should go.”

Christian stood up, waiting for Jude to grab his things.

“Hey…thank you. You didn’t have to do any of this.” 

Christian shrugged, looking down at his feet.

“No problem man…we’re friends yeah?” 

Jude smiled, clapping a hand on Christian’s back.

“Yeah.”

~~

His mom was home when he got there, banging around in the kitchen. He peeked around the corner, eyes wide.

“Mother? Is that you? It’s been years!” he exclaimed, walking forward and wrapping his arms around her. He could practically feel her rolling her eyes.

“Ok yes I get it. But I also thought my child was eighteen and capable of taking care of himself. Silly me”

“I haven’t left the nest quite yet.” He replied, letting go of her. She turned around, smiling and then stopped her eyes going to his neck.

“What’s this?” she asked, raising her eyebrows. Jude’s eyes widened as he remembered Connor that morning, biting his skin. 

“Uh…I burned myself?” 

She was smiling so widely he thought she would pass out.

“It’s a hickey!” 

“No it isn’t.”

“My son has a hickey!” 

“I think you’re the first parent to be this excited about something like this.” He muttered, trying to escape the kitchen. She ran around him and blocked the doorway, which was laughable since he could have easily moved her.

“Mother please.”

“Who is he?” 

He sighed, looking at anything but her.

“I told you….it’s not a hickey. It’s a birthmark.”

“I’m the one who gave birth to you remember?”

“There’s no proof of that.”

She groaned in frustration.

“What happened to a gay boy’s mother being his best friend? What’s the point if you’re not going to tell me anything?” 

“There’s nothing to tell.” 

She pouted but moved aside to let him through. 

“Ok fine. But when you’re ready to tell me I’ll be right here waiting.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!
> 
> I know this chapter was ridiculously short and I am so sorry! I've had a crazy week at work and I'm so exhausted I can't even function. I'm actually falling asleep as I type this. BUT there will be an update on Sunday AND Monday to make up for this since I will have time to actually write in the next couple of days. Hopefully you're not too mad at me!! 
> 
> I honestly have no words when it comes to how amazing you guys are. Every time I read all of your comments I want to curl up and cry for hours. You are all so incredibly brilliant and sweet and amazing and I want to hug every single one of you!  
> I would never be able to do this without your incredible support! 
> 
> Seriously I don't know what I did to deserve all of the love!
> 
> But I'm sending it right back at all of you!!! <3 <3 <3
> 
> Don't forget this week there will be three back to back updates! So I shall see you tomorrow!


	21. Chapter 21

Jude stayed downstairs with his mom for most of the night, first doing his homework at the dining room table and then watching tv with her while they ate dinner. She was sitting on the couch, feet tucked under his leg. 

He saw his phone light up where it was lying on the coffee table, Connor’s name flashing across his screen. He reached out to grab it before his mom could see, bringing it close to his face.

_come upstairs._

His heart started pounding against his chest almost immediately. 

“Hey I think I’m going to head to bed…” he said, trying to keep his voice even. She barely glanced up at him, eyes glued to the tv.

“Ok love. Goodnight.” 

He leaned over and kissed the side of her head before making his way up the stairs. Connor was sitting on the edge of his bed, wearing another soft looking sweater, navy this time. His hands were clasped in front of him and he looked almost nervous. 

“Hey…” Jude said quietly, closing the door behind him. He had never been more grateful for the fact that his room was the furthest one in the house. 

“Hi.” 

Connor stood up, walking forward until he was right in front of Jude. 

“I think you’ve ruined me.”

Connor frowned.

“I can’t think of one smart ass thing to say.” Jude said, shrugging. Connor blinked at him for a moment before laughing loudly, head thrown back.

“You are so ridiculous.” 

Connor reached out and wrapped one arm around Jude’s waist, pulling him forward until he was flush against him. 

“How was your day?” Connor muttered, mouth barely an inch from his. Jude leaned back looking at him for a moment.

“Huh?”

“Your day? How was it?” 

Jude blinked, confusion clouding his brain.

“My day? It was….good I guess. How was yours?”

Connor smiled, his hand tracing light circles on Jude’s back.

“It was fine. I couldn’t stop thinking about a certain someone though…” he whispered before leaning in and kissing Jude softly. They melted into each other, Jude’s arms coming up to wrap around Connor’s shoulders.

Connor grabbed the hem of Jude’s shirt, pulling it over his head, followed quickly by his own. Their kisses were slow, languid, but their bodies were thrumming with need. Jude traced the hard lines of Connor’s stomach, fingers dipping into his waistband as he worked his jeans open. They slid to the floor with a muted sound. Soon they were both naked, clothes littering the carpet, still standing in the middle of the dimly lit room. 

“Connor…” Jude whispered, pulling away for a moment. He walked backwards, hands wrapped around Connor’s arms, leading him.

It was almost familiar now, Connor’s shoulders above him, his face so close to Jude’s. He reached out with shaky hands and ran them up Connor’s arms, fingers gripping his shoulders.

“Jude…” Connor breathed out, grasping his wrists and pinning them against the mattress. The air turned heavy in an instance, their labored breathing loud in the quiet room. Connor’s skin was on fire where it touched his. He looked at Jude with blazing eyes before leaning down and kissing him, both of them inhaling sharply as their bodies aligned perfectly. 

~~

Connor was sitting on the floor of his room, the tiny desk lamp the only source of light. Jude was lying on the bed, limbs still shaky as he watched him. Connor had slipped out of bed and walked over to his bookshelf, wearing nothing but his boxer briefs.

“You like to read huh?” he had asked, turning to smile at Jude. 

Jude’s brain hadn’t fully grasped the words so he had just nodded. Earlier Connor had held him down, hands still pinning his wrists above his head, grinding into him. Their bodies moved together until their skin was covered in sweat, the air around them unbearably warm. Connor had whispered softly in his ear, things he wanted to do to him, how he looked right at that moment. Jude had blushed and ducked his head, avoiding Connor’s eyes. 

It was all too much. Connor’s hand had wrapped around him, burning hot, and he lost it. It felt like it went on for hours, his vision going blurry as Connor froze against him, groaning into the side of his neck. 

Now Jude watched as Connor pulled books off of the shelf and spread them on the floor, sitting down in the middle. He picked up one after the other, reading the back and flipping through the pages. Jude opened his mouth to tell him to not bend the spines but Connor was so gentle with them it was like he was handling a baby. Jude felt himself smiling and he hid his face in the pillow he was laying on. 

“You have two of these.” Connor said, holding up Invisible Monsters. It was the copy that Jude had bought with Luke, the one that had been scribbled in and highlighted.

“It’s my favorite.” He mumbled, clearing his throat. His voice was scratchy and rough and he could see Connor go rigid at the sound. 

“Maybe I should read it then…” Connor mumbled, reading some of the passages. Jude watched him for another few minutes, looking at the tan lines of his back, his shoulders shifting when he reached over to grab another book.

Jude reached up to rub the side of his neck, wincing when sharp pain shot through him. He remembered the hickey from earlier and the fact that Connor had latched on to the same spot as he came…

“You should probably stop biting me so much. My mother is getting concerned…” 

Connor spun around to look at him. 

“Your mom noticed?”

“Well she’s not blind…and you’re not exactly subtle.” He said, gesturing to his body, which at this point was covered in various marks. Some from Connor’s fingers digging into his skin and others from his mouth.

Connor bit his lip to keep himself from smiling but he couldn’t hide the smug look on his face. 

“What did you tell her?” Connor asked, after getting his face under control. 

“Nothing. But she’s convinced I’m hiding a secret boyfriend or something…” he shrugged. 

“Well you kind of are…” Connor muttered, turning his attention back to the books. Jude’s body went numb, the words crashing through his mind over and over.

“What?” he squeaked out. Connor turned back, one eyebrow raised.

“What?” he asked, looking around in confusion.

“What did you just say?” 

Connor was looking at him like he was insane and Jude wondered for a moment if maybe he was. Maybe he had been hearing things.

“You said she thinks you’re hiding a secret boyfriend and I said well you kind of are…” 

Jude’s eyes went wide and Connor was still frowning at him like he was missing something. 

“What’s wrong?” Connor asked, crawling over to the bed on his hands and knees. Jude shook his head, words completely impossible right at that moment. Connor looked at him for another moment before clearly deciding that nothing was seriously wrong. 

“Hey what are you doing this weekend?” Connor asked quietly, reaching up to grab Jude’s hand.

“Uh…I don’t know.” His voice was still shaky but he managed to get the words out. 

“Keep your schedule open ok?” Connor said quietly, kissing his palm before scooting back to his place on the floor. Jude stayed silent, just watching Connor read book cover after book cover. He realized that Connor was putting them into piles.

“What are the piles for?”

Connor glanced up, pointing to the one closest to him.

“These are the ones I think sound interesting.” 

The pile in the middle.

“These are the ones that are probably amazing but don’t sound like something I want to read right now.” 

The pile the furthest from him.

“And these make me question your judgement.” 

“Hey! I like to broaden my horizons!”

Connor raised an eyebrow.

“Ok well they might be a little too broad at his point…” 

Jude huffed, slipping off the bed and coming to sit next to Connor. He reached over and grabbed one of the books in the ‘question your judgment’ pile. 

“Twilight might be pushing it but I had to see what all the fuss was about!” he said, hand skimming over the glossy black cover. 

“Do you have Fifty Shades of Grey too?” Connor asked, grinning at him. Jude rolled his eyes, pushing Connor’s shoulder lightly. 

They sat on the floor, Connor asking him about books and Jude giving him his opinions and recommendations. Eventually Connor had a pile of about ten that Jude said he could borrow as long as he kept them safe.

“I feel very strongly about these things.” He said, giving Connor a stern look. He had just smiled at Jude, leaning over and kissing the side of his mouth.

“Yes sir.” 

They sat there for a moment longer, a comfortable silence hanging over them. Connor was running his fingers over the covers of the books, skin catching on the lettering.

“So…Chad hasn’t been on my case lately…” Jude winced as he said it. The last thing he wanted to talk about when Connor was half naked in his room was Chad. But it had been weighing on him, the complete lack of bullying. The fear that it was the quiet before the storm was giving him anxiety. 

“I told him to lay off…” Connor said, shrugging. Jude could feel his eyebrows drawing together in a frown.

“Aren’t you scared he’ll think something is up?”

Connor looked up at him, confused.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean…as far as Chad is concerned we’re perfect strangers right? So why would you care about what happens to me?”

“I do though.”

Jude’s heart skipped.

“But to Chad it wouldn’t make any sense.”

“Nothing makes sense to Chad.” Connor said, grinning. Jude sighed, looking up at the ceiling.

“You know what I mean…”

“Yeah I do…” Connor was looking down, tugging on a loose fiber in the carpet. 

“I just…I don’t want them to give you any trouble.” 

Connor looked up at him again, smiling softly. 

“You sweet on me Foster?” 

Jude shoved him again.

“Shut up.”

They smiled at each other, something warm settling in Jude’s chest. 

“It’ll be fine. They’re not the brightest bulbs if you know what I mean.” 

Jude thought back to that morning. They had been making out in a bathroom in plain sight. Anyone could have walked in. And if Connor had been telling the truth, about his dad and his scholarship, the last thing Jude wanted was to be the reason that Connor’s life was ruined.

“We should still be careful…” he finally said, looking down at the ground. He could feel Connor watching him but he didn’t say anything else. 

“You should date that girl.” He said, the words tasting sour in his mouth. He could see Connor’s body tensing. 

“What?”

“The one from Chubbys…Darla…” he knew her name, would probably never forget it. But he didn’t want Connor to see just how much it had gotten to him.

“No.” 

Jude looked up at him. 

“It’s a good idea…people wouldn’t suspect anything.”

“No. I’m not doing it.” 

Jude nodded.

“Right…you don’t want to hurt her.” 

“No that’s not it. I mean yeah that would be shitty for her but Jude….” He reached out, hand cupping Jude’s chin and making him look at him. 

“I could never do that to _you_ ”

Electricity shot through him. Connor looked so determined and so incredible sincere that Jude felt like burying his head in the ground so he would never have to deal with this. That terrifying feeling in his chest grew as he looked at Connor.

“You…why are you like this?” he breathed out. Connor smiled softly at him, leaning forward and kissing him. Jude’s brain went completely quiet, until all he could feel and think about was Connor’s lips on his. Connor pulled away entirely too soon, Jude chasing his mouth as he sat back.

“I need to go…or else I’m never going to leave.”

_Then don’t._

Jude almost said it out loud, his hands itching to reach out and hold Connor there for the rest of his life. 

“Yeah…we have school tomorrow.”

Connor groaned, getting up from the floor slowly and reaching a hand out to help Jude up. He watched as Connor gathered his clothes. Once he was dressed he picked up on of the books in his ‘to read’ pile and tucked it under his arm.

“Please don’t fall and break something.” Jude said, wondering how he planned to climb with only one arm. Connor just grinned at him, winking.

“Don’t underestimate my skills.”

“Ok as long as you don’t overestimate them.” 

Connor just kept smiling, leaning over and kissing Jude, lips lingering for a moment before pulling away. Jude watched as he swung his legs over the window sill, looking back one last time before he disappeared into the darkness.

~~

“Imagine me and Christian were both drowning right? And you only had time to save one of us. Who would you save?” 

Jude sighed, leaning his head back against the wall behind him.

“Luke, we had lunch together once. I’m not cheating on you ok?”

Christian was silent, beanie pulled over his eyes, but Jude could see a small smirk pulling at the corner of his mouth. 

“Yeah alright. But I’m watching you.” 

Jude rolled his eyes, laughing quietly.

They watched as the football players made their way across the parking lot, their usual group of admirers around them. Jude could see the curly haired girl among them, Daria. She was walking next to Connor, who was at the back of the group, hands shoved into the pockets of his letterman jacket. She was waving enthusiastically and talking a mile a minute, Connor nodding every so often to appease her but the blank look on his face told Jude that he probably wasn’t processing anything she was saying. 

Jude smiled, looking away from the team. The night before had been so different from the others. The desperate need they had for each other was still there, maybe even more so. But now Jude wanted to talk to Connor, to get to know him in a way that nobody else ever had. 

Before Jude headed inside he took one last look at the group of football players, his eyes meeting Connor’s. They both paused for a second, just looking at each other. Jude turned away first, his face flushing.

~~

The rest of the week passed by quickly with the football practices starting up again. Connor still texted him every day; pictures from practice, updates of the book he was reading. 

Jude refrained from asking him about the weekend, wondered if Connor even remembered asking him about it. On Saturday morning he woke up surprisingly early. There were two texts from Connor and he squinted at the screen, sleep still clouding his mind.

_text me when you wake up._

_meet me outside at 10._

Jude frowned and glanced at the clock. 8:45 AM. 

He didn’t bother texting back, wasn’t even sure what to say, and went to shower. He dressed quickly and headed downstairs to grab something to eat. His mom had left early that morning to drive half of Mariana’s dance team to a competition. 

Jude managed to eat a banana despite his anxiety wreaking havoc on his appetite. At 9:45 he glanced out of the window and saw a black pickup parked in his driveway. He took a deep breath, ignoring the shaking in his hands and walked to the front door.

Jude made his way over to the truck, the window rolling down as he approached to reveal Connor, smiling at him brightly.

“Good morning.” 

“Uh…what exactly is happening right now?”

Connor looked around him quickly, seeing if anyone was in the street, before reaching out and grabbing the front of Jude’s sweater and pulling him in for a kiss. Jude inhaled sharply, pulling away with wide eyes.

“We’re going on a date.” Connor said, still smiling at him.

Jude just blinked at him. 

“Huh?”

“You know it’s that thing that people do when they like each other?” Connor said slowly, raising his eyebrows. Jude kept blinking at him. Connor sighed, opening his door and climbing out. He grabbed Jude’s hand, walking him around to the other side and opening the passenger’s side door. 

“Come on.” He said, pushing Jude towards the truck. Jude’s legs felt like jelly but he managed to climb in without injuring himself. Connor walked back around and hopped into the driver’s seat, turning the key. 

“Wait did you say date?!” 

Connor just laughed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!
> 
> Can you tell that the power of smut was not with me this time around? I tried, I really did but alas it just was not happening. So it had to be slightly vague. Speaking of which...a few of you have been asking if they've had sex yet. I suppose it depends on how you define it but no, they have not had full on sex yet. No penetration in sight basically. 
> 
> Anyways hopefully that clears up any confusion :))
> 
> As always you guys are absolutely incredible and amazing!!


	22. Chapter 22

Connor drove quietly, one arm propped up the window. Jude watched him, trying to comprehend what was happening. His face felt warm and he knew he must be blushing but it was too cold to roll the window down. The artificial heat coming from the vents wasn’t helping either. Connor glanced over at him and smiled. Jude tried to smile back but his face wouldn’t cooperate. 

“Seriously you need to say something because this silence is freaking me out.” Connor said, gripping the steering wheel with both hands. 

“Uh…how have you been?”

“How have I been? Really?”

Jude bit his lip, trying to come up with something else to say. Connor was still smiling softly but he looked tense, like he was nervous. 

“Where are we going?”

Connor’s eyes lit up and his smile widened, some of the tension leaving his shoulders. 

“It’s a surprise.”

“Like a nice surprise? Or like a murdering me in the woods surprise?”

“Is this like a recurring nightmare for you? I feel like you always think someone is going to murder you in the woods.” 

Jude shrugged.

“I’m very murder-able. And where else would you do it?”

Connor sighed, shaking his head. 

“You are honestly the strangest person I’ve ever met.” 

“Yeah I know. But seriously…where are we going?”

Connor just looked at him and grinned, eyes twinkling. 

~~

It took almost an hour to drive to the ‘surprise’, which ended up being a giant wall of trees. 

“So…murder?” 

Connor climbed out of the truck without another word and walked around to the other side, pulling Jude’s door open. 

“Ready?” he asked, holding a hand out. Jude took a deep breath and let Connor take his hand and pull him out. 

Their hands separated as soon as Jude’s feet were on the ground and Connor walked towards the trees. Jude followed slowly, wondering what the hell this was about. As soon as they stepped between the huge trucks they were enveloped in a muggy darkness, the vast amount of leaves blocking out the early morning sun.

“Is this like a party clearing thing? Or a water tower thing? Cause I’ve done those.” Jude said, pushing branches aside so they wouldn’t hit him in the face.

“Someone took you to the party clearing?” Connor asked, looking back at him.

“Yeah Luke did.” 

Jude ran face first into a spider web and tried to freak out silently.

“Of course he did. Well no this is neither.” 

Connor saw him flailing and stopped, grabbing Jude’s face between his hands and pulling fine, translucent strands from his cheeks. 

“You’re a mess.” 

“Yeah well you’re the one who likes me so what does that say about you?”

Connor smiled, plucking one last web from his eyelashes. 

“Let’s go.” 

They kept walking, the woods getting darker and the path getting rougher. At one point Jude tripped on a root and fell hard into Connor’s back. They had barely stopped themselves from falling into the dirt and it was only because Connor was more or less a brick wall. Finally Connor stopped, putting an arm out to keep Jude back. He could see light between the trees in front of him, could hear the sound of birds and running water. 

“You have to promise me something…you can’t tell anyone about this place” Connor said, quietly even though there wasn’t anyone around for miles.

“Um…ok.”

“Say it.”

“What?”

“Say you promise.”

Jude sighed.

“I promise.”

Connor bit his lip and grabbed his hand again, butterflies rising up in his stomach immediately. He pulled Jude through the remaining line of trees and he had to shield his eyes from the bright sun on the other side. When his vision returned his mouth fell open. It was an open field, a clear stream running down the middle. The grass was still bright green, despite the dropping temperatures and on the banks of the water there were flowers of every color. Jude looked around, taking everything in. It was warmer there too, the sun shining on the blades of grass. The stream was clear and sparkling, the water almost diamond like in the light.

“This is…amazing.” He said, breathlessly. Connor was looking at him, smiling softly, eyes watching his reaction.

“I found it one day when I was out running…”

He led Jude over to a spot where the grass was almost ankle height. Connor sat down and pulled Jude’s hand until he sat down next to him. 

“You know for someone who hasn’t read Twilight this is pretty Twilight of you…” he mumbled, still looking out over the grass. 

“I’ve read it.” 

Jude whipped around to glare at him.

“Then why the hell would you make fun of me?”

“I read it. I don’t own it. Unlike you.” he said, grinning. Jude frowned, turning away to look across at the stream. He could see the shiny slivers of fish swimming just under the surface. 

“So…is this it?” Jude asked.

“What do you mean?”

“Is this the date? Us just sitting in the woods?”

Connor was frowning at him, hands fidgeting against his legs. 

“I mean we can leave if you want….”

“No!” Jude reached out and grabbed Connor’s arm even though he hadn’t made any move to get up. 

“I didn’t mean it like that….I just…we’ve never done this.” 

“I know…that’s why I brought you here.” 

“I don’t mean a date I mean like…sitting and talking. At least not without having sex first.” 

“We could do that too.” Connor grinned, raising an eyebrow at him.

“Are you suggesting I blow you in this peaceful field in the middle of the forest?”

“You said it, not me.” 

Jude turned away so Connor wouldn’t see him smiling. The sun was shining down on them and the air had the warm hazy quality that it always did in the morning. Connor was quiet beside him and Jude glanced over at him. He was leaning back on his hands, face titled toward the sun. His skin almost glowed, still tan even though it was almost winter. His eyes opened and he glanced at Jude, smiling softly. In this light they were so incredibly green.

“Tell me something.” Connor mumbled, closing his eyes again.

“What?”

“Anything. Something about you.”

Jude looked down and pulled at a strand of grass until it snapped off in his hand. 

“Uh…in seventh grade I stopped talking for three months.”

Connor opened his eyes and looked at him for a long moment, not saying anything.

“Why?” he finally asked when he realized Jude wasn’t going to elaborate.

“I don’t know…the shrink said it was PTSD but who knows.”

“PTSD from what?”

Jude winced, peeling the strand of grass in his hands into tiny strips. 

“It’s kind of a long story…”

“Jude…”

“Now you tell me something.”

Connor stayed silent, looking at him with concern, but didn’t push Jude any further. 

“Ok umm…my parents got divorced when I was twelve and I was so convinced that it was my fault that I threw up every morning on the way to school. They took me to a specialist and everything.” 

Jude stayed quiet, watching his face. The way he said it made it sound like it was no big deal and Jude supposed it had been a few years so maybe he was over it. Still he didn’t know what to say. He could imagine Connor, six years younger, making himself sick from guilt. 

“I’m sorry…”

“It was a long time ago.” Connor said, shrugging. 

It felt strange, getting a glimpse into Connor’s life. It made Jude realize just how much he didn’t know about him.

“Tell me something else.” Connor said, words cutting through the awkward silence that had fallen over them.

“Alright…um my mom is dating a woman.” 

Connor blinked at him.

“Are you serious?”

“Yeah.”

Connor laughed loudly, eyes squinting.

“That’s wild man! What are the chances huh?”

Jude smiled, glad that the mood was lifted. 

“Your turn.”

“Actually I was going to ask you something…”

Jude waited, heart already starting to race. 

“That first night…when I came to see you. You kissed me.”

“Yeah…” Jude could feel his face flushing. He remembered. He remembered Connor brushing past him, the contact shocking him even through the thick leather of Connor’s jacket. He remembered his brain making the split second decision before he grabbed Connor’s arm and turned him around. 

“Why?”

Jude’s eyes widened as he looked at Connor who was looking back at him. He still looked relaxed, face curious. 

“I…have no idea. You touched me and it was like my brain shut down…I didn’t even think.” 

Connor’s face didn’t change, he was still watching Jude closely. 

“I’m glad you did…” It was so quiet that Jude barely heard it over the water and the birds. They looked at each other for a long moment, the light making everything dream like around them. Jude heart clenched and he bit his tongue to keep himself from saying something incredibly stupid. 

“You seem…oddly comfortable with all of this.” He said after he was confident that he wouldn’t blurt out anything life ruining. 

“With what?”

“ _This_. Being with a guy. That day….you freaked out.”

Connor leaned forward, hands coming together in his lap. 

“It’s not just ‘being with a guy’ Jude. It’s being with you. I like _you_.”

Jude could feel his breath catch in his throat. Connor leaned towards him and the air got heavier. He kissed Jude softly, one hand coming up to his face, holding him there. It was slow and lazy and the warmth of the sun was surrounding them. Connor sat up on his knees, moving forward until he pushed Jude down onto his back, fitting himself on top of him. It wasn’t the type of kissing that was meant to lead to something. It was kissing for the sake of kissing. Just to feel the other person, their lips on yours, bodies pressed together. Jude’s head was swimming from the warm air and Connor’s smell mixed with dirt and fresh grass. His arms wrapped around Connor’s back, hands skimming over the warm material of his sweater. They kissed for what felt like hours, lips swollen and red, almost panting when they finally pulled apart. 

“Jude…” Connor whispered, running a hair through his hair. 

Jude’s body felt impossibly heavy, like he could sink into the ground any minute. 

“We need to get moving.” 

“What? Why?” he wanted to stay there forever, with Connor pressing down into him, his hand in Jude’s hair.

“I have other things planned.” 

Jude finally let his curiosity win, sitting up slowly, Connor moving back. 

“It better be good.”

“Oh it is.” 

~~

Connor drove in the opposite direction of home. Jude wondered if it was to make sure nobody saw them together but didn’t mention it. They pulled up next to a tiny brick building with huge windows and a red roof. Connor got out and Jude followed, stopping when they got to the door. Connor turned to smile at him before pulling the door open and gesturing for him to go inside. It was a restaurant, tiny and intimate. There were a few people sitting at the small tables, heads bent close together. Jude could feel his palms sweating. A hostess showed them to a table in the corner, leaving them with menus and a knowing smile. 

“This is…” Jude looked around again. The lunch time rush must have just started and everyone around him looked relaxed and happy. Connor was sitting across the table and looking at him, not even touching his menu.

“This place is the best.” Connor said, smiling at him. Jude felt himself blushing as he looked down at the white tablecloth. He wondered how many people Connor had brought here. If maybe Daria had been one of them.

“You like Italian food?” 

“It’s my favorite.” 

Jude smiled up at him, mind still going a million miles a minute. Their waiter came over and Connor ordered for both of them. 

“Tell me something.” Connor said, hands clasped on the table in front of him. Jude felt the side of his mouth turn up slightly. 

“Ok…when I was in fourth grade I broke my foot. Then I was trying to shower with my cast and slipped and broke my arm.” 

Connor grinned, laughing quietly. 

“Sounds about right.” 

“Go.”

“This is hard...we should ask each other questions instead.” 

Jude could think of a million things he wanted to ask Connor. He could also think of a million and one things he didn’t want Connor to ask him.

“Well it’s your turn so I get to ask first.”

Connor just nodded, waiting.

“What’s your dad’s name?”

Connor’s eyes widened slightly in surprise.

“That’s what you want to know? Really?”

Jude shrugged, ignoring the heat in his face. 

“Adam.” Connor finally said, after looking at Jude for a long moment.

“Ok now you ask me something.”

“When was your first kiss?”

Jude felt panic rush through him. He looked down at the table, picking up the silverware and pulling the paper ring holding it together apart. 

“Uh…it was fifth grade. Her name was Rachel.”

Luckily they were interrupted by the food arriving before Connor could ask anything else. Connor had ordered a pizza, but the authentic Italian Margherita kind, with fresh mozzarella and tomatoes. Jude felt the smell hit him and he almost groaned. 

They ate quietly, the food taking top priority. Connor sat back in his chair after they were done, eyes glazed over.

“Fuck, it gets better every time.” 

“How many dates have you taken here?” Jude asked, mentally kicking himself almost immediately. 

“Just one. You.” 

Jude looked at him, shocked. Connor was smiling softly, and before Jude could react he leaned across the small table and kissed him. Jude jerked back, looking around the room. It was nowhere near full, just a few occupied tables, and they were mostly couples who were far more engrossed in each other than in the two of them. 

“Are you crazy?”

“What? We’re two hours outside of town.” Connor shrugged, putting some money on the table and standing up. 

“You don’t have to pay for me you know.”

“That’s how dates work right? I invited you out so I’m paying.”

Jude opened his mouth to retort but Connor just kissed him again, quickly enough that Jude didn’t have time to object.

“Let’s go.”

~~

“What do you want to do after high school?” Connor asked as they drove down the highway. They had cracked the windows just a little bit, Jude’s hair whipping around in the breeze. 

“I’m not sure…”

“Yes you are. You’re the kind of guy who probably had his entire life figured out by the time you were seven.” 

Jude grinned, turning his face towards the window. 

“Yeah I guess…but when I was seven I wanted to be a marine biologist. That was before I got into the ocean for the first time and got attacked by a school of fish.”

“Fish? Not even a shark?”

“Those things are the worst! They latch onto you with their tiny fish mouths! It was traumatizing.” 

Connor laughed, the sound filling the truck. Jude felt his chest getting warmer, his heart beating steadily. 

“Well what about now?”

“I want to be a writer…” he stopped, wondering where the hell that came from. It was one of those far off dreams that you didn’t even admit to yourself, much less to someone else. He could see Connor looking at him from the corner of his eye. 

“That’s awesome man. I wish I could write…” 

“Everyone can write.” 

“Yes but not everyone should.” 

Jude smiled. Connor’s eyes were back on the road but he reached out with one hand and squeezed Jude’s leg for a second before pulling it back. 

“So where are we going?” 

“Is that your question?”

“It’s _a_ question.”

Connor didn’t answer.

~~

It was more woods.

“More woods? Seriously?”

“Yes it’s more woods. But it’ll be worth it. I promise.” 

Connor got out and walked to the back of the truck, pulling out a backpack. 

“Is that your murder supplies?” 

Connor just rolled his eyes, taking Jude’s hand and leading him into the trees. It was a much shorter walk than the one that morning. By then the sun was directly above them, the trees barely blocking out the light. They passed through a gate in a long chain link fence and Jude looked around wondering where the hell they were. 

Connor led him up a path, hand still holding Jude’s tightly, and came to a stop in front of what looked like a small lake. 

“A lake?”

“A hot spring.” Connor replied, smiling at him.

~~

Connor stripped in front of him, sweater falling onto the grassy bank of the spring, followed by his jeans. Neither of them had brought swim trunks so they waded into the still water in their boxer briefs. It was pleasantly warm, almost the same temperature as Jude’s skin, making him feel weightless. 

“This is amazing.” He whispered, floating through the water slowly. It wasn’t very deep, his feet still touching the ground, but it was wide enough that he could swim. Connor was next to him, the hair at the base of his neck dark and wet. He reached out and wrapped a hand around Jude’s neck, pulling him forward. Except instead of kissing him he pulled him completely under the water. 

He came up coughing, shaking his head as water ran down his face.

“Oh you are so dead.” 

They chased each other around until they were both breathless and their skin was pruning. Connor swam over to the bank, pulling himself up and reaching over to grab his backpack. He pulled out a couple of towels, waiting for Jude to get out before handing one to him. 

They dried themselves off quietly, Connor laughing when Jude tried to towel dry his hair only to result in him looking like he had been struck by lightning. 

They sat in the afternoon sun, too lazy to put their clothes back on. It was warm enough that Jude didn’t feel the need. 

“Is it your turn to ask a question?” Connor mumbled, laying down in the grass, hands behind his head. Jude shrugged, looking down at him.

“You can go.”

“Are you having fun?”

Jude smiled, pressing his mouth against his bare shoulder.

“Yeah I am…”

Connor hummed happily, closing his eyes. Jude shifted before laying back next to him, just close enough that he could feel the heat of Connor’s skin. 

“How did you know about this place?”

“I googled ‘romantic places to take your secret boyfriend’.” 

Jude felt all of the air leave his lungs. Connor’s eyes were still closed and he was smiling softly, but when the silence went on for too long he looked over at Jude, eyebrows coming together.

“What’s wrong?”

Jude just gaped at him. 

“Jude…what?”

“Am I…I mean…is that what I am? Your boyfriend?”

Connor blinked at him. 

“Do you not want to be?”

“No that’s not it…I just…”

Connor leaned over and kissed him. 

“Jude…” 

Before he could say anything else Connor’s phone started ringing. He reached over to grab his jeans digging around in his pocket and pulling the phone out, his face falling when he saw the screen. 

“It’s my dad…we should…damn it…” 

Jude stood up, holding a hand out to help Connor. 

“I should get home anyway...” Jude said, leaning over to pick up his clothes, pulling them on quickly. Connor reached out to stop him, cupping his face and tilting it up.

“I had a great time with you…it was kind of perfect actually.” 

Jude heart was thundering in his chest.

“I had a great time too…thank you for…everything.” 

Connor leaned in and kissed him and Jude felt his knees go weak. 

~~

“What’s your favorite color?” Connor asked when they were half way home.

“Green. What’s yours?”

“Blue. What’s your favorite movie?”

“Disney or regular?”

Connor smiled.

“Both.”

“That’s cheating but ok…Fight Club and The Lion King. Yours?”

“Nice. Uhh…The Princess Bride and Pinocchio.”

“Pinocchio is the most terrifying children’s movie of all time.”

“I like it. What’s your favorite place in the world?”

“Is this a place that I’ve been or just in general?”

“General.”

“New Zealand. You?”

“New York. If you could meet any celebrity, alive or dead, who would it be?”

“Hmm…JFK.”

“Really? Why?”

“The accent. What about you?”

“Michael Jordan.”

“That’s lame.”

“You’re lame. Yours wasn’t even a celebrity, it was a president.”

“Whatever, next question.”

“Do you want to be my boyfriend?”

Jude froze, looking at the road in front of them. His ears were buzzing, the silence stretching out between them. Connor stayed completely quiet, waiting. 

“I….yes.” 

Connor turned the wheel, the truck pulling over on the side of the road. He turned around and Jude had a second to brace himself before Connor kissed him, hands on either side of his face.

“Ok…good.” He whispered as he pulled away, smiling at Jude so brilliantly that it made him light headed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!!
> 
> Woof this chapter was a struggle. I loved it, I hated it, I felt like erasing the entire thing and crawling into a hole. It was a mess. But here it is! (I'm still not entirely happy with it but staring at it for another day won't help). I hope it's not completely terrible and I hope I'm not driving this story into the ground. Especially since it's at almost 10,000 hits which is just unbelievable! 
> 
> I can't ever express to you guys how incredible your love and support is. I am so incredibly lucky to write for such amazing people! 
> 
> Also I wanted to talk about the boys for a second...
> 
> They are definitely still teenagers. They are immature and young and stupid and incredibly stubborn, just like every other teenager. I'm trying to write them as genuine, realistic characters. So bear with me I promise it'll all come together in the end! 
> 
> Once again you guys are amazing!!!! Please please please keep leaving me comments and letting me know how you're feeling about this whole thing! 
> 
> See you on Thursday!


	23. Chapter 23

Connor drove him home with a hand gripping his thigh lightly. They had stayed parked on the side of the road, the truck still running, and kissed until the window were steamed up and their lips were numb. Connor had whispered his name and traced his cheekbones with his fingertips. 

He parked right in front of Jude’s house, his hand letting go of his leg just to come up and grip the back of his neck. 

“We should do this again sometime…” Connor said quietly, smiling at him. Jude’s heart felt fragile, like it could explode at any moment. 

“Really? You’re going to end what could have been a perfect date with the most cliché line in the history of the world?” 

Connor just kept smiling, his eyes moving over Jude’s face, taking it in. The air felt almost thick around them, full of tension and thing unsaid. Connor glanced around him quickly and leaned in to kiss Jude, hand tugging him forward. 

“I probably won’t be able to come over tonight…I have plans tomorrow morning.”

“Right…church.” Jude mumbled. Connor pulled back to look at him, eyes slightly wide.

“How did you…?”

“You told me remember? Your grandma?”

Connor blinked before smiling, so bright it was almost blinding.

“Right…” he leaned in and kissed Jude again, this time without checking his surroundings. 

~~

Jude walked into the house on wobbly legs, his brain buzzing. That whole day seemed almost like a dream. The clearing and lunch and swimming in warm water, Connor’s arm brushing against his. He walked up the stairs slowly and flopped down on his bed as soon as he stepped into his room. His whole body felt heavy with the thoughts of their date. 

_’Do you want to be my boyfriend?_

Jude bit his lip to keep himself from smiling like an idiot. 

~~

He was woken up the next morning to his mother pulling the covers off of him. 

“Woah! What the hell?” he croaked out, blinking against the bright light of the sun shining through his window. She stood next to the bed, hands on her hips.

“Get up. We’re spending time together.”

“I could’ve been naked you know.”

“I changed your diapers.”

“Not recently.”

She just huffed, crossing her arms against her chest.

“I miss you and I’m helping Mariana out with some performance thing and if you make me go alone I will disown you.”

Jude groaned, covering his face with his hands.

“You woke me up at the crack of dawn…”

“It’s ten.”

“At the crack of DAWN! And now you want me to go help Mariana? The human hurricane?”

She smiled before schooling her face into a stern expression.

“Come on! What’s the point of having kids if you can’t force them to do unpleasant things for you?”

He sighed, sitting up. 

~~

They met Mariana next to a one story pastel yellow building with a sign that said ‘Oak Woods Senior Living Community’.

“A nursing home? We’re helping her at a nursing home? You know I’ve thought about it and being disowned doesn’t even sound that bad.”

His mom glared at him, pulling him forward by the arm, Mariana finally spotting them and squealing.

“You made it! Ok we have an hour to set up.” she said quickly, hugging Jude for moment before rattling off what they needed to do in that hour.

“Uh what exactly are we setting up for?”

“The dance team! We volunteer here every two weeks. The old people love it!” 

“You guys dance for them?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. He had seen the type of dancing the team did. He couldn’t imagine the elderly enjoying hip hop and strobe lights.

“Surprisingly enough they do. They keep requesting for us to come back.” She answered, nose buried in a clipboard.

Jude followed her around, picking up heavy things and setting up the small wooden stage. His mom disappeared after the first ten minutes to ‘find coffee’ and didn’t come back until they were almost done.

“’Let’s spend time together Jude.’ You’re a filthy liar!” 

“She exhausts me.” She replied, shrugging and handing him a red Starbucks cup. He glared at her but took it anyways, taking a small sip and sighing as the flavor of mocha and peppermint hit him.

“Oh god yes.” 

“See? It’s not all bad!” 

Mariana came storming towards them a moment later, almost smacking the coffee out of Jude’s hand.

“What the heck are you doing?! There’s still so much to do!” 

~~

Jude stood toward the back of the room, the chairs in front of him filled to capacity with elderly people wearing cardigans in different shades of pastel. He tipped his head back to get the last bit of coffee from his cup.

“I’ll be right back.” He muttered to his mom, hoping that Mariana didn’t see him sneaking out two minutes before the show. He wondered into the hall, empty cup still clutched in his hand. He spotted a trash can hallway down the hall and walked towards it, eyes trained on the tiled floor. 

Then he ran face first into something hard and warm, a pair of hands reaching out and gripping his arms to stop him from falling on his ass. 

“Oh my god I’m….Jude?” 

He looked up with wide eyes, meeting Connor’s surprised ones. 

“What are you doing here?”

“Uh…”

“Connor where the hell…” a man stepped out of the room behind Connor, freezing when he saw them. Jude realized a moment too late that Connor was still holding him by the arms, their bodies only inches apart. Connor’s face dropped and he jerked away, spinning around. 

“Dad…I was just…”

“Let’s go. Your grandmother needs help getting to the rec center.” 

“Ok I’ll be right there.”

Connor’s dad, who was a severe looking man who might have been handsome if not for the terrifying look on his face, paused for another moment before turning around and walking back into the room. Jude let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and looked over at Connor who looked almost shell shocked.

“I’m sorry…I was just helping a friend of mine set up for the dance thing…” 

“I have to go.”

Connor didn’t look at him as he walked away, shoulder rigid. Jude watched him disappear, something heavy weighing on his chest. 

“Jude!” 

He turned to see his mom coming down the hall. 

“If you don’t get your ass back in there Mariana will murder you.” 

~~

Jude fidgeted the entire time the team was on stage. Granted the dialed back version of the routine was actually really good and he would have most likely enjoyed it any other time. Instead all he could see was the blank look on Connor’s face as he walked away from him. 

“What’s wrong?” his mom whispered, taking one of his shaking hands in hers.

“It must be the coffee…” he whispered back, avoiding her eyes. She looked at him for a moment longer, squeezing his fingers gently before looking away. 

After the show he helped Marian clean up, putting away the chairs and her equipment. 

“This is really great…that you do this I mean.” He said, folding what felt like the millionth chair and stacking it with the rest against a wall. She looked up at him from her spot on the floor where  
she was writing out notes for the dancers and smiled brightly. 

“Thanks Jude. You should come out and help more often. Those big muscles sure do come in handy.” She winked at him, still smiling. He could feel his face flushing as he folded the rest of the  
chairs. 

“Are you feeling ok? You’re so jittery.” She asked, tilting her head at him. He shrugged, another chair snapping closed in his hands.

“Yeah I’m fine…just…something weird happened.”

“Oh…do you want to talk about it?”

He did. He wanted to ask her what he was supposed to do. He had tried to text Connor as soon as he got back, fingers hovering over the keyboard on his phone. But he didn’t know what to say.

“No I’ll be fine.” He said, smiling at her. He really hoped that it was true. 

~~

His mom rambled on the whole drive home which he was grateful for. Jude wasn’t sure he was up for holding a conversation right at that moment. He slipped his phone out of his pocket, tapping Connor’s name and typing out a message quickly before he could change his mind.

_hey. I hope everything is cool._

He sighed, holding the phone in his hand just in case Connor texted back. 

They decided to stop and get some food since cooking seemed like too much effort, especially after running around all morning. Jude carried the greasy bag of burgers and fries into the house, dumping it on the dining room table. 

They ate quietly, his mom turning on the living room tv halfway through to fill up the silence. 

“Thank you for coming with me Jude. I really do appreciate it.” She said once they finished, smiling across the table at him. He tried to smile back, his mouth not entirely cooperating. 

“No problem. Do you mind if I go up to my room for a little bit?” 

She looked at him for a second, concern clear in her eyes before nodding. 

~~

Jude’s room seemed too quiet and too empty. He glanced over at the floor where his books were still laying there in piles. He hadn’t had the heart to put them back. He sat down in the middle of them, fingers running over the covers. He looked at his phone laying silently on his bedside table.

“Damn it…”

He thought about texting Luke and seeing what they were up to just to distract himself. But he thought about Christian and his way of always knowing what was going on and ruled against it. He wasn’t even sure what was going on. 

Jude decided to waste time by cleaning his room, finally picking up all of the books from the floor and putting back on the shelf. He took the pile of books that Connor was planning to read and put them on the corner of his desk. He changed his sheets and made the bed, organized the piles of paper he had everywhere and cleaned his bathroom. Afterwards he glanced at his phone and sighed. 

He grabbed it and flopped down on his bed, debating whether he should text Connor again. Instead he closed his eyes and dropped it on his chest, waiting. 

~~

Jude must have fallen asleep at some point because he woke up to the sound of his phone ringing. He picked it up, squinting at the display. Connor.

“Hello?” 

“Hey…”

The room was almost dark and Jude glanced at the clock next to his bed. 7:13 PM. 

“Are you ok?” he asked quietly, pressing the phone closer. 

“Yeah…I’m sorry about earlier. It’s just…”

“No I get it. It’s fine…”

Connor sighed in frustration.

“No you don’t get it. My dad…”

“Connor stop. You don’t have to explain anything to me…” 

“I do though. Jude my dad is set in his ways ok? He had my whole life planned out for me from the day I was born. And this….this thing with us…it’s not part of the plan.” 

Jude’s knuckles were numb from gripping the phone so tight. He wondered if there was a record for shortest relationship ever.

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying…Jude I’m saying that we’ve been fucking reckless.” Connor finished quietly. Jude paused for a second, the words not making any sense.

“What?”

“We need to be more careful. If somebody catches us…” Connor trailed off, his voice high and panicky. 

“Ok yeah…we’ll be more careful.”

“I don’t think I should come over there for a while…”

Jude’s stomach clenched painfully but he nodded before remembering Connor couldn’t see him.

“Uh…yeah ok.”

“Jude….I’m sorry.”

“So you’re not breaking up with me?”

The line was silent for so long that Jude pulled the phone to make sure Connor hadn’t hung up.

“Why would you think that?”

“It’s risky…doing this. Maybe it’s not worth it…” He was screaming at himself to stop talking, stop trying to convince Connor to end things. He heard Connor inhale sharply and waited, hands shaking.

“Jude…it is. It’s worth it ok?” Connor whispered, voice shaking. Jude closed his eyes, wanting to hear nothing but those words for the rest of his life. 

“Yeah ok…”

They sat there listening the sound of each other’s breathing, Jude’s body relaxing with each passing second. He was never as at ease as he was around Connor. His presence made everything quieter, calmer. 

“I should go…” Connor said quietly after a few minutes. 

“Ok…”

“I like you Jude.” Connor mumbled and Jude could hear the smile in his voice. 

“I like you too.” 

They both laughed quietly.

“I’ll see you tomorrow ok?”

“Yeah. Tomorrow.”

Jude waited another moment before he hung up, the line going dead. His heart felt full. Connor thought he was worth it. His lips tugged up in a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! 
> 
> I know this chapter is a little later than usual but it's been such a struggle for me to write lately. I've just been crazy busy with work and personal stuff. But I really hope to get some time in the next couple of days to catch up and write a nice long part for Saturday. 
> 
> As always you guys are absolutely amazing and you keep me going!! 
> 
> See you on Saturday!


	24. Chapter 24

“Would you rather…fly or be invisible?” 

“That’s boring…” 

Jude laughed quietly, shoving his hands deeper into his jacket pockets. They were all laying on their backs in the grass, feet resting on the bottom bleacher. The air was cool but the sun was shining so it wasn’t unpleasant. Christian was clearly asleep, beanie pulled over his eyes.

“Shut up and answer the question.” Melony said, crossing her arms, which just ended up looking silly since she was laying down. 

“Ok fine…fly obviously.”

“What about you Jude?”

“Be invisible.”

Luke looked at him for a long moment before turning away.

“Would you rather see you grandma naked or lick her foot?”

“You’re disgusting.” Luke just shrugged, turning to grin at him. Jude was about to answer when they heard voices coming closer. Chad and some of the guys from the team came around the corner, stopping when they saw them. 

“Well if it isn’t gay boy and his gay friends.” 

“Chad. Good to see you still have enough brain cells left to form sentences. Good for you.”

Chad turned a violent shade of red almost immediately.

“You better shut your mouth before I shut it for you.”

“I told you to stop flirting with me man.” 

Chad lunged forward but something held him back and as he whipped around Jude saw Connor behind him, clearly having just grabbed onto the back of his jacket. 

“Chill out man.” 

“Fuck off Stevens. I need to teach this asshole a lesson.” 

Chad turned to glare at him again but Jude’s eyes were still fixed on Connor. He looked tired and agitated but Jude’s heart still skipped a beat. 

“Just leave it man…he’s not worth it.” 

Jude’s heart clenched, Connor’s words hitting him square in the chest. His voice was flat and emotionless and he didn’t even look at Jude as he pulled Chad away, heading out towards the field. 

“Fuck that guy.” 

Jude looked down at Christian who had pulled his beanie up just enough to look back at him. 

“Yeah, Chad is a prick.” Luke muttered, throwing an arm across his eyes. Christian looked at him for a moment longer, and Jude smiled reassuringly. 

“Whatever. So would you rather…”

~~

_meet me under the bleachers after school._

Jude didn’t bother replying, just shoved his phone back into his pocket and focused on the board. Connor wasn’t in this class and he was pretty sure the coach was keeping them busy the entire day. His phone vibrated again and he didn’t even bother to look at it. 

When the final bell rang he made it halfway to his car before stopping, his hands clenching.

“Damn it.” 

He turned and walked toward the field, frustration at himself and at Connor boiling in the pit of his stomach. 

Connor was there when he showed up, leaning against one of the metal beams, legs crossed in front of him. He glanced up as Jude approached then dropped his eyes again, pushing off of the beam to stand in front of him.

“Hey…”

“Hey. I thought you said we should be more careful.”

Connor still wasn’t looking at him.

“Yeah and we still should…I just wanted to say I’m sorry.”

“For what?” 

“For not standing up to Chad…”

Jude hated that he had actually gotten angry about that. He never expected Connor to stand up to his friends for him, it would be too telling. But thinking about it and actually seeing it, seeing him being so dismissive and emotionless hurt a whole hell of a lot more. 

“It’s fine. We’re nothing to each other right?”

“Don’t say that.” Connor finally looked up, eyes blazing. Jude almost felt like taking a step back but held his ground. 

“It’s the truth. As far as anyone else is concerned we’re complete strangers…”

“You know that this is how it has to be. We talked about it…”

“I do. That’s why I’m saying its fine.”

Connor sighed in frustration and buried his hands in his pockets.

“You’re pissed.”

“I’m not.”

“Don’t lie.” 

Those eyes were burning into Jude, hard and unrelenting. 

“I don’t have any right to be pissed.”

Connor’s eyebrows were furrowed and Jude could see that he was getting more and more frustrated. He wanted to push him, to see how far he could take this. 

“Jude this is hard for me too you know…”

“I’m sure it is.” He didn’t mean for it to sound sarcastic but it came out that way, anger flashing across Connor’s face. 

“What the hell is that supposed to mean.”

“Nothing...let’s just drop it ok? We’ll stay away from each other for a bit and then we’ll keep sneaking around until you decide you’re done with me.” Jude said, shrugging. He felt like slapping himself. His mouth was moving but he didn’t know what he was saying. He wanted to rewind time and take back everything. Instead he stood there, arms crossed across his chest, and waited for Connor to blow up. 

“What the hell is your problem? I’ve told you time and time again why it has to be this way. I never know where I fucking stand with you and it’s driving me crazy!” 

Jude didn’t say anything, just watched him. 

“You are the most frustrating person I have ever met.” Connor said quietly, looking defeated. He looked at Jude for a long moment and when he didn’t say anything he sighed. 

“Fine…I guess I’ll see you.” he brushed past him, the familiar shock racing up Jude’s arm. He felt regret in the pit of his stomach, wanted to spin around and tell Connor to stop. Instead he stayed silent, his pride getting the best of him. 

He turned to watch Connor leave. 

Connor got to the edge of the bleachers and froze, hands clenching at his sides. 

“Fuck it.” Jude heard seconds before Connor was spinning around and marching towards him. His hands grabbed Jude’s face, pulling him into a bruising kiss. They both gasped as their lips collided, hands gripping each other desperately. 

“You are infuriating.” Connor whispered, biting Jude’s bottom lip gently. They both groaned, bodies pressing into each other. Jude opened his mouth to answer but Connor’s lips closed over his again, kissing his deeply. 

It was desperate and messy and just on the edge of painful and Jude couldn’t get enough. 

Finally Connor pulled away, both of them panting, his fingers tracing Jude’s cheekbones. 

“Jude I’m sorry…”

“Stop.” Jude said, shaking his head, hands coming up to grab onto Connor’s wrists. 

“You don’t need to apologize. It is what it is right?” 

Connor sighed, forehead pressing against Jude’s.

“I wish it was different…” 

They stayed there for a few minutes, just breathing each other in, hands exploring softly. 

“Jude I…”

Something crashed above them and they jumped apart, Connor’s eyes wide. 

“What was that?” he whispered, looking up. Someone was walking across the bleachers, jumping from bench to bench noisily. 

Jude felt his heart racing. 

“Go.” Jude muttered, pushing Connor towards the open side. 

“Jude wait…”

“Go before someone sees you, you idiot!” 

Connor smiled at him, turning to kiss him quickly before he walked out, the sun hitting his hair and making it shine. Jude let out a breath, his head feeling light. 

~~

“Not so greatest hits! Get in fucker!” Luke yelled as he pulled up to Jude’s house. 

“On the other hand I think I’d rather stay home.”

Luke huffed, leaning over and opening the door for him.

“Come on man!”

Jude groaned, folding himself into the seat. 

“Ok fine but I’m only doing this for them.” He said, gesturing to Melony and Christian in the backseat. 

“I feel betrayed and hurt but I’m going to roll with it anyway.” 

~~

Luke pulled up to a small brick building, a giant bowling pin in front of the door. 

“A bowling alley? Seriously?”

“It was either this or the skate park.”

“Bowling alley it is.”

They walked inside and were immediately hit with the smell of wood and feet. Jude screwed his face up and looked around. The carpet was worn and dirty, cigarette burns everywhere. The lanes were shabby, the wood dull and the pins discolored. It was mostly empty except for a few elderly couples shuffling around. 

“Is anybody in this town under the age of 90?”

“Nope.”

Luke walked over to the counter with rows of shoes behind it, a tall girl with black hair behind it. 

“Hello miss, we would like one lane and four pairs of your finest shoes please.” 

She blinked at him and popped her gum before sighing and turning around to get their things. They all told her their shoe size and the pairs of blue and red shoes slammed down on the counter. Jude reached out and grabbed the biggest ones, Melony raising one eyebrow at him.

“Hush.” He said, face flushing. 

~~

Three games later Jude was declared the winner but he thought Luke deserved it for enthusiasm alone. He had run between lanes, flirting with old women and getting them to buy him nachos and warm pitchers of beer. 

“I love this place.” He said, flopping down on the worn vinyl couch beside Jude. 

“Where to next?” Jude asked, turning to look at him.

“This is it my friend. We’re going to be friends for a long time and I need to spread these things out. Otherwise we won’t have anything else to show you.” 

Jude smiled, looking over at Melony who had her head in Christian’s lap while he played with her hair. 

“Jealous?” Jude mumbled, head nodding over to the two of them. Luke shook his head, long hair covering his eyes.

“Never.” 

Jude wished he had that sort of trust in people. He thought about Connor. 

“So how’s your man?” Luke asked, grinning at him.

“Still in the closet…” 

Luke looked out over the empty lane in front of them.

“That’s rough…this place. It snuffs you out if you let it.” 

Jude frowned, watching Luke’s face. He seemed far away, his eyes empty. He shook his head again and smiled over at him, his former expression gone completely. 

“But anyway…just know that I would come out for you.” he said, hand gripping Jude’s shoulder tightly. 

“This crush you have on me…I gotta say it’s kind of unsettling.”

“You know you want this.” 

Jude rolled his eyes, shoving his shoulder.

~~

Christian was walking next to him, their arms brushing every few seconds.

“Stevens has it rough.” 

Jude whipped his head around to look at him, eyebrows furrowing.

“What?”

“I doubt he would want you to know this but…” 

Jude glanced up to make sure Luke and Melony were out of ear shot. They were walking ahead of them, talking loudly.

“When we were younger he would always show up to school with shiners and crazy bruises. The teachers would always try to ask him about it but he would insist it was from playing football…” Jude felt his blood run cold.

“His dad…he’s a scary guy. I want you to be careful ok?” Christian looked up at him and Jude stopped walking, holding a hand out to hold Christian back.

“Why are you telling me this?”

“It’s hard for guys like that Jude. He’s fucking seven feet tall and huge, but deep down? He’s a terrified fucking kid.” Christian’s voice was hard and razor sharp. Jude winced remembering how he had talked to Connor that afternoon. 

“I’m sorry…”

“Don’t apologize to me you idiot. I just want you to know that if he’s risking his dad finding out then you must be pretty fucking special to him.”

Jude watched Christian for a long moment, eyes searching his face.

“Why do you care so much?”

Christian shrugged, eyes fixed on the ground.

“We’re friends.”

“Christian…”

He sighed, looking off to side, anywhere but at Jude.

“Me and Stevens used to hang out….back in the day. Then he joined the team in middle school and we drifted apart.” He finished, looking up at Jude. 

“You…”

Christian shifted uncomfortably, eyes dropping to the ground again.

“What was he like?” Jude asked quietly. Christian looked up at him, surprised.

“Huh?”

“Back then I mean…what was he like?”

“Quiet I guess? He was always fucking charming as hell though…he would flash that smile and every girl in a ten mile radius would lose her shit.” Christian was smiling softly. 

“Do you…I mean…do you like him?” 

Christian looked up at him, one eyebrow lifting.

“Are you asking me if I’m in love with Stevens?”

“I…yeah?”

Christian laughed, head falling back. 

“You’re an idiot. Of course not Jude! Guys can be friends without harboring some deep rooted homosexual feelings for each other.” 

Jude felt himself blushing.

“Shut up…you just seem to care a lot.” 

“Yeah I do. About you! I don’t want you losing someone important to you just because you’re a stubborn fucking idiot.”

“Ok I get it…”

“Do you?”

Jude stayed quiet, not sure how to answer.

“Jude you grew up in a loving home with a mom who accepted you no matter what. Not everyone has that luxury. Remember that.”

Jude felt guilt building inside of him until he felt like he could drown in it. He thought about Connor, terrified of making any wrong moves. And then he thought about Connor kissing him back anyway, liking him. He felt something clenching in his chest, his heart speeding up.

“I’m an idiot.” He mumbled. 

“Damn straight.” 

“Hey love birds! Let’s go before I freeze my nuts off!” Luke yelled, already climbing into the car. Jude shoved his hands into his pockets and him and Christian walked toward the car together.

“Just…don’t fuck it up.” Christian said before he got into the backseat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!
> 
> I'm sorry for the shortish chapter! I really tried I promise! Like just gets in the way sometimes.
> 
> Anywaaaays I'm very excited for the next few chapters. We finally get to learn about Connor and his past and his home life. I'm excited but I also want to wrap him up like a tiny baby and protect him at all costs. I must admit I have kind of fallen in love with the character. He's so open and innocent and straight forward and precious. Ugh. I'm getting emotional I'm sorry.
> 
> Oh also!!! 10,000 hits!!! How crazy is that?!! My mind is completely blown. The fact that you guys keep coming back and keep reading this and keep commenting literally makes me sob. My heart is so full of love I could burst!
> 
> Also several people now have mentioned me turning this into a book/writing a book. Um? I can't put into words how much happiness that brought me. I want to be a writer and people saying that they would be willing to use their hard earned money on my words is just...ugh I can't even deal with it. I just want you to know that every time someone says I cry for about ten minutes straight.
> 
> I love you guys!!! Every single one of you is beautiful and amazing and kind and lovely. I think I might put out an extra chapter this week. Emphasis on MIGHT. So keep an eye out for that! 
> 
> <3 <3 <3


	25. Chapter 25

Jude’s brain wouldn’t stop going over what Christian had told him. He couldn’t think about Connor, young and terrified, showing up with bruises on him without his vision going red. He wanted to go back in time to when he had seen his dad and punch him in the face. Or even go back further and be Connor’s friend, protect him. 

Jude opened his bedroom door and almost had a heart attack when he saw someone on his bed. 

“Jesus Christ…Connor what the hell?” he went to turn on the light but Connor got up and grabbed his wrist, stopping him.

“Wait don’t…”

Jude tried to make out his face in the darkness but his eyes were still adjusting. The only light in the room was coming from the window. 

“What’s the matter?”

“I just…I want to ask you something and I if I have to look at you I’ll chicken out.” 

Jude could fee concern building inside of him. He wanted to tell Connor that he knew, knew about his dad, and that he would keep him safe. 

“What?”

“I…I want you to fuck me.”

Jude whole body froze, his eyes going wide.

“What?!” 

Connor’s hand tightened around his wrist. 

“I want you to fuck me.” His voice was determined. 

Jude couldn’t think straight. His brain was buzzing.

“Connor…what…”

“I want you to know I’m serious about this. That I’m not just going to get bored and leave. So…let’s do it.”

“Connor wait…”

“You don’t want to?”

“No that’s not it! I don’t want you to do this because you feel like you have to!” 

Connor leaned over and turned the light on, Jude blinking. 

“I’m not. I want to. You still think this is some sort of phase for me and it’s not. So do it. Fuck me.”

“Would you stop saying that?” Jude could feel his face flushing now that he could actually see Connor. His cheeks were pink and his eyes were unwavering, face set.

“Jude I’m not going to change my mind. What else can I do to prove it to you?”

“Not that…Jesus.”

Connor looked at him for a long moment, fingers still wrapped around Jude’s wrist. 

“You can’t just sneak up here and say stuff like that you know. My brain is officially out of commission.”

Connor smiled at him, face still pink.

“Jude…I need you to know that I’m not going anywhere.”

“I do know that…”

“Do you? Because I feel like you’re expecting me to bolt any second.”

“Connor…”

“Its fine I get it…but I wish you would trust me.”

Jude blinked, their eyes never breaking contact.

“I do.” 

His heart was beating loudly, the rushing in his ears almost too loud. He felt almost lightheaded. Connor smiled brightly as soon as the words were out of Jude’s mouth, reaching out and lacing their fingers together. 

“You do?”

“Yeah…I trust you.”

Connor leaned over and kissed him softly, smiling against Jude’s lips. 

“So we’re like really dating huh?” he whispered, his hand letting go of Jude’s wrist and coming up to cup his cheek. Jude laughed, rolling his eyes.

“Yeah looks that way.”

“Good.” 

Connor kissed him again, more heated this time, tongue touching Jude’s bottom lip lightly. They both sighed, pressing closer together. Connor’s request from earlier was still in the back of Jude’s mind. He was a teenage boy after all and the thought of it sent a burning hot desire through his entire body. He mentally kicked himself for saying no but then mentally slapped himself for even thinking that. 

“What’s wrong?” Connor muttered, pulling away slightly. Jude shook his head and leaned in again.

Jude felt Connor’s hands gripping his waist, pulling his hips forward until they were flush against his. Jude groaned quietly, burying his fingers in Connor’s hair. 

“Wait…” he pulled back, trying to make his brain function.

“Should you even be here? Your dad…”

“Can we not talk about my dad right now?” Connor muttered, biting the side of Jude’s neck lightly. 

“Oh god…I’m serious though. I don’t want you to get in trouble…”

“This is more important.” 

Jude’s heart skipped in his chest and he let Connor lead him to the bed, hands still holding his hips tightly. Jude’s knees hit the edge and he sat down, reaching up to pull Connor after him, but he just pulled away and smiled. 

“Hold on.” 

Jude frowned as he waited, Connor’s eyes moving over his face slowly. Jude inhaled sharply as Connor sank to his knees, his shoulders pushing Jude’s thighs apart. 

“Connor…”

Connor’s hands spread over his thighs, running up until they reached the waistband of his jeans, working them open quickly. Jude couldn’t look away, his hands fisting into the covers under him. Connor glanced up at him as he dipped his fingers under the waist of Jude’s jeans and pulled. 

Suddenly his jeans and boxers were pressing into his thighs and Connor’s hand was wrapped around him, making his vision blur. He groaned as Connor leaned forward and slid his tongue over the silky skin, hands moving gently. Jude lifted one hand to grip Connor’s hair lightly and Connor’s eyes darted up to glance at him, blown out wide. Jude’s breath caught as Connor’s lips wrapped around him, tongue flat against the underside. His entire body was wound tight, every muscle straining to keep still. Waves of pleasure raced up his spine and his fingers tightened in Connor’s hair, causing him to moan, the sound muffled. Jude’s back curved inward, the desire to thrust his hips almost too much to bear. Connor’s hands slid under his thighs, pulling him even closer, and the hand that wasn’t buried in Connor’s hair gripping onto his shoulder. 

“Connor…I’m gonna…” he tried to push Connor away, hands shaky against his shoulders. Instead of moving back Connor took him in deeper. Jude moaned, eyes squeezing shut as his orgasm hit in waves, his entire body shaking with the force of it. As he regained some of his mental capacity he looked down to see Connor looking up at him, pink tongue darting out to lick the corner of his lip. Jude’s heart was hammering against his chest and his hands wrapped around Connor’s arms, hauling him off the floor and into his lap. 

Jude’s shaky hands undid Connor’s jeans, fingers dipping inside and wrapping around him. Connor’s fingers dug into Jude’s shoulders and his hips moved in shallow thrusts against his palm. The air was filled with soft, breathy moans. 

Jude’s grip tightened and Connor’s back went rigid as he buried his face into Jude’s neck and spilled over his fingers. They sat there for a moment longer, trying to catch their breath. 

“Fuck…we didn’t even take our clothes off.” Connor muttered, voice hoarse. Jude shivered, arms wrapping around Connor and pulling him in closer. He leaned in and kissed him, tongue dipping into his mouth and groaning. 

“You taste like me.”

Connor drew in a breath, shuddering against him.

“Are you trying to kill me?”

Jude grinned and buried his face into Connor’s neck. 

“Are you going to leave now?” he mumbled.

Connor’s hands threaded through his hair, pulling lightly to get him to look up. Their eyes met and Connor smiled softly. 

“No. I want to stay.”

~~

They ended up shedding their clothes anyway, laying back in the bed. Connor’s hand ran up and down the length of Jude’s arm, fingertips feather light. 

“What did you do tonight?” he asked quietly, turning his head to look at Jude.

“Went bowling with my friends.”

“You mean Luke?”

“I mean my friends.”

“Hm.”

Jude sighed, reaching up and lacing his fingers through Connor’s, squeezing gently. 

“You have nothing to be jealous about.”

“I have everything to be jealous about.”

Jude frowned.

“They get to see you whenever they want…take you bowling or to the movies.” Connor’s voice was soft and he was staring down at their hands. 

“Connor…”

“What?”

“Look at me.”

Connor hesitated before he finally lifted his gaze to look at Jude. 

“I would chop off my own foot to be able to hang out with you anytime I wanted.”

“Well if you only had one foot I probably wouldn’t like you anymore.” 

Jude rolled his eyes, shoulder nudging Connor’s. 

“Shut up. I’m serious though…this sucks but we’ll figure it out. Ok?”

Connor looked at him for a long moment.

“Yeah.” 

Jude leaned over and kissed the corner of his mouth, feeling it turn up against his lips. 

“Tell me something….” Connor mumbled, rolling onto his side so he was facing Jude.

“Ok…” Jude could feel his heart start to pound. He knew about Connor and his dad, and even though Connor wasn’t the one to tell him he felt guilty. Like he was keeping a secret. 

“When I was in first grade…some of the bigger kids shoved me into a cabinet and I was stuck there for six hours. They went crazy looking for me…finally a janitor found me.” 

Connor froze next to him, Jude looking straight ahead. He could feel eyes burning into the side of his face. The kids had been his friends, or at least he thought they were. They had sat with him at lunch and read books with him so when they told him to climb into the cabinet he had done it without another thought. He had trusted them wholly. 

“Why?” Connor whispered. 

“I was different…” Jude said, shrugging. The familiar memories swirled in his mind, the feeling of darkness closing in on him. He didn’t tell Connor that when the door opened he had screamed so loud and for so long that they had to slap him to make him stop. Or the fact that he had been covered in piss and vomit. They had carried him into the locker room and put him into one of the showers, standing over him with their hands over their mouths in horror. He didn’t tell him that his mom had cried for two weeks straight and send him to a private school that put them in debt for years afterwards. 

“Jude…”

“Don’t.”

Connor stopped and waited, his fingers holding Jude’s hand so tightly that it was almost painful.

“Don’t feel sorry for me ok? I don’t need that. Not from you…”

He turned to look at Connor and his breath caught in his throat. His eyes were so open and so full of…something that it made Jude want to curl into him and stay there forever. 

“Is that why…I mean….the PTSD?”

Jude nodded, remembering waking up one morning years after it had happened and feeling like someone was sitting on his chest. His therapist had said that sometimes it took years for the effects of a traumatic event to kick in. 

“Enough of that…you tell me something.” Jude said, too loudly. Connor blinked, clearly wanting to ask more. 

“Right…um…”

Jude waited, the air still heavy with his confession.

“I’m drawing a blank.” Connor said, turning to give him an apologetic smile. Jude couldn’t really blame him.

“Ok I’ll ask you a question then.”

“Ok.”

“What was your first kiss like?”

Connor smiled, thumb rubbing gentle circles against the back of Jude’s hand. 

“Alright fair enough…her name was Crystal. I don’t remember her last name. She went to a different school. We were at Chad’s house and they decided to play spin the bottle. It was pretty terrible and she smelled like salsa.” 

“Romantic.”

Connor grinned, looking up at him through his lashes. 

“You never told me the whole story about your first kiss…”

“Nothing to tell.” Jude said, shrugging. 

“Ok then…how about your first sexual experience?”

Jude could feel his cheeks heating up and he avoided Connor’s eyes. 

“Well…I moved to Kentucky and met this boy who for some reason liked me and one night he snuck into my room and…”

Connor had gone rigid beside him, his fingers digging into his hand.

“It was me?” he asked, his voice strained. Jude’s whole face was on fire.

“Yeah…” 

There was a long silence, the tension in the air getting almost unbearable. Connor moved in an instant, pushing against Jude’s shoulder until he was flat on his back and braced himself over him. 

“Jude…you were a virgin.” 

Jude’s huffed, refusing to look at Connor’s face.

“Yeah I guess…I don’t see why it’s a big deal.” 

“It’s a huge deal! I should’ve….I don’t know…gotten you flowers or something?” 

Jude’s eyes darted up to look at Connor, his eyebrow raising. 

“Seriously? That’s what’s concerning you? The fact that it wasn’t romantic enough?”

Connor dropped down onto his elbows, one hand coming up to brush the hair off of Jude’s forehead. 

“You deserve it…you deserve to have it be perfect.” 

“It was, you idiot.”

Connor looked at him, eyes soft. 

“Was it?”

“Yeah, because it was with you.”

Connor’s smile was blinding. 

~~

Jude was lying on his stomach, Connor on his side next to him, fingers tracing the lines of his back lazily. 

“What about yours?” Jude muttered, his eyes getting heavy. 

“My what?”

“First sexual experience.” 

“I doubt you wanna hear about that…” he muttered, shifting uncomfortable.

“I do though…see what my competition is.”

“No competition. Not even close.” Connor said quietly, leaning over and kissing the skin behind his ear. Jude shivered, his eyes drifting closed. 

“I still want to know though…”

Connor sighed.

“Ok fine…it was with Daria.” 

Jude opened his eyes again, watching Connor.

“She could feel that we were drifting apart so she was desperate. I came over to her house one night and she had all these candles lit and we…did it.”

“Did it? What are you, twelve?” Jude smirked, waiting for the jealously to come. Instead he was still filled with warmth, Connor’s hand still moving over his back. 

“Shut up…we had sex.” 

“How was it?”

Connor bit his lip, eyes dropping. 

“It was ok I guess…weird? I thought it was just because I didn’t love her anymore but now…”

“But now what?” Jude asked, watching Connor’s face.

“But now I know…”

Jude waited, holding his breath.

“It’s because I’m gay…” 

It was impossibly quiet. Connor’s hand was trembling against his back. Jude sucked in a shocked breath, eyes widening. Connor looked up at him and Jude’s heart skipped. He looked absolutely terrified. 

“Connor…”

“I guess that’s kind of stupid to say now that I’ve blown you more than once huh?” he asked, trying to smirk. Jude leaned up on his elbows, pressing his face into the crook of Connor’s neck. 

“I’m proud of you.” he whispered against the flush of Connor’s skin. They stayed there a moment, just breathing each other in.

“That got deep huh?” Connor mumbled. Jude laughed quietly, pulling away to look at him.

“Yeah it did. Ask me something stupid.” 

“What’s your favorite breed of dog?”

“Wow that is stupid.”

“Shut up and answer the question.”

~~

Connor fell asleep first, his breathing getting deep and his eyelashes fluttering against his cheeks. Jude watched him for a moment, warmth filling his chest. He leaned over and grabbed his phone setting an alarm for 5:30. It gave Connor enough time to get back home and get ready for school. 

Jude lay down, his face inches away from Connor’s. He reached out to place his hand against Connor’s chest, his heart beating against Jude’s palm. He traced a finger across the tan skin, spelling out the letters slowly. 

_I love you_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!!
> 
> Wowie wow that was emotionally draining to write. So many things happening! So many confessions!! My heart was breaking when I was writing about what happened to Jude. My poor baby!! 
> 
> I was totally going to write a nice chapter to make up for the recent angst but this came out instead. Oops. I love my babies but I am so cruel to them. 
> 
> Anyways! I hope you guys are still enjoying it and I really hope you'll stick around to see how this bad boy ends! 
> 
> I just want to say THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!! for those of you that comment on every single chapter. I always wake up and read them first thing in the morning and just smile like an idiot the whole time. I want to print them all out and wallpaper my house with them.
> 
> Ok I'm done rambling now! 
> 
> See you on Thursday!! (Or sooner if I get my butt in gear and decide to write that extra chapter!)
> 
> P.S. Let's play a game called 'how many smut scenes can I write without using the word dick'. I feel like saying dick makes it 10000x more dirty. Is that just me? 
> 
> P.P.S. Someone on the last chapter commented about James Bay and I just want to gush about him for a second. If you don't know who he is look him up! He's an amazing singer/songwriter and my username and the titles of both of my fan fictions are inspired by him. (His album is called Chaos and the Calm and the titles are from songs.) Seriously though...look him up. It'll change your life.
> 
> <3 <3 <3 <3


	26. Chapter 26

Jude woke up to Connor wrapping his arms around him, pulling him back against his chest. Jude smiled, his eyes closing at the warmth.

“Good morning…” Connor mumbled in his ear. A shiver ran down Jude’s spine and he pressed himself closer to Connor. The sun was just starting to come up, the sky outside tinged with light. Jude stayed perfectly still, wanting to stay in bed with Connor forever. 

“You make it very hard to leave…” Connor whispered, his lips against Jude’s ear. 

“I bet.” Jude mumbled, pressing back against him.

“Stop that. I have to go…”

“Yes you do…” 

“Jude.” 

Jude twisted around, kissing Connor deeply. His skin was sleep warm and his hands traced over Jude’s back, pulling him closer. Jude sighed against his lips, his leg slipping between Connor’s thighs.

“Jude I’m serious…” Connor whispered, pulling away. Jude groaned, forehead resting against Connor’s collarbone. 

“You’re right. Go.” Jude grumbled, leaning back to look at him.

Connor looked at him for a long moment, pushing the hair off of his forehead. 

“I would give anything to stay.”

Jude could feel himself blushing.

“Quit saying stuff like that…”

Connor just smiled, leaning over and kissing him again, gently this time. 

“Stop being so cute then.”

“I’m not cute. I’m manly and rugged.”

Connor laughed softly, finally moving to get up. The sheet slid away and Jude watched as Connor stretched, miles of golden skin rippling. 

“Stop ogling me you pervert.”

Jude’s face flushed.

“I’m not!” 

Connor smirked at him over his shoulder and walked to the bathroom. Jude rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling. His heart felt too big for his chest. He wanted to tell Connor that he wouldn’t mind waking up next to him every morning. He wanted to tell him that all he wanted is to make him breakfast and drive to school together. Jude sighed, throwing an arm across his eyes. 

“You alright?”

He moved his arm away and looked over at Connor who had sadly already put on his jeans. 

“I’m good. These early mornings are seriously cutting into my beauty sleep though.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Well you know what’s proven to be very good for your health?” Connor said, quirking one eyebrow and walking to the bed to lean over Jude, bracing himself with one arm.

“What?”

“Orgasms.” He whispered, leaning in to nip at Jude’s ear.

“You are the meanest person on the planet.” Jude groaned, covering his face with his hands. Connor’s fingers wrapped around his wrists and pulled them away, kissing him. 

“Lies.”

“It’s the truth. You are mean and cruel. You torture me.” 

“I like to call it prolonged foreplay.” 

“I like to call it torture.” 

Connor smiled and kissed him again, biting Jude’s bottom lip gently. 

“Can I come over tonight?” Connor asked after breaking away.

Jude frowned, trying to clear his head enough to comprehend the words.

“Connor…what happened to us not being so reckless?”

“You happened. I can’t seem to stay away from you.”

Jude’s heart sped up, his face heating up again.

“I’m serious…what if your dad catches us?”

“He’s going out of town on business tonight.”

Jude froze at the words. Connor could stay the whole night. His mom had an early meeting the next day which meant that he could make them breakfast. They could get ready together. His chest felt warm.

“Ok.” 

~~

Jude parked in his usual spot, taking the time to stretch once he was out of the car. His muscles felt heavy and sore and he could tell it was going to be a long day. He made his way toward the building, hoping he would be able to nap before Connor came over. 

“Jude!”

He whipped around just in time to see Luke pull up next to him. 

“What’s up man?” he asked, leaning down to look at him.

“Get in.”

“What?”

“We’re cutting.”

Jude frowned, realized that Luke was avoiding his eyes.

“What’s going on?”

“Would you just get in the car please?” Luke asked, finally looking at him. 

“Will you tell me what happened?”

“Yes.”

Jude looked behind him, students already heading inside. He sighed and walked around, opening the door and folding himself into the passenger’s seat. 

“Where are we going?”

Luke didn’t respond, peeling out of the parking lot.

~~

They drove in silence for a few minutes, Jude giving him a chance to say something. 

“Ok seriously what the hell man? What’s going on?”

“Can we not talk about this now?”

“No Luke. Now.” 

Luke groaned, pulling over to the side of road and scrambling to get out of the car. Jude watched as he stormed away, stopping a few feet from where they were parked and plopping down on the grass. Jude gave him a second before opening his door and walking over to him.

“I told Melony how I felt.” Luke mumbled as Jude sank down to sit next to him. He paused, letting the statement sink in. 

“And…?”

“And what do you think?!” 

Jude sighed, putting a hand on Luke’s shoulder. He tensed for a moment but didn’t push it off. 

“I’m sorry…”

“It’s fine. I don’t know what I expected.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Luke sighed, his head falling forward. 

“Last night we were hanging out at her house and she was laughing at something stupid and I…I just blurted it out. She just stared at me for like an hour and then told me she only saw me as a friend.”

Jude looked away, his heart clenching in sympathy. 

“Shit man…”

“Yeah…”

“So now what? You’re going to avoid her until graduation?”

Luke groaned, flopping down onto his back, Jude’s hand falling away.

“What other choice do I have?! I made a fucking fool of myself….”

Jude gave him a moment. They sat in silence, the wind whipping through their hair. 

“So what do you want to do for the rest of the day?” Jude finally asked, looking down at Luke who was staring up at the sky with a blank expression.

“Die in a hole somewhere?”

“Stop that. Let’s go take your mind off of it.”

Jude stood up, brushing off his jeans, and reached a hand down to help Luke to his feet.

“I’m sorry…for kidnapping you and making you ditch.” 

Jude shrugged.

“That’s what friends are for right?” 

Luke smiled, hugging Jude quickly before walking back to his car.

~~

They ended up at the old movie theatre again, sitting in the front row of the balcony, feet propped up on the railing in front of them. Luke stared at the screen blankly. It was an all-day Mel Brooks marathon, which on any other day Jude would have loved. Now he couldn’t help but glance over at Luke every few seconds.

“Can you stop? I’m fine.” Luke finally snapped, crossing his arms and sinking further into his seat. 

“We can go somewhere else…”

“Jesus Jude…just watch the damn movie.”

They sat through the next hour silently, Luke huffing beside him. Halfway through he felt his phone vibrate and he slipped it out of his pocket.

_where are you?_

It was from Connor. Jude contemplated lying. Telling Connor that he was skipping to spend the day with Luke didn’t seem like the greatest idea. Finally he decided to stick to the truth.

_With Luke. I’ll explain later._

He shoved his phone back into his pocket and glanced up to see Luke staring at him.

“I hope I’m not getting you in trouble…”

Jude smiled, gripping Luke’s hand for a second before letting go.

“Shut up and watch the movie.”

~~

“Thank you.” Luke mumbled from the driver’s seat as they pulled up to Jude’s house. 

“Stop thanking me. You would have done the same.” 

Luke tipped his head, smiling at him.

“Yeah…but it doesn’t look like I’ll have to.” He said, glancing down at Jude’s hand that was gripping his phone. Connor hadn’t texted back and Jude was trying his best not to worry. It was already almost six, which meant he had been out of school for almost three hours. 

“You’re a great guy ok? You’ll find someone.”

“That’s such bullshit, Jude!”

Jude blinked as Luke laughed, the sound empty.

“People always say that shit. Oh don’t worry there’s plenty of fish in the sea! But I don’t want other fish! I want her…” he curled into himself, his voice fading out. Jude felt his eyebrows drawing together. He wanted to make it better, wanted to march over to Melony’s house and demand an explanation. 

“Want to come in?” Jude asked, breaking the tense silence. Luke looked out towards his house and sighed. 

“No it’s alright. I should probably get home…” 

Jude leaned across and wrapped an arm around Luke’s shoulders, pulling him into an awkward hug. 

“I’m always there for you ok?”

“That was lame…even for you.” Luke mumbled, but Jude could feel him smiling against his shoulder.

“Deal with it.” 

~~

By eight Connor still hadn’t texted or called. Jude paced around his room, trying not to stare at his phone. He contemplated texting him again but he couldn’t think of what exactly he would say. His anxiety was slowly consuming him, making his hands shake and his brain fuzzy.

“Fuck…” 

He finally decided to go running to take his mind off of it. The cold air cleared his head and he decided against running towards the park, taking off down the sidewalk. The house in his neighborhood all looked the same, beige and white and plain. Some were two story houses like his, others were one. 

Jude’s feet hit the pavement in a steady rhythm, his heartbeat matching his pace. The muscles in his legs were already burning.

Ahead of him Jude could see a small one story house, a white mail box sitting in front of it. He came to a stop slowly, reading the name on it. 

Stevens.

Jude looked towards the house. All of the windows were dark except for one. The pickup truck that Connor had picked him up in was sitting in the driveway but there weren’t any other cars. 

Jude’s heart was pounding. He should keep running. 

His hands clenched at his side and he shook his head at the insane thoughts starting to form. 

“No. Don’t be a fucking idiot.” He mumbled, but his feet were already moving forward, towards the house. He crept quietly to the lit window, his breathing labored and his heart hammering in his chest. 

“Stupid. You are so fucking stupid.” He whispered, crouching under the window sill. He imagined peeking into the window and finding Connor’s dad staring back at him. He tried to remember how lenient Kentucky gun laws were. Jude took a deep breath and leaned up just enough to see inside. The curtains were pulled closed but there was a small space in the middle and he could see someone moving around. 

“Fuck it.” 

He reached a shaking hand up and tapped the window, just once. He waited, holding his breath. After a moment he reached up again to tap twice. 

The curtains pulled open, Connor standing on the other side, staring at him with wide eyes. 

Jude managed a small wave and a sheepish smile, Connor still standing there and staring at him. Finally he leaned down and opened the window.

“Jude what the hell are you doing?” he asked, voice strained. 

“Uh…you didn’t text me back.” 

Connor was still gaping at him. Jude stood up, shifting uncomfortably.

“Ok so I guess I’ll go now…” he said quietly, pointing towards the direction of his house. Before he could step away Connor’s hands were reaching out and grabbing his arms, pulling him through the open window. 

“Jesus!” 

“You came to my house.”

“Uh…I did.”

Connor’s face was pink and he was smiling despite the fact that he was still staring at Jude with wide eyes. 

“You’re in my room.”

“Am I?”

Jude looked around. The room was big, bigger than his. In the middle was a huge bed covered in a navy comforter. There was a desk off to the side and a TV with multiple game consoles against the wall. Everything was surprisingly neat.

“Huh…”

“Jude…you’re an idiot.”

“Can’t argue with that.” 

Connor leaned in and kissed him after only a moment of hesitation. Jude realized just how tense he seemed, that rigidness back in his shoulders. 

“I thought you were pissed at me.” Jude mumbled as they pulled away from each other. Connor’s eyebrows drew together.

“Why? Because you were with Luke?”

“You didn’t text me back…”

Connor smiled, cupping his cheek lightly. 

“My phone died and then when I got home I passed out since someone kept me up for half the night…” he said quietly, nose brushing against Jude’s. 

“Oh…so you’re not mad?”

“No Jude. I’m not mad.” 

Connor was still smiling at him in that disbelieving way. 

“Will you stop looking at me like that?” 

“Like what?”

“Like that!” 

Connor just smiled wider, pulling him in. 

“Never.”

Jude’s heart fluttered and he let Connor kiss him again, deep and slow. Their bodies pressed together tightly and Jude groaned softly, lips leaving Connor’s for a moment. 

“This is weird…” Connor mumbled against his lips. 

Jude pulled away completely, blinking at him.

“What?”

“Doing this here…” 

“Do you want me to leave?”

Connor looked at him for a long moment before the corner of his mouth turned up in a smirk. 

“Definitely not.”

~~

Connor led him through the house, his back tense the whole time.

“This is the kitchen. And down there is my dad’s room…” he said quietly. Jude watched him instead of actually paying attention. The way he was holding himself was concerning. Like he was waiting for something bad to happen.

“Relax…” Jude muttered, placing a hand on his shoulder. Connor flinched and Jude’s eyebrows drew together, taking his hand back quickly.

“Sorry…I guess it’s freaking me out more than I thought…” Connor said, turning to give him an apologetic smile.

“Why don’t we just go back to my house?” 

Connor looked at him for a long moment.

“No…I want you to stay.”

Jude nodded and Connor took a deep breath, some of the tension in his eyes going away.

“Let’s go back to my room.” 

They walked back down the hall, Connor leading the way. As soon as they stepped inside of the room he closed the door behind them, shoving his hands into his pockets. 

“I do want you here…” Connor muttered, looking down at the ground. Jude’s heart clenched and he reached out, slower this time, and tilted Connor’s face so he was looking at him.

“Hey...let’s do something. Keep you occupied.”

Connor raised one eyebrow and smirked.

“Like what?”

Jude rolled his eyes.

“I meant like watch TV or something.”

Connor was still smiling as he gestured to his bed, Jude sitting down and sliding back until he was leaning against the headboard. Connor flopped down next to him, their arms pressed together. 

“What do you wanna watch?” he asked, turning to look at Jude. 

“Whatever you want. It’s your house.” 

Connor smiled softly, pressing his forehead against Jude’s shoulder. He chose some show about people living in Alaska and they watched in comfortable silence. Connor relaxed slowly, one leg propped up on the bed, and his head leaned back against the headboard next to Jude’s.

“Would you ever live in Alaska?” Connor asked, looking over at him.

“Nah…my skin is very delicate. I would get frost bite immediately.” 

Connor laughed quietly, turning back to the TV. Jude watched him a moment. The slope of his nose, the freckles across his cheekbones, the fan of his eyelashes. Connor blinked and turned to look at him, eyes questioning. Jude just leaned in and kissed him. Connor relaxed against him, hand coming up to grab the back of his neck and pulling him closer. Jude shifted, laying down on top of him, thigh sliding between Connor’s.

“Jude…I don’t think I can…not here…” Connor whispered, pulling away and looking at him with wide eyes. 

“It’s fine…this is good too.” He said quietly, kissing Connor again. It was slow and lazy and without any intent behind it. He just wanted to feel Connor against him, feel his hands and his mouth and his warmth. Jude reveled at how good everything felt. Just the touch of Connor’s hand send electric sparks through his entire body. 

They kissed until Jude’s mouth felt sore and his cheeks felt hot from Connor’s stubble. The room felt too warm and his shirt was sticking to his back. Connor finally pulled away, eyes hazy and lips pink.

“Jude…”

“Hm?”

Connor looked at him, fingers tracing the line of cheekbone lightly. Jude could feel his pulse fluttering. Being this close to Connor was like looking into the sun. 

“I’m sorry.” Connor whispered, so quietly it was almost impossible to hear. Jude didn’t know what he was apologizing for but he didn’t trust his voice to respond. Instead he just kissed Connor again. Kissed him and hoped that Connor could feel what he wanted to say but was too scared to. 

~~

“So why _were_ you with Luke today?” Connor asked. 

They were laying under the comforter, Connor’s arm wrapped around Jude’s back, holding him tightly against his side. 

“Oh that…he told a friend of ours that he likes her and she shot him down.” 

Connor winced.

“That’s rough…”

Jude hummed in agreement, his body feeling heavy with exhaustion.

“I was so scared that you would turn _me_ down.” Connor mumbled. The sleepy warmth lifted immediately and Jude turned to look at him.

“What?”

“When I told you I liked you…I thought you would turn me down.” Connor said, shrugging. 

“We were already…you know…and you didn’t think I liked you?” 

“You were always such a smart ass to me…I thought you kind of hated me.”

Jude frowned, thinking back their conversations. 

“I wasn’t that bad.”

“I’m pretty sure I’ve been called an asshole by you more times than I have in my entire life.” Connor replied, smiling warmly at him. Jude could feel himself flushing. 

“I meant like….hey you asshole stop being so attractive.” 

Connor laughed, his arm tightening around Jude.

“Lucky for you I just found your shitty attitude endearing.”

“Well thank god for that.” Jude grumbled, crossing his arms. Connor just laughed again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Happy Thursday! 
> 
> So sadly I didn't get to post an extra chapter this week BUT this one is little bit longer than most. Unfortunately it's mostly filler stuff before I want to get more cute fluff in before we start on the big angsty stuff. Not a whole lot to say this time around so I wont bore you with my crazy rambling! 
> 
> I can't say enough about how absolutely incredible you guys are!! There are so many fics on here that have barely any comments and the fact that you guys are constantly commenting and giving me your thoughts is AMAZING!!! I feel so incredibly lucky to have such incredible readers. I know I say that every time but I just love you all so much!!! 
> 
> Alsoooo I've gotten some comments about where you guys are in the world and there are readers from Brazil and Asia!?! That's insane!! So just out of curiosity where are you guys from? You don't have to be specific if you don't want! 
> 
> Ok lots of love to all of you!! See you on Saturday!! 
> 
> P.S. I had a crazy thought the other day and I wanted to see what your opinions are on it....what if when this thing is done I write it from Connor's point of view?? I just love him so much and I love writing him and I think it would be interesting.


	27. Chapter 27

Jude ended up falling asleep, tucked under Connor’s arm, his face pressed against his shoulder. Next thing he knew Connor was shaking him awake gently. 

“Hey…” he said quietly, pressing his lips against Jude’s ear. 

“Shit what time is it?” he grumbled, squinting through the darkness of the room. Connor was looking down at him and smiling, fingers brushing through his hair. 

“It’s almost three…” 

“Fuck.” Jude sat up, dislodging Connor’s arm. He looked around for his phone and found it in the folds of the comforter. There were three calls from his mom and one very threatening text message. 

“My mom is gonna kill me…I need to go.” He went to stand but Connor grabbed his arm, pulling him back. 

“Wait….”

“Connor we are both dead if I don’t leave right now…” Jude said, but allowed himself to be pulled back onto the bed. Connor hand reached up and pulled him closer, their lips touching lightly. 

“I have a game on Friday…” Connor mumbled. 

“I know…we go to the same school remember?” 

“I probably won’t see until next week.” 

Jude’s heart sank. He leaned in and kissed Connor again. 

~~

“Where the hell have you been?” 

Jude winced as he pulled the door closed behind him.

“Uh…I got lost?”

His mom had her arms crossed, eyebrows pulled together in anger. Guilt rose up in his stomach and he dropped his eyes.

“Jude I was worried sick! You could’ve at least called!” 

“I know I’m sorry…”

After a long moment she finally sighed, walking over and wrapping her arms around him. Jude hugged back tightly, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

“You’re really growing up huh?”

“I guess…”

“So…how’s the boyfriend?” she asked, pulling back to raise an eyebrow at him. He rolled his eyes.

“He’s good.” 

Her eyes lit up and he could see that she wanted to ask him more. 

“I’m going to bed now.”

“Ugh I stay up all night waiting for you and I don’t even get the juicy details?!” 

“Goodnight mother.”

~~

Jude flopped down on his bed the second he walked into his room. He contemplated just falling asleep without changing. His eyes felt gritty and he could feel exhaustion starting to weigh on him. Before he could fall asleep his phone started vibrating in his pocket. He pulled it out slowly, Connor’s name flashing across the screen. He managed to look at the time before answering. A little after 4 AM.

“If you collapse from lack of sleep it’ll be my fault you know.” He said, smiling. Connor laughed quietly, sounding as tired as Jude felt. 

“I’ll be sure to tell everyone that it was completely your fault.”

“Well thank you. I appreciate that.” 

Jude stayed quiet for a long moment, just listening to Connor breathe on the other end. 

“I’m sorry for acting so weird tonight…” 

Jude frowned.

“It’s fine…I kind of ambushed you.”

“Jude…just being here with you…it didn’t feel right. That sounds bad but I promise I don’t mean for it to…”

“I swear its ok. You don’t have to apologize….”

“I just don’t want you to think that I didn’t want to be with you…I did.” 

“Connor stop. Its fine, I promise.”

Connor let out a breath, both of them falling silent. 

“I can’t believe you actually came to my house….” Connor finally said, clearly smiling. 

“Uh yeah…I was worried.” 

“You were?”

“Yeah…I guess I care about you or something.”

Connor fell silent again and Jude could feel his heart hammering in his chest, his palms getting sweaty. 

“Jude…”

Connor’s voice sounded strained, like he was on the verge of saying something huge. Jude could feel his hands starting to shake.

“We should really go to sleep. You have practice tomorrow…” Jude said quietly before Connor could finish. 

“Yeah…I guess you’re right. Goodnight Jude.” 

“Goodnight.”

~~

When Jude walked up to their usual meeting place the next morning he could see that Luke wasn’t there. Christian had his back against the wall, hands shoved into his pockets. Melony was sitting on the ground, biting her nails nervously. 

“Jude!” she said when she saw him, standing up and shifting uncomfortably.

“Hey.” 

“Are you pissed at me?” 

Her voice was so quiet that Jude had to lean in to hear her. Her eyes were huge, bottom lip caught between her teeth. Jude sighed, pulling her into a loose hug. She relaxed against him  
immediately, tiny hands gripping the back of his jacket.

“I could never be pissed at you.” he muttered, letting his arms drop to his sides. She pulled away slowly, looking so grateful that he felt guilty for ever blaming her. 

“He’ll get over it.” Christian mumbled. 

“He will.” Jude agreed, gripping her arm for a moment. She smiled at him shakily, hands still fidgeting. 

“I feel so terrible…he won’t answer my calls or my texts.” 

Jude looked over at Christian just in time to see him roll his eyes, pulling his hood down around his face. 

“Listen Mel…Luke is a great guy. But he’s a fucking child alright? Let him deal with his bullshit and then he’ll be back.” Jude said, Christian huffing out a quiet laugh. Melony smiled again, more genuine this time.

~~

Connor wasn’t in any of his classes for the next couple of days. Jude could see them practicing when he walked from class to class, white and blue informs running across the field. Sometimes he would see them stumbling towards the locker rooms at the end of the day, covered in dirt and sweat and grass stains. Every once in a while he would catch a glimpse of Connor and his heart would stutter in his chest. 

“If you keep eye fucking your boyfriend someone is going to notice.” Christian mumbled to him after the third time it happened. Jude blushed so hard he was surprised he didn’t pass out from lack of blood flow. 

On Friday the chaos was even worse than it had been before the previous game. It was another home game and somehow Melony convinced them to go again. Christian had grumbled about it, closing his eyes and tipping his head back against the wall but eventually agreed just to get her to shut up. 

He didn’t see Luke for the entire week. He called him at least once a day with no answer. After school let out on Friday he dialed the number and waited but it went straight to voicemail. 

“Alright asshole…enough of this ok? We’re all going to the game tonight for some reason and you should come. Call me for fuck’s sake.” 

~~

“You’re going to another football game?” his mom asked, raising her eyebrow at him when he told her about his plans for the night.

“Yeah? Why is that so weird?”

“No reason…expect you’ve said multiple times that you would rather gouge an eye out than watch football on TV.” 

Jude shrugged, trying to avoid her eyes.

“It’s more exciting when it’s live….” 

She was still looking at him skeptically, arms crossed. All of a sudden her eyes widened and she grinned.

“Jesus…that’s kind of terrifying…” he mumbled, trying to get around her. She blocked his way, smiling even wider.

“He’s a football player.”

Jude froze, his face flushing.

“What are you talking about?”

She clapped a hand over he mouth, jumping up and down excitedly. 

“Your boyfriend is a football player!” 

He tried his best to keep his expression neutral.

“Mom you’re ridiculous. I would never….”

“That’s explains everything!” she said, cutting him off. Jude sighed, pushing past her and walking towards the stairs.

“A football player! I can’t believe it!” 

~~

Jude sat at his desk, staring at the giant pile of homework in front of him. Despite the fact that his old school had already covered most of the material he was still falling behind. He sighed, dropping his forehead down on top of his Chemistry book. 

His phone started ringing and he jumped, pulling it towards him. He winced when he saw who it was.

“Hey Callie.”

“Hey Callie!? Are you kidding?? I haven’t spoken to you in WEEKS and that’s what I get?”

He sighed, dropping his head back down. 

“I’m sorry…”

“I get a few lousy texts after being a wonderful sister to you your entire life…unbelievable.” 

“Ok I get it…”

“Well I’m kicking your ass the next time I see you.”

He smiled. He missed her.

“I don’t doubt it.”

“So how have you been?” she asked. 

“Good…” 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah…I’m going to a football game tonight.” 

She laughed for an unnecessarily long time.

“Ok Jesus…it’s not that funny.”

“I’m sorry….it’s just…if you told twelve year old you that this is what your future would be he would be absolutely disgusted.” 

“Yeah yeah…”

“I can see it! Your little judgmental chipmunk face all scandalized!” 

“I did not have a chipmunk face!”

“Oh honey…” she said, still laughing. He rolled his eyes. 

“Goodbye Callie.”

“Ok fine…just fucking call me once in a while you dick.” 

“Yes ma’am.”

~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!!
> 
> Ok this chapter is incredibly short and nothing really happens but the reason for that issssss....it's the last chapter before the angst comes! Some of you wanted a heads up and this was the only way for me to really do it! 
> 
> I just hope you guys stick with me through these next few chapters! 
> 
> Besides that I don't have very much to say this time around! 
> 
> I LOVED reading where all of you guys are from and I'm completely blown away!!! I had no idea that I had people reading my story from all over the world! It's absolutely unreal!! I still can't wrap my mind around it! 
> 
> And regarding the Connor POV thing....after reading some of responses I've decided not to do the entire story in his POV. Most likely I will do a one shot of some of the key moments from this story and post it all in one go...It obviously won't be until this is over. I know some of you wanted me to include Connor's POV in here buuuuut I feel like this far in it would just be messy. I do want to write in his perspective because like I've said a million times...I adore him. He's become one of my favorite characters I've ever written. 
> 
> I always say I won't ramble and then I end up rambling forever. The notes are probably longer than the chapter at this point. 
> 
> Once again THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for your kind words and support and love!!!! I don't think I could ever put into words how incredible it is!!! I am a new writer and this is only my second posted story and now it is number one in kudos and number three in hits. That it so amazing!! I want to cry and group hug all of you!!! 
> 
> See you on Monday!!! (plenty of time to mentally prepare yourselves right?)


	28. Chapter 28

The noise level was almost unreal as they made their way up the bleachers. Everyone around them was talking excitedly, huddling together against the wind. Melony was gripping the back of his jacket and after rolling his eyes and sighing Christian had wrapped a hand around his wrist, leading him through the crowd. They found seats halfway up, scooting in and sitting close together. Christian’s leg was pressed against his and Melony tucked herself under his arm. 

“It’s fucking freezing. Why are we here again?” Christian mumbled, his hands burying into his pockets. 

“It’ll be fun!” Melony said, her soft voice getting lost in the noise of the crowd. They sat there shivering until finally the cheerleaders poured out onto the field. 

“Hey…” 

They all whipped around to see Luke standing next to them, head down. Melony went rigid against Jude’s side and Christian just looked at him for a moment before turning his attention back to the field.

“Mind if I join you?” Luke asked, breaking the awkward silence. Melony finally relaxed, patting the seat beside her. Luke hesitated for only a second before sitting down, leaving a few inches of space between them. Jude looked down to see her smiling softly.

“Welcome back man.” He said, reaching around to pat Luke on the shoulder. 

They all looked back out onto the field, watching as they unfurled the banner. The team broke through the paper easily, helmets already on. Jude scanned the players, finding Connor. He ran a lap around the field before stopping in front of the bleachers, looking up a long moment and scanning the crowd. Jude could feel his pulse speed up as he waited. Connor’s gaze stopped on them for a second and he raised one hand, waving quickly before running in the opposite direction.

“Subtle…” Christian mumbled and Jude knocked their shoulders together. 

“Hush…”

The game started slowly, everyone still warming up. The other team (dressed in green and yellow) was good, but within the first few minutes the home team had already scored. Jude watched as Chad wrapped a huge hand around Connor’s neck, bringing him forward to slam their helmets together. 

“That probably caused some mild brain damage…” Luke said quietly. Jude turned to look at him and smiled. He still looked nervous, looking over at Melony every once in a while, who in turn was trying to pretend like everything was completely normal. 

Jude looked down toward the field again. There was a player on the other team that was even bigger than Chad who was clearly gunning for Connor, his eyes always trained on him. He managed to avoid him up to that point, sliding under him and twisting away from his hands. For once Jude was actually grateful for Chad, who had decided it was his job to keep this asshole away from Connor. 

“Jesus what’s with that guy?” Melony muttered, eyebrows creasing. Jude frowned and looked down again. They had called for a time out and Connor was clearly getting winded from trying to get around the other player. He had his hands on his knees, his breaths fogging in the air. Jude could feel Christian’s eyes on him and he flashed him a smile, trying not to worry. Connor knew what he was doing. 

After two more points for their team it was finally half time, Connor stumbling off to the side and collapsing onto the bench. He had run so fast and so hard that Jude’s legs were burning just from watching him. Jude could see the coach going up and crouching in front of him.

He had pulled his helmet off and his hair was already dark with sweat. Jude could see his shoulders heaving from his breathing. Christian nudged him and he looked over at him.

“Relax…” he muttered, leaning closer to him. Jude nodded and tried not to glance back down at the field, instead focusing on Melony and Luke who were sitting next to each other in awkward silence. 

“So Luke…what have you been doing the past few days?” he asked. Luke was looking down at his feet, his face pinched. 

“Nothing…just went on a little road trip.” He finally said, still not looking at him. Jude’s eyebrows furrowed and he wanted to pull him aside and talk to him properly. He could see Melony shifting, clearly wanting to know more. He pulled her closer to him, rubbing her arm. She glanced up and smiled, worry still clear in her eyes. 

“That’s cool man…you coming back to school?” 

Luke shrugged, lifting his eyes to look back out onto the field. 

Before Jude could ask anything else the signal for the start of the second half rang out, causing everyone to jump. Jude immediately scanned the field to find Connor, his eyes landing on him as he pulled his helmet back on, still a little unsteady on his feet. Jude’s heart clenched and he fisted his hands inside his pockets, anxiety going through the roof. Christian reached over and wrapped his hand around Jude’s wrist, just holding it tightly for a second. 

“He’ll be fine…” he muttered, leaning closer to Jude so he wouldn’t be heard. Jude nodded once, trying to calm down. Christian’s hand fell away and they all watched with bated breath. 

The team got into position, the player from the opposing team clearly already zeroed in on Connor. He really was gigantic. Jude took a deep breath, the cold air stinging his lungs. The whistle blew and everything happened in slow motion. Connor started running forward but he wasn’t quick enough, the opposing player slamming into him full force, their bodies hitting the ground with a sick thud. Jude watched as their team pulled the guy off, Connor laying completely still on the grass.

Jude was out of his seat and running down the steps without a second thought, Christian calling out his name. He didn’t stop, didn’t turn around. His ears were ringing as he ran, people standing up around him, trying to see if Connor was ok. 

He pushed his way through the crowd at the bottom, jumping over the railing and landing in the grass below. Before he could reach Connor he saw him walking toward the bench, two players supporting him. Jude froze just as Connor looked up, his eyes going wide. But he wasn’t looking at Jude, he was looking just past him. Jude turned around and came face to face with Connor’s dad. 

He was looking at him, recognition clear in his eyes. Jude could feel his heart beating in his chest, his lungs constricting. Connor’s dad looked at him for another moment before brushing past him and making his way over to his son. Jude turned around just in time to see Connor’s eyes, wide and terrified, before he was blocked from view.

~~

Jude stood there as they took Connor away, his dad sending him a look that made his blood run cold. He was frozen, all he could hear was the sound of Connor’s body hitting the ground and all he could see was the fear in Connor’s eyes when he saw him. 

After what seemed like hours he felt a hand on his shoulder, turning him around. Christian was standing behind him, his hand reaching out to take his and lead him away. He felt numb, full of residual fear and a new feeling of dread. Christian led him up the steps and away from the field, towards the front of the school.

Melony and Luke were already by his car, looking concerned. Melony rushed forwards and wrapped her arms around him.

“Are you ok?” she mumbled. He nodded, not trusting his voice. She pulled away and let him go. His feet moved until he was unlocking his car and getting into the driver’s seat. He couldn’t look at them, couldn’t say anything. 

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and found Connor’s number, finger hovering over the call button. He imagined Connor’s dad picking up instead and the phone fell out of his hand, falling into his lap. He heard the passenger’s side door opening and Luke climbed in, silent. 

They sat there for a few minutes, Jude’s breathing still labored and Luke watching him. 

“So…Connor Stevens.” 

Jude went still, refusing to look at him. 

“Now I get why you didn’t tell me…” 

Jude looked over at him. Luke was staring straight ahead, his expression unreadable. 

“I’ve met his dad…” he said quietly and Jude felt his heart stutter. The way he said it made Jude want to march back onto the field and take Connor far away. Somewhere his dad couldn’t find him.

“Fuck…” Jude said, voice breaking. Luke looked over at him and wrapped an arm around Jude’s shoulders as he collapsed in on himself. They sat there, Luke holding him awkwardly across the center console, as Jude shook and gasped for air. 

Panic raced through him, his mind buzzing with him.

“He’s gonna be ok…”

“You don’t know that.” 

Luke didn’t argue and Jude closed his eyes, burying his face in his hands.

~~

Luke ended up having to drive him home, the panic attack leaving him weak. Melony had tried to talk to him again but Christian had led her away, giving Jude another concerned look over his shoulder. 

“Fuck…I’m such a fucking idiot.” Jude mumbled, closing his eyes. Luke shook his head, glancing over at him.

“You’re not…you care about him. It’s what anyone would have done.” 

“Luke I ran…I ran to him! The whole fucking school saw me!” 

Luke’s hands gripped the steering wheel.

“Listen…don’t think about that.”

“What the hell else am I supposed to think about?!” 

Silence fell over them again as Luke drove. Jude’s heart was still beating hard against his chest, his brain still restless. 

“I screwed up…” he muttered, his forehead resting against the cold window. 

“Jude…stop beating yourself up. You don’t know what’s going on. Maybe it’ll all work out….”

“No…his dad recognized me. He knows…fuck.” 

“Stop it! You’re gonna give yourself another fucking panic attack.” 

Jude realized almost too late that they weren’t heading to his house. 

“Where are we going?” 

“To my place. If you think I’m leaving you alone you’re fucking insane…”

~~

They pulled up to a small white house with a wraparound porch. Luke got out first, walking around and opening Jude’s door, reaching a hand out to help him. They walked up the steps together, Luke unlocking the door and holding it open for Jude. 

The house was small and dark, the entryway leading into a tiny living room with some well-loved furniture. 

“Sit down before you fall over…” Luke said, pushing Jude towards the couch. He sank down into it, his knees shaking. He got his phone out, once again finding Connor’s name. After a pause he  
pressed the call button, raising it up to his ear. 

It went straight to voicemail.

“Fuck…”

“Jude you need to stop…” Luke said quietly, reaching over to take the phone out his hand and put it on the coffee table. 

“His dad is going to kill him…” Jude muttered, the dread in the pit of his stomach consuming him. Everything felt numb and hazy. 

“Jude…listen to me. Don’t assume the worst…maybe his dad didn’t realize…”

“You did.” Jude raised his eyes, looking at Luke defiantly. He stopped mid-sentence, dropping his gaze.

“I didn’t think…I just needed to get to him…” Jude mumbled, burying his face in his hands. He heard Luke stand and then he was next to him, arm wrapping around Jude’s shoulders.

“You scared the hell out of us…I’ve never seen someone run so fast…” Luke said quietly, hand squeezing Jude’s arm. 

“I didn’t even know what I was doing…it just happened…”

Jude raised his head and looked at Luke, who was looking back at it intently. 

“You love him.” He said. It wasn’t a question. Jude turned to look at the floor, his hands still shaking. 

“Fuck Jude…” Luke sighed, arm falling away from his shoulders. 

“What the hell am I supposed to do?” he mumbled, looking over at his phone laying silently on the table. Luke looked at him for a moment and then clapped a hand on his back. 

“We’re going to find something stupid to watch on tv and order some food.”

“Luke…”

“You’re not doing yourself any favors just sitting around and worrying ok? So just trust me on this one…”

Jude turned to look at him before finally sighing and nodding. Luke smiled softly, reaching over and grabbing the remote to turn the tv on. They settled on a Ghost Hunters marathon, Luke laying down on the love seat while Jude sat on the couch. He tried to focus, his eyes still glancing down at his phone every few minutes. 

“Cut it out….” Luke mumbled, after the twentieth time.

“It’s not as easy as you might think…” Jude muttered, crossing his arms and slumping back against the couch. Luke sighed and muted the tv, turning to look at him.

“Fine…then tell me about him.”

“Huh?”

“You haven’t been able to talk to anyone about this shit for months…Christian clearly knew but he’s not the greatest conversationalist. So tell me about him.” Luke said, shrugging. Jude raised an eyebrow.

“Are you serious?”

“Yes I’m fucking serious! Mostly because I want to know how the fuck you got Connor Stevens to go gay for you.” 

Jude felt his mouth turn up despite the anxiety still buzzing in his chest.

“I’m pretty sure he was already gay…I just helped him along.” 

Luke rolled his eyes and motioned for him to continue. Jude sighed, looking up at the ceiling so he wouldn’t have to look at Luke.

“I don’t know man…he kind of…stalked me I guess? So I kissed him. And then it kind of spiraled after that.”

“Riveting. You should write a novel.” 

Jude threw a throw pillow at him. 

“You asked!” 

“Alright calm down. So…” he fidgeted with the pillow, fingers tugging on a loose string, “how is it with him?”

“Are you asking me about my sex life?” 

“I’m just curious!” Luke was blushing and Jude felt his eyes widen.

“How the hell are you embarrassed right now? You’ve been asking me about this for months!” 

“Yeah but now that I know who it was with I can picture it and shit!”

“Please don’t.” 

“Easier said than done my friend.” 

Jude laughed, throwing his head back against the back of the couch. He realized that his hands had stopped shaking for the first time since they had gotten in the car. 

“But seriously…what’s he like? I mean when you guys are alone?” Luke asked quietly.

“He’s…not how I imagined.” 

Luke nodded, looking down at the floor.

“It’s so weird…thinking about you guys together.”

“Once again, I really wish you wouldn’t.”

“I didn’t mean it like that! I mean just…you guys talking and like…hanging out. It’s weird.”

“Why?” 

“I haven’t seen you say two words to the guy!” 

Jude realized just how true that was. As far as anyone was concerned he and Connor barely even knew each other. 

“Now everyone knows…”

“Jude.”

“If we weren’t friends and you saw me react the way I did what would you have thought?”

Luke hesitated, not meeting his eyes. Jude groaned, burying his face in his hands. 

“Fuck…” 

Suddenly his phone beeped, the screen going bright. Luke was staring at it, eyes wide. Jude reached out and picked it up, hands shaking again and saw that it was a single text from Connor.

_I can’t do this anymore. I’m sorry._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!!
> 
> Alright here it is! The start of the conflict!!
> 
> I wanted to kind of talk about why i did this the way I did...  
> I know with these types of stories it's most common that someone walks in on them and all that (and I'm pretty sure almost everyone thought that was going to happen) but instead I wanted to go a more subtle route. I had this very clear imagine in my head of Connor getting hurt playing football and Jude kind of losing his mind. It was one of the first things that my brain conjured up when I thought of this story. Sadly this is only the beginning of the angst! I'm already missing my precious cuddly boys and their kissing!! 
> 
> I just wanted to say...stick with me guys!!! I (kind of) know what I'm doing!!!
> 
> I say this every time and I know it must get annoying BUT YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING!!!  
> I don't think I could ever express my gratitude to all of you. The amount of love and support and trust you have in me is just overwhelming. It's the reason I work so hard to put out updates on schedule. I just hope that I'm living up to your expectations!! My one goal with this story is to surprise you guys with the direction it goes but still keep it realistic and most importantly good. 
> 
> So much love to every single one of you!!! I know the wait between Monday and Thursday is kind of annoying but hopefully it won't be too terrible! 
> 
> That being said....I will see you on Thursday!!


	29. Chapter 29

Luke’s hand reached out and took the phone from him, reading the message. 

“Shit…” Jude’s lungs were burning, his entire body numb. 

_I can’t do this anymore._

“Jude…”

“I have to go.”

“No. There is no way I’m letting you go home after that…”

Jude turned to look at him.

“Luke I have to go…I can’t even think right now…”

“Which is why you’re not leaving. Sit down. I’m calling Christian…”

Jude sat back down after a long pause, finally deciding that he was in no shape to drive. He looked at his phone where Luke had placed it on the coffee table. The black screen mocked him. He couldn’t think. Didn’t know what to do. 

Connor couldn’t have given up that easily. There was no way. Unless he had. 

Jude realized that there was a chance that Connor had decided he wasn’t worth it. His hands clenched into fists, his nails digging into his palms. 

“I need to talk to him…” he said quietly, Luke turning around to look at him.

“Just give him some space Jude. Maybe he needs to think things over.” 

Jude stared at the floor, his eyes blurry. There was a chance that Connor would never talk to him again. Never kiss him again. Never look at him again. Jude’s heart clenched painfully and he tried not to think. 

“Jude…” Luke crouched down in front of him, tilting his chin up with his hand.

“You need to snap out of it man…”

Jude just blinked at him. Luke sighed, his hand falling away. 

“Alright…let’s go.” 

Jude frowned in confusion as Luke stood up and grabbed Jude’s car keys. 

“Where are we going?” Jude asked, his voice strained. 

“We’re gonna go track down Connor and ask him what the hell his problem is.”

Jude could feel his heart pounding in his chest. 

“Luke…”

“That’s what you want to do right? So let’s go.” 

Jude hesitated, his brain going a million miles a minute. He imagined them pulling up to Connor’s house, storming up to his door.

“No…we can’t.”

“Then stop. Stop torturing yourself. If that’s the state of mind he’s in…” Luke said pointing to Jude’s phone, “Nothing you say with change that.”

Jude knew that Luke was right. Connor didn’t want to see him. He didn’t want to talk to him. He wanted to be done with him.

“Fine…”

“Ok fine. Now let’s order some fucking pizza because all of this drama is making me hungry.” 

~~

Christian showed up fifteen minutes later, silently walking in and sitting down next to Jude. Luke must have already told him about the text because he just squeezed his leg gently but didn’t say anything. 

Luke sat on the love seat next to them, flipping through the channels on the tv. Their food arrived and Luke grabbed two slices, shoving half of one into his mouth immediately. 

“I saw him…” Christian mumbled as he picked off pepperoni from his pizza. Jude turned to look at him, eyebrows furrowing. 

“Huh?”

“Connor. I saw him after you guys left…” 

Jude’s whole body went numb.

“You did?”

“Yeah…he looked wrecked. His dad was leading him away…I think he messed up his leg cause he was limping.” 

Despite everything Jude could feel the concern at the forefront of his mind. His first instinct was to call Connor to make sure he was alright. But that instinct was the reason he was in this mess to begin with. 

“Did…how did his dad look?”

“He’s not an idiot. He’s mean as hell but he’s not stupid….” Christian said quietly, not looking at him. Jude’s blood ran cold. He hung his head, his mind buzzing. Luke had gone still next to them, waiting for Jude’s reaction. 

“It’s for the best then…” he whispered, his heart shattering. 

“What?”

“Us not…seeing each other anymore.” 

Luke turned to look at him, glancing over at Christian who was staring at Jude. 

“What are you talking about?”

“You saw how fucking scared he looked…I need him to be ok. I want him safe. And if that means…” Jude’s throat constricted and he took a deep shaking breath.

“If that means never seeing him again then so be it.” 

Luke and Christian looked at each other.

“Jude…”

“I’m fine. This is for the best.” 

Luke looked like he wanted to say something else but decided against it, his lips pursing.

“Ok.” Christian said quietly, a hand patting Jude’s back. 

~~

Jude fell asleep on the couch, laying down with his legs thrown across Christian’s lap. His body and mind were exhausted from the panic attacks. He didn’t dream for which he was grateful. When he woke up it was still dark outside and he lay there for another moment, a sadness settling over him that was almost suffocating. He took a deep breath and reached over to grab his phone. It was almost dead and he could see texts from his mom and Callie asking him if he was alright. He typed a quick response to both, hoping they wouldn’t ask him too many questions. 

There was nothing from Connor and for once he was glad. 

He tapped Connor’s name and scanned through the texts. He smiled as he read them, his throat aching. When he got to the end he avoided reading the words and deleted the entire thread before going into his contacts and deleting Connor’s number. 

His mind was quiet, all of his thoughts completely gone. He wasn’t sad anymore…he was just…empty.

Jude glanced around and saw Christian who was asleep next to him, his black beanie pulled over his eyes and his head resting against the back of the couch. Luke was still on the love seat, back facing Jude. 

He contemplated just getting up and going home, but then imagined the two of them waking up to find him gone. Jude glanced at the time on his phone. 5:12 AM. 

He sighed and threw an arm over his eyes. He wasn’t tired anymore but his body still felt heavy with exhaustion. He hadn’t had anxiety that bad since seventh grade. 

“Hey…” he heard and dropped his arm to look at Christian. He was rubbing a hand over his face and squinting at him. 

“Hey. Did I wake you up?” 

“Nah man…I gotta piss.”

“Charming.” 

“Shut up and move.” He grumbled, pushing Jude’s legs off his lap. Jude watched him make his way to what he assumed was the bathroom. He glanced over at Luke but he was still asleep, his shoulders moving with his steady breathing. 

“So…want to go get breakfast?” Christian asked as he came back, stretching and groaning. Jude watched him for a moment, smiling. He looked softer in the morning, not as reserved. 

“What?” Christian asked, raising an eyebrow.

“You look cute.” Jude said, one side of his mouth quirking up. Christian rubbed the back of his neck, a flush rising in his cheeks.

“You move on quick…” he mumbled, avoiding Jude’s eyes. 

Suddenly everything he had been feeling the night before came rushing back. He felt a lump in his throat and covered his face with his hands, groaning. 

“Fuck…”

“Shit I’m sorry…you can keep hitting on me man.” Christian said quickly, moving Jude’s legs so he could sit back down. Jude huffed out a quiet laugh and let his hands fall away. 

“I wasn’t hitting on you. You just seem…more relaxed.”

Christian smiled softly, one hand wrapped around Jude’s ankle. 

“You guys gonna start making out?” 

They whipped around and looked over at Luke, who had turned enough to squint at them sleepily. 

“Good morning.” 

“I’m appalled at what I just witnessed. He’s cute? Really Jude? I mean have you seen me in the morning? I’m fucking adorable.” 

Jude laughed as Luke sat up, his eyes puffy and his hair going in a million different directions. 

“You are stunning.” 

“Oh shut up…your words are cheap now.” He mumbled, standing up and stumbling towards the bathroom. Christian’s fingers squeezed Jude’s ankle and he looked over at him. 

“Talk to me man…” he said quietly, eyes still soft. Jude took a deep.

“I feel empty…”

Christian looked concerned as he let Jude talk, thumb moving over his ankle softly. 

“I can’t talk to him anymore. Can’t see him…I miss him already and it hasn’t even been a day…”

“What are you going to do?”

“What can I do? I’m going to pretend none of this ever happened…that I never kissed him and we never…” 

His throat closed up and he sighed in frustration. 

“I just don’t want to feel like this anymore.” He whispered, not looking at Christian. 

“I get it. Something shitty happened and now you’re going to run away.” 

Jude’s eyebrows creased and he turned to look at him. Christian’s eyes were blazing and his grip on Jude’s ankle tightened. 

“Do you love him?”

“I don’t see how…”

“Do you?”

Jude set his mouth in a hard line. 

“Yes.”

“Then you get him back. What if he’s it for you? What if he’s the one you’re supposed to be with?” 

“What like a soul mate?” Jude asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah I guess. Fuck man…I’ve seen the way you two look at each other. Like there’s nobody else in the world. That shit doesn’t happen every day!” 

“He’s right.” Luke as he stepped back into the room, his arms crossed over his chest. 

“So what the hell am I supposed to do? It’s over. He doesn’t want me anymore.” 

“I doubt that’s true.” Luke said, coming over and sitting on the love seat. 

“Well that’s what he said. So I’m sorry but I’m not going to chase after someone who wants nothing to do with me…” 

Christian looked at Luke for a long moment and then sighed, letting go of Jude’s ankle.

“Ok. You’re our friend and we’re with you no matter what…” 

Despite the growing emptiness inside of him Jude felt something warm in his chest. He couldn’t imagine where he would be without them. 

~~

They finally got themselves together and made their way to a diner, the early morning rush just beginning as they walked in. The hostess lead them to a booth towards the back, handing out menus and taking drink orders. 

“Shit I feel hungover…” Luke mumbled, rubbing his temples. Jude grunted in agreement. Everything hurt and there was a dull aching pain behind his eyes. 

“Eat something. You’ll feel better.” Christian said, scanning the menu. Their waitress took their order and they all sat in tense silence. 

“Ok someone say something please…” Luke mumbled, playing with his silverware. 

“I’m sorry you guys…” Jude said quietly, eyes trained on the table. 

“What for?”

“Everything…dragging you into this mess. A couple of months ago you didn’t even know me and now…”

“Shut up.” 

Jude looked up to look at Luke who looked almost angry.

“Don’t you dare fucking apologize for that. I told you man…like it or not you’re our friend. For life ok?” 

Christian was nodding next to him, one hand squeezing Jude’s knee firmly. Jude could feel his throat tighten and he looked down at the table again. 

“Thanks…”

“Enough. All of this talk about feelings and shit is making me emo. Let’s just eat and go do something fun.” Christian said, just in time for the waitress to come back with steaming plates. 

~~

None of them mentioned calling Melony and Jude knew that it would be a bad idea to bring it up. Despite all of the stuff going on with him he could still remember the awkwardness between her and Luke the night before. Christian suggested they go to the movies and Luke instantly shut down the idea, Jude remembering the last time they had gone there, right after his big confession. 

“Ok so what else is there to do in this town?” Jude asked, leaning back in the passenger’s seat of his car. Luke still insisted on driving. Before they could decide on anything Jude’s phone rang and they all froze. It was his mom and he couldn’t help the sinking disappointment. 

“Hey mom…”

“Is this going to be a habit now?” she asked, her voice angry. 

“I’m sorry…I lost track of time. I ended staying at a friend’s house…” 

“This excuse is getting old Jude.” 

“I know…I’m sorry ok? It won’t happen again.” 

After a long pause she sighed. 

“Fine. As long as you’re safe and not doing drugs.” 

“I am.”

“You’re doing drugs?!” 

“No I meant I’m safe! No drugs I promise.” 

“Ok good. I’ll see you tonight?”

“Yeah mom.”

He hung up and shoved it back into his pocket to avoid looking at it every few minutes. 

“I know what we should do.” Luke suddenly said, turning to grin at them in an alarming way. 

~~

It was mini golf.

Jude stared at the tiny golf club in his hand, the purple handle worn almost completely down. The entire course had clearly seen better days. The paint was faded and the moat’s water was a murky green color. 

“So…mini golf.”

“Yeah.” 

“Why?”

“It’s fun.” Luke replied, shrugging and smiling at Jude. Christian just mumbled and followed Luke onto the course. It was still completely empty, still way too early for anyone else to be doing this. The sun was shining but the wind still sent chills down Jude’s spine. 

Luke was lining up his first shot, wiggling his hips back and forth dramatically. 

“Would you just go? We’re going to be here all day at this rate…”

“Isn’t that the point? Keeping Jude busy?” Luke asked, squatting down and trying to predict the trajectory of his ball. Christian sighed loudly but didn’t say anything else. Jude just smiled, ducking his head.

They moved through the course, Luke already in the lead. Despite the grumbling Christian actually seemed to be enjoying himself, even laughing when Jude managed to hit his ball so hard that it went into the moat. 

“I’m terrible at this.” Jude muttered, after getting another ball from the bored teenager working the front. 

“Well you’re already smart and good looking so you can’t have everything.” Luke said, shrugging. Jude rolled his eyes.

“Is this the part where I’m supposed to say you’re smart and good looking too? Because only one of those is true.”

“As long as it’s the good looking part.” Luke said, turning to give him a huge smile. 

Christian poked him with his golf club.

“Stop flirting and shoot the damn ball.”

“Don’t get jealous honey.” 

Christian rolled his eyes and leaned against the rickety wood fence that surrounded the course. 

“Shut up man.”

Jude could feel his face flushing as he looked between the two of them. If someone had told him last year that two attractive guys would be squabbling over him he would have told them they were insane. 

“This constant need for my attention is seriously going to start to go to my head you guys.” He said, sauntering past them to line up his ball. Luke laughed, kicking him lightly in the ankle. 

“You need the confidence boost. I have never seen a guy who looks like you be so goddamn unaware of it.” 

“What are you talking about?” Jude asked, turning to look at him. Luke was looking at him fondly, hands folded on top of his gold club.

“Jude are you blind?”

“Uh….”

“You’re hot. He’s trying to say you’re hot.” Christian mumbled, eyes closed, his face turned toward the sun. Jude’s face started to burn with how hard he was blushing.

“You guys are dumb.”

“And you’re hot. Now shoot the damn ball.” 

~~

After they finished playing they piled back into the car and decided to get lunch. It was still pretty early but Jude’s stomach was already grumbling. Luke drove them to Chubby’s and after making sure none of the football players were in the restaurant they all went in to order. 

“Oh fuck yes…” Luke groaned as he bit into his burger. They all ate in silence, with the occasional pleased sound coming from Luke. 

“Where to next?” Christian asked after they were done eating, their greasy wrappers crumbled up in the middle of the table. 

“Next we’re going to egg Stevens’ car.”

“No Luke.”

“His house?”

“No.”

Luke crossed his arms.

“Well I’m out of ideas then. What about you Jude? What would you like to do?”

Jude thought about it for a moment, his mind pleasantly blank for once. 

“I have no clue.”

“So…egging?”

“No Luke.”

~~

They ended up back at Luke’s house, all sitting on the floor in the living room and playing video games until their eyes went blurry. Jude looked at the clock on the wall. It was a little past seven.

“I should go home…”

Christian turned to look at him.

“Are you gonna be ok? Be honest.”

Jude smiled at him.

“Yeah…thanks to you guys.” 

Luke patted him on the back and got up off the floor, stretching until his spine cracked. 

“Oh god…I’m too old for this shit.”

Jude got up too, reaching a hand down to help Christian. They all stood in comfortable silence. 

“Let me walk you out…” Christian said quietly, nodding towards the door. Jude nodded and turned to look at Luke, hoping that he knew just how grateful Jude was.

“Don’t give me that look man…” Luke mumbled, dropping his eyes.

“What look?”

“That fucking doe eyed one.” 

Jude laughed, reaching out and pulling him into a tight hug. Luke went rigid against him for a moment before relaxing and wrapping his arms around Jude. They stood there for a long moment, Jude’s arms tightening before finally letting go. Luke cleared his throat, still refusing to look at him.

“Thank you.” Jude said, pressing his forehead against Luke’s for a second before pulling away and heading to the door. 

Luke just waved, smiling softly. 

Christian led the way out, walking Jude toward his car which was parked in the street. 

“I think you just made his day.” Christian said, leaning against the driver’s side door. 

“Well he made mine…” Jude said quietly, coming up to lean against the car next to him, their arms pressed together. 

“Jude listen…this thing with Connor….it’ll work out.” 

Jude frowned, looking over at Christian. He was looking out across Luke’s yard, refusing to meet his eyes. 

“It won’t. He won’t even talk to me…”

“Have you tried? I mean did you even text him back?”

Jude looked away, hands clenching.

“It doesn’t matter. He doesn’t want to be with me.” 

“Yes he does.”

“How the fuck would you know?”

“Because why wouldn’t he?”

Jude stopped, looking at him intently. 

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying…he knew what he was getting himself into man. And he did it anyway.”

Jude’s heart sped up as he thought about what Christian was saying. Connor had always known the risks. Always knew there was a chance his dad would find out. But he had still pursued him, still came to his window. 

“Stop….don’t give me false hope.” Jude mumbled, looking down at his hands. Christian pushed himself away from the car, standing in front of Jude. Jude didn’t look up until Christian put one hand against the hood and leaned in, his face only inches away from Jude’s.

“Jude…I wouldn’t be saying it if I didn’t think it was true.”

Jude’s could feel his pulse pick up at the proximity. Christian looked right at him, eyes searching his. The air between them felt thick with tension and Jude was frozen. 

“What are you…?”

“Don’t let his fucking dad win.” Christian said quietly before he pushed away, walking back to the house without another word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone!!
> 
> Surprise! I finished this chapter early and decided to go ahead and post it since I kind of left it on a pretty crappy note the last time. I just needed my boys to hang out and have fun and flirt with each other. So hopefully this helped with the heartache a little bit!! 
> 
> Someone asked me how long I thought this story would be and right now I'm gonna go ahead and guess about 35 chapters. I have the entire thing planned out finally and I even wrote the end last night. It's a doozy! 
> 
> I hope you guys are still loving this!! I'm excited for you guys to find out what happens! 
> 
> Once again I cant express how grateful I am for every single one of you!! Every comment you leave me is a confidence boost! It's the reason I'm still passionate about this story!! I get bored very easily when it comes to writing but you guys keep coming back and telling me your thoughts and it makes me want to keep writing! 
> 
> So much love to each and every one of you!!


	30. Chapter 30

His mom was waiting for him when he got home. She was sitting on the couch, feet tucked under her, cup of tea in her hands. 

“Hey stranger.”

He smiled at her and sat down on the couch. 

“Hey mom…”

“What’s wrong?” 

Jude didn’t turn to look at her, knew that the minute he did he would tell her everything. 

“Nothing…”

“That’s a fucking lie.” 

He turned to look at her, raising an eyebrow at the harsh tone. 

“Mom…”

“Jude you better tell me what the hell is going on with you. Right now.” 

He turned away again, the same sadness settling over him. His eyes burned and he rubbed a hand over his face to keep himself from crying.

“It’s complicated…”

“Well it’s a good thing I’ve got all the time in the world…” 

Jude leaned forward, clasping his hands in front of him. He could feel her eyes boring into the back of his head. He took a deep breath and started talking. About meeting Connor, them getting together (even though he was vague on the details of how and where), and finally about the game. His mom listened silently and he kept his eyes on the floor in front of him the entire time. Finally after he was done his throat felt raw and his hands were fidgeting with anxiety. Without a word she moved forward and wrapped her arms around him, holding him tight. Without warning the tears that he had been holding back for the entire day spilled out, running hot across his cheeks. He took in a shuddering breath and let himself be held, letting the sadness consume him.

“Oh honey…” she whispered into his hair, hand stroking it gently. Jude sat there for what felt like hours, just feeling her warmth and her comfort. 

“I’m sorry…I’m a mess.” 

“You’re allowed to be a mess. And this is what I’m here for love…” she mumbled, turning his face and wiping his eyes with her sleeve. He smiled shakily at her and took another deep breath. He felt exhausted and wrung out. His head was pounding from crying so much and his eyes were puffy and itchy. 

“I should go to bed….”

“Yes you should. Will you be ok?” 

“Eventually…” he said honestly. He couldn’t imagine when he would feel ok. When this emptiness would no longer be in his chest. But he knew it would happen eventually. It had to. 

“Goodnight my love…” she said quietly, kissing his warm cheek before pushing him towards the stairs. He stumbled up to his room, collapsed on his bed in his clothes and fell asleep. 

~~

Jude woke up to the sound of his phone ringing. He fumbled around until he found it between the folds of his comforter and looked at the screen. It was just past seven in the morning and he could see Callie’s name flashing at him. He sighed and hit the silence button. He still hadn’t recovered from telling his mom everything and he definitely wasn’t ready for a repeat performance. 

His mind still felt completely wiped from the day before. His entire body felt heavy and sluggish as he sat up and rubbed a hand through his dirty hair. He realized that he hadn’t showered in two days. 

Jude got up slowly and stripped, walking to the bathroom and wincing as he turned on the light. His reflection stared back at him and he had to blink several times to see clearly. He looked completely destroyed. There were bags under his eyes, his hair was a mess and his skin was so pale that it made him look sick. He groaned, turning away from the mirror to turn on the shower. He made the water as hot it could get and stepped in, hissing as it hit his skin. 

His body turned red almost immediately but he didn’t bother to adjust the temperature, just letting the scalding water hit his back. He stood there for a long moment, just feeling the burn on his skin and letting it distract him from the millions of thoughts in his head. Already he was going crazy from not hearing from Connor. He didn’t even know if he was ok…if he had actually been hurt or if his dad had done something. Jude leaned against the wall, his hands braced against the tiles and slammed a palm against them. It stung and he ground his teeth at the pain shooting through his arm. 

“Fuck…” 

He felt like he was going crazy. 

~~

Jude’s mom was downstairs when he finally made his way to the kitchen, towel still draped over his shoulders.

“Jesus you look like a lobster…”

“Thanks mother.” 

She walked up and placed a cool hand on his forehead but he just rolled his eyes and stepped away. 

“I’m fine…I just stayed in the shower too long.”

“If you say so…” 

He could hear the concern in her voice and he turned away to look inside the refrigerator so he wouldn’t have to look at her. He didn’t have the energy to talk about Connor and he definitely didn’t have the energy to cry again. He felt wrung out. 

“What are your plans for the day?” she asked casually, leaning her hip against the counter next to him. Jude pulled out the carton of orange juice and drank straight from it, ignoring her disgusted frown. 

“Probably just wallowing in self-pity.”

“Absolutely not. Come to Lena’s with me…she’s preparing for a bake sale at the school tonight. They’re having some kind of fundraiser thing…”

“Mom…”

“Jude please. I refuse to leave you here just so you can mope around the house all day.” 

He looked at her for a long moment before sighing and nodding. She smiled at him and ran a hand through his wet hair. 

“Thank you my love.”

“Yeah yeah…”

~~

If heaven was real then Jude imagined it probably smelled like Lena’s house. He stepped inside the door and almost collapsed when he was hit with the smell of sugar and vanilla and buttercream icing. 

“Holy shit…” he groaned, peeking into the kitchen. Lena had a giant green mixing bowl propped up on her hip and she was squinting at a recipe book, her hair tied up in a bun. Jude smiled and stepped around the counter to hug her quickly. 

“Jude! It’s so lovely to see you.” 

“You too. What are you making?” he asked, peeking into the bowl. 

“Brownies.” She said, smiling brightly at him. Jude felt a comfort around her that was heady. Like a warm blanket being wrapped around his shoulders.

“What can I do to help?”

“Um…get the pans ready?”

“Roger that.” He said, saluting her. She laughed softly and he felt that same warmth spread through his chest. 

“Hello love.” His mom said as he finally came into the kitchen, arms loaded with various pans. Lena smiled so brightly that Jude’s heart clenched and he turned away to focus on the pans in front of him. 

He had forgotten that hanging out with Lena meant hanging out with two people who were completely head over heels for each other. He glanced at them again, their heads bend over the book together, his mom’s hand resting lightly on Lena’s waist. It was everything he wanted and everything he could never have. He imagined himself a few years in the future with some faceless guy in some generic IKEA kitchen doing the exact same thing. But when he tried to conjure up his perfect man he just kept seeing Connor, his hair a little darker, his eyes more lined, and his smile wider. Jude hand clenched against the nonstick spray can he was holding. 

“Jude honey…are you alright?” his mom asked. He nodded silently, not trusting his voice and went back to what he was doing. 

~~

Two hours later Jude finished packing all of the warm Tupperware into Lena’s car. She rushed out of the house, kissing him on the cheek and telling him to meet her at the school before speeding away. 

“Jesus…it’s weird seeing her like that.” He said, turning to look at him mom. She was smiling fondly at the receding car. 

“Yeah she gets a little frazzled sometimes. I think it’s cute.” She said, shrugging and smiling at him.

“You guys are sickeningly adorable.”

His mom’s face fell and she looked at him with wide eyes.

“Oh shit…Jude I didn’t think…you can go home if you want…” 

He shook his head before she was even finished talking. 

“I’m fine. Really. Let’s go before she has a heart attack.” He said, turning around and opening the car door for her. 

~~

Jude spend the rest of his day handing out baked goods to kids and parents, smiling and nodding when prompted. It was easy to get lost in it, the repetition making his mind pleasantly blank.  
After everything was gone he helped Lena pack up the Tupperware and put away the tables, folding the white tablecloths neatly. 

“You’re an angel. Thank you.” Lena said quietly, watching him work. He looked up and smiled. 

“Anytime. It was nice to do something productive for once.”

“Don’t say that or you might find yourself working for me every weekend.”

“It doesn’t sound so bad.” He said, grinning. She smiled back at him warmly. 

After they were done his mom pulled him aside.

“How do you feel about going home by yourself?” she asked, looking worried. 

“I’m fine. I’m not as fragile as you seem to think…” 

“I’m always going to worry about you Jude.” 

“I know…but I’ll be ok. I swear.” 

She gave him another long look before cupping his cheek softly for a moment and walking back over to Lena, helping her gather the rest of the things. 

Jude drove his mom’s car to the house, trying not think about being alone for the rest of the night. His mind was already filling with sad and empty thoughts and he couldn’t bear it. His hands clenched on the steering wheel as he pulled into the driveway. He sighed and rested his head against it.

“Come on…get it together.” He muttered to himself. After a long moment he reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, searching through his contacts before he finally found what he was looking for. He hesitated for a moment before finally tapping the name and pressing the phone to his ear. 

“Hello?” Christian said quietly.

“Hey…what are you up to?” 

~~

It took Christian twenty minutes to show up, knocking on the front door quietly. Jude pulled it open and smiled sheepishly. 

“I’m sorry…I just….” 

Christian held up a hand and walked past him into the house. 

“Don’t. I get it.” 

They stood in the entry way for a moment, the silence not entirely uncomfortable. 

“Have you talked to him?” Christian asked and Jude winced.

“You don’t mess around do you?”

Christian just shrugged and waited for an answer. Jude sighed and shook his head, not looking at him.

“Ok…so what do you want to do?”

Jude nodded towards the living room and they sat down on the couch, Jude reaching over to grab the remote and turn the tv on. 

Christian pulled his feet up and crossed his legs, his hands clasped in his lap. Jude found a Hoarders marathon and sat back, pulling his legs up to his chest. Christian’s presence was grounding, keeping his mind away from going into the same empty place it had been. They watched in comfortable silence, making random comments about the people on the show and laughing quietly. Jude hadn’t bothered to turn on the light when he got home and as the sun set the room got darker and darker, until the only light was coming from the tv. 

“Hey…I have to tell you something…” Christian mumbled after the third episode. Jude turned the volume down and looked over at him. They had slowly drifted closer until their arms were pressed against each other. Christian’s eyes were fixed on the tv, his eyebrows knit together. Jude just looked at him, waiting. 

“I lied…” Christina finally said, dropping his gaze to his lap. Jude didn’t say anything, not sure how to react. 

“About what?” he finally asked when Christian stayed silent. 

“About Connor…we wouldn’t just hang out sometimes…back when we were kids. We were best friends.” 

Jude’s body went rigid and he sat in silence, watching Christian’s face. 

“I was with his all the time. I mean every single day.” Christian looked pained, like every word took a great effort. 

“One day he was having his thirteenth birthday party and we were all downstairs in the basement…and someone decided that we should play truth or dare.”

Jude’s hand was gripping the remote so tight that his fingers felt numb. 

“And this girl…Stephanie something…dared me to kiss him. Well I didn’t give a shit so I leaned in and his dad walked in and caught us….” 

Jude’s heart was hammering against his chest.

“It was the scariest fucking thing I had ever seen. I almost pissed my pants. He grabbed Connor and told all of us to get out. Connor didn’t show up to school for three days and when he came back his arm was broken and he was all bruised up….” 

Jude’s throat was on fire, his eyes blurry with unshed tears.

“Anyway…he stopped talking to me after that. And I didn’t fucking do anything…just accepted it.” 

Finally he looked over at Jude, his eyes pained.

“You have to fight for him. Because I didn’t and I lost my best friend. I let that fucker win Jude…” 

Jude opened his mouth but nothing came out, his voice completely failing him. Christian just looked at him, so sad that it made Jude’s heart clench in sympathy.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he finally asked quietly, voice strained. 

“I don’t know…it never seemed like the right time….”

“So you did like him?” 

Christian looked away.

“No…I didn’t lie about that. I was never in love with him…but sometimes I thought that maybe…he liked me.” 

Jude pictured a young Connor with a crush on his best friend. A best friend he lost. Left with nothing but bruises and broken bones. His entire body hurt, sadness so heavy that he felt dizzy with it. 

“Fuck Christian…”

“Jude listen…” he turned to look at him again. “I’ll help you. I’ll help you get him back…”

“What if he doesn’t want me back?” 

Christian almost growled in frustration, hand gripping the front of Jude’s shirt and bringing him closer. 

“Would you shut up with that shit? I was too fucking scared to do anything about it before but now I’m ready…I’m ready to get my best friend back.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!!!
> 
> Yes another update! I decided to just go ahead and post this one too. I'm so ready to finish this bad boy! So that means that updates might be coming more frequently but don't quote me on that! 
> 
> I was going to reply to the comments on the last chapter about this but decided to this here instead so everyone could see my thought on the subject...  
> Some people seem confused about the way that Christian and Luke treat Jude and are wondering if there is something there. The answer is no. Neither of them have feelings for Jude. The characters are based very loosely off of a couple of friends that I had back in high school. Also I wanted Jude to have someone be the complete polar opposite of everyone else in town and that's how those two were created! 
> 
> Hope that cleared up any confusion! 
> 
> Another thing I wanted to touch on was the possibility of a sequel...my answer is that it is highly unlikely :(  
> I love these characters but I don't see me writing about them in this particular universe after this story is finished. I will still write something in Connor's POV. Whether it is his origin story, some stuff from when he was growing up, maybe even about him and Christian. But as for a full on sequel...it most likely won't happen. I do see myself maybe writing little one shots about them in the future but we will see.
> 
> Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your continued support! I feel like we've all gone on a journey together with this story. I feel emotionally connected to so many of you!! Especially the people that comment on every single chapter. You make my day every time and I can't describe how happy you've made me! 
> 
> I will see you on Saturday (maybe earlier?)!!


	31. Chapter 31

Morning came entirely way too fast. Jude blinked his eyes open and turned to look at his alarm clock. He still had twenty minutes before it would go off but his brain was already completely awake. Christian had stayed with him until almost midnight, sitting in tense silence until finally Jude agreed to give it his best shot. His mind had raced half the night until finally exhaustion took over and he passed out. 

Now he could feel the grittiness behind his eyelids from the lack of sleep and there was a dull ache in his forehead. He pressed a hand against his eyes and took a deep breath. 

The thought of seeing Connor sent a wave of anxiety spiraling through him. His heart was already racing. His alarm starting beeping loudly and he jumped, slamming a hand down to silence it. 

“Damn it…” he mumbled, sitting up and taking another deep breath. There was no way he would ever be ready for this.

~~

“Jude!”

He looked up to see Luke waving at him from their usual place, Christian already there next to him. For once he wasn’t asleep but clearly waiting for Jude, hands stuffed in his jacket pockets. 

“How are you holding up?” Luke asked quietly, squeezing Jude’s arm. 

“Fine.” Jude mumbled, avoiding both of their eyes. 

“He’s not here yet.” Christian said and Jude jerked his head up to meet his gaze. They looked at each other for a long moment, Christian eyes hard and unrelenting. 

“Thanks for that…” 

“What the hell is up with you two?” Luke asked, raising an eyebrow. Jude just shook his head, waving a hand dismissively. 

“Hey gay boy!” 

They all flinched, turning around to see Chad and some of the other guys from the team making their way over.

“Fuck off Chad.” Christian muttered, stepping in front of Jude.

“Calm down, just here to relay a message.” Chad said, one side of his mouth turned up in a smirk that sent shivers down Jude’s spine. 

“What are you talking about?” Jude asked, eyes locked on Chad. He smiled wider.

“Connor wanted me to let you know that whatever gay crush you have on him…he thinks it’s sick. So the next time you so much as look at him I have his permission to kick your ass.” 

Jude could feel Christian go tense next to him, his own heart stuttering in his chest. 

“Fuck off.” Christian said again, voice low. Chad just laughed, head thrown back.

“God I wish I recorded it! You’re so fucking pathetic. I thought poor Stevens was going to throw up.” 

Jude’s brain was screaming at him, images of Connor telling Chad how disgusting he thought Jude was swirling around his mind. 

“I said walk away, Chad.” Christian said, an edge in his voice that clearly caught Chad’s attention. He gave them one last smirk before spinning around and walking away. Jude’s body felt numb, his knees weak. Luke had one hand gripping his arm, keeping him upright.

“Don’t listen to that prick…Connor would never...”

“Wouldn’t he? Just because you knew him in seventh grade doesn’t mean you know him now.” Jude growled, jerking his arm out of Luke’s grasp and walking away. He could hear Luke calling his name but he didn’t stop. He walked towards the parking lot, the thought of actually going to school making him feel sick. 

Before he made it to his car he almost ran head first into someone, their hands coming up to hold him back from slamming into them.

“Sorry…” Jude mumbled, looking up. 

It was Connor. His bottom lip was split and he had a dark bruise across his right cheekbone. His eyes widened when he realized that it had been Jude that had almost ran into him, his hand falling away from where it was hovering over his chest. 

They stood there for a long moment, Connor’s eyes completely terrified as he waited for Jude to do something. Instead Jude dropped his gaze and stepped around him, walking away without looking back. 

~~

_where the hell are you?_

Jude stared at the text for another minute before tossing his phone onto the passenger’s seat. Whatever plan Christian had for getting Connor back seemed completely insane. Connor didn’t want anything to do with him. 

Jude slammed a palm against the steering wheel. The way he had looked at Jude, the things that Chad said, all of it was swimming around in his mind. He wanted to go far away, somewhere nobody would be able to find him. The thought of going back to that school send him to the verge of a panic attack, his pulse racing. 

He thought about running away, just driving until he couldn’t drive anymore. 

“Fuck that…” he muttered to himself. He refused to be a coward. 

He turned his car around in the parking lot he was in and sped out and back towards the school.

~~

He marched through the doors and made his way straight to the locker room. It was a Monday after the game so chances were there wouldn’t be anyone in there. For some reason he still needed to check there. He slammed the door open and marched down the rows of lockers, the room completely silent except for his footsteps.

He felt his hands clench in frustration and walked out, storming down the empty hallways. He needed to check the English classroom next, knew that Connor would be in there. He thought of a reason to get him out of there and into the hall. Before he could think of a good excuse he turned a corner and spotted Connor, walking in the opposite direction, limping just slightly. Jude pushed down the butterflies he felt rise up in his stomach.

“Hey!” 

Connor froze and whipped around, eyes wide. He didn’t turn to walk away, just stood there as Jude made his way over to him.

“You’re a fucking asshole.” He said as soon as they were right in front of each other. Connor didn’t say anything, just stared at him. Jude’s hands were balled up into fists as he stepped even  
closer, Connor taking a step back defensively. 

“I get it…its fucking terrifying being what you are. Especially in your situation. And I fucked up…I admit that. But sending your fucking lackeys to kick my ass? That’s fucking low.”

Connor’s eyebrows furrowed and he opened his mouth to respond but Jude kept going.

“So you know what? Fuck you. I don’t need this. I don’t need some scared little boy who’s too afraid to stand up to his dad.” 

Connor’s face went from confusion to pure anger in seconds. 

“You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.” He said quietly, his eyes blazing.

“He speaks!” Jude exclaimed, throwing his arms out. Connor glared at him, never breaking eye contact. 

“Fuck off Jude.”

“I will. But first I want you to know something…” he leaned in close, Connor visibly going rigid at the proximity. 

“I would have fought for you. I would have done anything.”

Connor was perfectly still, his breathing shallow. Jude pulled away and walked down the hall without looking back.

~~

Jude didn’t go to class, just walked out of the building and towards his car. 

“Hey!” 

The familiar voice made him speed up, his back going rigid. 

“Aw come on! Don’t you wanna stay and chat?” Chad’s voice cooed, getting closer. 

Jude kept walking, eyes trained on his car in front of him. Chad’s hand wrapped around his wrist and turned him around forcefully. Jude gasped as Chad slammed him against the nearest car, pressing a huge hand against his chest. 

“Now look here gay boy….”

Jude looked around the parking lot and felt panic rise inside of him when he realized they were completely alone. 

“Stevens is a fucking good quarterback. With him on our team I have a good chance of getting into college with a full ride…there is no fucking way I’m letting your queer ass fuck that up for me…” he whispered, face so close that Jude could feel his breath against his cheeks.

“Let me go Chad.” He said quietly, willing his voice to be steady. 

“No. I don’t think I will.” He said, smirking, his hand pressing harder against Jude’s chest. He was trapped. 

Chad’s other hand braced itself against the car, keeping Jude there as he swung his leg back and kneed Jude hard in the stomach. All of the air was forced out him as he doubled over, pain shooting through him. He felt lightheaded as Chad pushed him back up, keeping him upright. 

“See there’s nobody here to defend you gay boy….not your queer friends….and not Stevens.” 

Despite the pain and the dizziness he still managed to frown at the words. Chad cocked his head, smirking at him.

“You look confused. Let me clear something up for you…” Chad leaned in until his mouth was against Jude’s ear. 

“I lied. Stevens would never let me lay a hand on you. He would kill me first.” Chad breathed out. Jude’s eyes widened and his heart skipped. Then Chad kneed him again, the pain shooting down his spine as it was pressed against the hard metal behind him.

“See I don’t give a shit what he does. Unless it affects my life. You get that gay boy?”

Jude’s eyes were blurry as he tried to focus on what Chad was saying. 

“Now you get the fuck out of here. Or next time…I really will kill you.” he muttered, pushing away from the car and letting Jude slide down onto the ground, arms wrapped around himself. 

~~

Jude sat in the car until the ringing in his ears stopped and then he started driving. He drove until his eyes were burning and he felt weak. Finally ten hours later he made it. He parked in front of the beige building, trying to make out the numbers. He could vaguely remember the right one, and stumbled towards it, exhaustion weighing down on him. 

He found the right down and knocked, wondering for the first time if he should have called first. The door swung open and he was met with Callie’s shocked expression.

“Jude?!”

“Hey sis.” He said, smiling, before finally his knees gave out.

~~

Jude woke up in a dark room, his head pounding. He squinted at his surrounding, everything looking alien. He was on top of a double bed with a light purple comforter. He vaguely remembered driving and…Callie.

He sat up, regretting it as pain shot through his skull and his stomach. He wheezed and bent over trying not to throw up. Finally after the nausea passed he tried to get up, slowly this time. He had driven all day and he was at Callie’s that much he was sure of. He could hear muffled voices through the door and he opened it slowly, the bright light on the other side causing his head ache to throb. 

“Ugh…” he groaned, reaching a hand up to cover his eyes.

“Jude!” 

He could feel his sister’s hands wrapping around his arm, leading him to the couch and helping him sit down. 

“What the hell happened?” he could hear the panic in her voice and tried to smile as he dropped his hand, instead it came out as a wince.

“Fuck…got any ice?” he muttered, laying a hand across his stomach. She frowned and moved it, lifting his shirt up slowly. The skin of his abdomen was almost completely purple. Callie gasped and looked up at him with wide eyes.

“What the fuck Jude?!” 

“Yeah I uh…had a bit of a situation.”

“A situation with what?! I fucking semi?!” 

He laughed and groaned as pain shot through him, causing him to double over. Callie pushed him back until he was laying down. For the first time since he walked out of the bedroom he looked around noticing someone standing in the corner of the room. 

“Hey B.” he mumbled, smiling sheepishly.

“Jesus Jude…you scared the shit out of us.” Brandon muttered, coming over to crouch down next to him. Jude turned away, too ashamed to look at him.

“I know…I’m sorry. I couldn’t stay there…” 

Brandon looked like he wanted to say something else but just reached out a hand and patted Jude’s arm gently. 

“Well…you can stay as long as you’d like ok?” he finally said, standing up and letting Callie sit where he had been. She had a bundle of ice cubes in a towel in her hand, laying it gently across his mid-section. He hissed at the cold but immediately relaxed as it seeped into his abused skin. 

“Thanks Callie…”

“Now you’re going to tell me what the fuck is going on.” She said, giving him a look that told him it was non negotiable. 

“Ok.”  
~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!!
> 
> Wow you guys....I dislike this chapter a whole lot. I was planning on stretching these things out but instead they sort of all tumbled out and I tried going back to fix it but it just...wasn't cooperating. Maybe I'm just ready to finish this thing? Who knows. I also didn't want to NOT update tonight soooo I just decided to go with it and hopefully it'll turn out ok in the end. 
> 
> I don't ever want to disappoint you guys or half ass anything because I know you love these characters as much as I do...but sometimes these thing just don't come all that easily. I hope the whole thing is decent enough that the few weak chapters can be excused!! 
> 
> I adore every single one of you. And this has been an honor. I'm serious. Writing this story and reading your feedback and getting to know you guys had been an absolutely pleasure. I really do want to continue to write for this fandom so i hope you guys stick around!!
> 
> It's coming to an end and as sad as I am I'm excited to do some stuff from Connor's POV! Even these last few chapters have been torture because I miss my little angel. 
> 
> Ok enough rambling. See you guys on Monday!!


	32. Chapter 32

Jude woke up in a dark room, his head pounding. He squinted at his surrounding, everything looking alien. He was on top of a double bed with a light purple comforter. He vaguely remembered driving and…Callie.

He sat up, regretting it as pain shot through his skull and his stomach. He wheezed and bent over trying not to throw up. Finally after the nausea passed he tried to get up, slowly this time. He had driven all day and he was at Callie’s that much he was sure of. He could hear muffled voices through the door and he opened it slowly, the bright light on the other side causing his head ache to throb. 

“Ugh…” he groaned, reaching a hand up to cover his eyes.

“Jude!” 

He could feel his sister’s hands wrapping around his arm, leading him to the couch and helping him sit down. 

“What the hell happened?” he could hear the panic in her voice and tried to smile as he dropped his hand, instead it came out as a wince.

“Fuck…got any ice?” he muttered, laying a hand across his stomach. She frowned and moved it, lifting his shirt up slowly. The skin of his abdomen was almost completely purple. Callie gasped and looked up at him with wide eyes.

 

Jude sat up slowly and motioned for Callie to sit down next to him. She was still looking at him like she expected him to fall apart any second. Despite the fact that he drove ten hours to end up collapsing on his sister’s doorstep Jude felt fine. Better than he had in days. The distance helped put everything in perspective. Chad seemed like a faraway nightmare and Connor…

It still hurt like hell thinking about Connor. He could still picture his face as Jude left him standing in the middle of the hallway. 

“Jude…” Callie mumbled, looking at him. He realized he had been staring off into space for god knows how long and cleared his throat. 

“I uh…there’s this guy.” 

Callie’s eyebrows shot up and she sat silently, waiting for him to continue. 

“He…well I was kind of….fuck…” his voice faded out and he hung his head. It was almost impossible to talk about it. He could feel his throat constricting. 

“Did he do that to you?” Callie asked, voice tense and pointed to his stomach. Jude looked up and shook his head.

“No! He would never…”

Callie looked at him for another long moment, trying to see if he was lying then sighed, turning away.

“Jesus…you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to ok?” she said, glancing over at him. He smiled at her apologetically, pulling his legs up on the couch. He could feel the familiar sadness in the back of his mind, curling around any feelings of comfort and safety he had from being in Callie’s presence. 

“Shit…I have to call mom.” He said suddenly, sitting up and looking around for his phone.

“I already did. The moment we got you in bed. She’s fucking pissed Jude. I don’t think she’s yelled at me that much since that time she caught me in my room with Brandon…” 

They both cringed remembering that morning. 

“I’m sorry I made you go through that…” he mumbled, eyes dropping to the floor. Callie huffed in frustration.

“Jude you’re overdue for some drama!” 

He looked up at his sister and smiled.

“Yeah well it sucks…never again.” 

Callie’s smile faded as she looked at him. 

“You look so fucking sad Jude. I want to drive over there and kick everyone’s ass.”

“Please don’t.” 

“But I want to.”

“Yeah but don’t.”

She finally smiled again, pushing his shoulder gently. 

“Yeah whatever. Just know that I could.”

“I know.” 

They sat in comfortable silence, Callie’s hand wrapping around his and holding tightly. He had missed her so terribly but he hadn’t realized until that moment, with her so present next to him. He breathed in the familiar smell of his sister, like vanilla and grass. 

“I missed you…” he whispered, squeezing her hand. Her eyes widened slightly and she smiled, her eyes pained. 

“You’re gonna make me cry you idiot.” 

Jude laughed, pulling her in until he could hug her with one arm. They sat there for a long time, just enjoying the feeling of being together.

“You should call your friends…” 

Jude pulled away and looked at her.

“My what?”

“Your friends. Your phone hasn’t stopped ringing since you got here…”

Jude’s eyebrows furrowed and he looked around once again, not remembering where he had put his phone. Callie rolled her eyes and got up, going over to the kitchen and getting his phone from the counter where it was charging. She handed it to him and he could see the long line of unread texts and missed call notification.

“Jesus…” he mumbled. There were over twenty texts and a dozen phone calls. Most of them from Christian.

_where did you go?_

_what the hell jude?_

_answer me!!_

He frowned and contemplated calling Christian to assure him that he was fine and not dead. Instead he typed out a quick text and turned his phone on silent, throwing it onto the coffee table.

_I’m ok. Don’t know when I’ll be back._

~~

Callie forced him to eat despite the fact that he was still nauseous, the bruises on his stomach sending shooting pain through him every time he moved. Callie kept sending him concerned looks over the dining room table and Jude could tell that Brandon was kicking her gently every time. By the end of the meal Callie was just glaring at Brandon, who in turn was glaring right back at her. Jude just smiled and looked down, scraping his fork across his plate full of food. He managed to choke down some asparagus and mashed potatoes, his throat feeling raw. 

“So Jude…” Brandon said quietly, breaking the tense silence.

“Hm?”

“What now? I mean we love having you here and you can stay as long as you want…but at some point you need a game plan.”

Jude winced and looked away. 

“Brandon…” Callie said, warning clear in her voice.

“What? It’s just a question…he has school you know.” 

“Well he clearly isn’t in the right state of mind right now…”

“Guys.” Jude said, looking at them. They both froze, waiting.

“I’ll go back. Just…not right now.” 

Callie blinked and looked at Brandon who was smiling at Jude.

“Ok man. Whatever you need.” 

~~

Callie brought out a spare sheet and a pillow for him, spreading them out on the couch and handing him an old quilt that their mom insisted she take with her. 

“Kinda glad I brought this along now…” she said quietly, sitting on the edge of the couch next to Jude’s legs. The room was almost completely dark, the only light coming from a night light in the kitchen. 

“Callie…”

“Yeah?”

“This boy…his name is Connor.” He said quietly. Callie was frozen next to him, clearly listening intently. 

“He was my first real kiss…and now he doesn’t want anything to do with me.” 

Silence fell over them and Jude could feel the hot trail of a tear on his cheek, his face burning. 

“Jude…” Callie said quietly, a gentle hand landing on his ankle. 

“It’s fine…I’ll get over it…” he mumbled, trying not to sniffle. The tears were coming faster now, leaving a burning trail of shame on his face. He was crying. Over a boy. 

“What happened?” she whispered.

“I did something stupid…his dad found out and…” the words caught in his throat and he let out a quiet sob, throwing an arm across his face. Callie took a deep breath and moved, laying down next to him and wrapping one arm around his middle gently. He let himself be held, his breathing coming in short, chocked off gasps. 

Callie lay there until he went quiet, the tears slowing down until finally he could breathe again.

“I can’t believe how pathetic I am…” he muttered, finally lowering his arm and looking up at the ceiling with blurry eyes.

“Being sad over the person you love isn’t pathetic…” she said, pushing in closer. He went rigid, every muscle in his body tensing.

“Who said I love him?”

Callie pushed herself up on one elbow, looking down at him. 

“Are you kidding me? You’re so head over heels in love it’s kind of sickening.” 

Jude could feel his face burning. 

“I am not!”

“Jude.” She said, raising an eyebrow.

“Oh shut it…” he finally said, covering his face with his arm again. Callie just laughed quietly and lay back down next to him. 

“Does he love you?” 

Jude didn’t answer. 

~~

Callie went to bed shortly after, rubbing her eyes sleepily and wishing him a goodnight. He had waved at her as she stumbled to her room. He listened to the sounds of the two of them getting ready for bed and then the silence that followed. 

He wondered what it felt like, going to sleep next to the person you love every single night. His heart clenched and he sat up, completely awake. 

Jude reached out and grabbed his phone, reading through his texts again. Nothing from Connor. The pang in his chest should have been familiar but it still left his almost breathless with how badly it hurt. 

“Fuck…” he breathed out, sliding a hand through his hair. 

He looked at the time, just a little past two in the morning. He thought about calling Christian again but decided against it. He still felt emotionally drained from crying and hearing Christian’s voice wouldn’t help. He sighed and leaned back against the couch, looking around until he found the tv remote. He turned it on, quickly lowering the volume until it was barely audible. 

He found an infomercial, laying down on the couch, one hand propping his head up. Exhaustion was starting to creep in on him, his eyes getting heavy. He fell asleep with the tv still on and when he woke up it was off and the sun was shining through the sliding glass door of the porch. He squinted against the bright light and sat up, rubbing a hand over his face. There were sounds of clanging silver ware and opening cabinets coming from the kitchen and he took a deep breath before getting up. 

Callie was standing at the stove, back to Jude. 

“Hey.” he said quietly. She whipped around and smiled at him, waving a spatula in his direction.

“Eggs?”

His stomach growled and he nodded. 

“Go take a shower. You look like shit.”

“Wow thanks…”

“Come on Jude. I let you mope last night but not today. We’re going on an adventure.” 

He groaned.

“Can’t I just be miserable and dirty forever?”

“Not in my house.”

“Ok then I’m leaving.” 

She rolled her eyes and walked over to push him towards the bathroom. 

“I laid out some clothes for you. They’re B’s so they’ll be a little small but it’s better than what you’re wearing.”

He looked down at himself, frowning. 

“What’s wrong with this?”

“You look like a sad homeless person. Now go!” 

He huffed in frustration but headed to take a shower. In all honesty the hot water felt good, the last bit of tension melting away from his back as he stood under the spray. His mind was surprisingly blank for which he was grateful. He tried not to think about the fact that he was missing school again, or his friends who were probably worried sick about him. He definitely didn’t think about….

He sighed, resting his forehead against the cool tile of the shower. His eyes burned and he took a deep breath to keep himself together. 

Jude got out of the shower and wrapped a towel around his waist. There was a shirt and jeans on the counter for him. The jeans were a little too short and the shirt was tight around his shoulders but it wasn’t too terrible. He looked in the mirror and pushed his hair back. It was getting way too long. 

Callie had breakfast on the table when he stepped out, steaming plates of eggs and sausage with orange juice and toast. 

“Thanks Callie.”

“No problem.”

“I mean it…” he said quietly, looking up at her. She stopped and stared at him, one corner of her mouth turned up.

“Jude I’m here for you…anytime. You know that.”

He swallowed around the lump in his throat and dropped his eyes to the table. Callie reached over and squeezed his hand gently before clearing her throat.

“So! What do you want to do today?” 

“You’re the one who lives here. You tell me.”

She rolled her eyes, stabbing a sausage link with her fork. 

“Well I was thinking…we should take the train to New York.”

Jude raised an eyebrow at her.

“New York? Today?”

“Sure. It’s only two hours away.” She replied, shrugging. He smiled and scooped up some eggs.

“Alright. Sounds like fun.”

~~

Callie found an old jacket that was too big for Brandon in the back of the closet and gave it to Jude. It was camel colored with fur trim and he had stared at her in horror but he decided that wearing it beat freezing all day. They headed to the train station, Jude actively ignoring the vibrating in his pocket. 

“You should talk to your friends. They clearly care about you.”

Jude shrugged, staring down at the train tracks. Callie just sighed and tucked a hand into the crook of his elbow, leaning against him.

“You’re so stubborn. I want to slap you sometimes.”

“I wonder where I get it from.” He replied, giving her a smile. She smacked him on the arm lightly but smiled back. 

The train ride was quiet, only a few other people taking up the seats around them. 

“Remember the last time we went to New York?” Callie mumbled, her head resting on his shoulder. Jude was watching the city rush by them out of the window. Everything looked gray and dreary, winter approaching quickly.

“Yeah…I was so sick I could barely stand…”

“We went to go see The Lion King and you were just sitting there…eyes glazed over. Like a tiny stoner”

“I thought it was some sort of weird dream.” He said, laughing quietly. Callie squeezed his arm and nestled into him.

His phone started to vibrate again and he sighed, reaching into his pocket to pull it out. Christian’s name was flashing across the screen and he closed his eyes, trying to keep the guilt at bay. 

“Answer it.” Callie said, sitting up. Jude sat there for a long moment before taking a deep breath and standing up, moving towards the back of the train car. 

“Hello?”

“Jesus Jude….what the actual fuck?” Christian’s voice was the loudest he’d ever heard it, sounding almost shrill.

“I’m sorry?”

“Oh you’re fucking sorry. Well alright then.” 

Jude winced, turning towards the window and wishing he hadn’t answered.

“Look…I just needed to get away.”

“And I get that…but there are people who fucking care about you man! People who get really worried if you disappear for ten hours and then send them a weird text that doesn’t explain shit! I called your mom man!”

Jude squeezed his eyes shut and swallowed thickly.

“I’m really sorry…” he said, his voice strained. Christian was silent for a long moment before sighing. 

“I was so scared…I thought…never mind. I’m just glad you’re ok. Where the fuck are you anyway?”

“Uh…Philadelphia?”

There was another long pause.

“Philadelphia. You drove for ten fucking hours?”

“Maybe?”

“Jude…you know what forget it. I’m just glad you’re ok.”

Jude smiled to himself, pressing the phone closer.

“You are ok right?” Christian asked, voice soft on the other end. Jude took a deep breath and thought about how to answer that. 

“I will be…” he finally said quietly, looking over at Callie to make sure she wasn’t eavesdropping. 

“Did anything happen? I mean before you took off?” 

Jude knuckles were numb around his phone and his stomach throbbed. 

“No…I just…got overwhelmed I guess.”

“Alright…when are you coming home?”

“Soon.”

“Come see me ok? As soon as you get back.”

Jude smiled again.

“Why? Do you miss me?”

“Yes, you asshole.” 

Jude’s eyes widened and he felt his cheeks flushing.

“I’m going now. Before you get all fucking mushy on me.” Christian muttered when Jude didn’t say anything.

“I miss you too.”

“Ok goodbye.” 

The line went dead but Jude was still smiling.

~~

Once their train stopped they had to board a second one to get them into the city. Jude gripped Callie’s hand as they moved through the crowd of people on the platform. The finally found their stop and waited, huddled close together for warmth. 

“Jesus its fucking cold….” He muttered, shoving his hands deeper into his pockets.

“Tell me about it. As soon as we get there I’m getting the biggest hot chocolate.” 

They boarded their train and luckily found some seats in the back, enjoying the heat coming from the vents. 

The ride was shorter than the first, Jude watching the gray building outside, graffiti covering almost all of them. 

“So…have you thought about where you want to go to college yet?” Callie asked suddenly. Jude turned to look at her, eyebrows drawing together.

“That’s a random question…”

She shrugged.

“You just never talk about it…and you’re a fucking genius.” 

“I’m really not.” He said, rolling his eyes.

“Oh shut up. You’re brilliant and you know it.” 

He scoffed and turned away to look out the window again.

“I want to go back to California…” he said quietly, realizing how true that was. He missed it so bad that it almost hurt him. His chest felt tight as he thought about leaving Christian and Luke and Melony…

He didn’t even dare think about what it would be like to leave Connor. 

“I think it’ll be good for you…” Callie said, pressing into his side. He glanced at her and smiled, the action feeling forced. She must have noticed but ignored it, looking out of the window with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!!!
> 
> Finally I have finished the next part! I hope the wait wasn't tooooo terrible! This chapter was really hard for me to write for some reason. I think I just really miss writing Connor. So I doubt Jude will be with Callie for very long. So hang in there! 
> 
> Someone said that maybe it's harder for me to write it now because I don't want it to end and I think they hit the nail on the head. I really don't. I'm going to miss these characters and you guys and just the feeling of writing in this universe! 
> 
> But I do have some things planned for the near future so I won't be MIA for long after this is finished! 
> 
> The next part will most likely be up in the next couple of days. I have a few days off coming up and I'll do my absolute best to get as much done as possible! 
> 
> Once again...your support is everything to me. Your comments and your love and your patience makes me the happiest person in the world!!


	33. Chapter 33

As soon as they stepped foot onto the sidewalk outside of the subway station Callie made her way to a coffee stand. She came back with two steaming paper cups full of hot cholate. 

“Oh god yes…” she muttered, taking a careful sip. Jude smiled around the rim of his cup as the taste of chocolate filled his mouth.

“So what now?” he asked, looking around them at the people milling around. Callie was still making tiny pleased noises into her hot chocolate, hands wrapped around it tightly. 

“Callie.”

“Hm?”

He smiled at her, bemused, and she smiled back. 

“Right ok. Let’s just walk around.” 

She looped an arm through his and pulled him down the sidewalk, moving through the crowd smoothly. They walked along the lines of tall building, stopping every once in a while to snap cheesy tourist photos. They found a small café to eat lunch at, Jude getting a turkey sandwich. Callie took a bite of her artichoke quiche and almost cried, shoving a fork full at him. 

Afterwards they went to Central Park, finding a bench to sit on and watch the people around them. The air was still cold but the sun was shining, warming their skin. 

“Thank you…” Jude mumbled quietly, leaning into Callie. She hummed, her eyes closed and face tilted up towards the sun. 

They sat in silence and enjoyed the city, the people, and the weather. Jude could feel the heavy sadness lifting just slightly, a contented feeling settling over him instead. Thinking about going back didn’t make his chest constrict. He still couldn’t think about Connor, or what he would do when he saw him, but he missed his mom and his friends. 

“I think I’m going to head back tomorrow morning.” He said quietly, seeing Callie turn to look at him from the corner of his eye.

“Yeah? Are you sure you’re ready?”

“No.” he said, breathing out a short laugh. 

Callie squeezed his arm lightly. 

“I have to eventually right?” he mumbled, his gaze dropping to the ground in front of him. She rested her head against his shoulder for a moment before sitting up.

“Ok let’s go.” She said, standing up abruptly and motioning for him to follow.

“Where?”

“It’s a surprise.”

~~

It was the Lion King. Callie grinned widely at him as they stood in front of the theatre, tickets in hand. 

“I can’t believe you…” he said, his smile pulling up the corners of his mouth. 

“It’s not like you got to enjoy it last time. Just think of it as an early Christmas present.” She said, shrugging. He shook his head in amusement, still smiling softly. They moved up with the line, handing their tickets to one of the ushers. Their seats were up on the balcony but Jude didn’t care. The atmosphere was electric, the sound of hundreds of people shuffling around in excitement surrounding them. 

Callie looked through her Playbill as they waited for the show to start, eyebrows furrowed. Finally the lights dimmed and Callie snapped it shut, turning to Jude with wide eyes.

“Here we go!” she squealed, hand gripping his arm.

~~

“That was incredible!” Callie breathed out as they left the theatre, her eyes wide. 

“It really was.” Jude’s face hurt from smiling. They were leaning on each other as they made their way towards the subway station. The air was colder now that the sun had gone down and Callie’s hands were shoved into the folds of his hideous camel colored jacket.

“Oh my god the costumes and the music…ugh.” 

He smiled at her, the joy on her face contagious. 

“Thank you. I mean it. That was…” he trailed off, waving his hand to encompass what he felt. She just grinned at him. They finally stumbled down the stairs to get to the subway just as it was pulling up. It was packed and they stood in the corner, Jude holding on to a metal bar and Callie gripping the front of his jacket tightly. 

The energy from the show didn’t fade until they were almost home, Callie falling asleep on the train with her face pressed against his shoulder. His phone started to vibrate and he pulled it out of his pocket, looking down to see his mom’s picture. 

“Hello?” he answered quietly, glancing down to make sure he didn’t wake his sister. Her mouth was open and she was huffing out tiny breaths into the thick fabric of his jacket, he hand curled against his chest. 

“Hi love…” his mom’s voice was quiet, careful. He felt a pang of guilt mixed with love at the sound of it.

“I’m sorry mom…” he said, exhaling sharply to push back the lump in his throat. She sighed and they stayed silent for a long moment.

“I’m not mad at you Jude. I could never be mad…but you had me worried sick you know that?”

“I know…”

“Are you alright?”

He looked out of the window, the darkness outside broken up by streetlights. 

“I will be…”

There was another long pause, her breathing even and deep on the other end. 

“When are you coming home?”

“Tomorrow…I’ll leave early. But mom?”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t think I’m ready…to go back to school.”

“Ok.”

His eyes widened at her quick answer and he waited for her to say more. Instead she just took a deep breath and let silence stretch between them again.

“That’s it? Just ok?”

“I’ve had my heart broken before Jude.” She said simply, Jude heart jumping and his hand gripping the phone tightly.

“I love you mom.” 

“I love you too love. Now tell your sister to call me more…and you better call me when you’re leaving tomorrow morning.”

“I will. Bye mom.”

“Bye my love.”

~~

Jude had to practically carry Callie home from the station, her tiny frame leaning heavily against him as they walked through the quiet streets. It was only a ten minute walk but the weight of his sister plus the cold air stinging his lungs made it feel a lot longer. 

“Callie…I need your key.” He said quietly, shaking her gently. She grumbled and dug around in her pocket before shoving a key with a tiny gold keychain at him. He smiled and unlocked the door. Brandon hadn’t come home from work yet so Jude led her to their room, pushing her towards the bed and turning to head to the living room. 

He shrugged off the borrowed jacket and lay it gently across the back of an armchair before flopping down on the couch, exhaustion finally settling over him. 

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and thumbed through his contacts, stopping when he got to the C’s. He tapped Christian’s name and pressed the phone to his ear, waiting. 

“Jude?” 

“Hey.”

“Everything alright?” 

Jude couldn’t help but smile at the worried tone in Christians’ voice. 

“Yeah all good. Just wanted to let you know that I’m coming home tomorrow…” 

Christian let out a long breath.

“Thank fuck man. Luke is going fucking crazy…”

Jude winced, the same guilt curling in his gut. 

“I’m sorry…for everything.”

“Shut up. It’s what friends are for. Well no you’re supposed to tell your friends when you’re having some sort of break down so they can help you. But this works too.”

Jude laughed, short and loud.

“Ok I'll remember that.”

“Will you come see me when you get back?” Christian asked quietly.

“For sure man…”

“Alright. Go to sleep. You’ve got a long fucking drive tomorrow.”

Jude laughed quietly again, hanging up with a soft smile. He pulled off his boots and laid down on the couch, still in jeans and a t-shirt. He fell asleep quickly and thankfully didn’t dream.

~~

“Wakey wakey.” 

Jude jerked awake as a gentle hand slapped him on the cheek twice. Callie was hovering over him, her face smiling.

“Mom called and demanded that I get you on the road before sunrise so…” 

Jude rubbed a hand over his eyes and turned towards the window, the sky outside just barely getting lighter.

“Oh what the fuck…”

“Come on sleeping beauty. Time to go home.” She said, pulling him up off the couch. He groaned as he stretched, sore muscles protesting every movement. 

Callie forced him to eat something, microwaving a veggie breakfast burrito, before handing him his freshly washed clothes.

“When did you have time to do laundry?”

“B did it before work yesterday.” She said, shrugging.

“God he is so whipped…” he mumbled, walking towards the bathroom to change. Callie just laughed. 

After getting dressed she walked him to his car, feet covered by bright pink furry slippers. Her arms were wrapped around herself and her breaths were fogging in front of her face. The air was still cold from the lack of sun.

“Callie…” 

“I know. Don’t sweat it.” She said, smiling at him brightly. He could feel the familiar warmth of affection in his chest as he reached out and pulled her into a tight hug. 

“I’ll call you later ok?”

“You better.” She mumbled, pulling away from him and smiling again.

~~

The drive back seemed a lot shorter than the drive there. He hummed along to the radio and enjoyed the open stretches of empty highway, it being too early for the morning commuters. He stopped for lunch in some local fast food place, eating his food in the car quickly before getting back on the road. Now that he was on his way he realized how badly he wanted to get back. Jude turned the radio up and rolled his window down, the cold air whipping across his face. He felt wired, his hands vibrating where they held the steering wheel. 

Before he knew it he was ten minutes from home, his neighborhood approaching quickly. Instead of going to his house he pulled off on the side of the road and pulled out his phone. 

_text me you address_

~~

Christian’s house was small, just slightly bigger than Luke’s. It was painted a sunny yellow and the trim and front door were white. There was an old porch swing in the front, the paint chipping to reveal dark wood underneath. Jude knocked twice and stood on the porch with his hands in his pockets. The door swung open a moment later and Christian was standing on the other side, his eyes finding Jude’s.

“You fucking asshole.” He mumbled, not moving. Jude just reached a hand up to rub the back of his neck and smiled sheepishly. 

“Yeah it’s nice to see you too…”

Christian took one step out of the house and pulled Jude forward until they were hugging, Christian’s arms tight around him.

“You’re an idiot.” Christian said quietly, his face pressed against Jude’s shoulder. Instead of responding Jude just squeezed him hard and pulled away. 

~~

“So what happened?” Christian asked once they were sitting in his room, him on his bed and Jude on the floor. 

“What do you mean?”

“There is no way that you randomly decided to drive ten fucking hours just to see your sister. Something happened…”

“Nothing happened man. It just…it got to me. And I needed out.” 

“Bullshit.”

Jude sighed, leaning his head back against the mattress and looking up at Christian. 

“Fine don’t believe. But it’s the truth.”

Christian frowned at him, his face so close that he was almost cross eyed.

“Whatever man….I’m still pissed that you didn’t just come and find me.” 

Jude smiled and reached a hand up to tug on Christian sleeve. 

“You’re already mixed up in my mess enough as it is…” 

“Shut up. We’re friends. Your mess is my mess right?”

Jude dropped his head forward, eyes trained on the light carpet. His hands clenched in his lap and he let the silence drag on. Christian finally sighed and rolled over onto his back.

“Alright well…if you’re ok then that’s all that matters.” 

Jude felt the corner of his mouth lift up.

“Cheesy.”

“I’ll kick your ass.”

They both laughed and Jude pushed himself off the floor. 

“I should get home. My mom is probably freaking out already….” 

Christian was looking at him, still laying on his back. Jude smiled and stretched his arms over his head, his muscles sore from driving all day. Christian’s eyes dropped down and he froze, gaze locked on Jude’s mid-section.

“What the fuck is that…?” he said, clambering off his bed quickly. Jude realized what was happening and clutched the bottom of his t-shirt and pulled it down where it had ridden up revealing his stomach.

“Nothing…” 

“Jude.” Christian said, his voice strained, and moved Jude’s hands aside. He pulled his shirt up and inhaled sharply, the purple bruising standing out against his fair skin.

“What the fuck…” he said, looking up at Jude’s face. He could feel his face flushing, his hands shaking.

“It’s nothing.”

“It doesn’t look like nothing. What happened?”

“Christian…”

“Did Connor…?”

Jude looked down at Christian and shook his head before he even finished the sentence.

“No. He would never. You know that.”

Christian looked at him for another long moment, and then dropped his eyes, clearly deciding he wasn’t lying. 

“It was Chad wasn’t it?” 

Jude could feel his body going rigid, Christian’s hands finally falling away from him. 

“Look…”

“I’m going to fucking kill him.” 

He stood up and grabbed his jacket from his desk chair, shrugging it on quickly. Jude could feel panic racing through him.

“No! Don’t you fucking dare!” 

Christian stopped and whipped around to look at him, eyes blazing.

“So I’m just supposed to let that prick get away with it? No fucking way.”

“Christian…” Jude said quietly, reaching out to wrap a hand around his arm.

“Please…I’m begging you.”

There was a tense moment, their eyes never leaving each other, until finally Christian’s shoulders relaxed and he sighed. 

“If he even looks at you again I’m going to kill him.”

Jude smiled, his hand falling away.

“Noted.”

~~

**CHRISTIAN**

He watched Jude pull away and felt the anger building up inside of him. The sight of dark purple marring Jude’s skin, the way he winced when Christian reached out to touch it all had him seeing red. He stood there for another minute, taking deep breaths to calm himself.

“Fuck it…” he muttered, reaching behind him to grab his car keys and locking the door. 

Chubby’s was busy as usual and before he even got out of the car he could see the sea of blue and white taking up half of the tiny restaurant. He slammed his car door harder than necessary and marched through the front door. His eyes scanned the crowd and he found Connor almost immediately. He was sitting on the end of one of the tables, eyes downcast and empty. Christian felt his hands clench as he walked over, eyes never leaving Connor. 

“Stevens.” He said, voice clipped. Connor’s eyes lifted slowly and the second of nonrecognition made Christian’s heart clench.

“Christian? What do you want?” he asked, voice so quiet it was almost hard to hear. 

“We need to talk. Right now.” 

“What? Why?” Connor asked, eyebrows furrowing.

“It’s about Jude.” 

Connor’s eyes widened and he looked around to see if anyone had heard. The same wave of anger crashed through him and he waited. Finally Connor stood up, reaching out to grip Christian’s elbow and lead him towards the door. 

“Are you insane?” Connor hissed, opening the door and letting go of his arm. 

“There’s something you need to know…”

“Look….it’s over between us ok? Since I’m assuming you know.” Connor didn’t look mad, just empty, his eyes trained on the ground, hands deep in his jacket pockets.

“Yeah whatever you say man…but look…”

“I don’t care ok?” Connor said, his voice so incredibly hollow that Christian could feel that same clench in his chest. 

“You do. Don’t fucking pretend that you don’t.”

Connor took a deep breath but didn’t say anything. 

“Fine…maybe you don’t care what happens to him. Which means it won’t bother you at all when I tell you that Chad kicked his ass the other day….” 

Connor head snapped up and he stared at Christian, eyes wide.

“What?”

“He’s covered in fucking bruises…but you don’t give a shit right?” he said quietly, leaning in close. Connor’s hands were at his sides now and they were clenched so hard that his knuckles were white. 

“You’re sure it was Chad?”

Christian nodded and took a step back when he saw the red hot fury in Connor’s eyes. Connor turned on his heels and walked back towards the restaurant. Christian didn’t stay to watch, just got into his car and left.

~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!!
> 
> I finally got some writing done on my little vacation! I've had five days off and I've done absolutely nothing which was much needed. I feel rested and ready to finish this bad boy. 
> 
> So I kind of cheated and put in Christian's POV because I missed Connor like crazy but it wasn't the right time for Jude to see him yet sooooo...hopefully it didn't throw you off too much!!
> 
> We're getting to the end you guys! How crazy is that?! I can't ever thank you all enough for everything you've done for me. You words and your love and your dedication to this story has made me so happy and so confident in my work!! I don't know if you know this but the last time I wrote anything was over 8 years ago and it was nowhere near this long so this is all thanks to you! I would never take something like this on without all of your amazing support! 
> 
> I love you all!!


	34. Chapter 34

Jude woke up to the sound of his phone ringing next to him. He rolled over and picked it up off of the side table, looking at the screen before answering.

“Hey Luke…”

“Hey Luke? Oh wonderful. After worrying about you for days I get a ‘Hey Luke’”

Jude rolled his eyes but his stomach clenched.

“I’m sorry…”

“It’s fine. How are you doing?”

“I’ve been better…”

“Yeah? You sound terrible man.”

“Thanks.”

Luke sighed dramatically and Jude felt himself smiling despite the hollow feeling in his chest. He looked at the clock that read 9:45 AM. School had already started and he could feel anxiety at the back of his mind at the fact that he had missed three days already.

“Are you at school?”

“No I’m not at fucking school man. I’m outside of your house.” 

Jude frowned and threw his covers off of himself. He walked to the window and peered down, seeing Luke’s car parked in a driveway. Luke and Melony were both standing beside it and Jude could see Christian sitting on the hood. 

“Luke…”

“Get dressed and come downstairs. We’re going on a picnic.” 

Jude laughed quietly and hung up. 

~~

“A picnic?” he asked as he stepped out of the house and towards his friends. Luke rushed forward and wrapped him in a tight hug, knocking the air out of Jude. 

“Whoa…missed you too.” He mumbled, hugging back. Melony came up as Luke leg go, wrapping her arms around his waist and pressing her face into his chest. He let his arms fall around her shoulders, pulling her close. 

“I’m sorry…for running away.” 

“Whatever man. You’re here now! So let’s go.” 

They piled into the car, Luke driving down the mostly empty streets. Everyone was already at work or at school at that point. Jude watched the houses zoom past and looked away just as they turned down Connor’s street.

“Hey…” 

Jude turned his head to look back at Christian.

“Good?” Christian asked, sliding a hand over his own stomach. Jude turned to make sure the others weren’t paying attention and nodded quickly, turning back around. 

They drove just outside of his neighborhood until they were at the park when Jude first met Connor. He could see the tunnel where he had hid from Chad and the rest of the team and his throat clenched. He tried to blink away the burning in his eyes but instead it just got worse.

“Does it have to be here?” he choked out. Luke turned to look at him and his eyebrows furrowed. 

“No...we can go anywhere you want.”

Jude didn’t answer and Luke didn’t hesitate, just put the car back into drive and kept going. 

~~

They ended up on the top of the water tower, a blanket spread out over the metal grate floor. Sandwiches, fruit and various other snacks were spread out around them. Their backs were pressed against the water tower, looking out over the tops of the trees. Christian’s foot kept tapping his, their legs stretched out in front of them. Jude smiled and nudged back. 

“So…when are you planning on going back to school?” Luke asked, turning to look at him. Jude just shrugged, eyes dropping to his lap. 

“Sounds good to me.” Luke said, smirking and taking a huge bite of a sandwich.

“Luke…you can’t ditch just because I am.”

“Well it’s a better reason than my all-consuming laziness.” 

Jude rolled his eyes and let his head rest against the cool metal behind him.

“You’re ridiculous.”

“Very true.”

Melony giggled and scooted forward letting her arms slide between the bars in front of them, her feet hanging over the edge. 

“Do you ever wonder if all of this stuff will matter this time next year?” she asked quietly. Silence fell over them as they thought about it. Jude wondered if he would even remember Connor’s name in a year’s time. If he would remember his face or the way it felt to have his hands on Jude’s skin or how it felt to kiss him. His heart clenched and he realized that he would never forget. Would never be able to get him out of his mind. 

“Some of it…” he mumbled, looking out over the trees. He could feel Christian looking at him but ignored it.

~~

Luke dropped him off after that, getting out to give him another hug.

“You need me you call me ok?” he said quietly as they pulled away from each other, Jude nodding.

As he turned to walk inside he heard someone calling his name. Christian was scrambling out of the car and running after him. 

“What’s up?” Jude asked, arching an eyebrow. 

“Connor got suspended.” 

Jude’s stomach dropped.

“What?”

“Two weeks. And he can’t play in the next two games.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Jude asked, anger lacing his tone. The last thing he wanted to do was talk about Connor.

“Because I want you to know why.”

Jude just stared at him, not saying anything. 

“He beat up Chad. I mean really kicked the crap out of him…”

Jude’s eyes widened.

“What? Why?” 

“You know why.” Christian said, looking down at Jude’s mid-section. The same wave of anger crashed through him, his jaw clenching.

“What the fuck? You told him?”

“I had to…”

“You didn’t have to do shit!” Jude yelled, placing his palms against Christian’s chest and shoving him back. Luke took a step towards them, eyes wide.

“Yes I did! You’re pissed right now and I get that but don’t you see what this means?”

“That I can’t fucking trust you?!”

“Jude, he cares about you!” 

Jude froze, his breathing labored. 

“He beat up Chad. And? I’m sure everyone threw him a fucking parade. But guess what? He’s not here Christian! He hasn’t called me or texted me or came to see me! So whatever fucked up fantasy world you live in? It’s not real!” 

He didn’t wait for a response, just turned and walked into the house, slamming the door behind him. His breathing was heavy, his lungs burning. He leaned back against the door and slid down, wrapping his arms around his knees. 

Jude’s hands trembled as he dug around in his pocket for his phone. His brain was buzzing, everything blurry. He dialed the number from memory and pressed the phone to his ear. 

It rang for far too long, making Jude’s heart clench every time it did. Finally he could hear the click and a short silence.

“Hey…” Connor’s voice was so incredibly soft that it made Jude’s stomach drop. He had missed it. So fucking much that hearing it again hurt.

“You beat up Chad.”

There was another long pause, Jude wondering if he would hang up.

“I did…”

“Why?”

“Isn’t it obvious?”

“Tell me.”

“Jude…”

He stayed quiet, waiting. 

“Not like this…can I come see you?” Connor finally said, in that same quiet tone.

Jude’s heart was hammering against his rib cage and he swallowed past the lump in his throat. Whatever progress he thought he had made over the past few days had gone out the window the minute he heard Connor’s voice.

“Yeah, ok.”

~~

Jude sat on his bed, his leg bouncing and his hands fidgeting. He looked at the clock again and sighed. It had only been fifteen minutes since they had hung up the phone. He could feel the nervous anticipation running up his spine.

Then he could hear the tree outside rustling, realizing that it was still daytime and Connor could have used the front door. He held his breath as a hand reached up and grabbed the window sill. Connor hoisted himself up and swung his legs over and into Jude’s room. 

He looked exhausted, his eyes dull and his skin pale. His eyes wouldn’t meet Jude’s as he leaned against the window frame, his ankles crossing in front of him.

“Hey…” he said quietly, glancing up at Jude for a moment. The minute their eyes met Jude was up and crossing the room in two long strides. His hands gripped the sides of Connor’s face and he kissed him. 

Connor’s body went rigid for a long heart stopping moment before his hands were desperately pulling Jude closer, melting against him.

“You’re such an idiot…” Jude whispered, brushing his hands through Connor’s hair. 

“I fucking missed you.”

Jude let out a loud laugh, Connor smiling at him. 

“God I missed you so much.” 

They kissed like they would die if they stopped, bodies pressed so close together that it was hard to breathe. Jude could feel himself getting lightheaded but didn’t dare pull away. His hands raked through Connor’s hair and down his back. Every time Connor touched him it felt like electricity, his skin buzzing with it.

“Jude…wait...” Connor mumbled, pushing him away gently. Jude let out a groan at the loss of contact and Connor’s eyes darkened, pupils blown wide.

“Fuck…no, we need to talk.” 

Jude tried to get his brain working but instead couldn’t tear his eyes away from Connor’s face. The dark sweep of his eyelashes, the freckles that were more pronounced on his pale skin, his swollen mouth. 

“Right now?” Jude asked, voice raspy. Connor groaned quietly and let his forehead rest against Jude’s for a moment.

“Yes now. While I still have functioning brain cells left.”

“Fine…” Jude mumbled, pulling away from Connor completely. 

He walked back to his bed and sat on the edge, looking up at Connor. 

“Jude…I didn’t want to end things between us. I hope you know that.” 

Jude heart clenched when he remembered the text message. He dropped his gaze to the floor, unable to look at Connor. 

“You didn’t?” he asked quietly, trying to ignore the beating of his heart. 

“No…Jude I…I care about you. But my dad…he knows. He doesn’t know everything but he knows enough. I just wanted you safe…”

Jude’s eyes darted up and he could see how wrecked Connor was, his hands clenched into fists. For the first time since he laid eyes on Connor again he noticed the scrapes and bruises across his knuckles. Jude reached out and grabbed one of his hands, bringing it up to his face.

“You did this for me…” it wasn’t a question and Connor didn’t deny it. Just curled his hand around Jude’s fingers.

“When Christian told me…I couldn’t see straight.” Connor said quietly. Jude looked at him again and felt pure love. There was no other way to describe it. He loved Connor.

“Come here…” Jude whispered, pulling Connor closer by the hand he was still holding.

“Jude we’re not done talking…”

“We are for now.” 

Connor put one knee on the bed next to his thigh and leaned down, his lips finding Jude’s. His hands buried themselves in Jude’s hair, tugging his head back until his mouth opened in a gasp. Connor’s tongue slipped between his lips and tangled with his. Jude’s pulse sped up and he wrapped his arms around Connor’s back, pulling him in until they were flush against each other, Connor in his lap. 

He was already too hot, sweat prickling his skin as he slid his hands under Connor’s shirt. His back was burning, Jude’s hands gripping it tightly. 

“Jude…” Connor whispered against his lips, sending a shiver down Jude’s spine. It all felt surreal. Connor in his room, on his bed, kissing him like the past week hadn’t happened. Jude pulled away suddenly, leaning back to look up at him.

“What’s wrong?” Connor breathed out, his cheeks tinged pink. 

“I’m sorry…about what I said. In the hallway.” 

Connor’s eyebrows furrowed and his hands fell away from Jude. 

“It’s ok…”

“It’s not. It’s not your fault…any of it. Your dad…” 

Connor reached a hand up and placed it over Jude’s mouth softly, silencing him.

“Jude…I know you didn’t mean it. I know you. So shut up and let me kiss you.” 

Jude huffed out a laugh against Connor’s hand and as soon as it fell away he leaned up and kissed him again. The kiss deepened and Jude leaned back, lying down on the bed and pulling Connor on top of him. Their hips slotted together and Connor’s pressed down making them both moan quietly. 

“Fuck…this is not going to take long.” Connor muttered, reaching up to pull his shirt off. Jude laughed quietly and let Connor pull his off as well. 

Their skin pressed together and it was like fire, every nerve in Jude’s body going crazy with it. Connor’s hips were moving against him in a steady rhythm, pressing down just at the right angle. Connor was panting against his lips, trembling fingertips tracing Jude’s skin. 

“Connor…” he whispered, thrusting up against the pressure, the friction just on the edge of not enough. Their sweaty skin stuck together and they clung to each other, the air around them so incredibly warm that it made Jude dizzy. Everything felt hazy and dream like. 

Connor’s hips stuttered and he groaned deep in his throat, biting just below Jude’s collarbone as he went rigid. Jude threw his head back, his own orgasm causing his spine to arch of the bed, Connor’s hands gripping his waist tightly. They lay there, completely motionless as their breathing slowly returned to normal. 

“Told you it wouldn’t take long…” Connor mumbled against the skin of Jude’s chest, where his face was still buried. Jude laughed softly and ran a hand through Connor’s sweaty hair, pushing it off his forehead.

Connor shifted to his side until he was next to Jude, one arm still wrapped around his waist and his other propping his head up so he could look at him. 

“Now we need to talk…” he said, brushing his nose against Jude’s temple.

“But I don’t want to…”

“Jude.”

“Fine. What do you want to talk about?”

Connor leaned back and a small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth.

“You ran to me…when you thought I was hurt.” 

Jude could feel his face burning and he turned away, looking at the wall. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

He heard Connor shift and then he was straddling him, arms braced on either side of his head. He was looking down at Jude and his eyes were sparkling. Jude felt his heart skip a beat.

“I looked up and saw you and…” Connor whispered, his eyes wide. 

“You wanted to slap me for being so stupid?”

Connor shook his head.

“No…I wanted to hold you and tell you that everything was ok…” 

Jude felt his breath catch in his throat. 

“That was…”

“Cheesy?”

“Connor…” Jude leaned up on his hands and kissed him, so gently that it was more a brush of lips than anything else. Connor inhaled sharply and stayed perfectly still until Jude pulled away and lay back down. 

“I’m sorry…I’m not sorry for being worried but I am sorry for handling it so badly…”

Connor looked at him for a long moment, his eyes soft. 

“It made me happy. Knowing you cared that much.”

Jude could feel something rising up in him, his chest feeling tight.

“Connor….”

Jude’s phone started ringing on his desk and he groaned, covering his face with his hands.

“Seriously? Every fucking time….”

Connor was smiling down at him when he lowered his hands. Then his eyes widened and he looked around frantically.

“Shit...what time is it?”

Jude turned to look at his bedside table, the clock reading 4:49 PM.

“Almost five.”

“Fuck…my dad is coming home any minute.” Connor said, sliding off the bed and picking up his shirt from the floor. Jude noticed him adjusting himself in his jeans and felt heat racing through him. 

“Will I see you later?” Jude asked, his voice quiet and nervous. Connor stopped and looked at him. He walked back to where Jude was sitting, cupping the side of his face.

“You will. I promise.” 

He leaned down and kissed him for a long moment, his lips curving up in a smile. Jude’s body felt light, all of the stress and anxiety completely gone. Connor’s fingers traced his cheekbone as he pulled away and he smiled at Jude, so sweetly and it made his heart flutter.

“Call me ok?” Connor whispered. Jude nodded, words impossible and watched as Connor turned and climbed out of the window, the branches of the tree rustling under his weight. 

He stood up and saw he had a missed call from Christian, his eyebrows pulled together and a familiar tinge of anger racing through him. He couldn’t stay mad at him, not for long anyway. Instead of calling him back he opened his contacts and put Connor’s number back in, smiling as he hit save.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!
> 
> You are not dreaming! It really is another update! I'm sorry but I couldn't keep them apart any longer. My babieeeesss.
> 
> So a lot of people have been wondering if this story is still going to have 35 chapters and the answer is...no. It will have several more and an epilogue. Not sure of an exact number and I don't want to guess because I don't want you guys to start worrying again! Once it's nearing the very end I will let you know. But we still have a lot of things to take care of before that happens so don't sweat it! 
> 
> Once again I love you guys and you are incredible!!


	35. Chapter 35

Christian called three more times before Jude finally gave up, sighing and answering the phone.

“What do you want?” he said, cringing at how much harsher it sounded out loud. 

“Jude please hear me out…” Christian said, sounding rushed and nervous.

“I answered didn’t I?”

“Can I come by? It feels weird doing this over the phone…”

“Christian…”

“Please?” his voice sounded so desperate that Jude paused for a moment. He could still feel the light airy feeling in his stomach that Connor had left him with. The thought of seeing Christian caused anxiety to start creeping back into his mind. He sighed after a minute.

“Fine…”

~~

Jude waited downstairs, taking a deep breath when heard the tentative knock on the front door. When he pulled it open Christian wasn’t looking at him. His eyes were trained on the ground, hands deep in his pockets. 

“You seem thrilled to be here.” Jude said quietly, moving aside to let him in. Christian brushed past him and went to the living room, standing in the middle of the floor awkwardly. 

“Sit down or something. You’re making me nervous.” Jude said, gesturing to the couch. Christian nodded and sat down, hands clasping in his lap. 

“So…” he started, his voice wavering slightly. Jude didn’t say anything, just sat down on the other end of the couch and looked at him.

“First of all I want to say I’m sorry…I shouldn’t have told him.” 

Jude snorted. 

“Damn right you shouldn’t have.” 

Christian frowned but kept going.

“But I have a good reason…”

Once again Jude sat in complete silence, watching Christian fidget. 

“You love him. But I loved him first.” Christian said quietly.

Jude’s eyes widened but Christian turned to look at him with wide eyes, shaking his head.

“Not like that! I meant…shit…” he hung his head and took a deep breath.

“I’m doing this all wrong….I just meant….he was my best friend Jude. I mean we told each other everything. I was with him all the time. He was happy…his dad was still pretty cool back then. And then when he told me I couldn’t see him anymore….it almost killed me.”

Jude could feel his lungs constricting as he listened, the pain in Christian’s voice making his throat close up.

“For the past few years he’s been miserable. He knows how to put on a smile and be charming and shit but…he couldn’t fool me. It was like there was no life left in him…”

Silence fell over them for a long moment. Christian’s eyes darted up to meet Jude’s and his heart skipped.

“Then you came along…Jude I’ve never seen him look happier.” 

His heart was hammering against this chest.

“It was like a light went on man. He loves you, Jude.” 

“Why are you saying all of this?” Jude’s voice sounded strained, his hands clenched.

“I want him to be happy. When you see the person you care about most in the entire world be completely miserable than you want to do whatever it takes to make it better. You make it better.”  
Jude’s gaze dropped when he couldn’t bear to look at Christian anymore. His wide open expression, all of the sincere feelings behind it, causing Jude’s pulse to kick up.

“If you care so much why didn’t you do anything? Talk to him maybe?”

“His dad threatened me.”

“What?” 

Christian looked angry, his eyebrows coming together.

“When I came by to see Connor one day…he said if I ever went near him he would move them away so far that I would never find him.” 

Jude’s breath caught against the lump in his throat.

“So I let it go…let him go. Then I met Luke and Melony and it got easier...”

Jude was paralyzed. He didn’t know how to react, emotion burning under his skin. He wanted to reach out, to hug Christian, to tell him everything will be ok. But he didn’t know that, not for sure. 

“I saw him.” He blurted out, Christian turning to look at him, one eyebrow raised.

“Who? Connor?” 

Jude nodded and Christian’s eyes widened as he turned himself to face Jude.

“You did? When?”

“Tonight…I called him after you told me about Chad. He came by.” 

Christian’s mouth was tugging up at the corner, like he wanted to smile but wasn’t sure if he was allowed yet.

“And?”

Jude just smiled, letting everything he had felt with Connor shine through. Christian let out a relieved breath, head dropping forward. 

“Fuck Jude….you could have started with that.”

Jude just shrugged.

“I wanted to see what you had to say.”

Christian looked up, smiling softly.

“You still pissed at me?”

Jude shook his head, smile tugging at his mouth.

“Nah man…”

Christian smiled again, his eyes sparkling as he moved over and clapped a gentle hand on Jude’s knee, fingers squeezing gently. 

“I’m glad you moved here.” He said quietly, looking at him. Jude’s heart leapt again.

“Me too…”

~~

Christian left shortly after, going in to hug Jude but stopping before he let himself, instead reaching up and squeezing his shoulder. 

“See ya man.” He said, shoving his hands in his pockets and walking out. Jude watched him pull out of the driveway and thought about what Christian had told him. He wished for the millionth time that he had known Connor before. That he had grown up with him. 

Jude decided to stay downstairs, watching tv and eating random things he found in the kitchen. The day seemed like it went on forever. He could still feel where Connor’s stubble had rubbed against his skin. He ran a hand over his face and found himself smiling. 

Finally after eating enough chips to feed an entire army he turned the tv off and made his way upstairs. As soon as he opened the door he knew Connor was there.

“You’re lucky I’m used to you being a creep…” he said quietly, trying not to smile like an idiot. Connor got up from where he was sitting on the bed and made his way over, looking almost nervous. 

“Sorry…” he mumbled, stopping right in front of Jude but making no move to reach out to him. The lights were on and Jude could see just how exhausted Connor looked. There were dark circles under his eyes and his face looked pale in the harsh light of his room. Jude reached a hand out and ran his fingers over Connor’s cheekbone and down his neck. Connor leaned into the touch letting out a deep breath. 

“You look fucking tired…”

“I am.” 

Jude took a step forward and pulled Connor closer, their bodies coming together, fitting against each other. Connor’s arms wrapped around him immediately, his nose brushing against the side of Jude’s face.

“You know how your dad knows about us? And how this is probably a terrible idea?” Jude said, his stomach clenching at the thought of Connor leaving. He felt long fingers squeezing his sides and Connor shook his head.

“Doesn’t matter…”

“Connor….”

“I told him I had a date. With Daria.” 

Jude felt himself freeze for a second before relaxing in Connor’s arms. 

“That’s probably a good idea.”

“I still hate doing it though.”

Jude didn’t respond, just turned his face until his lips met Connor’s warm cheek, brushing against it lightly. He felt the corner of Connor’s mouth lift up and he smiled. Connor pulled away and his hands moved up Jude’s side, fingers catching on his shirt and pulling it up. Jude raised his arms but Connor had gone rigid. He was looking down at Jude’s exposed skin, eyes wide and blazing. Jude hurriedly pulled his t shirt back down but Connor reached out and pulled it up with one hand. 

“Hey…it’s fine…” Jude said quickly, his voice wavering. Connor’s free hand reached out and he traced his shaking fingertips over the bruised skin. 

“I didn’t notice before…”

“Well we _were_ pretty preoccupied.” Jude said, trying to smile. Connor’s eyes darted up to his face for a moment and then went back to staring at his bruises.

“Connor I’m fine…honestly…”

“I should’ve been there.” 

“You couldn’t have known…”

“I should have been there Jude. I’m a fucking coward and you’re the one who has to pay for it….” 

Jude took a step back at the tone of Connor’s voice. He cupped Connor’s face in his hands, making him look up. 

“Shut up. I would take a thousand knees to the gut if it meant that you’re ok. Do you hear me?”

Connor’s eyes were wide and his hands were shaking where they had taken a hold of Jude’s arms. Before Jude knew what was happening he was off the ground, Connor’s arms around his waist. Connor carried him to the bed and laid him down against the comforter gently, throwing one leg over his hips. 

“How can you say things like that?” Connor whispered, leaning down and kissing him. It was passionate and soft and so full of emotion that Jude’s breath caught. 

His hands reached up and wrapped around Connor’s hair, tilting his head and deepening the kiss. It felt different somehow, more intimate, more real. Jude’s breathing was labored as Connor’s hands ran over his skin, so warm and familiar. His hips arched as Connor pressed down into him, both of them gasping softly. 

Jude needed…everything. Wanted so much. He pulled away and looked at Connor through half lidded eyes.

“Hey…remember when you wanted to prove that this wasn’t a phase…”

“Huh?”

“Remember what you asked me to do?”

Connor was looking at him, eyebrows furrowed. Suddenly his eyes widened and he pulled away further looking down at Jude.

“You want to…?”

“Yeah.” Jude nodded, his cheeks flushing. 

Connor was gaping at him, fingers pressing into his sides. Jude pulled him in until his mouth was brushing Connor’s ear.

“You wanted to be my first right?”

Connor shivered against him.

“Oh fuck…”

He kissed Jude again, hard and fast, his tongue slipping between his lips. Jude groaned deep in his chest and pulled Connor closer. He could feel his pulse speed up, nervous energy buzzing under his skin. 

“Wait…” Connor mumbled against his mouth, pulling away. Jude growled and tried chasing his mouth but Connor just placed a gentle hand against his chest, holding him down. 

“Don’t we need like…stuff?” Connor asked, his cheeks pink. Jude’s brain finally caught up and he sighed, flopping back against the bed. 

“Fuck…yeah I guess we do.”

Connor was smiling down at him, still blushing. Jude reached out and ran a shaking hand down his chest and over his stomach, the muscles rippling under the thin material of his t shirt.

“There goes that idea….” Jude mumbled, hooking his fingers in the waistband of Connor’s jeans.

“I just don’t want to hurt you…” Connor said quietly, leaning forward to kiss Jude. 

“Why did you have to be such a gentleman?” Jude asked, rolling his eyes. Connor just laughed, letting his body sink down onto Jude’s. They lay there, warm and content, Connor’s face pressed against Jude’s shoulder and his body covering Jude’s. Before long he realized that Connor had gone limp, his breathing slow and steady. He smiled and ran a hand through Connor’s hair gently, afraid to wake him up. 

Jude pressed his lips to Connor’s neck and closed his eyes, breathing in, Connor’s smell making his brain fuzzy. 

“I love you…” he mouthed into the skin of Connor’s neck. He felt Connor shift and froze, his heart stuttering. But Connor just relaxed again, blowing out warm puffs of air against Jude’s shoulder.

~~

Jude didn’t sleep, just held Connor against him and watched him. At some point Connor had slid off of him, laying down on his side next to Jude with one arm still around his waist. His face was completely relaxed, his lips slightly parted. Jude watched his eyelashes dance over his cheeks and wondered what he was dreaming about. 

He let Connor sleep for a couple of hours before softly kissing his face, the skin warm against his lips. Connor’s eyes fluttered open slowly and he blinked at Jude a couple of times before smiling.

“I’m the worst…I can’t believe I fell asleep on you…” he mumbled, voice sleep rough. Jude smiled and kissed his shoulder.

“You needed it.”

“Yeah I guess I did.” 

They looked at each other, Jude’s eyes never leaving Connor’s. The warm feeling was back in his chest, his heart beating steadily. 

“Tell me something…” Jude whispered. Connor stretched slowly and relaxed, smiling at him.

“Ok…hmm.” Connor shifted onto his back, looking up at the ceiling. Jude was still on his side, eyes glued to Connor’s profile. 

“I’m a black belt in karate.” He finally said, turning to grin at Jude.

“Wow impressive.”

“Now you go.”

“Well I don’t know if I can top that but…when I lived in California I was in a band.”

Connor’s eyebrows shot up and he laughed.

“No way! Were you any good?”

“Absolutely not.”

“What did you play?”

“I uh…I sang.” 

Connor’s eyes widened.

“You can sing?”

“I didn’t say I could. I just said I did.” 

Connor laughed softly and turned to look back up at the ceiling. Jude watched his eyelashes as he blinked, followed the straight line of his nose, the dip of his upper lip.

“Now you go…” Jude said quietly. 

“Hmm…”

Jude just watched him, the way his eyebrows furrowed, causing a small line to appear between them. The way his lips pursed and his eyes narrowed. Everything about it was so incredibly  
endearing that he felt the sudden to urge to kiss him. Instead he bit his bottom lip and waited.

“The first time I saw you I knew…” he finally said quietly. 

“Knew what?”

“That you would turn my fucking world upside down.” 

He turned to look at Jude and his heart skipped, his breath catching. 

“You mean in the park?”

Connor paused for a long moment and then nodded. 

“Yeah…it felt like a fucking kick to the stomach.” He said, smiling. Jude’s heart was racing and he closed the distance between them, kissing Connor with every bit of love he had.

~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!!!
> 
> Sorry about the wait for this chapter! I just couldn't get anything down for some reason. Every time I went to write it just wouldn't come to me. But here it is! And it's a little bit of fluff before....get ready...MORE ANGST. 
> 
> Yes I know! But this is the end and it has to be done, sadly. 
> 
> So in the spirit of this chapter I thought we could do something cute!! I feel like I already know you guys just by the things you write in your comments but I want to know more! Soooo tell me something! It can be anything! Just a fun fact about yourself. 
> 
> I'll go first! English is actually my second language. I moved to the United States when I was nine. My first language was Russian :)
> 
> I adore you guys and your support keeps me going! 
> 
> Also the next chapter probably won't be up for a little while. It's just getting harder and harder to write because everything is so important at this point! I'll try to get it done ASAP though!


	36. Chapter 36

The weekend went by uneventfully. The football team had an away game and despite the fact that Connor couldn’t play and was suspended from school the coach forced him to go along anyway. He texted Jude the entire time, about the guy he was rooming with, the way the team seemed nervous around him and more importantly about the fact that Chad was completely ignoring him.

_Not that I’m complaining thought. It’s enough that I have to look at his face._

Jude frowned at the picture that was attached to the message. It was a side view of Chad, his eye black and blue. 

_This is all my fault…_

He felt guilt eating away at him. 

_No it’s his. Please don’t sit around feeling guilty all weekend. Do something fun. Ill come see you tomorrow night._

Jude smiled softly and sat back in his desk chair. He had already finished his pile of homework and cleaned up around his room. His mom was helping Lena out with some school thing and wouldn’t be back until late. She made him promise to spend Sunday with her but he still had the rest of the day to kill. He scanned through his contacts and paused on Christian for a moment before scrolling down further. Finally he decided to call Luke.

“What up?” 

“Hey Luke…what are you doing?”

“I just woke up.”

“It’s three in the afternoon…”

Luke just laughed, voice still hoarse from sleep.

“So what’s up? You wanna hang out or what?”

~~

He ended up at Luke’s house, playing video games on his living room floor. They sat in comfortable silence aside from the occasional curse from Luke. After Jude killed his character for what felt like the fiftieth time he glanced over and cleared his throat.

“Hey so...me and Connor are kind of back together.” He said quietly. He felt awkward saying it. Wasn’t even completely sure if they were if he was being honest. They hadn’t really talked about that. 

Luke kept staring at the tv.

“You happy?” he asked, looking over at Jude. They sat there for a long moment, just looking at each other. Finally Jude nodded, a small smile tugging at his lips. Luke stared at him for another beat before smiling back and clapping a hand on his back. 

“Then I’m happy. Alright one more! I’m gonna fucking destroy you this time.”

And it was that easy with Luke. He didn’t mention it again for the rest of the day and when Jude finally left when it got dark he just squeezed his arm and winked before heading back inside. 

~~

Jude’s phone rang late that night. He was still awake, reading in bed. He picked it up and his heart skipped when he saw it was Connor. 

“Hello?”

“Hey…” 

His voice was soft, like he was trying to be quiet. Jude wondered if he had snuck away somewhere just to call him.

“Hey. How did the game go?” 

“We won. Just barely though…they fucked up not letting me play.” 

Jude grinned and hummed in agreement. Connor told him about the game, despite the fact that Jude had no idea what any of it meant, in that same hushed tone. It was calming and…nice. Jude loved listening to Connor talk. 

“I love you voice…” he mumbled, his face flushing as soon as he said it. He heard Connor breathe in on the other end and there was a moment of tense silence.

“You do?” 

It was tentative, like he couldn’t believe that Jude loved anything about him.

“Yeah…it’s nice.”

Connor laughed and Jude could picture him rubbing the back of his neck the way he did when he was nervous. 

“Yours is nice too…”

“I like other thing about you too.” Jude said, smiling against the phone. He didn’t know where this new found confidence came from but it was sending a rush of adrenaline through him. 

“You said you _loved_ my voice.” Connor said quietly, voice teasing. Jude’s face was burning but he could feel the fluttering in his stomach. He could feel it coming…the inevitability of it was weighing on him. 

“Yeah…and I love your hands, and the freckles on your nose, and the way you bite your lip when you’re thinking really hard…”

“Jude…”

“I lo..”

“Wait!” 

Jude froze, the words on the tip of his tongue. The need to say it was burning him from the inside. 

“Don’t say anything else. I’m coming to see you tomorrow ok? As soon as I get off the bus.” Connor said, words sounding rushed. Jude’s heart was beating so hard he felt like Connor could probably hear it.

“Ok.” He breathed out. Connor took a deep breath and a heavy silence fell over them. They both knew and it was there, just out of reach and it was almost thrilling. 

“I need to go before I…I just need to go.” Connor said, laughing breathlessly. Jude bit his lip to keep himself from smiling too wide.

“Yeah ok…goodnight Connor.”

“Goodnight.” 

The line went dead but Jude’s heart didn’t stop racing for a long time.

~~

“Ok you’ve been fidgeting all day. Is it really that horrible to spend the day with your mother?” 

Jude turned to look at her. They were having lunch at some sushi place she loved and he was glaring at him across the table, arms folded. 

“I’m sorry…I’m having a good time. I swear.” He said, smiling and reaching out to take one of her hands in his. The frown was still there but she smiled softly. 

“Alright well…” she said, clearing her throat and pulling her hand away.

“How’s work?” he asked, trying to distract her. She groaned and he thanked the heavens because she seemed to forget all about his behavior and talked the entire time they ate. 

Jude felt the anxiety under his skin, his whole body vibrating with it. Connor was on the bus heading home already, had texted him to let him know he would be there by six. Jude looked at his phone and saw that it was still three hours away. 

“Are you listening?” 

He glanced up at his mom who was giving him that look again and smile sheepishly. 

“Yes?”

She rolled her eyes.

“Teenagers. I swear.” 

~~

They got home just a little after five, Jude carrying multiple shopping bags. They both collapsed on the couch, sinking into it with a sigh.

“Shopping sucks.”

“Yeah. I love it though.” She said, turning to smile at him. He smiled back and reached out to grab her hand, holding it for a moment. His phone started to vibrate in his pocket and he brought it out. 

_Just got off the bus. Ok to head over?_

His heart stuttered in his chest.

“Uh…I think I’m going to take a nap.” He said, trying to sound calm. She looked over him again, frowning.

“You feeling ok?”

“Yeah, just tired.”

She looked at him for another long moment before smiling and squeezing his hand.

“Ok love. Come down for dinner later?” 

“Of course.”

~~

Jude raced up at the stairs, typing out his reply to Connor on the way. His hands were already shaking. He got into his room and stood in the middle of the floor, forcing himself to take deep breaths to calm down. He stood perfectly still for what felt like hours, trying not to freak out and run away. Finally Connor was climbing into his room, cheeks pink from the cold or excitement. They looked at each other for a moment, the air between them electric.

“Jude I…”

“Hey I just…”

They stopped and laughed quietly. Connor was looking at him with wide eyes, bottom lip held softly between his teeth. Jude’s palms were sweating and he could feel his heart hammering against his rib cage. 

“Hey…” Connor finally said, coming over slowly and cupping the side of Jude’s face with one shaky hand. 

“Hi…” 

They stood there, just breathing each other in. Connor smelled like wind and peppermint gum and some kind of artificial air freshener. Jude felt high with it. 

“How was your trip?” 

He was stalling and they both knew it but Connor just smiled, thumb brushing Jude’s cheekbone lightly. 

“It was alright…wish I got to play.” 

Jude’s eyebrows furrowed and Connor shook his head and pressed his index fingers between them, smoothing out the tense line. 

“Stop that. No more feeling guilty.” 

Jude felt feather light, every place where Connor touched him was on fire. He lifted his shaky hands and placed them on Connor’s waist, pulling him closer. They were inches apart, Connor’s warmth so close. 

“Hey so….” Jude said, his voice wavering. Connor was looking at him intently, eyes wide.

“I love you.”

He heard Connor’s breath catch, felt him go rigid under his hands. For a heart stopping moment Jude thought maybe he messed up. Maybe he was the only one who felt that way. And then Connor was wrapping his arms around him and pulling him into a hug so tight that Jude couldn’t breathe for a moment. 

“I…Jude…” Connor whispered against Jude’s neck. 

“Shit did I fuck it up? I take it back. I only like you for sex.” He mumbled, hands gripping the back of Connor’s shirt. Connor laughed, loud and happy and then pulled back to look at Jude with shining eyes.

“I can’t believe you.” he said breathlessly, holding Jude’s face between his palms. He looked happy. Genuinely happy. Like Jude loving him was the greatest gift he could have ever received. 

“I love you…” Connor whispered, brushing his nose against Jude’s.

Every cell in his body was screaming. He felt like his chest was going to explode.

“You do?” he breathed out, hands tightening their hold on Connor’s shirt. 

“I do. I love you.” 

Jude’s heart skipped. Connor leaned in the rest of the way and kissed him, soft and gentle and full of so much love that it made him feel like crying.

They clung to each other tightly, Connor’s lips warm and firm against his. Everything felt warm and hazy, almost like he was in a dream.

“Jude dinner’s re….oh!” 

Jude jerked back and turned just in time to see his bedroom door slam.

“Oh shit…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!
> 
> Just a short little chapter today!! I wanted to post something before the holiday since I'm going to be with family so I probably won't have time to write! 
> 
> The long awaited I love you's!! I hope it lived up to everyones expectations!! (I kind of got goosebumps while writing it)
> 
> And yes Jude's mom walked in on them. I just couldn't resist! Speaking of....I'm sorry about the cliff hanger!! 
> 
> I won't ramble on too much today! Happy Thanksgiving to anyone who celebrates! And if you don't then I hope you have a lovely weekend!! 
> 
> Lots of love!! <3 <3 <3 <3


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will be painful! Prepare yourself!

Connor was staring at him, eyes wide and mouth gaping.

“Was that your mom?!” 

“Uh…yeah.”

They stared at each other for another second and then burst out laughing. It sounded high pitched and almost hysterical but Jude couldn’t stop. They were both bent over, gasping for breath. 

“Oh God…I’m so screwed…” Jude said, wiping his eyes. Connor stood up straight and took a deep breath. 

“Fuck…I should…go? Yeah I should go.”

Jude looked at him and his heart skipped in that annoying way it always did around Connor. He was still laughing softly, his eyes shining. His cheeks were tinged pink and his hair was standing up in the back from Jude’s hands and he looked so fucking happy. 

Jude walked over to him and kissed him, deep and passionate. Connor went rigid for a second and Jude thought he might push him away but instead he wrapped his hands around Jude’s hips and pulled him in closer. Their chests were pressed together and Jude couldn’t tell whose heart was pounding harder.

“You should talk to you mom…” Connor mumbled, lips brushing Jude’s. 

“Or I can pretend that didn’t happen and we can get naked instead.”

Connor groaned low in his throat and pressed his forehead against Jude’s collarbone.

“You are honestly the worst person…”

Jude grinned and wrapped his arms around Connor’s broad shoulders, keeping him close. 

“Jude…” Connor whispered. 

“Nope…I refuse to let you go.”

Connor laughed quietly, his breath hot against Jude’s skin and pulled away to look at him. 

“I would do anything to stay.”

“Then stay.”

Connor pulled away and brushed his fingers across Jude’s collarbone, shaking his head slightly, and eyes sparkling with amusement.

“You’re ridiculous.”

“You love me.” Jude said, smiling wide. Connor blushed and nodded.

“I do.”

“You do what?”

Connor rolled his eyes but he was still smiling.

“I love you.”

Jude’s body felt warm, happiness settling over him like a warm blanket.

“Ok go. I have to go get yelled at by my mother.”

Connor leaned in and kissed him one last time, lips lingering for a long moment. They finally pulled away from each other, still smiling like crazy. Jude didn’t stop until Connor was out of sight, climbing out of the window. 

~~

Jude walked downstairs, taking deep breaths the whole way down. He could feel nervous energy thrumming through his body. His mom was sitting on the couch, staring at the tv very intently. 

“Oh hello.” She said once she noticed him. 

“Mom listen…”

“It’s fine! I shouldn’t have barged in.” she said quickly, looking back at the tv.

“Don’t you want to talk about it? You love talking about things…”

Finally she sighed, pressing the mute button and turning to look at him again.

“Do _you_ want to talk about it?”

“Uh…not really?”

“Then let’s not. I’m just going to assume that you’re a smart kid and even if that’s the boy that made you run away from home there’s a good reason he was in my house kissing my son.”

Jude felt his cheeks burning and he ducked his head.

“Also I’m going to assume that whatever it is you’re doing with that boy you’re being safe.”

If he blushed any harder he would faint.

“Now…am I right to assume that I didn’t raise a complete idiot?”

“Yes…”

“Alright. Now sit down and watch tv with your mother.”

~~

Jude called Connor as soon as his mom told him she was heading to bed. She paused for a second, running her hands through his hair.

“You’re so grown up…I hate it.” She said quietly before sighing and walking to her room. 

Jude had pulled his phone out almost immediately, sinking into the couch and listening to the ringing.

“Hello?” Connor sounded slightly breathless and Jude could feel his pulse pick up.

“Uh…am I interrupting something?”

“Huh? No! I was just out running…”

“Right ok…”

Connor laughed and Jude could feel himself smiling. He wanted to make Connor laugh for the rest of his life.

“So how did it go? With your mom?”

“Fine. She didn’t even want to talk about it…just said that she trusts me to be smart and safe.”

“Safe huh?” Connor said and Jude could hear him smirking.

“Shut it.”

“Rude. Well I’m glad she wasn’t pissed…”

“I’m pissed she walked in when she did.”

“Oh yeah?”

Jude could feel himself blushing as traced his hand over the couch cushion.

“Yeah…you could have gotten very lucky.”

He could hear Connor breathe in sharply and he smiled.

“Is that so?” Connor asked, voice quiet. Jude hummed into the phone and bit his lip to keep himself from smiling.

“Jude how many times do I have to tell you not to do this to me?” Connor muttered. 

“At least another ten.” 

“Well cut it out.” 

Jude just grinned and leaned back against the couch, his heart fluttering.

“You love it.”

“I do.” 

They stayed quiet for a long while, just listening to each other breathe. 

“Are you going to school tomorrow?” Connor finally asked, voice still quiet. Jude frowned and realized that he hadn’t even thought about it.

“Shit…I guess?”

“It’ll be fine. I promise.”

Jude sighed and closed his eyes. He imagined running into Chad and his anxiety buzzed under his skin. 

“Yeah…I guess I have to go sometime. Might as well be tomorrow.”

“Jude?”

“Hm?”

“I love you.”

His breath hitched and he felt his cheeks flushing as he smiled. 

“I love you too…”

“I’ll see you tomorrow ok?” 

Jude hummed in agreement and felt the familiar warmth spreading through him. Listening to Connor talk, the inevitably of them seeing each other all sent pleasant shivers down his spine. 

~~

“Well look who’s here!” 

Jude grinned as he strolled up to Luke, reaching out and bumping their fists together lightly. 

“Yeah alright. No need for a fucking parade man.”

Luke just smiled back at him. Jude looked over at Christian who was leaning against the wall, hood pulled down.

“Hey man…”

“Hey.”

He didn’t say anything else and Jude frowned. It was like going back in time. 

“Something wrong?” he asked quietly, leaning next to Christian. Luke and Melony were off to the side, throwing grapes at each other and trying to catch them in their mouths. Melony was surprisingly good at it, catching almost all of them with a smug look on her face. Luke was terrible. Jude wasn’t surprised. 

“No man…just tired.” Christian mumbled, his eyes closed. Jude looked at him for a moment but didn’t say anything, just leaned against the wall and looked out over the campus. He could see the football team in the usual spot, Chad clearly visible above everyone else. Jude couldn’t see from where he was but he knew there was a healing bruise on the side of his face. 

“How’s Connor?” 

Jude turned to look at Christian who was looking at him from the corner of his eyes.

“He’s good…happy I guess…” Jude replied, smiling and ducking his head. Christian nodded and shoved his hands into his pockets, turning away.

“Why are being so fucking awkward man?” Jude asked, pushing their shoulders together gently. Christian glanced at him before turning away again.

“Don’t want you to hate me…”

Jude froze, looking at his profile.

“What are talking about? I don’t hate you…”

“I had no right messing with your life…”

“Stop it! You’re the reason we’re ok. Hey…”

Christian finally blinked and turned to look at Jude, expression carefully blank. 

“Thank you. I mean it. If it wasn’t for you I would still be moping around and crying about my life…” 

“Ok no need to get sappy…” Christian mumbled, looking down at the ground. Jude laughed and nudged their shoulders together again.

“We’re good?”

“Yeah we’re good.”

~~

“Jude?”

He looked up at his English teacher and she motioned him over, smiling softly. He stood up from his desk and walked over, trying not to look nervous.

“Calm down you’re not in trouble.”

He just smiled, clasping his hands behind his back to keep them from fidgeting.

“Could you take something to the Coach Parker for me?” she asked, handing him a folder. 

“Uh….” 

Jude thought about walking through the gym and felt a wave of anxious energy hit him. 

“Please? I can’t trust any of these guys to do it.” She said, smiling and motioning to the rest of the class. 

“Yeah sure…” he finally said, taking the folder out of her hands. 

~~

The gym was eerily quiet, the heavy door slamming behind him as he walked in. His sneakers squeaked against the parquet floor and he winced as the sound echoed against the walls. The lights were dimmed, only two or three lit up. 

“Foster.” 

Jude’s heart froze and he turned to his side to see Chad standing off to the side, a broom clutched in his hand.

“What are you doing here?” Jude asked, his voice wavering. 

“I’m on the fucking team. The better question is what are _you_ doing here?” 

Jude frowned and willed his hands to stop shaking. 

“I just need to give something to the coach…” he answered, waving the folder in the air. 

“Right.”

Jude waited but Chad didn’t say anything, just turned away and started to push the broom across the floor. He turned and started walking towards the office again, trying not to pay attention to Chad’s presence behind him.

“So you and Stevens kissed and made up huh?” 

Jude stopped, his blood running cold. 

“What are you talking about?”

Chad snorted out a laugh and Jude turned to look at him. 

“He looked like shit for a week and now he’s all smiley and happy. The last time he looked like that was when he was fucking you so I just assumed…”

“Fuck off.” 

Chad just smiled wider, leaning his weight on the broom handle, one ankle tucking behind the other. 

“So what’s the game plan Foster?”

Jude stayed silent, just looked at Chad steadily. 

“You do realize that Stevens is going to play ball in college right? Which means people will scout him. So he won’t know where he’s going until then. Hope you didn’t have any plans yet.” 

Jude tried to keep his expression blank as Chad talked but his heart started speeding up, slamming against his ribcage.

“You haven’t thought about it huh? Did you happen to think about the fact that being with you would end his life?”

Jude’s breath hitched and he watched as Chad slowly walked over to him, stopping a few feet away. 

“How about the fact that if he ever came out he would lose everything. Schools don’t want faggots playing for them. You thought about that?”

Jude could barely hear it, the sound of his blood rushing roaring in his ears.

“His family would fucking disown him. He would have nothing. So how confident are you that he won’t get sick of you? You want him to give up everything and for what? You? ” Chad said, his voice low. 

Chad leaned in closer and Jude could see the bruise across his cheek, already fading around the edges but deep purple on his cheekbone. There was a split on his bottom lip that tugged when he smirked.

“Are you really that fucking selfish?” Chad whispered, face inches away from Jude’s. 

Jude couldn’t speak, just stood there and waited. Finally Chad just laughed and stepped away, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“Later Foster. Have fun ruining his life.”

~~

“What the hell is the matter with you?” Luke asked as he stared at Jude’s face.

“What do you mean?”

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost man….”

Jude just dropped his eyes, his hands still shaking. They hadn’t stopped the entire day after what Chad had said. He had wanted to ignore it, chalk it up to Chad’s terrible personality. But then he had started thinking about it. 

Jude already had an application for UCLA sitting on his desk. He hadn’t thought about how Connor would fit into his plans. He had just assumed that by the end of the year everything would work itself out. Now though….

Jude sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. 

He didn’t want to start thinking about what would happen if Connor came out. His dad would probably kick him out. Would Connor really give up his family just to be with Jude? Would Jude ask him to? And if his dad disowned him he would not be paying for him to go to school. Would schools really reject him if he were gay? 

“Ok seriously what is going on with you?” Luke asked, turning to stare at Jude. 

“Nothing.”

“You’re lying. I don’t appreciate that.” 

“Luke….”

“Fine don’t tell me. Wallow in your own self-pity.”

Jude rolled his eyes and shoved his shoulder. Luke just grinned and shoved back. His phone vibrated and he looked at it. It was a text from Connor asking if he could come over after school. Jude felt his stomach clench with a wave of anxiety but said yes anyway.

~~

Connor was already in his room when he finally got home from school. He was sitting cross legged on Jude’s bed and smiled at him as he walked in.

“I could get used to this…” Jude said, smiling and leaning down to kiss him. Connor hummed happily against his lips.

“How was your day?” Connor asked, leaning back against his hands. His gray sweater looked impossibly soft and the black jeans he was wearing were stretched over his thighs as he sat back. His hair was artfully messy and his eyes were bright. Jude felt his throat clench and he turned away.

“Good….it was good.”

“I feel like you’re lying.” 

Jude turned to look at him and frowned.

“What are you a psychic?” 

“So you _are_ lying.”

Jude rolled his eyes and walked over to his desk, sliding some papers over the UCLA application, hoping Connor hadn’t seen it. 

“It was just stressful…I missed a lot of stuff.” 

Connor looked at him with a raised eyebrow, clearly not convinced. Jude walked over to the bed and placed both hands on Connor’s shoulders, climbing up and swinging his leg over his lap. Connor’s hands landed on his hips gently and he smiled as Jude settled against him, arms falling around his shoulders.

“Trying to distract me?”

“Mhmm.”

“Well it’s working…” 

Connor leaned up and kissed Jude softly, tongue reaching out to brush against his bottom lip. Jude sighed and wrapped his arms tighter around Connor’s shoulders, pulling him closer.  
Everywhere their bodies touched was warm and Jude pushed into it, Connor’s fingers gripping his hips tighter. 

“You sure you’re ok?” Connor whispered against his lips. Jude nodded, not trusting his voice. Connor’s arms wrapped around his waist and he lifted Jude up and swung him around, his back hitting the bed. 

“Show off…” he muttered, as Connor braced himself above him, the corner of his mouth turning up into a smile. 

“Don’t pretend like you don’t like it.”

Jude just reached up and grabbed the back of his neck, pulling him down and kissing him. Connor sighed happily and pressed down against him, his leg slipping between Jude’s thighs. They kissed slow and deep, tongues brushing against each other. Jude’s fingers wove through Connor’s hair, the soft strands slipping through them. 

Jude chest felt full. Having Connor there, warm and so incredibly real on top of him brought back Chad’s words. It felt like a slap to the face. He pulled away from Connor slowly, looking up at him. His eyes looked almost black and his cheeks were tinged pink. He blinked down at Jude and Jude’s heart leapt. 

“Where do you want to go to college?” Jude asked, his hands shaking as he let them drop to the bed. Connor’s eyebrows pulled together and he stared at him.

“Huh?”

“College.”

“Oh…I don’t know. Wherever offers me a full ride I guess?” 

Jude nodded and tried to lean up to kiss him again despite the pain in his chest but Connor pulled back, sitting back against his legs.

“Why?”

“No reason…just curious.” Jude said, reaching out to pull Connor to him. Connor’s hand wrapped around his wrist and he held it to his chest, looking at Jude.

“Jude…why are you asking me this?” 

“I was just asking.”

Connor was still staring at him and Jude could feel his resolve crumbling. He took a deep shaking breath and pulled his hand away from Connor’s grasp. His touch was too warm and too familiar and it was making Jude’s chest ache.

“Just something someone said…”

“Who?”

“It’s not important.”

“Jude.”

Jude dropped his gaze, Connor’s eyes burning into him.

“Chad? He was just….”

“Chad?” Connor said, voice tense and angry. Jude winced but kept going.

“He asked what our game plan was and I didn’t know what to say…I mean we’ve never talked about it.” Jude shrugged, still refusing to meet his eyes. Connor shifted until he was sitting on the bed, legs crossed in front of him.

“Do you want to talk about it now?” he asked, hand landing on Jude’s leg and squeezing.

“No…maybe? Fuck I don’t know…” Jude buried his face in his hands and took a deep breath. The happiness that had been welling up inside of him was gone, replaced by a black mass of anxiety and fear that was crushing his lungs. Connor’s fingers pulled at his hands gently until they fell away. Jude let himself look up and his throat constricted as he met Connor’s eyes. 

“Where do you want to go to college?” Connor asked quietly, eyes gentle. 

“UCLA.”

Connor seemed taken aback by the sudden response but recovered quickly. 

“Ok…”

“Ok? Connor what exactly are we supposed to do? What if you go to a school in a different state?”

“So?”

“So?! What is your thought process here?”

Connor smiled softly and shrugged.

“I love you and I want to be with you. Everything else is just details…”

Jude shook his head and tried to think past the words, the warmth threatening to creep back in and impair his judgement.

“That’s not…that’s not the only issue.” 

“What else?”

“Your dad.” 

Connor frowned. 

“It won’t matter once we graduate.”

“It will.”

“Jude…”

“It will! Because eventually he’s going to find out and he’s going to cut you out. You’re going to lose him forever Connor. For me. Is that really what you want? And you haven’t even told your mom or anyone else in your family. What if they feel the same way?”

He took a deep, shuddering breath and forced himself to look at Connor. 

“You could lose everything. I don’t want it to be because of me.”

Connor’s eyes were wide as he stared at him. 

“What are you saying?” he finally said quietly. 

“I’m saying…I don’t want you to hate me. Whether its two months from now or a year or ten years…eventually you’re going to realize that you gave up everything for me. And you’re going to hate me.”

Connor was shaking his head but Jude kept going. The words were spilling out of him and he wanted to stop them but he couldn’t. All of the thoughts that were burning in his mind since he talked to Chad were rushing up, bursting out. 

“I know it’s hard to think about…but Chad was right. It fucking sucks to admit it, but he was. What are we doing?”

Connor was looking at him with desperation and Jude wanted to take it all back and pull him close, tell him everything was fine. But it wasn’t.

“Jude…I love you.”

“And I love you. But maybe….maybe that’s not enough.” He felt a tear slip from his eyes, slipping down his cheek and he wiped it away quickly. 

“Are you really going to let Chad ruin this?” Connor asked, his voice growing louder. Jude just dropped his gaze, his hands clenching in his lap.

“Connor maybe….maybe it’s better to end it before it gets worse.” 

He heard the sharp inhale and felt Connor go rigid in front of him but he couldn’t look up. His eyes were prickling as more tears threatened to fall.

“Are you breaking up with me?”

Jude didn’t say anything, just sat there, looking down at his hands. He could feel Connor staring at him.

“Jude…don’t do this…” 

“I’m sorry….”

Connor let out a deep breath and it sounded almost like a sob. Jude squeezed his eyes shut tightly and turned his face into his shoulder, hot tears soaking through his shirt. 

“Jude please….”

“You deserve so much. I don’t want you to lose everything because of me….” 

He could hear the tiny, shaking breaths Connor was taking. Jude squeezed his eyes shut and dropped his head, tears falling down his cheeks. What the hell was he doing? He had just gotten Connor back. Now he was pushing him away. 

“Jude…” Connor’s voice broke and Jude felt his heart breaking with it. 

“You should probably go…”

“Please.”

“Just go.”

There was a long silence, broken only by their strained breathing, and then the bed dipped and Connor was gone. Jude didn’t watch him leave. He could feel his heart breaking, the pain ripping through him. He waited until he was sure he was alone and let out a broken sob, burying his face in his hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY!
> 
> I made you guys wait so long for an update and I do this! I'm a terrible person! It had to happen though. 
> 
> This makes me sad to say but...this is almost the end. There will be two more chapters tops. There's only so much pain I can inflict on these boys! 
> 
> You guys have been so amazing and understanding! I'm so incredibly grateful for every single one of you! Thank you for sticking with me and giving me the most wonderful feedback. So much love to you guys!!! 
> 
> I'm going to cry when it's over. I can feel it :'(


	38. Chapter 38

~~  
Jude was drowning. His lungs were heavy and he couldn’t take a breath. He could feel himself struggling….to get to surface…to breathe…. anything. His heart was slamming against his chest and his hands were clawing for something to hold on to. 

All of a sudden he was breaking the surface and his eyes flew open as he took deep gasping breaths. He blinked around his room and could still feel the sensation of being suffocated. The pain in his chest was almost unbearable. He could feel the graininess in his eyes. From crying or from sleep he didn’t know. 

He took another deep breath and rubbed a hand over his eyes. Something shifted next to him and he froze, glancing over to his side. Luke was fast asleep on the pillow beside him, hands curled in the covers. Jude looked at him for a long moment before he sat up, confusion and terror racing through him. What had happened last night? He ran a hand through his hair and tried to think. He was still wearing his clothes from yesterday so that ruled out half of his theories. Finally, it all started to come back in short bursts, making his chest feel tight again.

_”Yo.”_

_“Luke…I need you….”_

_“Jude? What the hell happened?”_

_“Just…come here…. please…”_

Jude sighed and looked down at Luke again. He had dropped everything and raced over to his house. Luke had sat on his bed and held him while he cried himself sick, rubbing his back and telling him it would be ok. After what seemed like hours he finally told Luke what had happened, hands shakily gripping the front of his shirt.  
Jude felt a flush across his cheeks. He had sobbed like an infant all night and Luke was there to witness it. He groaned quietly and dropped his face in his hands.

“Stop it.”

Jude jerked his head up and looked down. Luke’s eyes were still closed but he was clearly awake.

“Stop what?” Jude said, wincing at how raw his throat felt.

“Thinking whatever you’re thinking. It’s too fucking early.” 

Jude tried to smile, his mouth wavering. 

“I’m sorry….”

“For getting your snot all over me or for waking me up?”

“Both.”

Luke finally opened one eye, smirking.

“It’s what I’m here for dumbass. So let’s go get some fucking breakfast.” 

~~

“Why do I feel hung over?” Luke grumbled, sunglasses perched on his nose as he drove. Jude just shrugged. He could feel the dull throbbing against his skull and his eyes felt like they were on fire. 

“What do you feel like?”

“I’m not really hungry…”

“Hey dummy. I’m not going to let you starve yourself.”

“You’re not my mother Luke.”

“Well I’m the next best thing.” 

They ended up in a Dunkin Donuts drive through, Luke ordering for both of them. He handed Jude two bags full of greasy sandwiches and hash browns after pulling down his sunglasses enough to wink at the drive through girl. 

“You’re creepy.”

“So rude. Now eat up.” 

Jude wrinkled his nose but pulled out a sandwich, taking a small bite. His stomach was in knots but it was hot and salty and he was hungrier than he thought. 

Luke stuffed half of a hash brown in his mouth and turned to smile at Jude. 

“Where to?” he asked, mouth still full.

“Gross. School man.”

Luke’s eyebrows shot up.

“Really? Are you sure you’re like…mentally prepared?”

Jude shrugged.

“It won’t make a difference. What’s done is done.” 

Luke looked like he wanted to say something but instead just sighed and drove in the direction of the school.

~~

The moment they pulled into the parking lot Jude could see Christian, hands deep in his pockets, staring right at him through the windshield. Jude climbed out of the car and went over to him, eyebrows drawn together.

“What’s up?”

“You should check your fucking phone every once in a while.” Christian said, voice razor sharp. Jude reeled back and felt around in his pockets. He remembered turning his phone off as soon as Connor left. It was probably still sitting on his bedside table. 

“I was kind of preoccupied…”

“Yeah? So was I. Since fucking Connor Stevens showed up on my doorstep last night looking like someone had ripped his heart out.” 

Jude breath caught and his eyes widened. Christian’s eyes were blazing, his hands clenched at his sides. 

“He…came to see you?”

“Yeah he did. Jude what the actual fuck? What were you thinking?” 

Jude took a step back and felt anger rising up in him.

“I was doing him a favor.”

“That’s such bullshit.”

The words were like a punch to the gut. 

“You don’t know what you’re talking about…”

“Do you?”

Jude glared at him, his nails digging into his palms. 

“Listen…I did what I thought was right. I don’t need you to understand. Just accept it.” 

Christian let you a harsh, humorless laugh and a shiver ran down Jude’s spine at the sound. 

“You are so full of it. You mope around for a week because Connor broke up with you and then you turn around and do it to him.” 

“He’s better off! I would ruin his life!” 

Christian looked confused for a moment before the anger was back full force.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” 

Jude started to notice the people around them. Students piling out of their cars and stopping, watching them closely. He took a deep breath, raising a shaky hand to push the hair off of his forehead.

“We can’t do this here…” 

Christian looked like he was about to argue but then huffed and turned away, walking towards the school. Before Jude could follow he caught a glimpse of Chad through the crowd. Their eyes met and Chad smiled, winking before looking away. 

~~

Christian walked towards the football field, hands deep in the pockets and shoulders rigid. Jude walked behind him and Christian didn’t turn around to make sure he was following. Dread and guilt was boiling up in his stomach and he wanted to run away. Wanted to go back in time and prevent any of this from happening. 

Once they reached the edge of the field Christian stopped and spun around, his gaze zeroing in on Jude. 

“What the fuck Jude?”

“Look…”

“Whatever excuse you have…. it’s bullshit. You love him.”

Jude flinched but forced himself to maintain eye contact.

“That doesn’t matter. Christian…”

“That’s all that matters!”

“There are more important things….”

“Like what?” Christian’s voice was getting louder and Jude wanted to shake him, wanted to force him to understand.

“Like his future! His family! He would lose everything if he stayed with me.”

Christian froze, looking at him with blazing eyes, his mouth set in a hard line. Jude was shaking, his hands fidgeting at his sides.

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“If he came out his dad would never speak to him again. He could lose opportunities to go to college…not to mention he might lose the rest of his family.”

Christian’s shoulders sagged as he listened, his eyes softening. 

“Jude…don’t you think that he should be the one to make that decision?”

“I don’t want him to have to choose between me and his future.”

Christian sighed and shook his head.

“You’re an idiot…”

Before Jude could say anything else the bell rang out over the field, both of them jumping at the sound. Jude didn’t wait for Christian, just turned around and walked toward the school on unsteady legs.

~~

The day passed by in a blur. Jude skipped the classes he had with Connor, sitting under the bleachers with his back against the cold metal and his eyes closed. The thought of seeing Connor again send a wave of pain through him. When the final bell rang he made his way through the crowd of people, head down and eyes trained on the ground in front of him. He made it out of the parking lot in a daze and walked towards his car only to remember that he had ridden to school with Luke. He sighed and waited, eyes still focused on the ground.

“Yo!” 

Jude looked up to see Luke walking toward him, Melony trailing close behind. Before he could smile at them he looked over Luke’s shoulder and his eyes landed on Connor. He was walking with some of the other football players, his hands in the pockets of his letterman jacket. Jude’s breath caught and he couldn’t look away. Connor stopped walking and blinked, turning just slightly to meet Jude’s eyes. 

Jude couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move. Connor stared at him for a long moment, eyes dead and expressionless, before he broke the gaze and continued walking. Jude felt his whole body go cold.

“Jude…” 

He turned to see that Luke was right in front of him, a look of concern on his face.

“Sorry I was just…”

“Yeah man. Let’s get you home ok?”

~~

Jude told his mom he was feeling sick the moment he stepped into the house and walked upstairs to his room. He didn’t have to energy to tell her everything. It was hard to explain anyway. The more he said it the more stupid it all seemed.

He laid down on his bed, not bothering to turn the light on. His eyes still felt gritty and exhausted from the night before. Before long he fell asleep, still in his jeans and on top of his covers. The sound of his phone ringing woke him up hours later. He stared blearily around the room, which was completely dark, and tried to find his phone. It was sitting on his bedside table and he squinted at the display, the familiar name sending a cold shiver down his spine. 

His finger hovered over the ignore button but he couldn’t bring himself to press it. Suddenly the idea of the call going unanswered send him into a panic and he quickly pressed accept, holding the phone to his ear.

“Hello?” he said quietly, half of him hoping there wouldn’t be an answer.

“Hey…” Connor’s voice was quiet and flat and it made Jude’s chest feel tight.

“I didn’t think you would answer.” Connor said after a long pause. Jude took a deep, shaky breath.

“I wasn’t going to. Why did you call?”

There was another silence and Jude could hear Connor sigh on the other end. It was hard. So incredibly hard.

“I just…wanted to hear your voice I guess…”

Jude felt a lump in his throat and he swallowed. His throat burned and the threat of tears made his eyes sting. He threw an arm over his face and took a steadying breath.

“Connor…”

“How exactly does this work Jude? How does breaking up work when the people still fucking love each other?” 

The words were angry, clipped and vicious, but his voice was still flat and empty. Jude’s heart was thudding in his chest as he tried to come up with something to say.

“Jude…why can’t we just…go back to how it was?”

“Because we can’t.”

“You want me to come out? Is that it?”

Jude squeezed his eyes shut tightly as the first tear spilled out, trailing down his face. 

“No. I don’t want you to have to. Not for me.”

“So that’s all it is?”

“It’s not that simple Connor…”

There was a silence, only broken by Connor’s labored breathing. 

“Fine.” 

Jude felt his heart skip as the line went dead. The tears were flowing freely now, his face hot and itchy with them. He took a deep breath which ended on a chocked off sob and curled onto his side. He let the sadness settle over him and eventually his mind went blank and he fell asleep.

~~

The next day Luke was extra fidgety. Jude had pulled into the parking lot to find him already waiting by his usual spot. 

“What’s up man?” he had said, his eyes flicking around them. Jude had raised an eyebrow but didn’t say anything. By the time the bell rang Luke was practically bouncing off the walls.

“Ok what the hell is going on with you?” Jude finally asked, laying a hand down on Luke’s arm and steadying him.

“There’s a game this Friday.” 

Jude frowned and he could see Melony give Luke a pointed stare. 

“Uh…ok?”

“We should go. All of us.”

Jude could think of a million things he would rather do than watch Connor play football.

“No I’m good. You guys have fun though.”

Luke and Melony exchanged a look and Jude could feel annoyance starting to prick at the back of his mind.

“You have to come Jude. It’ll be fun.” Melony said quietly, smiling at him. Despite her calm appearance she sounded almost frantic. 

“Yeah because the last time we all went to a game together it was a blast.” 

Luke winced at Jude’s words but recovered quickly.

“Well it will be this time! Come on Jude.” 

Jude just waved a hand dismissively.

“I’ll think about it.”

~~

The next morning Christian was leaning against his locker when he got to school. They hadn’t seen each other since they talked on the field and Jude paused for a second before approaching.

“Hey…are we friends again?” he asked, stopping right in front of Christian.

“We were never not friends dumbass.” 

Jude just smiled and nudged him out of the way so he could grab his math book.

“Come to the game.” 

Jude froze and turned to look at Christian. He wasn’t fidgeting or panicking like the other two were. He was staring at Jude, eyes determined and voice steady. 

“Why is this such a big fucking deal to you guys? I said I would think about it.”

“Don’t think about it. Just say you’ll come.”

Jude sighed and shoved his math book into his backpack.

“Fine. If I say I’ll come will you guys fucking drop it?” 

Christian looked at him for a moment before nodding.

“Great. I have to get to class.”

~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!
> 
> I'm sorry for the long waits between updates! I've been so crazy busy with work and life and everything. Also it's getting really hard to write this since it's getting to the end. I just want to do it right and it's stressing me out!  
> You might have noticed that the little question mark for the chapters is gone and it's replaced by a number. Yes there will be 40 chapters. Whether it'll be 40 full chapters or 39 and an epilogue is yet to be determined. The number might also change depending on whether I can wrap everything up in the next chapter. 
> 
> It's a sad time you guys! I'm going to miss the constant comments and love! Don't worry though! More things are definitely in store :)


	39. Chapter 39

Friday came faster than Jude had anticipated. Luke had gotten progressively more antsy until finally Melony had to smack him in the head and tell him to calm down. Jude still gave them all weary looks, wanting to ask what the big fucking deal was. Instead he stayed quiet and let them all think he was going. 

In reality there was no way he could. He couldn’t sit in the stands and watch Connor play. On the field where he watched him get hurt. On the same field where he had met Adam Stevens’ eyes and knew that he had ruined everything. 

Jude told them he would see them later and walked to his car, shoulders rigid as he tried to appear calm. A hand curled around his elbow and stopped him. He turned to see Christian behind him, eyebrows furrowed.

“Don’t you dare think about bailing. You promised.”

“I don’t see what the big deal is…”

“I’ll come and get you myself if I have to. Just say you’ll go.”

Jude frowned and shook off his hand. 

“I said I would. Just fucking drop it.” 

Christian stood there for another moment, eyes calculating before he finally turned around and walked back toward Luke and Melony.

“Six o’clock.” He called out over his shoulder. Jude rolled his eyes and unlocked his car. 

~~

“Are you going to the game?” his mom asked from the kitchen as he flipped through he channels on the tv. He sighed and leaned his head back against the couch.

“No.” he finally said, looking down at the clock on the cable box. 6:17 PM.

She peered through the doorway at him with her eyebrows raised and he avoided looking at her. His phone had started going off at 5:45 but he had ignored it. At six he just shut it off and threw it to the other end of the couch. 

“You don’t want to see your boyfriend play?” 

Jude blood turned to ice in his veins and he schooled his expression into a blank stare as he shrugged. His mom looked at him for another long moment before going back into the kitchen. 

Jude sighed and tried to focus on the tv. Everything felt far away, almost unreal. He wanted to go upstairs and just fall asleep and not wake up until he had stopped feeling like this. The doorbell rang and his pulse kicked up immediately. He sunk down into the couch as his mom went to answer the door. 

Then Christian was standing in front of him, arms crossed and eyes blazing.

“Get up.”

“No.”

Christian’s lip curled in anger and he stepped forward.

“Get your ass up Jude. You promised.”

“Well I take it back.”

Christian’s hands wrapped around his wrists and he tried to pull him up. Jude jerked his arms away and glared up at him.

“Just leave me alone.”

“This is for your own good.”

“How?”

Christian braced himself against the back of the couch and leaned down until he was almost nose to nose with him.

“You made your choice and now you have to get over him. So let’s go.”

Jude blinked at him and could feel his eyebrows drawing together. Christian took advantage of the stunned silence and pulled him off the couch by the front of his shirt. Jude scowled but went willingly. His mom was standing in the doorway, watching them with wide eyes.

“I’m going to the game. I’ll be back later.” He mumbled as they passed by. She just gave him a small nod and a soft smile. 

~~

Jude sat in the passenger’s seat of Christian’s car, staying completely silent. Christian didn’t say anything either, just drove with a determined look on his face. The air between them was tense and Jude refused to be the first one to break it. He scowled out of the window, trying not to think about how childish he was being.

“I don’t see what the big deal is…” he finally grumbled when the silence was getting to be too much. Christian just snorted in response and kept driving. 

They arrived at school and saw Luke and Melony waiting by the edge of the packed parking lot. Melony smiled and waved as they climbed out but Luke just gave him a nervous smile and dropped his eyes. Jude sighed and tried to ignore the feeling of impending doom. They all walked toward the field in silence, the only sound coming from the massive crowd.

When they finally got to the bleachers Jude started to climb the stairs but a hand wrapped around his wrist and held him back. He looked back to see Christian looking at him.

“Let’s sit here.” He said, pointing to the front row. Jude frowned and tried pulling his arm away. Luke was still refusing to meet his eyes.

“Are you serious? What the hell is going on with you guys?” he asked, voice low and irritated.

“Would you just sit down please?” Christian mumbled, dropping his wrist and sitting down on the bleachers. Luke finally looked at Jude, giving him an apologetic smile and shrug before sitting down next to Christian. Jude could feel his jaw aching as he clenched it but he sat down too, anger boiling in his stomach. 

“This is so fucking stupid…” he said quietly, shoving his hands in his pockets. 

“Hey…it won’t be so bad. It’ll be good for you.” Luke said, nudging his shoulder softly. Jude just sighed and looked out over the field. The team wasn’t out yet and his heart pounded at the thought of seeing Connor. 

“He’s not even playing…” he said, voice low. 

“So what are you worried about then?” Christian asked, not looking at him. His voice was hard, his words harsh. Jude frowned but stayed quiet. 

Finally the cheerleaders walked out with their banner and with a roar of sound the team broke through and piled onto the field. Jude’s heart skipped as he spotted Connor and he dropped his gaze. They were so close to the bench there was no way he wouldn’t notice him. He took a deep breath and looked up just in time to see Connor spot him. He froze and his hands twitched where they were holding his helmet. His expression was carefully blank as he pulled his helmet on. Jude could feel his eyebrows drawing together and he glanced over at Christian. 

“There’s college scouts here so they made an exception.” He said simply and Jude could feel his heart drop. He looked around the bleachers and his eyes landed on some middle aged men dressed in different colored jackets representing their respective teams. 

His breath hitched as he noticed Connor’s dad seated right next to them, talking quietly to a man a blue and orange jacket. He spun back around and clenched his hands. He could barely hear the crowd over the rushing sound in his ears. 

Before he could stand up and walk away the game began, the crowd around them yelling in excitement. The players all ran into position and Jude couldn’t keep his eyes off of Connor. His back was tense and he could feel the intense concentration from where he was sitting. Despite his desire to run away he was still so incredibly drawn to Connor. His eyes found his wherever he went and when he made his first touchdown Jude’s heart jumped with pride. 

“I don’t get it…” Luke said quietly next to him. Jude tore his eyes away from the field to look over at him.

“Hm?”

“You love him. I mean you really love him man. Why put yourself through this?”

Jude froze, his eyes going wide. Luke was looking at him expectantly but he was a loss.

“I…it’s easier this way.”

“Really? Because both of you look fucking miserable.” 

The words cut through him and left him breathless. He looked out towards the team again and watched Connor weave his way through the crowd. Was he really miserable? Jude felt his throat close up and he forced himself to not react. Luke watched him for another moment before sighing and looking away. 

The game was tense one, each team playing their best. By the end their team was behind by one point, all of the players completely winded, their legs shaking with exertion. Jude held his breath as he watched the timer. It was their last play. Connor’s shoulders were rigid as he crouched down. His voice rang over the silent field and the ball was snapped back. Jude watched him as he raced down the field, jumping around the other players, moving so fast that Jude could barely keep up. At the last second he closed his eyes and waited. There was another deafening silence and then the crowd roared, people around him jumping up.

“Your boy did it! They won!” Luke yelled, jumping up and whooping at the top of his lungs. Jude let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and turned to look back at the college scouts. They were all standing and clapping, clearly impressed. Before he could turn back around Connor’s dad looked down and their eyes met. Jude felt anger wind through him as Adam Stevens smirked down at him before turning away.

People were pushing past them as they raced down to the field. One by one the players were swallowed up by people slapping them on the back and shaking their hands. Jude couldn’t see Connor anymore.

~~

 

“Ok we watched the game. Can we go now?” Jude mumbled, looking out at the crowd gathering on the field. Christian gave him a look before grabbing his wrist in a vice grip and pulling him forward. 

“Christian…what the hell?!” 

Christian pulled him onto the field, weaving through the crowd of people gathering there to congratulate the players. Jude tried to twist his wrist out of Christian’s grasp but he just tightened his fingers. Around them people were jumping out of the way as Christian barreled through the crowd.

“Let go!” 

“No!” Christian yelled without turning around. Then just as quickly as they had started walking they stopped, Jude nearly slamming into Christian’s back. Just over his shoulder he saw the crowd parting and there was Connor, helmet long gone and looking sweaty and flushed from the game. Jude tried to turn around and walk the other way but Christian held tight to him. He turned around and glared at Jude. 

“Listen to him.” 

Jude opened his mouth to respond but Christian finally let go of his wrist and stepped aside. Now he and Connor were facing each other, the crowd around them still celebrating. 

“Jude…” 

Even above the noise the sound of Connor’s voice saying his name send shivers down his spine. Jude paused and then turned around, trying to push through the people behind him.

“Jude wait!” 

He kept walking, making slow progress through the throng. Before he could get far he felt a hand wrapping around his arm, spinning him around. 

Connor’s lips landed on his, hand cupping his chin, and silence fell all around them. Jude felt his eyes widen, his heart skipping. 

Connor was so impossibly warm and his sweaty hair brushed Jude’s cheeks as he leaned in closer, kissing him harder. Jude jerked away, staring at Connor.

“What…”

“I love you.” 

Every cell in Jude’s body felt like it was on fire. The crowd around them was completely silent, just watching. Jude looked over Connor’s shoulder and saw Chad and the rest of the team staring at them, faces unreadable. 

“You’re insane.” Jude whispered. Connor smiled, looking incredibly nervous. 

“Maybe.”

“Connor don’t this for me….”

Connor brushed a hand against his face softly and smiled.

“I’m not. I’m doing it for me.”

Jude looked around once again, taking in the shocked expressions. And then he smiled, so wide that his cheeks hurt, and kissed Connor back. 

~~

Connor drove him home, one hand on the steering wheel and the other holding Jude’s, like he was scared that he would slip away. Jude watched him the entire time, taking in the slope of the nose and the sweep of his dark eyelashes. Connor’s cheeks were still flushed and there was a small smile on his lips. He glanced over at Jude every once in a while, his eyes wide and shining. 

Jude’s heart felt so full that it was almost too much. 

He tried not to think about the shocked expressions of the college scouts as they broke apart from each other and walked through the crowd and away from the field. He tried not to think about the fury on Connor’s dad’s face as he watched them, his eyes fixed on their clasped hands. 

He didn’t want to think about it. Not when Connor’s hand was warm and real in his and his lips were still tingling from his kiss. 

“Holy fuck…” Jude breathed out, leaning his head back against the headrest. Connor’s fingers squeezed his hand.

“You actually did it. In front of all of those people…Connor there were college scouts there.”

“Yeah I know.”

Jude shook his head in disbelief.

“You are insane. What the hell are we going to do now?” 

Connor turned to look at him and he was smiling so brightly that Jude couldn’t help but smile back.

“Why are you smiling?”

“You said we.” 

Jude’s heart skipped and he could feel his face flushing. 

~~

When they pulled up in front of his house and got out of the truck Jude went right past the front door and led them to the backyard.

“What are we doing?” Connor asked quietly as they stopped. Jude just smiled and sat down in the grass, tugging on Connor’s hand until he sat down next to him.

“My mom’s home and I just want you to myself for a little bit longer…” he whispered, leaning in and kissing the side of Connor’s mouth. 

Connor smiled and leaned back on his hands, looking up at the sky. It was a clear night and you could see the stars, the moon bathing the entire yard in soft blue light. Jude looked at Connor again, the way his skin glowed and the way his eyes were soft with happiness. 

“I love you.” He said quietly, the words filling the space between them and making him feel lighter. Connor smiled brightly and turned to look at him. 

“That’s all that matters.” 

Jude couldn’t agree more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It had to end sometime right??
> 
> I know the end is sudden and I already wrote and posted the epilogue which will answer any unanswered questions (hopefully)!
> 
> I won't put too many notes here so go on and read the last part!!


	40. Chapter 40

**EPILOGUE**

Jude walked toward the gym, sweat already prickling on the back of his neck. It was six and it was still incredibly hot. He fanned the front of his shirt and sighed at the light breeze against his skin. He pulled the gym door open and was met with the sound of sneakers against parquet flooring and the crowd chattering. He smiled as he walked further in, the flashes of white and blue running around the court. 

“Jude!” 

He looked up at the wood bleachers and saw Luke waving at him. Jude raised a hand and waved back before heading over.

“What’s up guys?” 

Luke grinned at him and patted the bench next to him. Jude sat down and smiled at Melony and her girlfriend who were sitting on the other side of Luke.

“You sick of these games yet?” Luke asked, quirking an eyebrow. Jude looked out onto the floor and spotted Connor, clad in the white and blue basketball uniform. 

“Can’t say that I am.” He said, smiling widely. Connor looked out over the bleachers and found him almost right away, smiling brightly and waving. Jude could feel a flush spreading through him as he waved back. 

After Connor came out he didn’t bother going back home or even talking to his dad. He told Jude that same night, while they lay in the grass in his backyard, how he had called his mom and told her everything. She wasn’t thrilled and she was still trying to get used to the idea but she had agreed to help him. Connor slept on Jude’s couch for three days (luckily Jude’s mom fell in love with him immediately) until she travelled down from New York where she lived with her new husband and co-signed a lease on a small apartment. Connor was eighteen and there was no problem with him living on his own. He had gotten a part time job to help pay the rent but his mom had insisted on covering the cost. She said it was the least she could do after him having to live with his dad for so long. 

Jude had helped him move, just a small bed and some second hand living furniture. That night he had stayed over, tired and happy and christened Connor’s new bed.  
Two weeks after that Connor got three offers from colleges to play ball for them. A school in Florida offered him a full ride and he had turned it down and chose to accept the offer from UCLA. It was enough to cover half the cost and he was doing a work study program to cover the rest. Jude got his acceptance letter two months later. 

“So when are you guys heading west?” Luke asked, slapping a hand on Jude’s knee.

“Probably a couple of weeks before school starts.”

Luke hummed and smiled, looking down at the court. The game hadn’t started yet, everyone just doing warm ups. Jude watched as Connor tossed a ball in a perfect arc and straight into the hoop. 

There was still a few weeks until graduation and the pressure was already starting. Connor had asked him to prom the week before, quietly as they were curled around each other under the covers in his bed. Jude had laughed and said yes. It all felt so surreal. Still being in high school. Every time he stayed over at Connor’s, cooking dinner with him and watching tv on his couch he could see their future. 

The game started and Jude smiled as Christian showed up, late as always. He smiled back at Jude and clapped a hand on his shoulder. Christian and Connor had fallen back into their friendship with an ease that Jude couldn’t believe. They were so connected that most of the time Jude would just watch them in awe as they had wordless conversations. 

Now that the weather was warmer Christian no longer hid in oversized hoodies and beanies. He seemed happier, more relaxed. 

Jude watched the game and clapped every time Connor scored. He liked basketball a lot more than football, not that he would actually tell Connor that. After the football season ended Connor had gotten restless almost immediately. When running every day just didn’t cut it he signed up for basketball. Jude had just rolled his eyes when it turned out that Connor was amazing at that too. Their team won by a landslide and Jude stood up and clapped, loud and proud, smiling down at his boyfriend. Connor had looked up, cheeks pink and hair sweaty and blew him a kiss. 

~~

“Babe!” 

Jude looked up and saw Connor walking down the hall toward him. His hair was dark from his shower and his skin looked even more tan in the dark of the empty hallway. 

“It’s still weird when you call me that.” Jude said, smiling at him. Connor laughed and pulled him forward by the front of his shirt, kissing his cheek softly. 

“Well you should get used to it.”

Jude wrapped his arms around Connor’s shoulders and kissed him deeply, pulling him in close.

“Mmm how about we miss the dinner and just go back to my place.” Connor mumbled, pressing soft kisses along his jaw and down his neck. 

“No way. I promised everyone. We missed it last time remember?”

“Oh I remember.” Connor said, smirking at him. Jude pushed him away lightly and tried not to blush. 

“Alright you animal. Let’s go.” 

Connor reached over and grabbed his hand, walking down the hall and pulling him along. Jude could feel the warmth of happiness down to his toes. He was in love. He was happy. And when Connor looked back over his shoulder and smiled at him he knew everything would be alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here they are! The notes of a lifetime!!
> 
> I really can't believe it's the end. This has been the most rewarding and incredible experience. You guys have become such a huge part of my life and I could never thank you enough!!
> 
> This story sat in my saved files for about three months before I finally started to post. It was just the first two chapters then and now it's almost at 100,000 words. It's so unbelievable!!
> 
> I honestly can't put into words how lucky and blessed I am to have written for you guys. You were the most amazing and supportive readers I could have ever dreamed of! Every chapter was a labor of love ans the fact that you guys would always comment and let me know your thoughts made it all worth it! 
> 
> Now before you get too too mad about the abrupt ending I do have some things for you to look forward to!  
> -Connor's POV. It won't be the full story more like the most important parts through Connor's eyes. Because I love him and writing him is my absolute favorite.  
> -A oneshot of their first time having actual sex because I know you guys wanted it but it just didn't fit into the ending!  
> -And maybe some more one shots about them from this universe. Just because I've grown so incredibly attached to these boys.
> 
> I'm also going to be writings some stuff for other fandoms in case you wanna check those out! 
> 
> I love you guys with every fiber of my being!! You rock my world!! Thank you thank you thank you!!!!
> 
> And I will see you soon!


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